Ten Steps to Facilitating Positive Change

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. 

~ Wayne Dyer

Do you want to create positive change, and you know people are resistant?

Often people are less hesitant about change than they are frustrated with the way change is presented/communicated or not presented/communicated.

While life, and business are not full consensus experiences, it is smart and wise, inclusive and important to sincerely want, and get, input from others involved.

What is a good way to do that? Because Noncritical thinking is limited thinking, emotional thinking is not critical thinking, and often noncritical emotional thinking is distorted thinking, you want to engage in creative and critical thinking for this by facilitating the following:

1.      Gather people who have experience, exposure AND expertise to have a variety of perspectives, and ensure all people invited to participate do not look like, think like, and act like the leader (or you, if you are the one advancing this effort).

2.      In order to ensure people come in with the best sense and knowledge, in the invitation to participate, do share that while there is a situation, you are looking to define the mistake, opportunity, issue, or problem proactively, realistically, and without a blame mentality so as to move forward with good results, the ultimate decision will be that of yours, or if there is a smaller group making the decision, if there will not be finality in what is done at that meeting.

3.      Because people can want their idea to “win”, ensure what you are seeking is what is BEST for the company/group, and that it is not about who came up with what, it is about what is BEST for your team, or organization, and address any questions about that idea before moving forward to avoid a lot of “I think we should…” conversations/

4.      Respecting you may think the facts are clear, get the group to discuss and reach agreement on what the topic really is, what situation you are addressing, and therefore get the challenge/opportunity stated clearly with full agreement.

5.     With the challenge/opportunity in mind, get a statement of focus, and in that process, determine if the challenge/opportunity is problem or issue, a miss or a mistake? Problems have solutions, issues have fixes. Misses have hits (points to address), mistakes have corrections. Getting language clear means the elevation of urgency and importance will follow.

6.     To stimulate discussion and open communication, there are a few ways to generate free-flow sharing of ideas without judgement, including:

a.      You become the scribe by writing each idea shared

b.     Asking very few questions to limit what may feel like judgement

c.      Getting the input through one of these two facilitation approaches:

                             i. OPTION 1: Pair, Share & Compare is where two or three people are in a group to privately offer their ideas with a spokesperson stating 2-4 options following time for all to discuss in groups. At the end of that time, you record and wait for step 7.

                             ii. OPTION 2: Reflect & Select is the process by which one person volunteers and then chooses each person after  - as the leader/scribe you ask questions: “Tell me more, walk me through,  how would that look/play out”.

7.      Selection and prioritization includes asking things such as “Tell me more, walk me through, how would that look/play out” by you first if you used OPTION 1, and if not, you move to open question period for all ideas shared. This is imperative that the questions be WHAT and HOW question to advance the idea without participants shutting down an idea at this point.

8.      Reiterate the purpose is ensuring what you are seeking is what is BEST for what is happening/presented and restate the opportunity/situation as the problem, issue, miss, mistake clearly, and then ask for either votes or preferences by providing people 2-4 “votes” cast with dots on the sheets where you have scribed the ideas, or voting on a sheet, or whatever non-threatening, open approach you want to take to narrow the ideas to no more than 4 total, preferably 2, 3 or 4 options.

9.      Open discussion around those final options.

10.   To make certain the next steps are clear, either:

a.      Determine the direction right then, and assign authority, responsibility and timeline.

b.      If that group is not the final decision-making entity, inform who will decide, when, and how the group will receive communication, and from what person.

When you are willing to invest the time and energy in people and ideas, you can create and communicate change in a way that is forward-focused, welcomed, and clear in the reason it is being implemented!

 

 

Fully Recovered: Overcoming Perfectionism

While "Being a Perfectionist" gets waved around like a badge of honor by those who see themselves as one, the questions is "At what cost?" Perfectionists live their lives in two (reactionary) states for the most part - satisfied and disappointed...typically the majority of that time is in disappointment, . How so? Perfectionists have a perception/view that is so contrived that very few people, including themselves, can achieve that state/experience. As a result, they sacrifice joy and enjoyment for the sake of "what should have been"!

There's great news, though: perfectionism, the type we think of holding us back instead of propelling us forward, is often more of a disposition, rather than a true condition, so it can be shifted for a full recovery...and a lot more happiness!

Overcoming perfectionism starts with allowing yourself to acknowledge you are there, in a state of dissatisfaction, and that you no longer see perfectionism as a goal or high praise. After that, these steps will assist you:

1. Go for being prepared, thorough, and that those are going to have your efforts "well done”. And then, revel in the pleasure of completion.
2. Think about the pressure of perfect versus the enjoyment of effort.
3. Compare yourself to yourself and your capabilities versus other people and their situation(s) and/or a social media images of what someone wants you to believe is the case. And, let others in to participate - watch being a martyr, and then complaining there's not time to do things.
4. Strive to do what is best at the time for the time. Place a value on tasks and relationships, and then put the effort into them that maintains that value.
5. Work in time chunks for planning to not get yourself in a procrastination mindset of "If I can't do it perfectly, I won't even start it", and this way, the projects are manageable.
6. Let go of “should” and "have to", and replace them with "want" and "will" based on desire versus obligation.
7. Remind yourself of the cost of perfectionism on you and others by asking yourself if you are being realistic with your expectations of you and others.

When you do these 7 things (and reward yourself for doing them), you are not lowering your standards, rather you are meeting yourself, and life where you are and going where there is value and reward with contribution and good conscience. Then, and likely only then, will you spend a lot of time in joy and enjoyment rather than simply in disappointment or satisfaction!

The Habit of Forming Well-Serving Habits!

At the risk of sounding a bit harsh, keep in mind that people, individuals, each of us, at the core, in many ways, are simply a series of habits. Some habits are well-serving and others are not.

Sometimes we say "I'm not a morning person" or "I'm not good at technology" or "I've got my Dad's slow metabolism" and allow that to be our soundtrack to life...in effect, that becomes a habit, and then a belief.

To make well-serving habits, shift your thinking, words, and actions. Follow a pattern, even if it is challenging and outside of your comfort zone, for 28 days in a row. (Start over if you skip a day - there is no "catch up" with habits.) Allow those 28 days in a row to be the start of a new, well-serving habit for positive results!

Shift From Change to Progress

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."

~ George Bernard Shaw
Irish Dramatist.

 (1865 - 1950)

Often people are uncomfortable with change. And, typically, people appreciate the benefits of progress. While all change doesn't guarantee progress, nearly no progress would be possible without change.

So, when you are thinking about change, reposition your focus to the progress it may ultimately yield. And, if you are considering change that impacts others, please position your attitude, approach, language and vision on those results.

If we think or talk about "we must change", or "we need change" or "we have to change", we put people, including ourselves, in a place of no choice and/or lack of control. You, and they, will feel put upon and may do things out of compliance.

Instead, should we share about progress, and how the progress will benefit each person, and paint a picture where it is clear that each person who buys in will have a place in that picture, in that future, then people get committed to the actions it takes to get there.

Insist on change, and some will come along based in fear and ultimately minimal action and compliance, and yet project progress, and watch many get committed and join the progress in a way that shares in the action and the success that follows!

Phase Out Some Phrases...

"Silence is better than unmeaning words."  ~ Pythagoras Greek philosopher and the eponymous founder of the Pythagoreanism movement.  Words matter. The use of words becomes as much as a habit as brushing our teeth, and if we do not consider that meanings change over time, and the implication of what we say (and how we say it) have an impact on others, we may be sending the wrong message...unintentionally. Here are some words and phrases to please consider phasing out. These are not pet peeve words, rather these tend to conjure up negative or off-putting ideas for some/many, and while not everyone will find them problematic, wouldn't it be nice to avoid the potential and amp up your effectiveness anyway? Phrases to Phase Out      Replacement Verbiage We'll just agree to disagree While we may not agree on this, let's respect each of us has our reasoning and neither is wrong Kind of (nothing - simply be specific) You don't understand You need to Would you consider? I am counting on you to... Relax/Calm down What can I do to assist? Obviously Some find/agree... For those of you who know me, I am... I'd like to introduce you to... I am Please meet It is what it is Here's where we are, and here's the approach I am taking I don't care Whatever you prefer/Your preference works for me By shifting your phrases, you ensure others, and you, know where you are, where you are going, and you have clear messaging for moving ahead!

Being an Effective COACH

"A life of frustration is inevitable for any coach whose main enjoyment is winning." 

~ Chuck Noll

Charles Henry "Chuck" Noll was a professional American football player, assistant coach and head coach. His sole head coaching position was for the Pittsburgh Steelers of the National Football League from 1969 to 1991. 

 (1932 - 2014)

Coaching is not just something that takes place on a field, or in a partnership like I have with my valued clients, rather being a coach is a skill that is demonstrated best with a process and approach that is consistent...whether coaching to change behavior, to ensure repeat performance, or even for an accolade.

A guideline I have developed and share in workshops and one-on-one, is that of COACH.  Quite directly, COACH stands for:

Connect
Ownership
Assessment
Collaboration
Have a plan

In the Connect portion, strive to make a personal interaction with a sincere energy and genuine question, if you chose to ask one.  Ownership comes from accountability on both parts...yours and the other person's.  Assessment is that of the situation or result for reviewing and focusing forward.  Collaboration means what part you will handle (if any) and what agreement you are in with the other person.  Have a plan comes from the one being coached...not you...allow and even insist on the coachee devising a plan.

Let's imaging a coaching with a child, student or team member where there is a problem with the result:

Connect with a meeting and an agenda (even if it is just verbal) and ask how the person thought the report/meeting/interaction went...then, listen fully.  Ownership follows when each party becomes accountable by stating what s/he did to get the result.  Assessment is the exploration of how things could have gone more smoothly.  Collaboration is reaching agreement after sharing ideas on what to do differently.  Have a plan is the child, student or team member relaying what s/he specifically learned and will do moving forward.

Now, let's move to the desire to have behaviors/performance/results repeated:

Connect with a meeting and an agenda (even if it is just verbal) and ask how the person thought the report/meeting/interaction went...then, listen fully.  Ownership follows when each party becomes accountable by stating what s/he did to get the result.  Assessment is the exploration of how things did not go wrong and what kept them on track.  Collaboration is reaching agreement after sharing ideas on what to do in similar and different situations to yield the same results.  Have a plan is the child, student or team member relaying what s/he specifically was recognized for doing correctly and assuring that a similar fashion will be habit to yield the appropriate results.

Finally, it is imperative we coach when providing praise and recognition!  Please picture and engage in the COACH approach when sharing an accolade:

Connect with a meeting and an agenda (even if it is just verbal) and ask how the person thought the report/meeting/interaction went.  Then, listen fully.
Ownership follows when each party becomes accountable by stating what s/he did to get the result.  Assessment is the exploration of how things went well and giving credit to that person for his/her ideas/efforts/results.  Collaboration is reaching agreement after sharing ideas on what to do to maintain that level of effort and even ask for ideas on how to do it yourself. Have a plan is the child, student or team member relaying what s/he specifically heard from you and any other ideas based on the sincere praise.

While we would all like to be in the latter of the situations often, the more we recognize those times to offer appreciation, the less likely we will be in the first category with the same people over and over.

So, please remember that while you may not have a clipboard in your hand and/or hat on your head, you have the tools to be a great COACH!

Taking Charge of Change

"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."

~ Andy Warhol

1928 - 1987

American artist who was a leading figure in the visual art movement known as pop art. 

Change can happen by chance, or change can happen by charge. Chance change is not known, and comes as a surprise when not paying attention or when someone is in denial. Charge change is shared and delivered with enthusiasm, and therefore, it is clear in the path and direction.

It's up to each of us whether we end up in chance change or charge change. When we pursue charge change, we are more likely to find the outcomes and experiences likable, rather than when we find ourselves in chance change, and feel as though the experience, and even the person delivering the message is "like a bull"!

Four tips for for embracing change positively include:
1. Consider perspective by asking and learning:
From where does it come?
For what reason?
What lead to it?
Where is it going?
In what way can I?
2. RACE for successful change by using the following words when asking and answering questions, as these words will lessen defensiveness and encourage conversation:
R - Respecting
A - Appreciating
C - Considering
E - Expecting
3. Ask rather than Assume, and implement a new rule
Ask people how they like to engage
Ask people the best format for communication
Ask people how they like to be treated, and then, instead of "The Golden Rule" of treating people the way you want to be treated, implement the rule of treating people the way THEY want to be treated.
4. Resist saying, feeling &/or believing “change is hard”, and in place of letting people continue to believe/say “this is tough”, remind them that they are tough!

In order to take charge of change, use "We" and "Let's, and consider the possibilities of positive outcomes as the result of the charge change...and this way, you won't leave it to chance!

Small Word Changes = Big Results!

"Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace."

~Buddha

Words matter. Words are a part of how we are perceived. Making some small changes in word selection may make big changes in your results, including the following:

These replacements will allow for clear communication and respectful language for you and those with whom you engage! More to follow next month...

CHIEF Email Officer - New CEO

"The major advances in speed of communication and ability to interact took place more than a century ago. The shift from sailing ships to telegraph was far more radical than that from telephone to email!"

 ~ Noam Chomsky

With as many emails as you get and receive, please consider becoming your written communication CEO, meaning your own CHIEF Email Officer.

A CHIEF email office within an organization, team or group uses the following in the subject line in all CAPs before a colon and the subject of content that follows:

CHANGE - meaning something has changed in expectation, process or protocol. Example - CHANGE: Vacation Request Process
HEADS UP - when you want the recipient to know about something that is going to happen, yet nothing is to be done. Example - HEADS UP: Moving Forward on Meeting Plans
INPUT - if there is something you are seeking ideas, input or perspective on from the recipient. Example - INPUT: Considering Changing Vendors
EXCELLENCE - for recognizing something done well
FEEDBACK
- when you want the recipient to get feedback. Example - FEEDBACK: Today's Presentation. Some groups use it as FYI, meaning they want someone to  know about something that is going to happen, even though it will not impact that person, so the HEADS UP becomes for when it impacts the email recipient(s), and FYI is when it does not. Example - FYI: Lower Floor Carpet Changed Overnight (for those on a different floor)

By being the CHIEF Email Officer (CEO), you can be respectful of people's time and interest simply by coding your emails for them (and you) for prioritization and search capabilities, and ultimately keeping your communication professional and clear!

Change Perceptions of Change!

"The world hates change, yet it is the only thing that has brought progress."

~ Charles Kettering

American inventor, engineer, businessman, and the holder of 186 patents. He was a founder of Delco, and was head of research at General Motors from 1920 to 1947.

(1876 - 1958)

The expression "the only constant is change" is known, and yet there is often a lot of resistance, fear, and/or discomfort around fear.

One letter in a word can make a big difference! People can either change by chance or by charge. Change by chance is when we are in denial, ill prepared, or unaware. Change by charge is when we are ready, willing, and focused on the success of the change!

With that "r" approach, the Change by charge allows for leading confidently with, and through, change successfully. Ten of those ways are:

10. Implement a new rule - instead of the golden rule, implement the transparency rule - treat others how THEY want to be treated (not how YOU want to be treated)

9. ASK through:
o A - Acknowledging other's perspective.
o S - Sharing your perspective.
o K - Keeping the membership perspective in mind and in the forefront.

8. Think collaborate not inundate, and listen to what & how...as well as the why.

7. Resist saying, feeling &/or believing "change is hard". Instead of letting people continue to believe/say "this is tough", remind them that THEY are tough!

6. Consider the possibilities! Be optimistically realistic rather than pessimistically realistic!

5. CHANGE expectations by:
o C - Considering the shift as far as
o H - How you will be impacted
o A - Along with how others will be impacted
o N - Now, and in the future, and
o G - Gage each in order to set
o E - Expectations with/for both

4. Talk in terms of progress, not perfection! Celebrate and appreciate movement in the desired direction.

3. Reward behaviors you want repeated! Watch allowing negative people to get your attention.

2. Use "Let's" and "We" whenever appropriate so that you can, and will be inclusive and leading rather that excluding or telling.

1. No fake it, 'til you make it. YOU are the one to embrace, support, understand & represent the change you want others to embrace, support and understand! Lead the change by making it about getting through and to the next step (no faking required!).

These ten things, these ten approaches, these ten outlooks afford that charge to make the change go well while you enjoy yourself!

Make Change Palatable with "Adjustments"

"A year from now you will wish you had started today." - Karen Lamb, American Writer

If change is something you dislike, avoid, or find others don't welcome, consider thinking of change and/or presenting it as an adjustment or an adaptation, instead.

Since change itself is not necessarily what people dislike, rather it is how it is presented that is unappealing or sadly, inconsiderate, presenting the change as something that is adaptable as an adjustment, shows more appeal, and is considerate of the other person/people.

This can work internally for yourself and externally with others, as it is realistic and palatable.

Remember, push change, and get resistance. Offer adjustments, and get collaboration!

Forgivness Instead of Sorry-ness

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~ Paul Boese (1923-1976, American Businessman and Writer

When you realize you overlooked someone, something or said something inappropriate, ill-timed or just incorrectly, rather than stating “I’m sorry” please consider replacing that often overused expression with the request of “Please forgive me for…?”.

The reason for doing this is to make yourself vulnerable, relinquish control and allow the other person to decide how s/he wants to respond.

Asking “Please forgive me” means you know it is required/requested and that the person who was wronged is in a position to acknowledge and respond…to accept your admission or not. “I’m sorry” still recognizes something happened that was not quite right, and yet it expresses your focus on self and wanting to feel better for you rather than letting the other person’s feelings come first.

It’s a small change that may offer a new perspective, and a new consideration for how an error can be amended, and it is my belief that a sincere “Please forgive me…?” will convey a deeper interest and sincerity that a quick “I’m sorry”! So while missteps will occur, how you handle the acknowledgement of them is up to you…

The Environment You Create

“Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them.” - W. Clement Stone, American best-selling Author and Founder of Combined Insurance Co (now a part of Aon Corp.), 1902-2002)

As a leader, you set the tone...or you allow the tone to be set. For your business, and therefore, your results, that is the environment in which you work. The same is true in life for the environment in which you live.

The way to ensure you are enhancing your work and life with your environment is to do an enviro-check for you, meaning what works for you and what does not, including:
• The surroundings
• The color(s)
• The sounds
• The space
• The culture/attitudes
• The people

While the first four may seem easier to change than the last two, all are important. Where you are, what envelops you as far as color and space, the "feel", and the people all summarize to create either a healthy or non-healthy environment for you.

If you do an enviro-check and all is well, good for you! If you do the check, and it's not so great, then make the subtle or grand changes to ensure your environment is leading you to the approach, the actions, and the results you want (and deserve!)!

Stepping Through Change

"Change can either challenge or threaten us...Your beliefs pave your way to success or block you."
~ Marsha Sinetar

Stepping Through Change

Considering I am participating in a Change Management webinar in September, I think it is fitting to preview some of the ideas here…

Whether it is a large or small, impactful or seemingly slight alteration of plans or routine, we process these actions (or lack of them) as change. Change is not to be taken lightly, for while change is not regularly the issue, how it is presented is what we take to task, change itself has merit for discussion.

Any change is a loss of sorts, and so be it quick or slow, the process is similar to that for true grieving of a significant loss including the steps:
1. Denial. (No, that’s not true – it really isn’t happening, right?!?)
2. Anger. (I cannot believe “they” are doing this – someone should have asked me!)
3. Negotiating Often called Barganing. (Would if we put it off – couldn’t we compromise? This seems drastic!)
4. Doubt/Disappointment. Often called Depression. (This probably won’t work. It might, but it is going to be tougher the way it was handled!)
5. Acceptance. (It is not changing, and I am moving forward. Okay, even if I don’t like it, I am not going to fight it.)

Keep these things in mind and resist “springing” change on your partners and/or team members. Bringing up something as a discussion/consideration allows people to process through these steps in a healthy fashion rather than being put in a position where they seem like they have reached Acceptance, but they are back in Anger. Imagine the difference in allowing for processing with questions and interface over the get over it approach that we may sometime unwittingly use without the intent of a rush, but still the impact. Let’s go for appreciating each of us, some tremendously fast, go through this process with change, and allow the change to take hold instead of being overlaid at the risk of the repercussions!

Top 10 Tips for Landing Your Next Position

“I feel sorry for the person who can't get genuinely excited about his work. Not only will he never be satisfied, but he will never achieve anything worthwhile.” ~ Walter Chrysler

Top 10 Tips for Landing Your Next Position

If you are thinking of changing roles, positions, or directions in your career, consider the following:
1) Assess your past and the results you have accomplished to determine your 2 - 4 areas of expertise. Resist attempting to be "all things to all companies/roles".

2) Get clear on, and excited about what you offer and the areas/industries for your talents. Watch words like "I could" or "I'd be willing to", as these are red flags for people to realize you will bolt when another opportunity comes along. Know that if you cannot articulate your strengths, nobody else will be able to do so either. Have a quick 15-30 second "pitch" regarding your offerings - not just what you do.

3) Vow not to change your resume for every position/posting. It seems tempting, but that is the purpose of your cover letter.

4) Use job sites and industry-leading resources like institutes or associations to stay up on language, lingo and the buzz words that are likely key for your resume and/or cover letter to get selected from the scanning software that many companies use to assist in their vetting of potential candidates.

5) Update your resume and stop changing it weekly. Decide if you are staying in the same or related field that you can use a reverse chronology approach, and embrace the idea that if you are shifting gears, you will likely want a functional/skills resume that reflects those 2 - 4 areas of expertise.

6) Consider your audience and that you have much competition. Too much I, I, I can sound like it's all about you, and not about the company and their customers and/or clients.

7) Google yourself to see what everyone else can see. Revisit all your links, websites, blogs, tweets, posts, etc., as you will be researched by any serious potential employers or business partners. Present publicly what you want to be discussed privately.

8) Know that you are more than what you do for a living. You are a second-rate someone else, but a first-rate you. Keep yourself healthy and focused so that you do not start to resemble a tired version of yourself, or worse yet, someone you are not!
9) Be productive over being busy with what you are doing and with whom you are interfacing and collaborating. Never underestimate the power of contacts, professionalism and follow-through on comments, commitments and opportunities...

10) Network, network, network, and when you are tired of it all, get re-energized, and network more! Network to assist others, and not just to focus on yourself and your job search. You'll be surprised how true the adage is of "you get what you give"! Networking is how most people land positions now...and it's not likely to change in the future.

What a Difference a Mood Makes!

Being around people often once a week, some individuals I see more often than that. Once thing that is clear is that a mood makes a difference. You are responsible for your mood, and stating "I am in a bad mood" is not good enough. Decide your mood and embrace it. You do not need to be in a good mood, but if you want to be in an open mood or reflective mood, then do that instead. The idea of a good mood and a bad mood makes it look and feel like there are only two. Let your mood be yours and know that you own it, it impacts others to some degree, and that looking back, your mood is not an excuse for how you behaved, rather a reference to what you chose to to/be/have that day!