BTS to Responding over Reacting

“I think it was a good challenge for me to get my reactions across without being able to speak.” ~ Verne Troyer

Sometimes questions, issues, inquiries come in spurts or trends, and perhaps it is because we are at the year-end, entering into more family time than usual, or just because, but I have been asked many times over the past weeks about how to handle something shocking, offensive or just plain inappropriate.

An option for all things in life is to do nothing. Yes, you can walk away…

Still, most of us want to speak, to share and even put things to rest, so here’s an approach that works for most: I call it the BTS way…

The BTS way means as soon as you are shocked, taken aback, or just frustrated by a comment or statement, you:

B – Breathe (this buys you time and actually calms your body – think “take a breath-deeply”)
T – Tilt your head (shifting your head seems less attacking to the other person and softens your view/direction)
S – Smile (Put a smile on your face so your words are said with a smile and sincerity…even on the phone, the smile comes through)

At a family dinner where politics comes up, in a meeting where working on a holiday is mentioned, instead of reacting and attacking, think responding and bonding with the BTS way!

Different Is as Different Does

So there we are, one of my best girlfriends and me, walking on the Old Gandy Bridge, AKA Friendship Trail, with our walking poles and our MBTs when we are faced with many strange glances, comments and even head-turning stares. That's fine with us, as we know we are different in our shoes and choice of exercise equipment!

The people we encountered who stood out most were:

1) The very young mother with her child in a stroller with another girl in her teens who simply had never learned manners or forgot all of them at that moment when she not only made ugly, contorted faces and stared, she gave her child an example of how not to make a good impression, demonstrate tolerance for differences or show even the slightest amount of couth and character

and

2) The upbeat woman in her late 20's to mid 40's who was fit, walking with a bounce in her step and hand weights who smiled as brightly as she could and cheered "don't you love those poles? I have them, too!" as she passed us at a fast pace.

The first woman brought out our pity for her for lack of exposure, lack of curiosity to learn and grow and for her child's example. We talked about the sadness and anger that drives behavior like hers and the way it negatively impacts others and perpetuates her own ways.

The second woman inspired us and put additional pep in our step and got us talking about how one person cheering on another has such power and is so appreciated. We talked about positive approaches keeping someone young and fresh and we couldn't say enough good things about the woman and the impression she made on us.

We smiled back at both women and kept on our way, and will likely forget neither soon. The questions posed to you are: who do you resemble most in this scenario and what does it cost you to be like the second woman over the first?

Invest in others even through words or a smile and you are investing in yourself...time and time again!