How do you get there? Decide what you want to feel, and with whom you want to experience those feelings. Look at what you have done in the past, and look to what you want in your future.
Release those things, experiences, people, activities that do not compel you. Those that make you feel anxious in the way you dislike or in a "have to" state of mind, are not traditions, they are simply obligations. Resist criticizing the tradition in general or for others, rather just let people know ahead that the experience isn't a fit for your holidays and wish them well. If others attempt to guilt you into do it, stay positive, thank that person for their including you, and move on.
For new traditions, make a commitment to the experience and yourself. Expect nobody else to want to do it or to join in with you. Invite only those you want to include and resist apologizing to anyone not included. Traditions that compel evoke feelings of love, comfort and joy. Make the tradition your own, and allow yourself to be compelled by the newness!