Wednesday, December 28, 2022

Lessons Learned: Closed Door/Open Window

"Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door."

~ Coco Chanel

It is often said that when one door closes, another one opens, or that when a door closes, a window opens, and that may give us a sense of "things will work out", and yet you are encouraged to think and act upon "If I choose to close a door, I get to open another door or window!"!

I embraced this in 2022, by choosing to resign from some boards, and rolling off others as I opened up to new boards and opened my mouth to welcome some of the new board members with encouragement, and by doing that I certainly learned some lessons, including:

1) Do not let a door stand in your way - open or closed, you choose what you walk past or walk through.

2) Leaving something or someone doesn't remove the impact you had, it simply ends the experience (not the memories).

3) Look back not on the closed door, rather look back to learn from experiences to grow, and mistakes to avoid in the future that you may have missed at the moments that came up later that added to the reason you closed it.

4) Look forward to doors and windows, as well as the people who present themselves in those spaces/opportunities, as there is no fear in the unknown when you know there is hope and anticipation in the future for what can be, rather than what might not happen!

So, as I did, go ahead, and close a door, open another, open a window or more than one. It's not the closing that stops your progress, it is the opening that inspires new beginnings and forwards momentum!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #KIND #Leadership #1KindAct #Growth #EmotionalIntelligence #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #Resilience #Resiliency #Growth #LessonsLearned #Gratitude 813.494.4438

Wednesday, December 14, 2022

Stressed or Blessed?

 "Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one." ~ Hans Selye

If you were to answer the question "Are you stressed or blessed?", what would you say? Stressed? Blessed? Both?

If you think you are stressed, you will likely feel stressed. When you feel stressed, you typically approach people and situations impatiently and/or with a bit of negativity or doubt.

While if you think you are blessed, you will likely feel blessed. When you feel blessed, you will often approach people and situations with hope and openness, even positively!

Should you think the answer is "Both", you will bounce back and forth between stressed and blessed, and even though that could seem fair, go past fairness into goodness by adjusting your thoughts toward blessed. 

Blessed thoughts are those of abundance and strength, gratitude and appreciation, perspective and purpose. Being in a state of blessed in thoughts and feelings doesn't necessarily imply a religious or even spiritual connotation, yet it can be a huge part of your connectedness - however that concept of 'blessed' sits with you.

Alternatively, stressed thoughts are those of lack and fear-filled vulnerability, and can be an unfortunate part of a lack of connectedness.

By being blessed, not stressed or both stressed and blessed, you will serve yourself, and additionally, those around you will have the chance to feed off your approach and attitude!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #KIND #Leadership #1KindAct #Growth #EmotionalIntelligence #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #Resilience #Resiliency #Growth #LessonsLearned #Gratitude 813.494.4438

Monday, November 14, 2022

THIS MONTH'S Lessons Learned: Appreciative of Another Year on Earth, and Ways to Keep Learning!

Today is a happy birthday, and I am thrilled! Thanks for being a part of this year!

If there were themes for the past 12 months, they'd be Miles & Smiles, Impact & Energy, AND, Declutter & Appreciation.

By covering a lot of miles running, in a car, and on a plane, personally and professionally, certainly, there were many fond memories and a lot of smiles - some of them through some pain and feeling disappointed as well as while really having fun!

LESSON LEARNED: Smile through challenges in order to live and learn, and to get to the parts of life that really matter - making lasting memories with people you care about!

Considering impact and energy, one of my focuses was to very intentionally assess where my energy was being expended, and how/what the impact was.

LESSON LEARNED: It is key to ensure a good return on investment where energy is shared - for others and yourself, so move on when the ROI isn't there and double down when it is!

When I made time for decluttering things physically, that lead to further appreciating space and effort alike, so new donations were made, new groups were joined, existing boards were resigned from or I rolled off them while clear choices were made to spend time and give talent where it would be valued, respected, and appreciated.

LESSON LEARNED: Free yourself of clutter, any clutter in space in your home, business, and especially in your head, as that freeing feeling will allow for a sense of centering...and clear direction for progress!

Thanks for the memories, and cheers to many more as I go into being 54 with a genuine smile on my face, with intent and energy directed toward kindness & growth, and a clear mind and clean office & home - ready to embrace whatever is ahead with gusto and gratitude!

#Birthday #Thanks #LessonsLearned #Gratitude #Kind #kindness #Kindnessmatters #1KindAct #KindnessNeedNotBeQuarantined #Perspective #LifeLongLearner #AgingGracefullyIsEmpowering

Wednesday, November 2, 2022

Go from Duped to Empowered!

 “And how they take one in, with their manners and their mock wistfulness and gentleness.”

~ D.H. Lawrence, Lady Chatterley's Lover

Ever felt duped?

If you feel a sense of being made a fool, you may want to check in with yourself with these 4 questions/considerations in order to move through the situation, and avoid that DUPE feeling in the future:

1) D - Did I have a feeling about this before? (YES, then trust yourself, NO, then check in on paying attention to signs). And then do yourself a favor, and spend little time explaining or rationalizing what you missed, and spend your energy on what you have now!

2) U - Understanding what is happening now, would I have done anything differently to change the outcome (If time travel were possible)?

3) P - Pride plays a factor in accepting someone took advantage of you, so ensure you do not let pride get in the way of clearly assessing what you missed, rather than being tempted to blame others for what they did (blame gets you nowhere).

4) E - Ensure you know that how others treat you is a reflection of their integrity (or lack thereof), and instead of asking "Why me?", ask "What can I do differently for me?", and "How can I keep people like this out of my circle of trust in order to grow personally & professionally"?

You are not a dope or a dupe when you have been "played", rather you were a player in a game you likely did not register to play!

As you move through this situation, remove or distance the people who were a part of it, address it with them if you believe they were unintentional, and completely skip that part if you believe it will lead to arguing or them being further cruel in their smallness in an attempt to gain what they may have thought of as a big win by putting you in a bad place.

The temptation is often to confront someone when they have duped us, yet the leader says and believes "everyone has the right to feel as they do, and while I am feeling hurt and surprised, I also know I get to move forward and learn" where engaging further with the culprits will likely go nowhere, or worse, backward!

Being duped means you were trustworthy of someone who did not deserve your trust. It does not mean you cannot trust again or learn from your mistakes in judgment.

So, if you, like me, have been duped by colleagues or presumed friends, use your kindness toward yourself, exercise your emotional intelligence, take that experience and turn it into a badge of courage for facing yourself and your role in it, not being bitter or angry, not complaining, and coming through on the other side empowered; stronger and resilient, even if there is a little scar there! 

#DontBeDuped #Leadership #Duped #Leadership #Kind #1KindAct #Growth #EmotionalIntelligence

When you KNOW your plan &

you KNOW your alternatives &

you KNOW your resilience,


When you have NO plan &

and NO alternatives &

no resilience,


#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #EmotionalIntelligence #Change

#PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #Choose #Kindness #CoachsCorner #Resilience #HaveAPlan #Positivity

#WorkdayWakeUp 813.494.4438

Tuesday, October 25, 2022

Lessons Learned: Grace Following Gratitude

 Nope!!! No way!! Not a chance!! 🤚

Forgetting my bandana for sweat, stepping in dog poo, and even a lady nearly violently screaming “Are you kidding??” at me when I smiled, waved, and said “Good morning!” as I passed her on a run could not AND would not keep me from being grateful to run outside and thankful our home was intact after HurricaneIan on my morning run the Saturday when we returned from evacuating in my "Please be K.I.N.D." tank top!

While I felt surprised and even shocked in the midst of the experiences, the feeling of sadness for people not being grateful for what they had, being safe following Ian, and feeling humbled by everyone south of us and on other coasts being in despair, I dug deep to learn:

  • Others have the right to feel how they feel and those feelings, and therefore their actions, do not have to impact others.
  • People's actions are a reflection of how they are feeling about themselves and their lives, not you and your life.
  • Share stories of such experiences only for learning and perspective, not to complain or carry those ideas and feelings forward

While how a day begins can impact the whole day, it need not, and it is your choice!

Not sure about everyone else, but I choose kindness and it keeps me fueled for life!!! Won’t you please join me?

#Kind #kindness #Kindnessmatters #1KindAct #KindnessNeedNotBeQuarantined

Tuesday, October 18, 2022

Building Personal Resilience!

 Persistence and resilience only come from having been given the chance to work through difficult problems.

~ Gever Tulley

While there can be uphill battles, setbacks, and certainly disappointments in life and in business, there are also ways to move through (not around or over) there are also lessons learned, opportunities through challenges, and growth.

Getting there often takes drive, effort, and most of all, resilience.

Resilience is mostly a learned skill in our youth, and yet it is something that can be acquired with intentional effort and interest in being able to move through situations and people who/that were not as anticipated. Here are some tips for getting resilient and gaining resiliency:

Be competitive only with yourself and your goals, and not against others. Have your goals. Record them with written plans. Know what you have accomplished, and keep both in the forefront of your mind and mindset. This will keep a perspective, and keep you from being self-sabotaging. Doubt does not serve resiliency. Reminders of your success will keep you from going too dark, and keep light in your present and future.

Engage in your Emotional Intelligence. By being self-aware and feeling your feelings while being aware of others' feelings, you will be able to know the difference between how you feel and who you are in the moment. Speak in terms of how you feel rather than how you are. It is reasonable to say "I feel disappointed" versus "I am disappointed" because you allow the feeling without allowing the feeling to overtake you.

Think in terms of areas of focus such as a relationship, business, friends, family, health, and more, and keep them connected without extreme overlap in order to enjoy all, and practice resilience in each when required. When, in any area, something doesn't go as you'd like ask yourself "What next?" instead of "Why me?". This will have your focus on the future and staying positive (not a Polyana). Action allows for movement and movement allows for momentum.

Be an optimistic realist and/or a realistic optimist. Have gratitude and positivity, AND have consideration for not overlooking stumbling blocks by being so thankful or hopeful that they collectively become a setup for feeling discouraged. These checks and balances allow for resilience in that they are a consistent framework for keeping a framework around you for your well-being and growth.

Resilience can seem like you either have it or you do not, and yet it is achievable as a feeling and an approach to life and business. Practicing the aforementioned tips regularly will, ironically, keep you from finding the ups and downs so far apart, keeping your resilience low-key and ready in the wings for if/when there is something of higher stakes for which you want to overcome or adjust from!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #Resilience #Resiliency #Growth 813.494.4438

Thursday, September 29, 2022


For adults, where we live is a choice.

Michael and I choose to live in Tampa, Florida, where we have evacuated many times since settling here in 2004.

Still, each time is an experience and a journey - physically and emotionally!

Lessons learned include:

  • Things are things, and people are people - things can be replaced and people cannot be replaced. Be grateful for the people you have around you and/or are in touch with. Reach out to check in on others.
  • Having empathy and grace with others is key in life, especially during hurricane preparation, as stress impacts people in its own way!
  • Gas is essential for travel, and so are medications, and otherwise, you can likely get what you need where you are going, so hoarding is self-centered, not self-survival.
  • Have faith in decisions made prior to the hurricane and trust the process of insurance and other aspects of life, for worry on top of rain and potential spoiled items in a refrigerator is useless (much like that food!)!

While I am not sure what will be remaining after this Lessons Learned is shared, it is certain that it will be an experience, and more lessons will have been learned...hopefully at not too much of a cost!

Friday, September 16, 2022

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Belief in oneself is one of the most important bricks in building any successful venture. 

~ Lydia M. Child

While Imposter Syndrome, the feeling that you are not qualified, or somehow a fake, has been studied since the 1970's, it is a topic of interest and request of late for my practice. In particular, with women, the past five years has had an increase in tailoring a talk on Imposter Syndrome, and over the past three years, men and women have been interested in knowing what it is, how to identify it, how to overcome it, and how to coach others beyond it. 

So, the Top 10 summary is broken down into 4 categories:

 2 – Be Your Biggest Fan

 4 – Set Personal Boundaries

 2 – Practice Vulnerability

 2 – Own Your Impact

10 ways to lessen imposter syndrome as you increase confidence. 

They are:

10 - Own & celebrate your achievements! (Both are essential to avoid burnout, find joy in your uniqueness & cultivate self-confidence.)

  9 - See yourself as a work in progress. (Start something new to gain skills rather than not doing it to avoid failure! Better to fail as the future you than succeed only as the current you!)

 8 - Set expectations & make commitments…(while overcoming the desire to be perfect!)

 7 - Veer away from external validation. (Nobody has the power to make you feel good (or bad) about yourself, unless you let them!)

 6 - Know you’re a person so you will take things personally…(And, take constructive criticism seriously, and choose to make it feedback for growth by asking 1) Is it true, 2) Does it matter to my brand, 3) Do I want to make a change?)

 5 - Know that:  Gossip is garbage, Jealousy is junk, Comparison is crippling, and Doubt is destroying (And that these approaches: gossip, jealousy, comparison, and doubt are all "small thinking" - be bigger than those ways!)

 4 - Get & engage with a mentor or coach! (With full transparency, and know that it is not likely your direct leader/supervisor, for when someone decides advancement and pay, there can be challenges with transparency not carrying over into those decisions.)

 3 - See others as inspirations and resources - as opportunities to guide/assist you! (There is no shame in asking for help!)

 2 - Stop over-apologizing (One apology is enough, if you made an error, and then move to thanks for waiting, or thanks for accommodating - gratitude over apology is confidence-building! Plus, many "I'm sorry"s can be replaced with "Excuse me" and/or "Please forgive me for..." instead without hesitation!)

 1 - Practice Emotional Intelligence (Be consistent, fair, kind, and gracious…to you & others!)

Imposter Syndrome is a state of mind, and it is a real feeling that with these steps, awareness, and a willingness to couple humility with the recognition that you have strengths and value, it is also something that can be overcome!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #ImposterSyndrome 813.494.4438

Monday, August 29, 2022

Lessons Learned: Sweet 16 Four Ways

It is a point of pride and humility to celebrate the Presenting Powerfully Sweet 16! Thanks for whatever you did to contribute to the past 192 months!

Based on the keynotes, strategy, facilitation, emceeing, coaching, and consulting, here are four lessons learned along the way:

1) Know your expertise and your lane. Stay there and get really good at all you do, and resist adding options that supplement yet do not showcase expertise. Get with others to collaborate and/or refer, and you will keep your purpose and integrity intact for you, and importantly, you will serve your clients, patients, and/or customers best!

2) Embrace and honor your value and do not hesitate to share the investment schedule. Know your industry and other rates, and yet be specific about your offerings and ROI. With that, don't discount. While I offer considerations, the word, idea, concept, and application of a discount does not exist, as that would sound like clients are getting less than the full offer since mine is a service business. 

3) Have a process. For each offering, I have learned what and how things work. By documenting this for each, the sharing of the engagement becomes a good flow. Ask questions, confirm, and commit in writing. Rarely does someone say I asked too many questions. Still, over the years, I have asked too few. Keeping a process keeps mistakes to a minimum, and the questions that serve the conversation well at a maximum!

4) Be grateful for each engagement or sale. Stay away from thinking something is small or little, and think of the impact you get to have. I certainly do! 

While there are many good and challenging lessons that have, thankfully, been learned, there are four of them. Keeping those in mind, when you have your expertise, value, a process, and gratitude, know that sweet 16 gets even sweeter on the way to 17, 20, and beyond!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner 813.494.4438

Monday, August 15, 2022

Making the Most of Your Moments

If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?

~ John Wooden

While nobody can give you the gift of time, and we all have 24 hours in our day, there are certainly many ways to make the most of each day, hour, and moment, so here are 10 that have served me, and many clients well, over the years:

1. Have a morning routine (and an evening one, too). This keeps order. Routine is not restrictive, it is freeing, as there is no uncertainty or ambiguity for your mind to wonder what is happening next!

 2. Know life’s timing = your relationship with the clock. Yes, that may sound woo-woo, and yet if you dread going to bed and/or the alarm and are a snooze button-er, you likely have a confrontational relationship. If you keep your phone or alarm away from you, you will get up and get moving from the start!

 3. Eliminate lists, schedule all tasks & have buffers. People dislike this tip, and yet, lists only satisfy your wandering, wondering brain for a short while. If there is a list, your mind wants to work on accomplishing it, so that is the reason to schedule everything after prioritizing. Building in buffers allows for bio breaks and slight tweaks.

 4. Prioritize & ask for priority with clear boundaries. Sharing when something will be used and what the reason is for the priority gives context to those involved in a deadline, so ask, if you are given work to do, and offer if you are sharing.

 5. Start early & complete the worst first. When you get used to getting up a few minutes earlier than you used to, you can schedule the items you dislike or dread first. The reason is not to ruin your day, it is to get that behind you quickly to make the most of the rest of the day!

 6. Stop saying “swamped”, “stressed”, “slammed”, “crazy”, and/or "busy" so you stop getting your self-talk caught up in negativity. Instead, use "productive", "fully booked" and "well-scheduled".

 7. Say “no” or “no, thank you” & resist “busy-ness” in your day. You do not have to explain the reason, and you can wish people well as you move forward without accepting a "to do" that you don't want!

 8. Time chunk & allow time (not hope) with short meetings. 20 minutes is typically ideal for you starting and finishing something or getting enough accomplished on a project that it keeps you going without bogging you down.

 9. Focus on 1 thing at a time (no multi-tasking). S you don't get distracted, practice saying "If you give me In 5 minutes to finish this, I'll give you 100% of my attention" or "I'll come to you as soon as I am done with this." (And then do it!)

 10. Create organizing systems (mental & physical) that work for you! There is no "one-way" to be organized, yet all clutter is mental clutter, so get disciplined in how you stack, file, pile or repurpose things, and watch how your energy during your waking (and sleeping) time aligns with making the most!

You may want to implement 2-3 of these at a time (see what I did there) for impact on your day and your outcomes. Then, layer in other approaches on the list. With those free moments, please let me know how you are doing, okay? Thanks! Cheers to good times and good timing!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #WorkdayWakeUp 813.494.4438

Thursday, July 28, 2022

Living a Meaningful Life

 "Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend - or a meaningful day."

~ Dalai Lama

Meaning and meaningfulness in one’s life can be a goal, a pursuit, a passion, or an Achilles’ heel. How so? While those of us who feel, believe, and think we are making an impact, and therefore, a difference, are likely in the first three aspects…setting goals, pursuing joy, and passionately experiencing all we get to do. Still, others are frustrated, fumbling, and/or feelings as though they’ll never “get it”.

Because meaning is personal, and living a meaningful life is not the same as being happy, and/or experiencing and embracing happiness, it can seem elusive. It is not, and while the list here may look like a playbook or script, there is no order to the rhythm, rather your rhythm in moving through them will be your order.

10. Decide what your priorities are. Have 2, 3, or 4 that you know well and carry in your mind and heart. With those in mind, set your intention each day for that day, and set goals for days, weeks, months, and years. Intentions for experiences or days will allow you to be focused and present.

 9. Determine if your career is your calling or not. If so, go in fully, and if not, that is not a failure, it is success to learn that, and then you can pursue your calling adjunctly, as a side gig, or as a full change in your vocation. That’s up to you (all of this is!). Similarly, own and appreciate your passion. This need not have anything to do with your career and may link to your calling. Passion is that spark for you. Perhaps it’s coaching or dancing, and that may bring exercise and/or income or it may not. You may have a passion for reading. Make time for your passion.  

 8. Know that happiness is a state of mind and that you, and only you, are the one person responsible for your happiness. Get away from thinking being 10 pounds lighter or at a different job or in a relationship will make you happy. You take your mood and attitude with you, and the circumstances and people you are around either enhance or hinder them. Choose happiness and go forward from there!

 7. Engage in, and work on your Emotional Intelligence. Being self-aware, compassionate, and gracious with yourself and others will allow you to keep a perspective on life and situations that keeps you from being self-focused. Practice kindness. My definition of kindness is doing something for someone that benefits them whether they know you did it or not.

 6. Know that you are responsible for your choices and actions. Even when your choice or action did not go how you wanted or anticipated, own the outcomes and impacts and move forward. This is not excusing behaviors or lack of action, this is about being in the game and knowing while you can win growth, nobody has to lose as a result. Be proud of good choices. Apologize if choices impact others negatively. Name what you are doing or have done without blaming anyone or anything. Forgive. Forgive others, and forgive yourself, too. While feelings get hurt and things get said, timing and intention play roles in exchanges. Still, fully embrace and accept that most people do not want to hurt you, and if they do, that is a reflection of how they feel about themselves more than about you.

 5. Spend less money than you make and give back. This can be in making time and in donating money for causes and people who can benefit from your efforts. It’s not the amount that counts, it is that you make something else, outside of you and your family, work and activities, something you give worth and work to make a difference!

 4. Go it alone at times to grow, and then allow others in at times to assist in different growth. Know that there is no shame in asking for input or guidance. At the same time, don’t apologize if something is important for you to experience on your own. Don’t exclude or get dependent, rather be aware of what is best for you in each situation.

 3. Use time as your collaborator and not your nemesis. What? Yes, utilize the time you have in front of you and plan for it. This is not meant to make your life rigid, rather it is about making the most of each moment. Relaxing, sleeping, resting, and playing are all part of a full life, so that time is included in having a meaningful life. When that time is arranged, be present for what is available and what you get to experience.

 2. Love. Love fully. Love your friends. Be happy for others. Love a good time story. Love seeing people succeed. Spend little to no time or energy on jealousy or comparing yourself to others. Spend your vibes, words, and actions on moving toward creating and cultivating loving ways and relationships – romantic and otherwise. Let love guide you and let love lift you…and others!

 1. Be thankful, appreciative, and grateful. See what you have and celebrate that rather than imagining what is missing and focusing on that. I often say be grateful for what you have rather than hateful for what you don’t. Similarly, be appreciative of who is present rather than antagonistic toward those who are not. 

Having and living a meaningful life can be complicated when thinking about it long-term, and yet these approaches allow you to simplify your dedication and enjoyment of the meaning you either have within you, or you will find within you!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner 

Wednesday, July 20, 2022

LESSONs LEARNED: Being Married to a 50-something!

Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young. 

~ Henry Ford

It feels like it wasn't all that long ago that I was thinking and likely saying "God, 40 is so old" and/or something like "Can you imagine what it would be like to be married to someone in their 50's - eeeewww!!!". While you may think that is shameful that I share that, and you have the right to, I admit having those thoughts. Back then, I expressed most thoughts, so it's fair to imagine yes, I said them out loud. I can even recall my girlfriends and me giggling about it without a care in the world beyond that or the realization that we would be those ages someday if we were fortunate!

Believe me, the first time I was engaged (yes, I was engaged three times before getting engaged and going through with the wedding to my husband, Michael), I never thought being married to someone in their 40's would or could be similar in the type of fun and romance and intrigue that being involved in my 20's would bring.

And then I hit my 30's, 40's, and now 50's!

While Michael is younger than I am, on his 50th birthday, I told him "Funny, I never anticipated being married to a 50-year-old" and then added "while having so much fun and living life fully!". So, here are my lessons learned from being married to a 50-something:

1) Age is a number. That number matters for some medical testing and otherwise, it's a number. You do the math!

2) Attitude makes a huge difference in whether someone acts in thoughts and motions to seem old or not.

3) Health and well-being are keys to staying youthful in actions and approaches, activities, and adventures.

4) Aging with someone is very different from observing someone as they age.

Overall, love and age can be friends or enemies. And, while at 53, I really do feel 38, I wouldn't want to be married to anyone other than my 50-something husband, and I would not want to be any other age! Here's to being married to Michael as a 50-something for years to come and then a 60-something, a 70-something, an 80-something, and so on!

Happy July Birthday month to Michael!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness 

Wednesday, June 29, 2022

LESSONs LEARNED: From Loss and Major Surgeries

Losing my father and both my fathers-in-law in less than two years and having two major surgeries in that same amount of time has made for some interesting exchanges and experiences...and a lot of loss.

While I am grateful for the time I had with them and for my good health, as well as for people caring about me during these losses, there are a few lessons learned, including:

  • During the time people are living, meet and appreciate them for where they are and who they are so that you can enjoy the time together without false expectations or disappointments. Memories are what you have remaining in the end!
  • When others have lost loved ones, do not say things like "Let me know what I can do" or "I can't imagine losing my father", "I am just like you, a daddy's girl", or "What happened?" as you wait for an answer, as each of these comments/inquiries is all about you and not about the grieving person. Similarly, when others have had surgery,  do not say things like "Let me know what I can do" or "What happened?" or "How are you?" as you wait for an answer, as each of these comments/inquiries is all about you feeling better about yourself or simply getting the gossip to spread. It's not productive and kind.
  • When others have lost loved ones, or had major surgery, do say things like "Thinking of you", "Sending good vibes", and "Praying for you", "You are on my mind" in written or verbal words (cards still are wonderful) since those comments require no responses and the person knows they are on their mind. Watch oversharing about your experience in order to be sincerely connected to your friend, family, or colleague because they are likely drained, and supporting you and your story does not feed their energy, it zaps it even more.
  • Unless you are really close, consider sending a text over making a call, as there are emotional moments, hours, and days. And, in the message, resist asking questions or saying "Call me back", as that feels like a to-do for the griever/healer.
  • If the grieving or healing person asks you to do something, do it. Don't ignore it or make it seem burdened. Offering to deliver a meal or walk with the person to heal and then going dark is not only careless, it is more damaging than not reaching out at all. Similarly, if you reach out a long time after the incident of loss or surgery, don't ramble on excusing your lack of presence, simply be there now.
  • Whatever information you gain from these exchanges, keep that to yourself, as if you chat that up, you are simply gossiping! Privacy and respect do not go out the window simply because you have a chance to share details. Have discretion by saying something like "Respecting I got to speak with her, I'll let her know you asked about her".
  • Be aware that we are grateful for people wanting to connect and that having people with whom you can connect is important and part of the ecosystem of life, and also that emotions and timing play a part in the process too...and the timing that is to be respected most is that of the griever or healer.

While I have and remain appreciative of people looking out for me, I hope this is useful for real connection at times of loss or change due to surgery. After all, death happens. Surgeries get scheduled or are urgent and occur. Still, when these take place, we can be kind and aware while assisting people to move through their experiences with grace and support.

Thursday, June 16, 2022

The Difference in Getting Over & Getting Through Something

"The only way out is through."
~ Robert Frost,  in the poem A Servant to Servants

While life is filled with disappointments, detours, drop-offs, and distractions, it is also filled with excitement, plans, paths, and satisfaction!

Likely you'll agree that it seems/feels that most people want us to let go, move on, and/or get over whatever has us in the space that isn't ideal.

No, it is not that our friends, family, and colleagues don't want the best for us, it is, though, appealing, and even idealistic to paint a picture of whatever isn't great being gone.

And, yes, movement is important in order to advance.

So how do you move, and do move well for you?

Quite simply, think about getting through something rather than letting go or getting over it!

While that earworm of a song from the movie Frozen is popular in tune and concept, to "let it go" implies there is a hold and it magically can be released.

Getting over something is not desirable, as you would have to climb up, likely revel in a false sense of "betterment" and then get back down, and that is a lot of activity (versus movement) surrounding a person or situation!

In order to move through something, it's about being present and accepting where you are, determining what got you there, or what didn't happen that got you there. In other words, when you move through an experience, it includes ownership of your part(s). There's no room for blame or nastiness, rather a lot of room for reflection and growth.

Moving through includes putting the experience that was unfortunate or untimely in perspective in order to avoid a similar happenstance in the future.

Moving through is the way to advance and not avoid or ignore what has occurred. This way, you take that experience with you and you also get to blossom, be different and be stronger as a result!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #WorkdayWakeUp 813.494.4438

Thursday, May 26, 2022

Being Your Own HERO!

A  hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.

~ Christopher Reeve

Who is your hero? Do you immediately think of a relative, teacher or coach? Many of us do...

And, if you could have a superpower, what would it be? Flight? Mind-reading? Teleportation? Super strength?

While they are all fantastic for various reasons, even super, dare I say, they are fantastic because they are based in fantasy! It's fun to imagine these superpowers, and yet here on earth, secure in reality, it is important to know you are super and you, in fact, can be your own HERO!

How so? Think of embracing and living these four concepts:

H – Happiness

E – Empathy

R – Resilience

O – Optimism


When you decide to be happy, you realize it is a lot about your choices and your perspective...meaning it is up to you. Sure, that means you embrace that life’s not a RomCom and that yes, you are responsible for your own happiness, and that others will simply enhance your happiness or detract from it. Move closer to those who enhance it, and move away from those who detract from it. Similarly, there is no need for or place for FOMO, the Fear Of Missing Out, and there is a ton of room for what I call JOCO, the Joy Of Celebrating Others. Skip the words "So jealous" and/or "You are so lucky", and practice saying and believing "You deserve it" and/or "So happy for you"! When things don't go well for you, name what happened, don't blame anyone, and simply reframe what you're experiencing for moving forward. No matter what, the mantra of happiness is "Gossip is garbage, jealousy is junk, comparison is crippling & settling is stifling." Be honest with yourself, then you can be honest with others.


As you honor happiness and truthfulness fully, you are able to empathize with others. Empathy is NOT thinking or sharing what you would do in someone's situation, rather it is making the effort to imagine what someone else may be experiencing, and respecting that with grace. Using “I can only imagine” or "I cannot even imagine" over “I understand” and "You are in my thoughts and on my mind" instead of "I feel so bad for you!". Additionally, you can replace judgment with assessment when you ask before assuming and respecting self and others. Do practice kindness through actions. Be kind to others and be kind to yourself. It is most likely you will sincerely be empathetic when you are comfortable and confident in your own skin and life!


This is your "bounce-back-ability", and having the capacity to focus/re-focus. In a resilient state of mind, we admit when we are wrong, without constant apologizing. You find being focused on now and not the past allows for sorrow, for being disappointed in a situation while you won't be devastated as a person/leader. When you are resilient, you can, and will see something different for you…and for others!


You can learn optimism as an outlook and adopt it as forward-thinking positioning. Now this is NOT confetti kindness or popcorn positivity, as that is toxic, and optimism is a true belief that you’ll get through, not get over whatever is happening. The altruistic outcome of optimism is the get to a place that is right, just, and best. It is not “it is what it is”, rather it is what you make of it. Please look at optimism as self-belief, meaning a reliance on self ...with room for others.

With superpowers in our dreams, being your own HERO is both dreamy and deliberate! HEROism is here and now when you know and show happiness, empathy, resilience and optimism! While others may be heroic, keep in mind that you are, in fact, a HERO!

Wednesday, May 11, 2022

Lessons Learned from a Decade of Service

It was a dedicated decade in which I was grateful to serve, and do not regret for one day...

During the 10+ years being involved with our local military installation, much was experienced, and many things were learned.

Whether on base or off base, with/through military or civilians, it was memorable in many fabulous well as in others. Nonetheless, such volunteerism is all about impact and outcomes, and I am honored to have shared and also glad to have resigned from my post. Through it all, here are a few lessons learned:

Supporting our military does not mean you agree with everything happening in the government or even in the military or a branch thereof. If you do not support our military, you absolutely have that right, it simply isn't right for me not to think and feel "Thank you for your service" every time I see/meet someone who serves our country.

There is a huge difference between learning leadership and learning followership. And the lack of speaking up or reaching out implies you are complicit. Speaking up only for your benefit is self-absorbed. Speaking up for what is best for the situation and/or to right a wrong, is part of true leadership!

Some people serve those who serve to be grateful and give back, while others get connected to the military through the community to get attention and give themselves (and others) a sense of them being good people. Learn the difference and rely solely on the former!

No matter what happens, and how wonderful things can seem or be, there is a time to leave and let the next generation of people have opportunities. Leave while you are still having fun or while the fun memories are still fresh so someone else can have the spot and make the most of it as you did!

So, when you accept an honor, honor that bestowment, yes, and also, importantly honor yourself and your standards...if it is for the military, a chamber, or other community groups, a paid or unpaid role, and do so if you have been there a year, a term, or a decade!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #ThankYouForYourService

Wednesday, April 27, 2022

GRACE without Pressure!

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.
~ Denis Waitley
American motivational speaker, writer, and consultant
b. 1933

Would you rather get bigger in purpose, or smaller in feeling?

For growing, empower yourself to have GRACE under pressure & GRACE with people! 

How so?

·    G - Give yourself and others time to process a conversation, experience, or unexpected occurrence

·    R - Recognize intent and result...knowing results impact most, and yet realizing intent offers perspective

·    A - Accept that you cannot change the past, so focusing there creates defensiveness, where focusing on the now and the future allows for movement through action

·    C - Consider how to move forward rather than spending energy on how to get ahead

·    E - Expect to get through challenges and missteps, oversights and mistakes rather than get over them

The GRACE you practice will be the grace you share and feel eventually. The criticisms of yourself and others can become opportunities for feedback and advancement when GRACE is meant, felt and shared. With GRACE, you have given yourself, and others the ability to be human while you are being humane, and you are showing empathy over excess and professionalism over demands. After all, It is with GRACE we grow, and it is without GRACE that we shrink.

 #ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #PerformanceCoaching #Kind #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #WorkdayWakeUp 813.494.4438

Wednesday, April 13, 2022

Lessons Learned from Ribbon Cuttings!

 Barely a week goes by without me being asked to cut a ribbon somewhere, and I'm usually happy to oblige. Things to do with the Army mostly.
~ Vera Lynn
British Musician
March 20, 1917 - June 18, 2020

When a new business gets started, changes locations, or adds a new location, a celebration often ensues. It's fun to launch, kick off, congratulate, and more...especially if there is a ribbon-cutting to capture it all!

Having served on a local chamber board for 6 years, believe it or not, I only attended one ribbon-cutting, and it was huge...that business is now tremendously successful after much growth and continued pursuit of sales and opportunities. I feel joyfully (perhaps oddly) connected to them and look forward to their updates each month, yet did not really think about the connection to the ribbon-cutting until this week.

Flash forward, and now I have been a member of a different chamber for 6 years, and in that time, have attended 4 ribbon-cuttings until this month when, within less than two weeks, I attended 5 ribbon-cuttings. Because I have the honor and opportunity to serve our community as the Chair-Elect, I want to be present, appreciative, welcoming, and learn as we congratulated the new members and businesses through accomplishment and make them feel the inclusiveness of our community, and here are seven lessons learned:

1. Remember this hour or two-hour time frame is significant, and therefore, a big deal for the business owner and team, likely, and they may be excited, nervous, and emotional, so while this is one aspect of your day, it is THEIR DAY for the team members of the business, so bring enthusiasm for them or stay home

2. There is no standard ribbon-cutting, as most people have either never been to one, or only been to one or two, so this concept has many varied ideas and expectations for the hosts, so let it be what they want, rather than what you expect

3. Some, very few, people attend A LOT of ribbon cuttings, and yet they are not professional ribbon cutters, rather they seek out the free "stuff" such as food and give-aways

4. As a guest, be gracious, appreciative, and inquisitive by ensuring you introduce yourself to those hosting and others and ask the people involved about sharing how they got where they are as well as about their business and business goals/plans

5. As a leader/owner or representative of the organization, have words ready to prepare and a plan for the event/time

6. To have a memorable ribbon-cutting, having a theme, coordinated attire, music, food, drink, and a photographer, along with swag, makes it an event/experience rather than just a photo-op

7. If you post and share about it, include photos of the building and team members and not just yourself so their marketing can get more mileage from the experience/investment

If you are wondering how these lessons learned carry to anything other than ribbon-cuttings, please imagine this for going to someone's home for the first time or a party. People have put in some effort and included you, so graciousness and gratitude can go a long way!

Monday, March 28, 2022

Let's Be All Good - As You & As Me!

"The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves." 

~ William Penn

Since I can never be you,
and you can never be me,
let's simply skip the petty jealousy.
Since you can never be me,
and I can never be you,
let's decide to support all we each get to do.
Since you get to be you,
And I get to be me,
let's celebrate each other getting to be happy.
And you get to be you,
let's not root against each other in anything we do.
Since we are who we are,
Nothing more, nothing less,
Since I get to be me,
Let's encourage each other to rise to be our best!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #PerformanceCoaching #Kind #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner 813.494.4438

Wednesday, March 16, 2022

LESSONS LEARNED from a Year of Sharing Kindness

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. 
~ Philo

At 19, I wanted to change how people perceived me...not superficially, rather genuinely through my learning and changing...growing and going through the experiences of making the most of my personality, making me, different.

That journey may never end, and that's okay by me, as gaining insights and being challenged is good for each of us who wants to explore boundaries and enhancements.

Kindness was something I loved experiencing and sharing. 

In 2020, while going through the process of kidney donation alone during the pandemic, kindness was not only evident, it became a passion. Defining, understanding, and speaking on it became a priority, as sharing in joy in hopes of others experiencing it is part of my practice. It's vulnerable and exciting to share from the heart through stories of joy and missteps, and as a keynote for over 15 years, I got that. What I didn't expect is here, in these lessons learned:

1) How I define KINDness is all about K-I-N-D: Know thyself, Include others sincerely, Nudge past nice and Do something bigger than yourself.

2) Kindness is about being direct and real, not about being polite or getting overlooked. Some people don't agree or appreciate that. Those people sadly seek to judge by letting me know that I am not being kind to them when I'm providing feedback and being open and communicating likes and dislikes in a non-confrontational way that still shows my conviction.

3) I'd rather be true to myself, and kind to myself and others than be liked. And, everyone absolutely has the right to not like that, like me, not care for me, not align with my approach, and/or disagree with me. It's not a popularity contest, rather life is about bringing truth to concept.

4) Be discreet with your criticisms in words and/or facial expressions in front of people, as they may feel isolated or on the outs in your company while you also go to people directly to resolve anything that occurs, rather than stewing over something that may or may not happen, and then choose to be open to feedback and strive not to be defensive.

While I won't stop being kind and learning and sharing kindness, I will continue to embrace how positively kindness has empowered and impacted me...with hope that others will do something similar for themselves!

Thursday, February 24, 2022

Check in on your HEART with HEART

"Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success."

~ Swami Sivananda

When we speak with passion, we put our hands to our hearts, and when we are sad, we say we have a broken heart. Our hearts flutter, skip a beat, and keep us matter how we frame their existence!

If we are willing to check in on our heart, it means we check in on how we think, feel, desire, and anticipate what is going on and what may either be lost or in the future.

To really make the most of our whole heart is to do all of the following:

H - Have faith that we know what is best for us in matters of life and love

E - Enjoy the people and experiences we get to have around us

A - Appreciate what we learn and what we have to learn

R - Realistically set expectations for our capacity and that of others

T - Take charge of our responsibilities and opportunities

While our heart is a muscular organ that pumps blood through the blood vessels of the circulatory system, and the heart is what keeps us going, it is also our expression of passion, compassion, grief and glee, so when it comes to matters of the heart, everything about the heart matters!!!!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #PerformanceCoaching #Kind #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #WorkdayWakeUp

Friday, February 11, 2022

FEBRUARY LESSONS LEARNED: How to Not be Disappointed in Exciting Times

"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope."

~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

How exciting it is to get to participate and volunteer in the community and in the company of leaders! While I know and believe that statement wholeheartedly, I also grew up as the kid that on the 4th day of a week's vacation, I started to get sad about the end of the trip...

Since then, I have learned to be present, thankful, and engaged in whatever is in front of me, and with whoever includes me.

Still, people can be difficult, demanding, and downright mean. I do not encourage people to say, think or believe that they don't care, rather, know that they do care, and that others do impact us, and the degree of care and energy we give something or someone matters, and to be managed for our own well-being.

So, coming off hosting TEDxWestshore after dedicating time, energy, and ideas to people's order their introductions and their talks, having a full-house audience for the theme EXPLORE thanks to Beth Socoski's excellent efforts, I heard some of the rudest, thoughtless comments that reminded me, and nearly took me back to those days of feeling sad about had not happened instead of glad for what did. while occasionally holding back a tear or two, I didn't let that happen, and from it, chose to have lessons learned that include:

  1. People's approach to a situation has more to do with their attitude and imagined expectations than anything you are doing at that moment
  2. People acting out is likely a cry for help, that they are suffering, so rather than lashing back, step back and think about empathy for where they may be coming from
  3. Surround yourself with people who will listen to you, provide positive and constructive feedback, and protect your time passionately not to be self-serving, rather to be self-aware of how environments and individuals impact you
  4. Allow yourself to be a bit disappointed or sad while you keep the focus on moving ahead with learning and love - for yourself and for those who do not drain you!

Being able to let yourself stay encouraged to participate in experiences instead of getting bitter toward everyone as a result of the few who seem as though their goal is to make your life a challenge, is, in and of itself, a valuable lesson learned!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment  #PerformanceCoaching #Kind #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #WorkdayWakeUp 813.494.4438

Wednesday, January 26, 2022

Thriving in Productivity Rather Than Drowning in Activity

Productivity is never an accident. It is always the result of a commitment to excellence, intelligent planning, and focused effort. 

~ Paul J. Meyer

With the starting of something new, it can feel like it is important to "get moving", and to a certain extent, it is...

as long as that movement is intentional and focused, directed and decided.

When we think we have to go and do, sometimes that energy gets misdirected.

Activity is not productivity, and therefore, simply acting is not being productive.

So, what is the difference?

Activity is about doing something, and productivity is about doing something intentional to move forward, to advance toward a goal.

There are ways to stay in the productivity mindset versus succumbing to the activity temptation. Some of those include:

  • Get realistic while you are ambitiously looking forward (know what you are capable of doing when you stretch and give your best) and share your goals with a few you like, admire, trust and respect
  • Break your goals down into measurable, incremental sub-goals
  • Schedule your planned completion (accomplishment) with a stretch finish date, too, and then lock those dates on your calendar and work backward
  • Make a list of everything you can imagine being required to get through to your end
  • Put everything on your calendar in chunks of time that are manageable for the way you work (if you work in bursts, then plan for 20-minute increments, and if you have longevity in effort, then look at 1-2 hour blocks) and cross those items off the list when you put them on the calendar
  • For each effort, ask yourself the same questions: How is this advancing me toward my goal? and Is this the best use of my time, energy and resources right now? These questions are key to keeping you out of activity and in productivity!
  • Engage others for the tasks that would likely be best done by someone else (this is about limiting pride and therefore limiting activity, and engaging in humility and allowing others to participate)
  • Celebrate wins along the way
  • Allow for downtime and for rejuvenating efforts, too, as these can be productive for staying whole and complete as you advance your goal
  • Revisit your goal(s), and make a new list and adjust your calendar each week in order to stay productive and focused while advancing your effort

Being a productive person is admittedly not always thrilling and fun, yet it is intriguing, forward-thinking and forward-acting. It's exciting to know that the energy expended is being realized, and that surely makes for a thrill and some fun outcomes along the way!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment  #PerformanceCoaching #Kind #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #WorkdayWakeUp 813.494.4438

Friday, January 14, 2022

Lessons Learned: Years of Board Service

"The end of all knowledge should be service to others."

~ Cesar Chavez

Having served on many boards over the past 15+ years of my practice, and a few prior to starting Presenting Powerfully, those hours, days, months, and years of service have taught me a few things!

Here are some lessons learned:

  1. If you invite someone to join a board, include the year's meetings, time commitment, and what options for participation and expectations of time and contribution of money or other resources expected in the initial ask. If you are asked without these points of reference, ask for them prior to making a commitment in order to keep positive about the experience or about turning it down if there's not a fit.
  2. Please use the words "serve on a board" not "sit on a board". When you are a part of a board, you are there to serve, not sit, so where this expression came from, I don't know! Let's get rid of it, okay? With that, let's start thanking people for volunteering their time and expertise when something is announced about someone being a part of a board. I am not looking for kudos, rather we often say "Congratulations", and that may be the case to celebrate the announcement AND it is good to share gratitude for someone fitting another priority in their world.
  3. When you are on a board, do not assume it has to be the role that you do for work. Often a banker is on a board and they are immediately put on the finance committee, and that may work for them, or being on a board can be a way to share expertise AND learn new skills, too. You may want to expand your experience and opportunities by joining committees that stretch your capabilities.
  4. Welcome new members and exit gracefully. Give people insights into how the board works/runs without gossiping or attempting to direct someone based solely on your experience. Serve your time with vigor and be consistent. When you are done, skip the critique or "Monday Morning Quarterbacking", and keep in touch, retain relationships, and ensure the friendships you forged go beyond the board room into your life's experience!

By following these learnings, you can enjoy your time and your growth as you resist overcommitting and stay productive in your board service!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #PerformanceCoaching #Kind #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #WorkdayWakeUp 813.494.4438