Steps 1 - 7 to Small Talk Heaven

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
~ Robert McCloskey

Steps 1 – 7 to Small Talk Heaven

1. Be likable – not to be confused with being “like a bull”. Go ahead, be the first to say greet other guests with a smile as you say “hello”!

2. Shake hands when you meet someone…even if you’ve met before or there are a lot of people around. Shaking hands stems from a ritual of trusting the other person had “nothing hidden up his sleeve like poison in the “olden days”, and as odd and germy as it may seem to do it today, it is still a professional courtesy (and even expectation) if you want to be taken seriously. Say your first and last name slowly to the person (even if you have met him or her before) so that you can save those “I’m bad with names, but good with faces” people.

3. Be mindful during introductions. Make the effort to remember names of those you meet, and use them readily. Be the person who introduces new acquaintances to others so that you are seen as the connector.

4. Ask a direct, non-intimidating question like “how do you know the host?” if at a house party, or “what attracted you to this event?” if at a conference, so that the conversation begins on a positive reference point/perspective. Also, know what current events, movies and books are being talked about. Have an opinion on them, but ask others theirs first so as to not get confrontational right away.

5. Stay engaged verbally and with eye contact. Resist glancing around the room while others are talking to you, as it appears you are flighty and/or looking for a better opportunity elsewhere. Listen more than you talk if you are not there to be the entertainer/speaker.

6. If/when appropriate, present two business cards to the other person with the cards framed with your index finger and thumb…facing the full card to the recipient. If the other person reciprocates, look at the card and comment on something positive/interesting about the card. Put other cards in the same place you keep yours to show those received have the same value.

7. Watch monopolizing others. Be friendly, be memorable, and be moving on. Know when and how to exit a conversation by stating things like “it’ll be great to speak more about this at another time, I’ll follow up with you later this week via email” (if you will), or “surely there are a lot of people who want to meet you, so I will respect that and not monopolize your time. It was a pleasure”. Close with shaking the person’s hand and using his/her name again.