Using Emotions Intelligently vs. Emotionally!

"Take control of your consistent emotions and begin to consciously and deliberately reshape your daily experience of life." ~ Tony Robbins

American Author/Speaker.

(1960)

How many times have you either said or heard "Don't get so emotional", or "Don't take this personally, but..."? Well, we are each a person, so we take things personally, and as people, we are filled with energy and emotions. As a result, saying, or hearing, expressions such as those are neither encouraging or level-setting. Instead, this article is about appreciating our emotions, and thinking about utilizing the strength of them, checking in on them, and assessing ourselves and others for timing, form, and effectiveness. Yes, this tip is about Emotional Intelligence (EI)!

EI is a set of emotional and social skills that collectively establish how we:

• Perceive and express ourselves
• Develop and maintain social relationships
• Cope with challenges/change
• Use emotional information effectively/meaningfully

Emotional Intelligence is demonstrated through 5 scales, and each has three subscales:

1. Self-perception-(Inner Self) Understanding YOUR emotions

1. Self-regard - confidence
2. Self-actualization - continuous development
3. Emotional Self-awareness - acknowledging your emotions

2. Self-expression-(Outward Self) Expressing YOUR emotions

4. Emotional Expression - saying how you feel
5. Assertiveness - standing up for yourself effectively
6. Independence - standing on your own 2 feet

3. Interpersonal-(Trust/Compassion) Developing/maintaining relationships

7. Interpersonal Relationships - developing & maintaining good relationships
8. Empathy - recognizing & appreciating how others feel
9. Social Responsibility - contributing to society

4. Decision-making-(Emotional Impact) Using emotions for sound choices

10. Problem Solving - effectively managing emotions when deciding
11. Reality Testing - seeing things as they really are
12. Impulse Control - ability to resist or delay taking immediate action

5. Stress Management-(Resiliency) Coping with challenges/change

13. Flexibility - adapting to change effectively
14. Stress Tolerance - successfully coping in high-stress situations
15. Optimism - having a positive outlook

That is a lot of "background" on EI. And yet without it, it would be challenging to appreciate what to do with it. So here are some ways to enhance/grow/utilize Emotional Intelligence include:

• Assess yourself on a 1-5 scale each day on either the scales, or subscales, or all of them
• Be in touch, practice mindfulness & identify emotions
• Value others for their role & feedback
• Check biases and attitude
• Beware: blame game & emotional games
• Be about "what's best" vs. "I'm right"
• Breathe fully & celebrate positive emotions
• Question stories, even if you believe them
• Practice empathy
• Prioritize active-listening during challenges
• Use clear language
• Admit when you are off, wrong, confused, or anything other than your "on", and seek ways to get back to your best

When you assess, implement, and speak to emotions, you handle them for you, and from others, with intelligence, and stay emotionally intelligent rather than getting yourself into emotional discomfort!