Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Fully Recovered: Overcoming Perfectionism

While "Being a Perfectionist" gets waved around like a badge of honor by those who see themselves as one, the questions is "At what cost?" Perfectionists live their lives in two (reactionary) states for the most part - satisfied and disappointed...typically the majority of that time is in disappointment, . How so? Perfectionists have a perception/view that is so contrived that very few people, including themselves, can achieve that state/experience. As a result, they sacrifice joy and enjoyment for the sake of "what should have been"!

There's great news, though: perfectionism, the type we think of holding us back instead of propelling us forward, is often more of a disposition, rather than a true condition, so it can be shifted for a full recovery...and a lot more happiness!

Overcoming perfectionism starts with allowing yourself to acknowledge you are there, in a state of dissatisfaction, and that you no longer see perfectionism as a goal or high praise. After that, these steps will assist you:

1. Go for being prepared, thorough, and that those are going to have your efforts "well done”. And then, revel in the pleasure of completion.
2. Think about the pressure of perfect versus the enjoyment of effort.
3. Compare yourself to yourself and your capabilities versus other people and their situation(s) and/or a social media images of what someone wants you to believe is the case. And, let others in to participate - watch being a martyr, and then complaining there's not time to do things.
4. Strive to do what is best at the time for the time. Place a value on tasks and relationships, and then put the effort into them that maintains that value.
5. Work in time chunks for planning to not get yourself in a procrastination mindset of "If I can't do it perfectly, I won't even start it", and this way, the projects are manageable.
6. Let go of “should” and "have to", and replace them with "want" and "will" based on desire versus obligation.
7. Remind yourself of the cost of perfectionism on you and others by asking yourself if you are being realistic with your expectations of you and others.

When you do these 7 things (and reward yourself for doing them), you are not lowering your standards, rather you are meeting yourself, and life where you are and going where there is value and reward with contribution and good conscience. Then, and likely only then, will you spend a lot of time in joy and enjoyment rather than simply in disappointment or satisfaction!

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

4 Steps to Declining Invitations

You are not expected to be all things to all people, or in all places at all times. 

Saying "No" is empowering. 

When you want to decline and invitation, be positive and professional with these 4 steps:
  1. Thank the person who asked/invited.
  2. State that you wish him/her the best at the XYZ event/experience.
  3. Let the person know you will be declining. (There's no need for explaining where you will be instead. If it is not competitive, it is okay to share that you will send good energy from where you will be.)
  4. (Optional - Send a message the day of the event to send him  or her well wishes for that day's event/experience.)
When you are not interested or not available doesn't mean you have to explain or divulge, or even apologize. Keeping things brief and upbeat will keep your decline among the best replies someone receives!