For decades (or centuries) we have been told that we have this "fight or flight" response. And, yes, we do! We have all likely experienced the desire to either run or lash out when faced with someone or something uncomfortable, and similarly, most of us have done both. Even though these are guttural and common reactions, there is a way to train, coach and guide ourselves to respond instead, and that is with emotional intelligence through focusing, and a process I call FOCUS.
When we check in on knowing we are having a reaction to an individual, group, or circumstance, we can focus on what is best instead of fighting with, or flighting from, who or what is blocking our reason.
At the times of emotional overwhelm leaning toward ranting or running, if for one or two instances we can get away from the pull or push, we can FOCUS through these five parts to the approach:
F - Feel the emotions - acknowledge them to yourself and know they are real and okay.
O - Offer yourself the opportunity to share your fears and concerns.
C - Consider your options of fight, flight or focus.
U - Understand that the choice is yours, and that nobody "forces" you to do or not do things.
S - State what you are doing with steps such as "First, I will take a breath, and next I will verbalize my feelings", and "After that, I will make a list of what is at stake", and "Once that list is done, I will record everyone who is involved", followed by "Now that I am focused, I will take action externally by XYZ".
The intense desire to take flight or fight exists, and it is within us...it simply does not have to control us when we FOCUS!