Quick Tip - Calendar Invite Courtesies

While not everyone uses calendar invites, if you do please consider the following for a courteous approach:

1) Confirm with someone your plans before sending the invite, in other words, please do not send an invite as your only form of emailing regarding a meeting.  When calendar invites just show up for me, I find that odd, and typically that time is booked, and now I have a "to do" to follow up with the inviting party.

2) Name the invitation something other than "Meeting with Debbie".  If I accept this and it goes on my calendar, it looks like I am meeting with myself.  Additionally, give a clue to the topic in the invitation title.  Instead, consider something like "Sue and Debbie Meeting Re: Teamwork".

3)  Include an agenda of two to four topics to cover in the notes or messaging portion of the invitation.

The three courtesies will allow for consistency, respect, and positioning prior to the meeting that sets your meeting up for success!  

Think So? Think, So? 4 Ways to Encourage Critical Thinking

"Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another."

-  Napoleon Hill 

American author in the area of the new thought movement who was one of the earliest producers of the modern genre of personal-success literature. He is widely considered to be one of the great writers on success. 

(1882 - 1970)

Critical people are often avoided or disliked.  Critical thinking is rarely discussed, and often appreciated.  Imagine the difference in asking "You think...so?" and "You think so?"!

While we may think we want to be around people who think the same, perhaps we'd do well to be around people who think critically.  What is the difference, if you are both thoughtful?  Similar minds may get different results even though you are compatible if you encourage, use and even expect, critical thinking.  Planning for same thinking means you likely, and even unknowingly, shut down critical thinking.

Here are four questions (with two options for each) to ask to engage in critical thinking...of yourself and others:

1.   What do you think about XYZ? OR What are your thoughts on XYZ? 

2.   What makes you think that OR How do you know this to be true? 

3.   Will you tell me more? OR What else can you tell me about that? 

4.   What questions do you still have? OR What questions can we explore together? 

When we focus on critical thinking, we are open to ideas and options.  When we focus on criticism, we see what is wrong or closed.  In other words, it's the difference in "You think so?" and "You think...so?".  Being a critical thinker allows yourself and others to explore and share thoughts without as much judgement as a right or wrong answer provides.

Quick Tip - Making the Shift

Making the Shift  

There are expressions such as "it's the little things that matter", and "good things come in small packages" that remind me of how some slight "shifts" can make a big difference.  When you are thinking of making a bit of a change, or you are willing to shift your thoughts, and therefore your results, please consider:   

• Shifting from working hard to working focused.
• Shifting from thinking how busy you are to realizing how productive you are.
• Shifting from being tired and frazzled to being full and fulfilled.
• Shifting from being exhausted by all you "have to do" to being energized by all you "get to do".
• Shifting from a work-life balance to a life balance, as work is just one part of your life.
• Shifting from "fake it 'til you make it" to "take it and make it yours now".

Make the shifts in order to see and feel the results!

Get CONNECTED

"All is connected... no one thing can change by itself."

-  Paul Hawken 

American environmentalist, entrepreneur, and author.

(b. 1946)

A lot of people network, or meet people regularly, and yet how many of them, how many of us, are really CONNECTED?  In order to learn from others and from experiences, it is important to make that true connection.

CONNECTED people are, do. and/or have the following:

C - Care 

O - Offer ideas 

N - Notice people 

N - Notice things & situations 

E - Engage others to learn 

C - Create relationships that are mutually beneficial 

T - Tell of wins 

E - Entertain, and even expect feedback 

D - Decide to engage each day in many ways 

To be truly effective, this all has to be, and therefore, you have to be sincere, consistent, and filled with the desire to make a difference...not for the superficial contacts, rather, for the real connection! 

Quick Tip - 7 Ps - The Playful Steps to Post-able/Printable Photos

Since people consistently ask me about photos and how to look good in them, with the summer nearly upon us, here's a revisit (with revisions) to the ways to enjoy picture taking if you are the subject of the shot:

1.  Pick - Get on your best side, or in the middle
(please just resist announcing that you "have to be on your best side", rather move to that side and let others fall in) 

2.  Plant back foot - back foot gets nearly all your weight

3.  Point front foot - with a straight leg - front foot points out, no bend at knee and little weight on it (not sure who started the knee out look, as most of us were taught that, and yet it often shortens us and/or adds the look of weight to us in photos) 

4.  Place hand - on hip or out to side (rumored to be called "Doing the Lundberg" around Tampa Bay in some circles) if on the end, or place hands/arms at low waist/below someone else' arms, if in the middle, if you are similar height or shorter than those next to you) 

5.  Position shoulder - roll it back to get rid of the press of flesh at armpit

6.  Peer out - jet head forward without moving your shoulders, dip chin, and look up to just above the camera

Pearly White - push tongue to the roof of your mouth, and flash a smile - having fun IS Powerful!

Polite at/to Any Age

"Politeness is a desire to be treated politely, and to be esteemed polite oneself."

-  Francois de La Rochefoucauld 

Prince de Marcillac. A noted French author of maxims & memoirs. His is a clear-eyed, worldly view of human conduct indulged in neither condemnation nor sentimentality.  

(1613 - 1680)

Many of us have likely heard the expression "respect your elders", or heard a child being prodded with "What do you say?" after someone does something for that child or gives the child something.  Perhaps we have even said or done those things ourselves.  What makes us speak of politeness in prose and with our youth, and yet in recent, and continued observance, it appears as though many adults feel as thought they "need not" show respect to children or those younger than themselves...or sadly, to anyone.

I believe respect for others is a reflection of self-respect.  This weekend, when Michael and I were walking on the beach, as we went to pass a young boy playing in the sand, we offered "Excuse us, please" because we were entering his space, not because he was our elder or he did something nice for us, and not because anyone was watching or we felt we "should".  We did it because it is courteous, it is polite.  We did it because manners matter.  We did it because we are humane...not just human.  We talked about it later, and both reflected on hearing so many comments about the youth being rude.  And then we chatted about where they were learning that behavior.  Perhaps they were just repeating what was presented to them...yikes!

Regardless of a person's station in life, years on this earth, role at a company, or perspective, wouldn't being polite to that person further our relationships, or minimally not diminish the potential for one.  Could simple acts of politeness create an environment for respect?  Wouldn't the holding of a door for a man, a woman, a "whipper-snapper" or a great grandma feel good...feel right?  And wouldn't that be a reinforcement that each person matters, and that being part of the human race sometimes means slowing down long enough afford one another a little politeness? 

So let's please consider less who the person is, and more that we are engaging with a person.  How about we focus more on manners, and less on mattering? If we focus on what's polite, we need not lose our opinion, our empowerment, or even our influence...I dare say, we'd enhance them all...at any age...and perhaps with all ages! 

Quick Tip - Time Management Through Language Choice

While time is an non-replenish-able resource, and in each day lived, we each get the same amount, we often create challenges to our time ownership, and therefore, our time management, by phrasing things negatively, or in a defeatist fashion.  In order to own, and appreciate, the time we have, please consider the following:

• Eliminate "I don't have time", "I am so busy" & "I was too busy"
• Resist saying "You've got too much time on your hands" to others who make activities a priority that are not for you
• Know that you are not lazy if you choose to relax, rather you are reinvigorating or resetting yourself
• Strive to have a full calendar, or a full day rather than being "busy"
• Call before you are late & apologize once
• Set, use, and request  agendas before attending meetings to avoid "I don't know" as a response to "What are we meeting about?"
•  "Host" walk-and-talk meetings rather than formal meetings
• Schedule 15, 20, 30 or 45 minute meetings instead of 60 or 90 minute sessions, and see if you get as much done
•  Complete "To Do"s immediately, such as passing along cards, or sharing links...not later...time is valuable, so make the most of it!

Time is neither a friend nor a foe, it is not speeding up or slowing down.  Time is relative to our enjoyment in perspective, and yet the same measurable quantity presents each day, so keep language and perspective positioned for success, so that time doesn't feel like it is "getting away from us"!

"A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life."

-  William Arthur Ward  

American Author of Fountains of Faith

(1921 - 1994)

The idea of work-life balance perplexes me, as it implies that work and life are separate, minimally, and possibly in opposition.  For me, and hopefully you, work is a part of life, so the goal of balance is one of Life Balance...period.

 

Boundaries are not constricting in our lives, rather they are the weights and ways to provide balance. Some of the boundaries I find are well-serving when seeking a life of near balance, while enjoying the challenge of seeking that sense of being well-weighted in our choices, activities, people, and projects are: 

1. Be selfish...ask yourself "What is in this for me?" and ask "What is the opportunity cost?" before responding with a yes or no, thank you, to a request...no maybes, as maybes create a to-do for later by following up.
2. Do things you want, without guilt or obligation...or explanation.  Watch your desire to explain, as once we explain, we often excuse ourselves from not explaining in the future, therefore creating a pattern that takes time and energy, and yet provides little in return.
3. Face fears/worries and address them by really exploring what is holding you back, what could propel you forward, and where you want to go with the fear.  Is this really a fear, or is the language of "afraid" and "fear" making it bigger than it needs to be?
4. Reinforce behaviors you want repeated with others.  Balance does not come from nagging, criticizing and wishing things were different.  Putting a boundary on yourself that focuses you on the positive not only frees your mind, it clears your mouth from lashing out.
5. Offer only 2-3 choices for others.  Instead of asking "What do you want to do?", consider "Would you like to go for a run or play tennis Saturday?"
6. Keep work to one area of your home or home office.  By secluding where work is done, the entire area represents your profession or passion
7. Set expectations for the amount of  time spent doing things such as lunch, dinner, meetings and even social events.  Knowing your start and end times will allow you to plan smoothly, therefore, creating a plan that has balance for you.
8. Get rid of the TV in your bedroom.  Bedrooms are for sleeping and other things that have nothing to do with sitcoms, news, or shows.  When the TV is out of your bedroom, you set a boundary and expectation on the room that provides focus without distraction.
9. Have fun.  Laugh.  Giggle.  Smile.  Make the world a great place for you...and it just may bring joy to others.
10. Hang out with people who appreciate, utilize and respect your boundaries.  Respect and learn from the balance others display.   

Know that you don't have to do things the same to have a similar appreciation for boundaries and balance, and yet putting things in place, reveling in the feelings and clarity that come from them will encourage more of that behavior, and likely, more experiences that are closer to balance than you've previously yielded in life, and therefore, in work, since that is a part of your life!    

It's Less About Opinion, and More About Consideration

While most everyone has an opinion on many things, our opinions are not sought on all things.  And, while expertise and degrees, practices and professions warrant many seeking opinions and input from us, it is important we first think through both the reason for that request, and how the idea will be received.

In a cycle of opinion-sharing, it often entails two steps:  Someone asks something, and we share our opinion.  Done.  Another two-step flow is:  Someone or something is observed, and we share our opinion.  Done (except for the rejection or the disagreement regarding appropriateness).

Instead of either two-step approaches, the following five-step flow allows for less “done”, and more “relating”.

Hear.  Is someone saying something, asking something?  It is important we hear another person, rather than presumptively step-in, or on their approach or conversation.  The words and ideas must physically be heard.  And, if nothing is said, per se, then asking if someone wants to discuss XYZ is a form of hearing, as that person may say “yes” or “no”, and hearing that response is vital.

Listen.  While words are being said, not all of us really listen.  What?  Exactly!  We often think we know where someone is going, or finish a thought for someone else because we listened long enough to know…at least in our minds.  When people are speaking, it is more than just hearing words, it’s listening to that person, in that moment, about that issue or opportunity, that creates trust and exchange.

Comprehend.  While we listen, we are processing.  In that processing, some things seem out of the realm of possibility to us, and others seem “normal”, or feasible.  Comprehension involves engagement beyond the hearing and listening, as it engages potential, resources, and perspective.  Questions of “what?” and “how?” here allow for further investigation.  “Why?” questions often evoke defense, so as we are comprehending what someone else is sharing or asking, it is considerate not to put that person on the defensive…remember, we want to comprehend, no offend!

Decide.  With data, emotion, background and even hope being considered, we decide what we are able, and willing, to use.  As we decide our stance, this is the first time this process is about us, as the previous steps were us doing something for/with the person inquiring.  This is where our opinion is formed internally.  Our decision is something we own, and is not to be reached until we have the information we believe necessary for us to move on.

Share.  Eventually, and believe it or not, often quickly, after hearing, listening, comprehending and deciding, remember, someone wanted our opinion, it is time to share.  How we share is equally as important as the sharing of a view itself.  Starting off with something like “Having heard you are looking to X, and appreciating your shared Y, based on my experience, you may want to consider Z”.  A stronger approach is to offer “Respecting you want to X, and considering Y, it is my opinion that Z.”  In neither of the examples did the statement start with “I” or “You”.  This is intentional, as it is about the view and not vanity or correctness.  An opinion does not have to be accepted or rejected, rather shared.

Having an opinion, and our opinion being sought, are two different things.  Respecting the words, intent and details of the exchange, as mentioned above, will keep the expressing of views less about just the opinion, and more about consideration.

Flight Etiquette

“He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying.”

-      Friedrich Nietzsche

German philologist, philosopher, cultural critic, poet and composer.

(1844 – 1900)

As a frequent traveler, some of these things I have observed and learned, may assist you in traveling successfully and tactfully in airports and on planes, too:

1)      Ensure you arrive early enough to get parked or inside, through security and to your gate.

2)      Be ready with TSA Pre-check or to take things out and off when asked.  Being a rebel at the security line is not the time for it!  And please be mindful that the workers are people, and put your cellular phone away while engaging with others.

3)      When you are at the gate, be mindful of conversations on your phone so that others do not have to hear you, or worse yet, move away from you. Turn off sounds on your phone in regards to texts and emails, as nobody wants to hear beeps and ticks during their wait time.

4)      Know how the airline boards.  Ask the gate attendant if you are unclear. And, resist being on the phone when boarding, as you may miss announcements, or minimally be rude to the gate agent and others around you.

5)      When you board, ensure you have only two bags, and that you can manage them…meaning one you can lift over your head.

6)      Once aboard, resist eating stinky things – we are trapped together on this plane!

7)      Keep videos/games to yourself by using headphones before you start the “noise”.

8)      Remember, the person in the middle seats gets the armrests.

9)      Be kind and considerate to the passengers and crew.

10)   Exit like you do at a wedding, row by row, not “who can get to the door first”!

With these courtesies and considerations in mind, the flight, or flights may be as long or short as they have been in the past, and hopefully in the future, the experience will be a little less turbulent from your perspective!