People lose jobs, pets, relative and more. Sympathy is compassionate. Sympathy is natural. Condolences can be awkward and uncomfortable. Over the years, many people have expressed to me that while they want to offer condolences, they are not sure how to act, or what to say. Sympathy and condolences are not wrong. They come from the right place. There is no time limit on when to express sorrow. A way to sincerely and thoughtful approach is to:
- Resist asking "How are you?"
- Watch the sympathy look of pity or discomfort
- Send a card that you write a note about the loss, if you know the situation or person personally, and if you do not, and do not start with "I" in order to ensure it is about the other person/people
- Call, text and/or tell the person know you are available (and be available), and don't push for conversation or time, answers or explanations
- Know it is okay to say something like "While words escape me, please know you are on my mind and in my heart", as it's okay to not know what to say
- Resist sharing your stories of similar, or seemingly similar stories, unless the other person wants to hear them
- Don't say "I understand", as their situation is different
- Do something for the person without asking "What can I do?"
Be sympathetic and offer condolences. Be there, and not too intrusive. Be available, and not disappointed if there is no response. Be compassionate without being overly communicative. Check in, make a difference, and then treat the person or people with respect and interest.
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