Taking Action Thoughtfully

Stop the habit of wishful thinking and start the habit of thoughtful wishes.
~ Mary Martin

There are times when something is said or done, or not said or done, when/where you are surprised, disappointed, or flat shocked, and then there are times when everything, and everyone, flows so smoothly that it is as though a script had been written with perfect direction.

While the latter may be appealing and seemingly ideal, it is also le also less likely, so what to do when there is an oddity, peculiarity, simple oversight, awkwardness, or outright rudeness occurring?

Even though emotions may be piqued in you, implore your thoughtfulness whenever you feel that cringe of "yikes" or "oops", or even "oh my!"! By checking in to cover the following, you will know when and how to address the situations:

1) Is everyone safe? Safety has to come first. If anything is unsafe, immediately engage in creating safety, taking away anything or anyone unsafe, and getting assistance as soon as possible.

2) Is this an appropriate place for me? Am I a part of this, or am I an observer? If I am an observer, and there is safety at stake, it goes back to #1, and you get engaged, even if that means stepping away to call for the right enforcement. If you are involved, and if things are getting loud, resist telling people to "calm down", or "settle down", as that often irritates people further, rather, think about saying something like "Because you both care a lot about this TOPIC, and we are not in a place for discussion, let's please move over here" or "Since you both make passionate points, would you consider stepping into the office to talk more about this?"

3) Can I add to the resolution or am going to stoke the fire? If you can add to the resolution with a calm tone and reasonable request or suggestion, super, then say something like "Respecting I am jumping in here, would you both consider..." or "Since I may be right or wrong here, is it possible that you could ..." or "Considering I am just coming up on this, is there something I can do to assist, or is everything moving in a good direction now?", and if you would likely be stoking the flame, take a breath to redirect to assisting instead of inflaming those involved. If you are not able to get there, get out, as you are not going to assist with strong comments or antagonizing others.

Keep in mind that at no point is saying something like "Shut up", "Just stop it" or "You are embarrassing me/yourselves" is likely going to tame tempers. Instead, offering calmly and quietly "You are both likely aware that this is not the time or place for this" or "You each have your reasons, and it's reasonable for all of us to take this elsewhere for now, wouldn't you agree?"

Passions run high. Beliefs beget barking ideas sometimes. Let a little play out, and keep those three considerations in mind with kids, adults, colleagues, sports fans, and any human happenings not to keep people from expressing themselves, but rather to keep people from hurting themselves and others.

When you keep the human aspect of confrontations in mind, you can remember that some times go beautifully, and others are far from it, the humane thing is to thoughtfully pay attention and be willing to be a part of getting things (and people) cooled off with nobody feeling rejected or dismissed!

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