The Two-Way Joy of Giving & Getting that is Gratitude

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." ~ William Arthur Ward

 Having gratitude feeds the soul, and receiving gratitude fills our hearts!

Giving and getting gratitude tend to be both in abundance and in absence this time of year (and perhaps throughout the year).

How can it be both?

It seems we tend to give, shower, and praise those around us, those who are closest in relation and proximity, and yet so many people are a part of this holiday/year-end time - from servers from the holiday events to the clerks and owners at the shops. Sure, tips are super for their gift-buying funds, so do tip, and tip well when service is outstanding! Additionally, the gratitude of a sincere "Thank you" with a smile and eye contact can go a long way in letting them know they made an impact. We live in a highly connected, tremendously lonely world where each of us can be the person who puts down the phone that distracts us and lights up our face with appreciation.

So, have you written a note on a card, sent a thank you note for someone simply being themselves, and/or if you happened to notice a person carrying out a kind act? That note will cost you less than a dollar to send, and yet the getting back dividends from sharing your gratitude and knowing someone will feel appreciated, will be priceless.

Please keep in mind, too, that when someone thanks you that your role is then to accept it. Being appreciated is not underrated. Knowing, feeling, and enjoying how you can positively impact another human's day, experience, or life, means your value continues to be reinforced.

When we discount gratitude with a "Oh, that was nothing" or a "No problem", believe it or not, we are not allowing that person's compliment and/or appreciation to get to live, AND, sadly, we are discounting our efforts with a quick blowoff. 

It's November, and it's nearly Thanksgiving, so thank you for this opportunity to share about appreciation and thanks as we all enjoy the lift of both giving and getting gratitude!

#ActiveLove #BeYourBest #Kind 

#Leadership #PersonalDevelopment #ProfessionalDevelopment

Advancing the Olympic Flame...

 Gratitude Reflection and Story

Getting the honor of running with the Olympic Torch...a story of challenge, resilience, and gratitude!

Every Olympic torch relay has a theme. The 2024 Paris Olympics has a theme of solidarity and diversity.

The 2002 Olympics theme was Inspiration.

The Olympic Torch relay takes place before, and leading up to the opening ceremony to ignite the theme throughout the world ahead of the formal Olympics. The flame symbolizes the Olympic ideals of peace, friendship, and mutual understanding, and its journey around the world serves to unite nations and set the stage for the competition.

My dear friend, and workmate, Patty Lukes, one of the other early females in the field to call on GM dealerships, kindly nominated me to be considered for the huge honor in 2000. She wrote about how, in 1996, I was working in Madison, Wisconsin calling on over 45 dealers in the state while also teaching a 12-week Dale Carnegie course on Monday nights as I was earning my MBA. At that time, when I was making one of my regular skydivers (that was a big part of my life then) on the first Sunday in between the preview session where people could learn more about the experience of Dale Carnegie Training, and the first class for my evening commitment that I thought my right ankle was sprained. The next morning following my stepping in a hole while walking in from a safe landing, I went to the doctor after icing it on and off all night only to learn I had both tibia and fibula fractures - two broken bones in my lower leg. That meant no more skydiving for a bit, and no driving, either. It meant a cast, then a boot, a wheelchair, then crutches...for what turned out to be over 12 weeks!

While GM leadership kindly offered for me to go on sick leave, I said "No thanks, I am not sick". Still, I couldn't drive, lived in a three-story townhome, and way before Uber and Lyft, decided to ask my dealers if their delivery drivers could work with me (and taxis) to get from each location to the next. They graciously did! Then, for school, I had a classmate who drove a motorcycle, so I figured it couldn't get worse on my leg, and so onto the motorcycle I went (don't even ask about my hair), and then a wonderful Graduate Assistant/Teaching Assistant, Marin, sweetly offered to drive me to/from the Monday night classes after work. Logistics were sorted out...or so I thought.

On that first official night of class, session 1 of 12, I showed up in a wheelchair, and class went well. Everyone was incredibly supportive, and it took nothing away from the facilitation, so it took nothing away from the most important part - the class members' experience.

Marin and I drove home on a high from the success of the first session, and when she was getting me into the garage to start bumping my way up the (many) stairs, we were greeted with water, about three feet of it in my garage. Yikes! Even though it did not seem like anything else could go wrong, it was then we learned from a neighbor that the water was from the sewer, not from rainfall. Thankfully, Marin, at nearly 11:00 PM,, bailed water and we worked with bleach to be as sanitary as possible.

You can imagine how glad I was to have asked Dennis, the District Manager in Milwaukee, to come and get my company vehicle so that the temptation to drive it would be removed! That foreshadowed the garage being empty and a company car not getting flooded (AKA ruined) by the water!

While I shed some tears throughout the 12 weeks that kept my leg in atrophy, overall, I decided there were lessons to learn. Learning to ask for assistance, learning to appreciate what I could do, learning the challenges some people have their whole life, and learning to be grateful for the few friends I'd made, and how they came through for me, were all focuses for getting through the experience with growth over the groans each time I'd go to get my cast off, only to be told one or two more weeks...all the way until the day it was finally healed enough from my freedom!

Free from the cast/boot, I was full of gratitude and appreciation, humility and thanks for the unexpected lessons learned and especially for the people, some strangers who held a door, and some acquaintances who became lifelong friends, who cared.

The final day of that Monday night 12-week class, I was able to walk on my own (slowly, with a very weak leg, yet on my own!)! It was as though lottery winnings had been deposited in my account. I was rich - rich in health and hope!

Patty apparently captured all of that plus a bit more about our friendship that started rocky when I was an intern at General Motors and she approved my expense reports (that is a story in and of itself!!).

While Wikipedia states the torch relayers are randomly selected from nominations, the letter I received stated I was specifically selected and bestowed with the honor of Nike sending shoes, Kodak taking photos, and a commitment to training with a 3.5-pound verticle torch in my hand (practice at the gym during the Winter included running on a treadmill with a water bottle above my head).

Still, on January 5, 2002, at the location to take the bus to be dropped at our torch relay spots, there were two Olympic Torch Relay representatives on that magical, energized bus, and they asked each person to go around and introduce ourselves and state the reason we were selected to represent in the relay. Long before the turn was mine, I felt fraudulent and like I was not worthy, for there were people who survived cancer, a man running in his wife's spot because her cancer came back, a young man born without fully formed hips, and others who truly deserved to be there. With tears in my eyes, a quiver in my voice, and embarrassment in my soul, I eeked out "Debbie Gross, and really, I don't think I belong here." so quickly did this Olympic Torch Relay representative, who may have been 24 years old share with me aloud with everyone looking on and listening that the theme that year was INSPIRATION, and that they selected a few people across the country who simply lived their life inspirational each day, and that I was one of those people.

I cried a little harder.

Then I smiled, with a full heart and felt that seat really was mine to appreciate. Then I got to run double the distance of the legs of the torch run to advance the Olympic flame to Jazz Great Ramsey Lewis of the Ramsey Lewis Trio. What an honor. Until Mr. Lewis' death, we stayed connected, and he graciously met with Michael and me when in Clearwater to relive our Torch Relay days. What a legend!!

That thoughtful woman on the bus connected my head and heart to that message. The honor replaced the unsure feeling, and the joy of the opportunity moved me to run my heart out! She also reminded me to speak up, speak out, and not doubt being where I was. Those messages, and lessons live on within me to get to share with others today!

What an experience, and what a memory for which I continue to be thankful as I cheer "Go Team USA!!" all Olympics, each Olympics!

#BeYourBest #Kind #Consideration #GoUSA #GoTeamUSA #Leadership #PersonalDevelopment #ProfessionalDevelopment

Going for Your Personal GOLD!

"The captains of industry do not keep on working for the sake of making money, but for the love of completing a job successfully."

~ Charles M. Schwab

Since the Olympics are nearly here, it is inspiring to think about our own approaches to being our best as each of us strives to "medal" in life by setting ourselves up for winning/earning GOLD...in life!!!

How to do that?

Get prepared for "going for GOLD" by embracing these four aspects to success:

-G-Goals. Assess each area of your life - health, finances, career, friends, family, community, self-confidence, love, fulfillment, and more, and establish measurable accomplishments for each within a set timeframe. By setting goals, you will be on your way to earning your gold. Then, after setting the goals, you can/will have a foundation for what follows.

-O-Others. Determine/select the people who you want to include in your race to the gold carefully. While having cheerleaders and supporters in your corner can be key to success, ensuring that those around you are aware, as well as genuinely supportive makes a huge difference. Believe it or not, you want to have people who see your potential and can give you clear and constructive feedback - not simply "great job" comments (although those can feel great, too!).

-L - Legitimize. Now that you have your objectives/goals in place, and you have included others in knowing your plans, it's time to legitimize it all with action! Based on each goal, determine actions to take, and then create habits through those actions to stay on track as you celebrate small wins on the way to the big goal being realized! Actions leading to habits are most impactful when you do them consistently, and repeatedly, for habits are formed over time. The legitimization is a realization that the actions create results!

-D-Dedication. To get to the gold, self-belief and perseverance will both play their roles. Being dedicated can be taxing if the overall outcome gets lost in the effort. Dedication is the pursuit of being your best. No matter what happens or doesn't happen, what people say and do or don't say or do, your personal dedication is internal, and it is not to be doubted or questioned, for if you have set your goals smartly, included others who are objective in sharing ideas about your growth, and you continually assess and take actions to achieve the results, these all combine to become a dedicated journey, which is what it takes to move beyond success and challenges with positivity and purpose to fully get to your own GOLD!!

As you can see, and likely already feel, it is important to be inspired, light that fire, and realize those desires to get to the GOLD, and while sometimes it can be perplexing to know where to start, having a goal, sharing it with others, taking action, and being dedicated, you create your own path to achieve your personal gold medal as you execute energy toward winning in/at life! 

#BeYourBest #Kind #Consideration #Leadership #PersonalDevelopment #ProfessionalDevelopment

Exhibiting Executive Presence!

 "An executive is a person who always decides sometimes he decides correctly, but he always decides."

~ John Henry Patterson

Because leading and leadership is both an art and a science, many people ask how to access and demonstrate it, so here is an EXECUTIVE PRESENCE PROWESS TOP 10 to allow you to embrace your own strengths, foster growth, and be your best in you presence, and how you handle yourself as the executive in charge of your brand and your being and doing your best:

10 - Think "III’LL Show Executive Presence" with:

 I - Impression

 I - Impact

 I - Influence

 L - Loyalty

 L- Leverage

 9 - Demonstrate compassion, grace, and empathy through Emotional Intelligence by working on:

Self-perception

Self-expression

Interpersonal

Decision-making

Stress Management

 8 - Build and foster TRUST when you:

 Trust your knowledge

 Trust your intentions

 Trust yourself to win & learn from losses

Trust that VULNERABILITY is an asset, not a weakness

 Trust other’s knowledge

 Trust other’s intentions

 Trust others to win & learn from losses

 7 - Cultivate Self-Confidence through:

 Belief in self

 Know that no one is perfect

 Mistakes are manageable

 Positive, realistic self-talk

 The ability to know you have done the work

 The desire to share correct information

 The ability to say “I don’t know AND…”

 6 - Show Outward Confidence when you are:

 Seeing, hearing, and respecting others

 Not being short with others or aloof (cockiness)

 Removing like/dislike and focus on effort

 Owning mistakes without repeated apology

 Accepting credit

 Sharing the spotlight

 Creating opportunities

 5 - Be an advocate when you:

 Know the person in the role

 Notice interest

 Encourage growth

 Challenge with positivity

 Sponsor others’ opportunities

 Mentor AND Coach

 4 - Delegate for Effectiveness when you

 Consider people's reasons for wanting to advance/grow

 Think about how the person is motivated

 Delegate to empower/encourage

 About team member, not just you

 Embrace coaching style

 Share outcome over process

 Set a plan for success (CARE)

  3 - Know that how you present is how you are remembered in these three aspects:

A) Memorability in your:

 Time pri-organization

 Body language

 Appearance

 Attitude

 What you say and don’t say

 Emails

 Presentations

B) Presentation readiness for meetings, engagements, talks or presentations with these four keys:

 Be an expert

 Put the audience first

 Get out of your own way

 Come from a place of gratitude

C) 6 Presentation Parts (that become 4)

 Open (1a)

 Preview (2a)

 Interaction (3)

 Body (4)

 Summary (1b)

 Close (2b)

 2 - Be a Feedback Fanatic when you:

 Give

 Name

 You / You may want to consider

 Something… / An idea is…

 Thank you / That’ll make a difference

 Ask (well/improve, not “what did you think”)

 Receive (no defense)

 1 - Maximize your Moxumility by having the moxie to know you are good and the humility to know there is more to learn!

So, be present, engaged, authentic, and embrace those top ten approaches to Executive Presence in order to advance yourself and your results!

#ExecutivePresence #BeYourBest #Mindset #LUNDBERGism #Kind #Leadership #PersonalDevelopment #ProfessionalDevelopment #CoachsCornerTip

What Personal Boundaries Are and Are Not!

"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others."

~ Brene Brown

Thoughtfully setting, generously sharing, and kindly honoring boundaries for your well-being, goals, and personal happiness is challenging.

Thoughtfully setting, generously sharing, and kindly honoring boundaries for your well-being, goals, and personal happiness is necessary.

Thoughtfully setting, generously sharing, and kindly honoring boundaries for your well-being, goals, and personal happiness is empowering.

Thoughtfully setting, generously sharing, and kindly honoring boundaries for your well-being, goals, and personal happiness is not about being disrespectful to other's interests and expectations.

Thoughtfully setting, generously sharing, and kindly honoring boundaries for your well-being, goals, and personal happiness is absolutely about being respectful of yours!!

#Mindset #LUNDBERGism #Kind #Leadership #PersonalDevelopment #ProfessionalDevelopment #CoachsCornerTip #Boundaries

For the Love of Time & Health!

 "He who has health, has hope; and he who has hope, has everything."

~ Thomas Carlyle

If you believe that health, love, and time are some of the most important things in life, if not THE most important things in life, please keep reading.

The question for us all is “Are we investing, focusing on, and truly appreciative of those most important things we have in life, and are you truly connected to your health, your love, and your time?”.

On May 22nd, I successfully moved from being diagnosed with thyroid cancer earlier this year, to being completely cancer-free. The reason to share that is for perspective for this message/tip, and to convey the optimism and the belief we can each embrace can combine to guide us to know that if we take action, we can move through things in life that challenge us, and those challenging experiences do not define us, rather they make up part of the story…part of your story!

Since time may be spent wondering what others are thinking or doing, I encourage you to spend time embracing what your thoughts do for you, and how your actions guide you.

Our health is not a happenstance. Our health is a combination of our physical, mental, and emotional being…in an effort to make it all gel into well-being. Is there something in your health that you are ignoring, rationalizing, or simply accepting that may not really be acceptable if you did deep to think about how you want to feel and function?

Love, and in particular, love of self, is not overrated, and yet it can be couched in what looks or feels like indulgences. Let your love of self not be excused. If you don’t feel that love, look to those who love you and ask them the very vulnerable question “What do you love about me?” and then seek to see and feel what they have identified – not so you take their word for it, rather to give you a base. People love you. You are loved, and by keeping that at the forefront, other choices settle in a clear focus.

So, what does this have to do with my medical situation/story, and what can you do right now about time, love, and health? 

Because I simply wanted to participate in a screening for thyroid for the doctors to get data, nodules were found. The first scan that was scheduled was canceled, and making time to get to another one became a priority. Doing that was self-care, AKA, love, and while it may seem like there is no good time to be sick or to have surgery, as surprising as the diagnosis was, selecting the soonest possible allowed my body and mind to know everything was being done after that pathology report to move to being cured. Respecting everything is not as straightforward, the decision to act each time keeps you moving ahead.

So, please take the time to invest in your health because you are surrounded by love. Schedule a preventative screening for yourself and be your own best health advocate. Is it your dental exam, a colonoscopy, that dermatology screening, a mammogram, or even an annual physical? What is it that hasn’t gotten your time and attention, your desire to feel loved in your own choices, and to prioritize your health and well-being?

Please know that when you prioritize and focus on your health, and love yourself enough, you can handle whatever comes your way, and in time, you will be through to the other side…likely stronger, definitely enriched, different for the intentional addressing of what you are experiencing!

With that, thanks to all who made the time to check in on me, walk with me, send food, and more, for the flowers and feel-good gifts of health, for your genuine friendship, and for loving me these past months with this all on my mind! Thank you, especially to my make-shift nurse, Michael, who wonderfully filled in as the guest VJ with the coach’s corner tip videos last week!

While admittedly, my world may have seemed to shrink for an instant when I received the diagnosis, because of being present and being open, with all of the personal and external support, it is clear that by sharing and caring, encouraging, and being available to answer anything you may want to ask or know, my world did not shrink, it absolutely grew. 

Cheers to the time we have and what we do with it, to the health we have, and how we protect it, and to the love we give and get, and how we grow it! 

Thank you!

#Gratitude #Reflection #LUNDBERGism #Health #Love #Time #Kind #Leadership #PersonalDevelopment #ProfessionalDevelopment

First of Week Brain Dump Benefits

"It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan."

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Gift yourself with a handwritten brain dump on the first day of your workweek!

When you write things down, you clear your mind and get ahead of tasks, and therefore results, for the upcoming week.

Streamlining your ideas will clear your mind.

From there, you can prioritize the list, put the items in your calendar, and move forward prepared at the start of the week, for a productive and organized week with time maximized!

Now, you have the brain dump making way for a clear brain and an organized week ahead!

Ten Steps to Facilitating Positive Change

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. 

~ Wayne Dyer

Do you want to create positive change, and you know people are resistant?

Often people are less hesitant about change than they are frustrated with the way change is presented/communicated or not presented/communicated.

While life, and business are not full consensus experiences, it is smart and wise, inclusive and important to sincerely want, and get, input from others involved.

What is a good way to do that? Because Noncritical thinking is limited thinking, emotional thinking is not critical thinking, and often noncritical emotional thinking is distorted thinking, you want to engage in creative and critical thinking for this by facilitating the following:

1.      Gather people who have experience, exposure AND expertise to have a variety of perspectives, and ensure all people invited to participate do not look like, think like, and act like the leader (or you, if you are the one advancing this effort).

2.      In order to ensure people come in with the best sense and knowledge, in the invitation to participate, do share that while there is a situation, you are looking to define the mistake, opportunity, issue, or problem proactively, realistically, and without a blame mentality so as to move forward with good results, the ultimate decision will be that of yours, or if there is a smaller group making the decision, if there will not be finality in what is done at that meeting.

3.      Because people can want their idea to “win”, ensure what you are seeking is what is BEST for the company/group, and that it is not about who came up with what, it is about what is BEST for your team, or organization, and address any questions about that idea before moving forward to avoid a lot of “I think we should…” conversations/

4.      Respecting you may think the facts are clear, get the group to discuss and reach agreement on what the topic really is, what situation you are addressing, and therefore get the challenge/opportunity stated clearly with full agreement.

5.     With the challenge/opportunity in mind, get a statement of focus, and in that process, determine if the challenge/opportunity is problem or issue, a miss or a mistake? Problems have solutions, issues have fixes. Misses have hits (points to address), mistakes have corrections. Getting language clear means the elevation of urgency and importance will follow.

6.     To stimulate discussion and open communication, there are a few ways to generate free-flow sharing of ideas without judgement, including:

a.      You become the scribe by writing each idea shared

b.     Asking very few questions to limit what may feel like judgement

c.      Getting the input through one of these two facilitation approaches:

                             i. OPTION 1: Pair, Share & Compare is where two or three people are in a group to privately offer their ideas with a spokesperson stating 2-4 options following time for all to discuss in groups. At the end of that time, you record and wait for step 7.

                             ii. OPTION 2: Reflect & Select is the process by which one person volunteers and then chooses each person after  - as the leader/scribe you ask questions: “Tell me more, walk me through,  how would that look/play out”.

7.      Selection and prioritization includes asking things such as “Tell me more, walk me through, how would that look/play out” by you first if you used OPTION 1, and if not, you move to open question period for all ideas shared. This is imperative that the questions be WHAT and HOW question to advance the idea without participants shutting down an idea at this point.

8.      Reiterate the purpose is ensuring what you are seeking is what is BEST for what is happening/presented and restate the opportunity/situation as the problem, issue, miss, mistake clearly, and then ask for either votes or preferences by providing people 2-4 “votes” cast with dots on the sheets where you have scribed the ideas, or voting on a sheet, or whatever non-threatening, open approach you want to take to narrow the ideas to no more than 4 total, preferably 2, 3 or 4 options.

9.      Open discussion around those final options.

10.   To make certain the next steps are clear, either:

a.      Determine the direction right then, and assign authority, responsibility and timeline.

b.      If that group is not the final decision-making entity, inform who will decide, when, and how the group will receive communication, and from what person.

When you are willing to invest the time and energy in people and ideas, you can create and communicate change in a way that is forward-focused, welcomed, and clear in the reason it is being implemented!

 

 

Getting Beyond Being Overbooked & Overcooked

"True luxury can be caviar or a day with no meetings, no appointments and no schedule."
~ Michael Kors

Have you ever felt overbooked and undercooked...meaning you have had so much on your plate, on your schedule that you were carrying a "weighted plate" so to speak, yet you were not prepared to devour the dishes or get engaged fully in anything? 

This could be an overbooked day, week, or a month… 

So, what to do, you wonder?

Respect your plate and your schedule.

That takes discipline, and a direct decision to be mindful of your time, energy, interests, and intention.

If you like being overbooked and overcooked, that is up to you, AND you may be racing to do, rather than to accomplish, and that is your choice. Or, if you like that feeling of being overbooked and overcooked, please refrain from complaining about it, or wearing it as a badge of honor. Let that pace be your pace.

If you are feeling overbooked and overcooked, and you don't like it, or the feeling it creates for you, please, for the experiences you have already committed to do:

-Approach one commitment/engagement at a time by being there for an amount of time that allows you to accomplish the outcomes and feelings you desire.

-Stay in that experience to do and give your best, and get the best out of it.

-Move to the next experience after feeling completely done with what you choose to experience.

-Think of what you were grateful for from the experiences in the day, and stay away from complaining about those yeses you gave for inquiries/events.

For opportunities in the future, change all your yeses to some no replies, without explanation or apology, and WITH your non-overbooked, and non-overcooked self.

Then, when settled into the groove that works for you without attempting to fit into someone else's expectation or what works for them.

By being aware enough to care about what is important to you, you will allow yourself to get into the right rhythm of booking so you can get cooking in a positive way!

#QUOTE #Leadership #PersonalDevelopment #ProfessionalDevelopment

Embracing Ownership Over Ego

 "Your ego can become an obstacle to your work. If you start believing in your greatness, it is the death of your creativity."

~ Marina Abramovic

Where it can be tempting to feel slighted and express that disappointment in an effort to seek other's agreement when things do not go as planned, acting on that urge is not only often quite defeating, it is the unfortunate act of embracing a victim mentality that does not serve us well.

What to do? Stop the temptation? Change the feeling?

The fast answers are quick yeses, and yet it is not easy, or easily accomplished. It is, though, as simple as deciding not to do it...and then honoring your decision, and wait, there's more!

Breaking it down, the full response includes evoking reasons instead of excuses, acting on rational behaviors versus believing rationalizations, AND ultimately embracing ownership over ego!

Reason instead of excuses means you focus on being present in what is happening when it is happening, speaking your mind and position in deliberate intention of being a contributor and supporter of what is best. You offer reason, and therefore the behaviors are reasonable, and the responses to you are reasonable. If this does not happen, and you wait until after something is happening or has happened, you will talk and act in excuse language and want people to excuse your inaction previously, or your sudden idea-sharing now. When you excuse your lack of commitment, you become exposed to those who took action, and therefore, your lack of commitment is inexcusable.

Acting on rational behaviors versus believing rationalizations works positively by recognizing your emotional discomfort and allowing yourself to feel those feels and then move to what is real versus imagined. You tell yourself the story of what is happening in facts and direction rather than defending (rationalizing) your feeling as "normal" or professing others are being "unreasonable" which both attempt to apply logic to opinion or perspective based in feeling and not fact.

Ultimately, your highest and best challenge will likely be to stay in ownership over ego (or even getting there in the first place)! Asking yourself questions such as "What part did I play in this?", "Is there anything true here?", "What can I do now to move forward productively and purposefully?", "What am I willing to do to move forward?". These questions put you in the ownership mindset, and therefore you are owning your current and future positioning. Ego, unfortunately, wants to whine, blame, and sulk. There is a sense of entitlement in our ego that says, nags or screams "You were wronged", "This is not fair", "Show them!", and yet those urges lead to nothing positive and productive. Ownership is about having a way to see what happened, where you are, and what to do.

Demonstrating and living reason, acting rationally, and taking ownership allows you to be in the mind of a leader, and the mindset of someone who does not allow emotions to detract you, rather emotional intelligence to guide you!

Leading Through Emotions at Work

If you want to have a life that is worth living, a life that expresses your deepest feelings and emotions and cares and dreams, you have to fight for it. 

~ Alice Walker

Considering we, as humans, are a series of emotions and habits, and our emotions can drive our commitment to well-serving habits, just as our habits can either quell or enhance our emotional states in reaction or response to people and situations, what happens when emotions are presented at the office, on Zoom/Teams, or with clients and colleagues in a way that creates discomfort? Can anything be done, or do we simply wait and hope for it to pass?

The answer is yes, you can do something, and here are approaches that will be emotionally intelligent, kind, and considerate to not tell someone they are wrong, rather give them an opportunity to sit in success. Much of these actions take place far before an incident, and others are for in the moment:

1)    Instead of creating and fostering an environment of emotionally-based questions or requests, such as “Do me a favor and get this report to me by Noon tomorrow” or “Don’t get mad at me, but…I need you to get the data regarding the XYZ widgets by Noon tomorrow”, ensure your language is focused on work, and appropriate in requests for the role and responsibilities someone has, meaning state requests such as “Because you are responsible for the data regarding the XYZ widgets, please share the ROI on the sales for 2022 by Noon tomorrow” and “Respecting you have a lot on your plate, is it realistic to expect the data regarding the XYZ widgets by Noon tomorrow?”

2)    When someone says something like “I don’t think So-And-So likes me” or “I think So-And-So has it in for me”, reply not with “Why is that?”, which can start innocently and then end in gossip and positioning, instead, shut down that language while being open to ensuring a safe workplace by stating “While ours is not a culture about liking and not liking, having it in for someone or blame, what specifically has happened that makes you feel uncomfortable with So-And-So when working together?” The difference is subtle, and yet you are not allowing that to subtly be acceptable that there can be people out for others.

3)    Should someone says “I feel like you don’t trust me” or “You dismiss me all the time”, or “You never let me finish an idea in the meeting”, rather than get defensive or tell the person “That’s not true”, or “I don’t do that”, or “You’re too sensitive” or “Calm down” say sincerely “You have the right to feel that way. Please walk me through the last time this happened for clarity and get us back connected positively and productively” or “Please forgive me for not being aware of that, I am open to hearing what you experienced”. Then, listen, and strive to relate with empathy rather than react with heightened energy. You want to avoid arguing or countering emotions. People’s emotions are not right or wrong, they are theirs, and working through them to an outcome and agreement is best.

4)    If you have gossip and bickering in the workplace, shut the action and activity down without shutting up people. Share that your workplace, organization, team, or group is not only a safe place, it is a space for support and collaboration, and there is not only no room for gossip and behind-the-back antics, it is an action such as one of those that will be the demise of the team. Share that if there is something factual to address, you will listen, and points of opinion are to be worked through by those involved directly. You are there to be supportive and to moderate, if need be, and that such engagement is to happen long before others are involved or told what has been occurring. This will garner openness and respect in order to keep alliances and cliques from forming.

Ultimately, you want, and you likely want your team members to feel and engage rather than get emotional and blame.

In nearly-18-years of my practice I’ve yet to meet an employee at any level who said, “I love working at my job because people are emotionally driven to blame” or “It’s great to get to work where there is an “in group” and the rest of us.” With that in mind, know that we are emotional beings, and that being known is how you can harness the emotions to appreciate and respect them without allowing emotional sabotage to take place. Let people have habits and emotions, and at the same time, let’s get in the habit of emotions being part of our experiences and not part of emotionally driven taking of sides, or dragging down culture, in the workplace!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #Leadership #Emotions #EmotionalIntelligence

A Guide to Delivering a TOAST with Confidence

"I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks." 

~ Winston Churchill

Without a toast to say and share good cheer with those around you, are you really celebrating the day, the person, or the event you are attending?

It's enjoyable to get to work with a Father-of-the-Bride, a Best Man, or a Maid/Matron-of-Honor before a wedding in the public speaking work we do at Presenting Powerfully. Those toasts tend to get recorded, revisited, and let's face it, a lot of nerves and attention around them!

Still, whether it is for a wedding, or something else, the toast at an intimate dinner for two, a party for 50, a celebration of a product launch, retirement, the holidays, the New Year, or something else, is public speaking, and speaking publicly, even to a limited group can be impactful. So, have fun with it all while you take a serious look at the guide to getting the toast just right through covering these five aspects of the announcement/recognition (and please notice there is no ring to the glass, whistling, or knife/spoon making noise on the glass, either, you simply begin, and you may repeat/restate the first part (the initial "T" below to garner attention over demanding it with a harsh interruption of an abrupt sound):

T - Today/Tonight we are here to recognize/celebrate…

O - Often/Occasionally we find ourselves doing ___

A - And since/because/with that in mind, it is a pleasure to

S - Share (mention a few facts or tidbits about the person/project/event)

T - Thank you, and cheers to the person/team/holiday/couple!

If you were toasting Joe and Ronna on their engagement, you could TOAST with the following in a clear, loud voice, without apology or noise to get attention:

"Tonight we are here to celebrate and congratulate Joe and Ronna! Occasionally we get to shine this light on each of them separately, and now we get to see them glow as an engaged couple. And, because of their example of love, and kindness, and the way they make the most out of life, along with their 2 years of dating, we will soon get to see them take the next step as husband and wife. Thanks for all you do to inspire us, congratulations, and cheers! To Ronna and Joe!" (Raise glass.)

Should you be ringing in Valentine's Day, or Galentine's Day at a group event, you could stand with your drink in hand and say something like:

"Good evening! The middle of February is a wonderful time for reflecting and looking forward with love and hope in our eyes and hearts. Often it is about the romantic gestures and the traditions, and with those in mind, please know that it's also about the support and friendships we all LOVE to embrace and appreciate. In 2023, we saw two of you marry, one of you adopt a child, and three of you grow your businesses to new heights with your passion for your work...all while we each cheered one another on! We are here for each other. We inspire and pick one another up. For all of those reasons, I thank and celebrate you, and here’s to everyone here having a happy Valentine's Day that fills your heart with love!" (Raise glass.)

Once you get comfortable with the format, and embrace the flow, you will realize you can toast anyone anywhere with the TOAST method, and the honored or honorees will feel special while the guests will enjoy the impact and brevity of your sincere comments. 

So go ahead, raise a glass, and cheers to many enjoyable TOASTs in your future!

 #Toast #Celebrate #Leadership #Ihatepublicspeaking #publicspeaking

Knowing the Difference(s) in Price & Worth/Value, Price & Cost, Expense & Experience, and Spending & Investing

Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much. 

~ Blaise Pascal

Has anyone ever asked you "A penny for your thoughts?" I don't know about you, but while that expression is a kind way of getting someone to open up, the value proposition is simply non-existent!

We have these oddities, especially with time and money...

So often people say/ask "How much does that cost?" when the real question, the internal question is 'What is it worth to you?' or 'What is the value of having this?' since the cost is particularly relevant to what you believe the worth is and/or the value of the item/experience. 

Say someone has 6 pairs of shoes with them on a trip and an attractive, right-sized pair of shoes at a lovely local store is $200, that cost becomes more about giving up space in their luggage, in other words, the opportunity cost plays a factor. What could they do with the money if they don't buy these shoes? And then, what will it cost them to rationalize another pair of shoes to themselves (or friends who managed to go 3 weeks with 2 pairs of shoes)? The worth of the shoes that potentially make an outfit during that trip is higher than the worth of the same shoes if they will sit in a bag getting toted around from hotel to hotel, city to city without getting worn. That leads us to price. The price of not getting the shoes aligns somewhat with the opportunity cost. Sure there is a price of $200, and then there is the price of if this purchase goes on a credit card. If the price of getting the shoes is paid in terms of being cheap when everyone is at dinner. Price is more than a currency exchange, it can be about energy and attitude, too.

The cost/worth/price idea gets us thinking about our wallets, our choices, and even our rationale for making or skipping purchases...and it need not stop there!

Time is our most valuable resource, so when engaging with someone, or many someones, do think about cost, worth, and price, meaning how many minutes or hours present as the direct cost, the worth is what you will gain from the engagement, and the price, or opportunity cost is what else you could be doing with that time. When someone says "Gotta minute?", they scarcely, if ever, only take a minute, and if someone, unfortunately, asks to "Pick your brain", they are taking time and energy from you, so you have a choice to give it or not.

Still, both the shoe example and a meeting with someone can also be an investment or a simple spend. How so? The investment idea is that the shoes will last a long time, and/or they will go up in value. A simple spend though is that the money or time was ours, we spent it on the meeting or the shoes and didn't see anything other than less than a fair trade or value, so we spent our time or money, for it yielded no return or less than what we deemed acceptable.

Now, moving on to whether the choice to buy the shoes or spend time with someone is an expense or an experience keeps most of us intrigued in a slightly new way. It's rarely both an expense and an experience because the idea of an expense means you got little out of it, and you have written it off, meaning it bears little worth to even revisit, whereas an experience means there was something in it that was/is non-tangible. Say the shoes were those to benefit charity and you like the charity so the experience of contributing outweighs that the shoes were an expense to move forward and away from quickly. Also, the shoes could be a wonderful reminder for years to come about the trip itself and that alone makes the purchase of the shoes an experience. Similarly, a meeting with someone can spark another connection, doing business together, avoiding an issue or problem, or none of those mentioned. If any of the connect, business and avoidance play out, then the meeting was an experience that moved you or a project ahead, and if it is not one of those, it was likely an expense.

What to do with these point-counterpoint positions and considerations? Here are the takeaways for implementation:

1) When you are asking for someone's time, present an agenda and goal that is of value to them focused on them, and then deliver to it.

2) When considering a purchase of any size, go beyond price to cost, other options, and the value for you having it versus not having it, as well as the timing and situation.

3) Keep in mind your sense of risk and adventure may be far different than other people's, so judge not what people buy or do with their time, as it is their process, or systems of process that lead them to satisfaction or dissatisfaction with their choices.

By simply and wonderfully allowing your mind and your decision to consider these options,  before putting money or time toward an item or an interaction, you will likely live your life with intent and experience the outcomes fully and openly! 

#Leadership #Choices #Value #Expereince #PersonalDevelopment #ProfessionalDevelopment

Embracing Experiences Start to Finish, Beginning to End

To become mindfully aware of our surroundings is to bring our thinking back to our present moment reality and to the possibility of some semblance of serenity in the face of circumstances outside our ability to control. 
~ Jeff Kober

Timing isn't everything, and yet, timing is telling.

We get excited, distracted, disappointed, and disengaged in what seems like an instant.

With so many things we could do and experience, how do we embrace the experiences from start to finish, from beginning to end?

It's possible, and even probable if we are willing to consider and act in good faith...

Part of the opportunities we have now is that there are so many choices for where/how to spend our time. Part of the challenge of those seemingly endless choices is realizing that there may have been another choice that would have been an even better fit for our desires and interests.

In order to embrace the experiences from start to finish, from beginning to end, first, make a choice, and be fully committed to thinking it will be enjoyable/purposeful, and feeling good about the upcoming adventure. outing or meeting, second, share with your host, your plus-one, or good friend/family member what you are doing and the reason you decided to do it, third, be fully present for what you selected and fully engaged in the idea/theme or purpose, so if there is a dress code, agenda item, speaking part or anything else, decide that you are "in" and be ready, fourth, and finally, make no excuses, and go all in fully meaning your time, interest, focus, conversations, participation and everything else is all about where you are, the reason you are there, and the people who are there (not those who "missed out".

By not waffling, not jumping from place to place, not planning your get-away, you can, and likely will, fully "be", and when you allow yourself to be, you are you, fully, fabulously, and frankly in a way that you do not have to protect, explain or second-guess. And, after all, when you can be unabashedly you, you can embrace the experiences from start to finish, from beginning to end!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #KIND #Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #Growth

Public Speaking Tip: Correcting Someone In Others' Presence

"Correcting bad habits cannot be done by forbidding or punishment."
~ Robert Baden-Powell

There you are in a meeting when someone states something completely incorrectly. What to do? Ignore it? Tell others? Shout out the right answer or information?

While none of those are recommended, or likely effective, or good for your reputation and rapport with that person, and others, there is a solution...or two!

When you hear someone state something that is incorrect, HELP them and the situation humbly and subtly by making sure you:

H - Heard them correctly by repeating it back, and allowing them to restate or back off, and then 

E - Encouraging them to explore what that information could do or not do if more is not considered, then 

L - List other options by leading them to an improved statement or suggestion, and finally

P - Provide encouragement and collaboration for moving forward.

It will look something like this:

Pat states sales were only down 2% and that slow marketing has the projections behind when you checked that all marketing and promotions ran as planned and that sales are down 20%.

You may think "Oh no - that's way off!!", yet you say:

"Thanks for sharing that information, Pat. Please forgive me if I heard the information incorrectly, as it sounded like sales were only down 2%." Pat may or may not agree. If Pat realizes 2% was stated and 20% was the real number, you are done, and if Pat stays with it, you then say "You likely had information from earlier in the month before our final numbers were out, and that is before some other drastic drops happened. There are a lot of reports, and very recently a new report came out that I happened to get to see. Some of the options for looking at the sales are by months, by region, or by product line, and with those breakdowns, unfortunately, we will all be seeing a 20% decrease in sales after our marketing efforts went off as scheduled. I am here to assist with how you want to address that 20% decrease with strategy, sales reviews, or a joint session with marketing."

By being direct, calm, and open while not ignoring, talking with others later, or shouting, you will allow someone to save face, you build trust, and together, you can create a solution!

#PublicSpeaking #ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #Leadership

More Same than Different?

"People are pretty much alike. It's only that our differences are more susceptible to definition than our similarities."
~ Linda Ellerbee

With so much in our feeds and on our minds about what differences we have and how our differences enhance our learning and growth, we may be missing something in that truth, and that is that there is a lot of sameness in us all.

Talking with a dear friend, client, and people leader on a recent trip, we were sharing our ideas about this sameness subject...leading to this article.

Please know she and I both agree that in our differences we find collaborative strength, so this is not a counterpoint to the concept of that, heck, one of my first LUNDBERGisms was/is "Like seeks like and opposites complement", so this is, instead, encouragement to allow yourself, and others, to remember and embrace both sameness and differentness.

How are we the same, or similar, as that is a word I prefer? We are humans. We want to be safe. We want to be seen and heard as the person we are and not simply the role we are in. We want to have a positive impact. We want to be paid, minimally fairly, for the work we do. We want to have grace and be given grace. We love and want to be loved.

Those may seem obvious at times and foreign at others. What makes the sameness fade in our attempt to grow or succeed?

In my work, living, and overall observations, there are a few reasons, including the desire to be accepted, insecurities, fear, and desire.

Perhaps it is our perceived constant desire to stand out, be recognized, when really, it may be that "please see me for me" coming on strong since the sameness kept us from appreciating it.

Rarely do I meet, have as a client, or interview on our podcast someone who tells me they are too appreciated. They don't complain that there are too many kudos and accolades getting in their way of accomplishing their daily desired outcomes! Go figure!

Another thought to keep us grounded is that we all have succeeded and we all have failed, and people take those successes and failures differently, As a matter of fact, I prefer we use misses and hits, mistakes, and successes, failures and fabulosity, instead of only success and failure because we hang so much emotional baggage, good and bad, on those words/concepts. That is what is meant by insecurities impacting us all. We don't exactly know how to handle when things don't go as anticipated, and even worse, we wonder what others will think!

Somewhat similar is fear. Fear means most of us have played not to lose. We have not spoken up for fear of being shut down, or not even doing something so that we couldn't be wrong or seen as incapable. When fear leads, nobody wins, only some get further away from growth.

Desire is the final similarity or sameness in all of us. We are driven by things, just not the exact same as everyone else, so the desire gets judged. Learning what people desire can assist us all in working together.

So while you are to celebrate and embrace your differences and those of others, let's be thankful for our sameness, for that sameness may lead to the saneness of really connecting first and moving forward with a genuine interest in learning more!

#YouAreStrong #ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #KIND

This Month's Public Speaking Tip: 6 Parts Become 4

“If you know what you want, you can have it.”
~RH Jarrett

While we have been through the six parts (not steps) to presentation prowess and public speaking success, those six are about to become four!

The parts for which we have been covering to prepare your talk, training, or pitch include the following:

1. Open-getting attention with facts/story

2. Preview-time, agenda, purpose

3. Body-sharing the information through agenda items

4. Interaction-eye contact & audience engagement

5. Summary-check purpose, agenda & do Q&A

6. Close

So, since the Close is the restating of the Open, and the Summary is the reverse order of the Preview, your four aspects to sharing information and ideas are:

1. Open/Close-Wowing and ending with facts/story

2. Preview/Summary-time, agenda, purpose to guide and review

3. Body-sharing the information through agenda items

4. Interaction-eye contact & audience engagement

Even though you may have wished your public speaking could be as easy as 1, 2, 3, it is instead as simple as 1, 2, 3, 4!!!

The Tricks & Treats of Words (& Phrases)

"So difficult it is to show the various meanings and imperfections of words when we have nothing else but words to do it with."
—John Locke

While words matter, and the words we share with others make a difference, what matters most is what we say and believe in ourselves - through the words we choose!

As we make our selections, here are some seemingly non-negative or neutral phrases that have simple replacements that not only will empower you, they will position you positively from a mindset perspective. Let's say they go from tricks to treats in this near Halloween update. Those tricky phrases that are positioned to treat you well when stated slightly differently include:

There is no need to "pick your poison" (tricky) when making a choice, since that sounds dreadful when you can "pick your purpose” (treat), instead.

In place of "killing them with kindness" (tricky), which would leave people dead, "convert them with kindness“ (treat) and they'll still be here for you to share kindness with later.

Rather than "taking the high road" (tricky), implying others are on the low road, decide to "travel the road that’s best for your journey" (treat), and let others travel theirs, too.

Stop "being the bigger person" (tricky), because that implies the other person is small, instead, "be your best person, and let others be theirs" (treat).

Skip the "It is what it is" (tricky), as that implies there is nothing at all that you can possibly do about it, or as a result of it, and go with "it is what we make of it" (treat), and then take action!

Resist the "Agree to disagree" (tricky) comments that sound defeatist, and share sincerely what you respect and appreciate about someone with something like "While we may not agree now, please know I am considering your perspective on this, as being open to learning is part of growth" (treat).

These options are choices for us, and by choosing, we decide what we are going to say and do with intention rather than simply going with familiar expressions! And, in each case, we take out the tricky language as we treat ourselves, and others, to positive positioning!

#YouAreStrong #ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #KIND

#Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #Growth

This Month's Public Speaking Tip: ENDS on the Close

"There is no real ending. It's just the place where you stop the story."

-Frank Herbert

Remember back in the audience when you were in a presentation and someone said "That's it!"? It can feel like a huge sigh of relief to the speaker, and yet it seems so abrupt to those watching/listening.

That is no way to end a presentation, and yet many do simply dismiss everything they did with those two words, which are sometimes followed by "any questions?", (which we already know the questions are to be addressed in the summary).

The parts for which to prepare your talk, training, or pitch include the following:

1. Open-getting attention with facts/story

2. Preview-time, agenda, purpose

3. Body-sharing the information through agenda items

4. Interaction-eye contact & audience engagement

5. Summary-check purpose, agenda & do Q&A

6. Close

The last months covered the OPEN, the PREVIEW, the BODY, the INTERACTION, the SUMMARY, and now the CLOSE is where/how you explore what best ENDS the presentation through:

E - Extend interest in the topic by revisiting the open

N - Nearing the end without being rushed

D - Doing the service of completing the cycle from start to finish with a refer-back and/or a new take on the OPEN in order to "tie the bow" on the experience

S - Say "Thank you" and leave the space/stage

Having a powerful and purposeful close means you end on a high, and importantly, the audience gets the full experience from the way you begin to the way you end, and has a true Return On Investment from the time spent with you!

#publicspeaking #ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #KIND

Avoiding Defensiveness When Being Dismissed or Played

"No matter how beautiful the theory, one irritating fact can dismiss the entire formulism, so it has to be proven." 

~ Michio Kaku

The other day on the golf course, a male golfer who we were playing with said to me "What you need to understand is..." at that moment, as I realized what was, unfortunately, happening, my husband, Michael, put his hand gently on my arm as if to say 'I see you, even if he does not'.

I felt myself tense as the words and attitude of the speaker brought a directness that was overbearing and dismissive all at the same time.

Sure, I wanted to scream or snap back, and yet that would not have been my best moment or choice. I was not going to be played. What did I do? The same thing I encourage you to do when you are dismissed or felt like an approach someone takes with you is insulting:

1) Be thankful that person showed themselves to you, and say something like "Thanks for letting me know how you feel about that."

2) Repeat back what you heard with words like "Sounds like you believe..."

3) Bring a calm perspective with verbiage such as "Here's something to please consider..."

4) End the discussion when you want with "Let's please leave it here with this..." or "Let's please respectfully close on this..."

To follow my example, I said "Thanks for sharing your view. It sounds like you believe XYZ, and while your view is yours, please consider that it may not be that of others. Let's please leave this at being respectful of each of us having the right to believe what we believe and forcing a view, or assuming you can force a view, isn't appropriate. Thank you." We hit our balls. I was sincere in my compliments of his good shots. We had a good round. If I hadn't stood up for myself, the round would have been a waste.

So, don't be dismissed, be direct. Don't be played, be powerful. When you are grateful, confirm what you heard, stay centered, and own the end of the experience, you may have felt dismissed at first and you will likely feel empowered last! 

#DoYourBest #ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #KIND  #Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #Growth