There are "Be positive" and "Stay positive" messages abound, right? And, often, they come from me in my daily tips and workday videos. So what gives?
What is with all of this positivity?
Well, being positive for others is not being positive. That is being nice or compliant or phony.
Being positive with purpose is all about you first, and absolutely, the impact on others may follow!
What is the difference - the REAL difference?
Being positive for others keeps you quiet when you want to speak, and keeps you laughing when you want to exit the conversation. REAL positivity is about:
R - Reflecting on what you have and where you are and being appreciative of it all
E - Engaging in supportive self-talk and being your own best cheerleader
A - Approaching situations, people, problems, and opportunities with the belief that there is a solution, fix, or answer to move forward successfully
L - Leaning into growth even as there are misses and mistakes along the way
When you are a REAL positive person, you are not simply shining to get by, you are shining through and above situations with purpose. The purpose is YOU, and your well-being, centering, and success.
There is no purpose more powerful and positive than your own happiness.
This type of positive effort is from within that stretches beyond your realm and often has a good impact and lasting effect on others, too! How real is that?
While I am happy to be a part of many groups and organizations, it is interesting to see what people will promote or devote time to online.
One of the communities I am in focuses on KINDNESS. Oh, that is right up my alley, so it was exciting to get invited to be connected there!
With everything happening in the world, where it seems like some people are more concerned with hoarding than being considerate, it seemed this group would be a super reprieve for these "odd days".
I shared in that private group that my new hashtag is #KindnessNeedNotBeQuarantined and posted the hashtag there with a story about a trip to Costco and being nice to one another.
Someone took a shot at that by posting that I was taking jobs from workers by moving the carts out of the way in the parking lot. I thought, like I typically do, that she had the right to her view, and opted not to reply. It made me sad, though, as this person who was approved and/or invited in, was so quick to attack, and so fast to abandon kindness.
What I learned there was that some people believe kindness or being nice or considerate is ONLY the way they define it. Sadly, they are being judgmental, and in effect, not at kind in their ways.
So, please, let's be kind, even if that means not agreeing or not responding. After all, kindness and judgment are not adjacent, they are opposing mindsets...and kindness guides growth where judgment simply limits!
During these times of feeling uncertain, uneasy, and even unlucky in situations, scheduling, and even in life, in general,
make the most of your opportunities through the use of LUCKY-ness, meaning:
L - Limiting negativity and supposition,
U - Understanding your need for rest and rejuvenation (and honoring it),
C - Creating a community that supports one another,
K - Keeping a perspective on what IS going well and how to maintain it,
Y - Yielding not to the temptation of panic and paranoia.
When you own the unLUCKY, you can own the LUCKY, and therefore, remove the "un" in the way you handle your path and position!
Kindness is not necessarily rooted in niceness.
Being nice means we don't want to rock the boat and do not want to make anyone uneasy or at odds. Niceness has its place at times.
Kindness means we take in, stand up, and present ideas with grace, consideration, and perspective. There is rarely a time when kindness does not have its place.
A smile can be both nice and kind.
Biting one's tongue when frustrated or uncomfortable can seem nice, and it is not kind to oneself or to the relationship.
Please know, this is not a war on niceness, this is a campaign for kindness...
Having become a Kindness Attendant for Kindleigh's worldwide Kindness Community, sharing about kindness in posts and tips, speaking on the kindness impact/effect, and now, facilitating "Kindness as a Leadership Trait" in formal leadership programs at schools and in businesses, there have been a lot of lessons learned, including:
Kindness is to be honored, considered, and shared freely without strings or quid pro quo. Kindness is all about you and your impact versus others and how they accept or deny it or you!
Over the years, at various times, positivity has been seen as a strength, and at other times, positivity has been viewed as a weakness.
Trends are intriguing and often fleeting.
This is not about an approach to "try", rather, it is about the purposeful effort to be optimistic and realistic while working through situations and with people in a positive manner a human being and as a leader (of self and/or others).
Positivity in this case, and hopefully in all cases, is only worthwhile and effective if it is sincere, from a place of betterment and a forward-thinking approach to whatever is at hand.
With that in mind, the following 10 positive approaches to life and leadership, ways to STOP and replace with a GO instead, are ways to enhance you and your approach to your relationships and engagements:
10 - Stop the “fake it ‘til you make it”, Go for “Make it about right now ‘til you make it to the next day or situation or person”
9 - Stop attempting to please everyone, Go for enjoying life and being YOUR best
8 - Stop the “Let me know what I can do…”, Go for the specific offer of what you are offering to do
7 - Stop the posting of data, Go for sharing of interesting information with how it can impact others positively
6 - Stop the disappointment based on assumptions, Go for setting expectations with others to know where you stand and where you can anticipate going
5 - Stop making people feel defensive, Go for creating conversation by using What and How questions in place of Why questions
4 - Stop starting emails and updates with “I”, Go for being about the audience, using BASICs (Because, Appreciating, Since, In order to, Considering/Respecting, all with a smile)
3 - Stop being jealous, Go for being happy for the other person
2 - Stop gossiping after the fact or behind someone's back, Go for gathering and addressing what is at hand directly with who is involved
1 - Stop wondering how will this look to others, Go for thinking about what feels best in the moment and what is best for the situation
When you are true to these positions and commitments, your positivity becomes who you are and what your personal being and brand represent as a part of your demeanor and part of your approach to life and business over a strategy or positioning.
Being resourceful, scrappy, and even creative was not new in 2020, and yet being restrictive in where I went to stay safe and keep myself challenged, or overcoming challenges was different!
From those altered situations came some ingenuity, or at least some "punting" when faced with a lack of resources or an interest in a new approach to doing or solving something. Some even reminded me of previous hacks that have become habits, and they are each worth presenting for your consumption. After all, aren't all learnings best when shared for other people's benefit?
The lessons learned over the past years were meant to assist you with some quick or convenient changes or considerations, and hopefully this LIFE HACK edition carried that forward with a twist. While these life hacks were new to me the first time I thought to "hack" the way shared above, I present them not for credit, for, admittedly, they could be something common that I never heard of, or they could be unique based on my experience, and either way, here's to happily hacking life and enjoying the results with some fun!
"Stride forward with a firm, steady step knowing with a deep, certain inner knowing that you will reach every goal you set yourselves, that you will achieve every aim."
~ Eileen Caddy
As midnight on December 31, 2020 grew near, a lot of messaging around resolutions and "New Year, New You" began to surface, as they do each year around that time.
For some, that is encouraging. For others, that is a reminder to reflect. For others, that is daunting to think about change. For many, it is simply a forced concept of resolve due to the time of year. Regardless of how the moving from December to January typically strikes you, and regardless of the date on the calendar, or time of year, it is consistently a good time, when it is the right time for you, to focus on hitting your stride. We happen to be at the beginning of 2021, so how about it...what stride do you want to hit in 2021?
That stride, your stride, will not be hit without intention, so please consider these four phases of stride-hitting for a successful venture this year:
1) Reflect on what went well and what you want to improve in order to create awareness of where you are right now.
2) Imagine the desired state where you are going so that you can embrace the look and feel of what you want to achieve.
3) Assess the gaps between where you are and where you are going for the base for your plan for the year, which includes skills, experiences, people to engage, and more.
4) Map out milestone accomplishments with realistic wins along the way that can be recognized and celebrated as you achieve them.
5) Decide on immediate actions to take to launch the plan - from something as simple as sharing the plan for accountability to scheduling actions on your calendar to keep the momentum flowing.
6) Create habits that are well-serving to the plan such as daily activities that form a pattern and lead to consistent effort that repeats (hence making a habit), weekly check-ins on progress, monthly milestone monitoring, and other time increments for ensuring forward progress.
7) Reward yourself along the way in the ways that enhance your efforts and encourage your continued momentum. For example, if health and well-being are part of your desired state, plan and mapping out, and your actions of mindful eating and movement have become habits, reward yourself with a spa treatment over a trip to the ice cream store, so as to keep the alignment, and therefore, keep the habits reinforced.
When these seven steps are consciously and intentionally embraced, it is not about focusing on a new attitude or a new approach, it is about seeing and achieving the new stride that is hit because of you...and not the changing of a date on the calendar!