Maybe Means No

“Commitment is an act, not a word.”

Jean-Paul Sartre

French philosopher, playwright, novelist, screenwriter, political activist, biographer, and literary critic.

1905 – 1980)

When someone says “I might be there” or replies to an invitation with a “Maybe”, please know this is likely a “No”.

And, better yet, please smile and say something like “Thanks for letting me know your thoughts on the event.  I am going to put you down as a no”.

Even though people may be surprised by your response, and even defend themselves, as someone planning an event, accept only commitments…to coming or not attending…not indecisive people for whom you cannot accurately plan time, food and more.  Also, this will keep you from additional follow-up, which can seem like begging, for a final count for your event.

Similarly, instead of saying “I might be there” or “Maybe”, please know you, too, are likely a “No”, so simply offer a “No, thank you”, and keep the host from wondering about you as well!

New Year, Same You

"Take the attitude of a student, never be too big to ask questions, never know too much to learn something new."

- Og Mandino 

American author. He wrote the bestselling book The Greatest Salesman in the World. His books have sold over 50 million copies and have been translated into over twenty-five different languages. (1926 - 1996) 

In just the first three days of the 2014, I counted nearly 20 promotions or ads for "New Year, New You", and at first, I connected to the notion, and then it dawned on me that the concept meant that somehow the way we were last year was somehow not good, or not good enough for the New Year, and then I decided "no, thanks" to "New Year, New You".

And, you may want to do the same...

Instead of abandoning all things in the past by saying it's time for change, perhaps first we can take stock of all the accomplishments we had in 2013, all the friends and family we supported or connected with last year, all the lives we impacted, and all the work we got done. And, after reflecting on the good from the 12 previous months, we can, in a healthy state of mind, think of how well things went followed by ways to improve.

So, as you move ahead in this new calendar of life, keep your interests in the New Year, yes, and also remember, you did some great things in the past, too. It's time for "New Year, Same You"...you need not be "new" each time the holiday season ends. Sure, maybe you are you now with a tweak or two, an added interest or so, and absolutely in this New Year, you are ready for what lies ahead!

Set, Keep & Realize CLEAR Goals

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”  
- Henry David Thoreau 
American author, poet, philosopher, abolitionist, naturalist, tax resister, development critic, surveyor, historian, and leading transcendentalist. (1817 – 1862)  

Part of what bring on disinterest or those excuses is how the goals are set.  Many goals are "fuzzy".  Fuzzy goals are goals with "more", "less", "better", or "try harder" in them.  These are fuzzy because they are not quantifiable.  Things that are not measurable, are not track-able, and therefore, their attainment is also fuzzy!

For you, and if you coach/encourage others, ensure you set CLEAR goals, meaning the goals are:  

Captured - If they aren't recorded, they are not likely going to even get remembered!

Livable - If the goals are possible and realistic within your world, they can be taken seriously.   
Evaluative - If there is a way to assess movement/progression, you can show advancement! 

Actionable- When there is a first step, there can/will be a second and so on.  Action begets action! 

Resonating - Goals that are personable and connect are those that click with/for you! 

With CLEAR goals in January, or anytime, you are able to hold yourself accountable, and realize what has been accomplished...and leave the fuzzy behind!

State Vs. Question When Seeking Input

“Any general statement is like a check drawn on a bank. Its value depends on what is there to meet it.”

-Ezra Pound

American poet and critic who was a major figure of the early modernist movement.

(1885 – 1972)

How many times have you said “Did you get my email?” or “Did you get my voicemail?” when running into someone after sending or leaving a message?  or how many times have you heard “Did you get my email?” or “Did you get my voicemail?” from someone when running into that person after s/he sent or left a message?  

Either way, people can feel slighted and/or put on the spot.  This type of inquiry typically leads to excuses, explanations, and a lot of chatter that does not address the issue, rather just answers the question posed.

If you are the one doing the asking, instead, please consider changing that question to a statement. Greeting someone with a kind “Hello” that is eventually followed by “You may or may not have received my email and…”, or “You may or may not have heard my voicemail, and…”.  This verbiage is kind, shares there was previous communication, and doesn’t put someone on the spot.  There will likely be no mention of whether or not s/he read or listened to your message, and at that point, that’s okay, as you can move to addressing the topic at hand rather the receipt of a previous send.

Appreciation Replacements

With many offers and gifts being given, sometimes we say and do things that we don't mean, or may not realize how they impact others (imagine that!).  In order to ensure we show our appreciation or position with respect for ourselves and others, please consider these quick changes in language: 

1. Thank you replaces "Oh, you shouldn't have".  Thank you means thanks, and you shouldn't have sounds like a slight scolding (even though we mean it was nice that the person did it).
2. Thanks replaces "You didn't need to do that".  We need to do little in life, and hopefully do more of what we want.  People who wanted to get or give you something know they didn't have to, so just thank them for their effort instead of that awkward rejection of they didn't have to do something.
3. You are welcome replaces "No problem".  We don't want to think anything was a problem, especially at the holidays, so showing respect in response to a thank you, means they are welcome - no problem invited/included in the conversation at all!
4. You're welcome replaces "It was nothing".  What you did was something, so if someone thanks you, allow them to know their comment was, in fact, welcomed!  

By sharing quick responses that are kind and responsive, respectful and heartfelt, we can give and receive with positivity and appreciation!

PEAs in a Pod

"One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes... and the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility. "

-Eleanor Roosevelt 

Longest-serving First Lady of the United States, Author.

(1884 - 1962)

Whether it is with a colleague, partner, child, in a personal relationship, friendship, or any work/employment situation, there are many ways to create challenges and have conflict, and also, gratefully, many ways to do just the opposite and enhance the opportunity to have enjoyment and success! 

One of the ways to consider creating a good foundation is to ensure you are both/all functioning as PEAs in a Pod.  Sure, we think of people or even animals as being peas in a pod, so to speak, when they are inadvertently doing something that is similar to one another or they present in a way that is alike.  The same is true for being PEAs in a Pod intentionally.

To establish your own Pod, here's how you tend to the PEAs:

P - Philosophy - share and listen to one another's ideas, hopes, dreams, approaches and overall outlook.  Make no assumptions.  Ask questions.  If this is for a personal relationship, you will learn what to talk about and even subjects to avoid.  For work, especially for hiring and partnering, you will know if you are coming from the same perspective in views and ideas.

E - Expectations - discuss things you want, and what you will provide.  Expectations can seem "heavy" in discussions for work or play, and yet, without them, we are making assumptions...and you know where that gets you!

A - Actions - make plans for who does what, when and where.  The how and the why are not necessarily part of this, as even those who are working in tandem can do things differently...as long as the agreed upon actions get completed successfully.  

By allowing and empowering each other to be "on the same page", or at least know and respect where you are not, you establish both a perception and a reality through which you will likely be strong in your relationship, clear in your focus, respectful in your actions, and even two or three or more PEAs in a Pod!

RSVPing Responsibly

You'll likely be getting and/or sending an invitation or two in the next few weeks, and below are some reminders for RSVPing respectfully and responsibly.  And, while RSVP may mean "repondez s'il vous plait" here, it means that plus: 

R - Respond minimally 5 days prior to the event, and absolutely by the RSVP requested deadling 

S - Say "yes" or "no", and no "maybe" or "I'll try", or "I might stop by" 

V - Volunteer to assist with something, and if you are the guest, volunteer to clean up  

P - Plan to be at the event on time (not too early or really late), and stay minimally an hour

For what reason?  For the following reasons:

R - People who plan events buy food, place seats and so much more.  Last minute changes make for last minute changes for the host, and the host has enough to do!
S - Being a maybe or a non-responder warrants being a "no" to me, and yet some others are not as steadfast.  Being a maybe is self-focused, and can appear as though you were just waiting for a "better offer".  Make a decision and stick with it. You are not doing anyone a favor by being at their party, so decide what is best for you, make no excuses or add any grandeur, and simply do what you say you are going to do.
V - It's formal etiquette, yes, and yet, it's just the right thing to do.  Offer to participate before, and mean it.  If that is not requested, then act on the clean up immediately on your own.  Unless you are told differently, keep cleaning and enjoy the whole evening/event's experiences.
P - Arriving too early and going up to the door, or into the room, is just as unfortunate as being terribly late is.  Shoot for a 15-30 minute range for arrivals if you are hosting, and have a call or something you can do out in your car if you are a guest.  Plan to arrive within 10 minutes of the start if things are more formalized than a simple open house.

These RSVP tips are not mean to be confining or stuffy, rather encouraging and empowering.  By RSVPing with kindness and care, thoughtfulness and follow-through, you will be a guest who just might have a ball, and get invited back!

Gobble Up the Gratitude

"Gratitude is the most exquisite

form of courtesy."

- Jacques Maritain 

French Philosopher 

(1882 - 1973)

Whether it is appreciation, happy, love, gratitude, a look, or another expression you have for the giving of thanks, gobble it up...and give of it freely!

A simple "thank you" can be the best thing someone hears all day.

A smile can be the most welcoming, sweetest sight someone can see all day.

A hug or kiss can be the best connection someone gets all day.

And...

A sincere "you're welcome" can validate that appreciation, and encourage someone to keep giving more, where nothing, or a "no problem" may make the person feel as though the thank you wasn't worthwhile.

A returned smile with the softening of the eyes and the shine of your pearly whites can reinforce how powerful a kind look can be instead of a furrowed brow meeting a smile as though it is saying "what are you smiling at?".

An extra second on the hug or kiss can make that other person feel as though she or he will really be missed when gone, as opposed to the superficial air kiss or shoulder hug.

Only a turkey would miss out on such a feast of gratitude this Thanksgiving...or any time of the year!

7 Ps to Photo Empowerment

With social media making almost every gathering a holiday, and with many actual holidays upcoming, the photos will be taken, posted, liked and commented on before you can say "cheese"!  In order to empower yourself to embrace photo taking, please consider the following 7 Ps to Photo Empowerment: 

1. Pick your best side (we each have one, and yet it could vary by the day, so check it out!) and make an effort to get that side facing, so to speak (and resist saying "this is my best side", rather consider saying "I'll happily take this end" when you are in a row of people, or even it is just two of you)
2. Plant your back foot and lean your weight on it (this serves to keep you from leaning, and pull in your abdomen for balance, creating a lean look) 
3. Point your front foot (without bending your knee, rather keeping that leg straight)
4. Place hand on your outer hip(or put hand at your side with a slight bend - most men, and some women prefer this to the "hand on your hip" look) 
5. Position shoulder (on camera-facing side by rolling your shoulder to get good posture, get your shoulders aligned, and keep your chest up and out) 
6. Peer out of your eyes (by widening them and looking up as you dip your chin) 
7. Play up those Pearly Whites (finish the powerful and fun photo by giving a real, sincere smile with a pop of personality)

By quickly giving your pictures these 7 Ps, you'll likely want to share, tag, and feel good about all the shots you are in this year! 

Body Language Do's & Don'ts

"Language is a more recent technology. Your body language, your eyes, your energy will come through to your audience before you even start speaking."

- Peter Guber

Howard Peter Guber is an American film producer and executive and Chairman and CEO of Mandalay Entertainment.

(b. 1942)

While much of what we say is what gets quoted or shared with others, it is how we make people feel that is even more well remembered.  Part of that "feeling" people get from us has to do with our attitude, some with the situation, and a lot of it has to do with our body language.

A few do's and don'ts for those holiday parties, business meetings and networking events are below...some of which may surprise you based on reports in the past, and all of which will serve you well in being confident, approachable, respectful and engaging with most everyone you meet:

In order to: Be welcoming of/to others and ideas presented. 

Do: Fold your arms in front of you if you are chilly or it is comfortable for you, just keep your fingers out and the cross of the arms below your breast line.
Don't: Fold your arms tightly at your breast line with your hands fully tucked in at the elbows. 

In order to: Convey interest, sincerity and honesty.

Do: Keep eye contact as much as possible, and allow yourself to blink or shift your smile or footing rather than looking away.
Don't: Look around to see who is watching or who else may be present.

In order to: Look and stay engaged. 

Do: Put your mobile devices on silent and out of sight when with other people.
Don't: Put your device on the table, keep the ringer or even vibrate on when with others in conversation or at events.

In order to: Appear polished, professional, well-rested and alert.

Do: Roll your shoulders, practice sitting up straight with shoulders down firmly.
Don't: Slouch.

In order to: Present as professional, mature, and patient when you may or may not agree with a statement; position or proposal.

Do: Listen with your pen, so to speak, by taking notes and avoid sitting by, and even eye contact with someone who may be in the meeting who is less discreet.
Don't: Sit next to someone and whisper to one another with a hand held up as though it will shield the whole act of secrecy.

In order to: Show interest in various opinions/approaches without attacking.

Do: Ask questions that start with "what" or "how" as those open up your face, and therefore, your positioning.
Don't: Ask "why" questions, as those create furrowed brows, frowns, and often close your facial positioning.

In order to: Respectful of all involved, confident and professional.

Do: Shake each person's hand with a firm handshake that meets web-to-web, with your index finger slightly pointed forward, and two-three pumps of the hand from the elbow.
Don't: Attempt to crush another person's hand with an ultra-firm grip, shake for a long period of time, cup the other person's hand, and/or grip a woman's hand differently than a man's.

In order to: Alert and attentive.

Do: Put hands at side, one in pocket, if standing, or clasped on table or in lap when seated.
Don't: Fidget,bite nails, play with hair, touch head or face. 

Pay Attention, Get Business

It's been said that "the devil is in the details", and I prefer to think awards come from interest, meaning there is a progression, when sincere, in making an effort and getting results, meaning:  Attention leads to taking Action, which drives a response in the form of Communication, and such interaction builds to a Relationship based on Honesty, and people do Business with people they know and trust!  So, pay attention, and get business!

Be a SQUEAKY Wheel

"Stay committed to your decision, but stay flexible in your approach."

- Tony Robbins

American life coach, self-help author and speaker.

(b. 1960)

It is often said, felt, and believed that "the squeaky wheel gets the grease", and in some locales, it's expressed "the squeaky wheel gets the oil".  Either way, it's about the squeaky wheel.

While I have seen the negative side of squeaking "work", meaning the person was "handled", and gotten rid of, recently, a few things did not go as planned, and in each case, I got that proverbial "grease" or "oil", and yet my squeak was less of a negative to a problem, and more of a nice approach to solutioning together.

If you want to be the SQUEAKY wheel for solutions, please consider this approach: 

S - Smile (note, not smirk!) 

Q - Question by asking in terms of "what" & "how" for conversation (instead of "why?")

U - Understand the situation by hearing, and listening to both sides 

E - Expect results and resolution (not a fight) 

A - Appreciate the position and/or authority of the person with whom you are speaking 

K - Keep calm, focused, fair and aware (of you and for you!) 

Y - Yell if you have to (just kidding...to a certain extent...it is more about yelling, or singing praises when something goes right, or gets fixed, and not just when something goes array!)

Being a part of a battle or an argument is not healthy, happy, professional or productive typically.  Still, things go wrong.  When they do, remember, it really is the squeaky wheel that gets the grease/oil.  How do you want your SQUEAKY to be delivered and perceived, it up to you!

Hearty Appetite for Focus

Some people are real "foodies" where they love food so much they photograph it, talk about it, write post regarding it, and plan their days around it!
 

Whether you are a foodie or not, please consider you focus by food...or at least by meals!  Minimally, if you are being healthy for you, it's quite likely you are eating at least three meals a day, so think of them as: 

• Breakfast is the focus on self and the day ahead overall (even if you are preparing meals for others, make time to focus on your attention and intentions for the day) 
• Lunch is the focus of the resetting of your work day (whether you work from home or an office, lunch is a time to reflect on what has been accomplished, and what is still ahead for the day's results) 
• Dinner is the focus on personal time and activities (whether you are traveling, eating alone or with others, ensure you give yourself time  to enjoy what it is that nourishes you personally)

With a hearty appetite for focus, you will have distinct portions of the day, and end it feeling as though the entire day was just a blur...and likely you will enjoy your mealtime, and your daily accomplishments even more than before!

Customer Service IS Inside Sales

"To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity."

- Douglas Adams

English writer, humorist, and dramatist.

(1952 - 2001)

Too often Customer Service becomes the notion of being a "Service Rep." or a "phone person".  Really, Customer Service, when approached with gusto and expectation, is, in fact, Inside Sales!

How so?

Typically, Sales sells the first service, product, or offering, while how that client or customer is serviced after the sale is commonly a longer relationship than the original sale cycle.

It's not that Sales is not important, rather viewing and treating Customer Service Experts as your Inside Sales will elevate the role, and likely, increase the effectiveness of how they interact and take (even more) pride in their role, their actions, and their results!

Sadly, being seen as just a "Phone Rep.", or worse yet, "The Complaint Department", can minimize the importance of the position.  While I am not suggesting you should change titles (although you could!), rather positioning the role differently will have an impact with more than just them.  Noting, and appreciating the position will alter the way Sales thinks about their colleagues, as well as the way clients/customers think and feel when they make those calls to your Inside Sales Team!

F-words That Ascend, Not Offend

"We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out." - Winston Churchill

One of my favorite Lundbergisms is "practice what you promote...no preaching required", and it is my practice to attend trainings and speaker events throughout the year, just as I promote and provide learning events in my business. So, recently, clients and friends joined together to engage in some personal growth and learning of our own!

While I will not disclose the location, date or event name, you can imagine our surprise when we registered months in advance, arrived to find nothing ready, the kick-off started over 40-minutes late, and the opening comments by the host included the F-word (and I don't mean "fashionable")! Embarrassed, dismayed, and recovering from the shock and disappointment, I lead a quick discussion on how we can learn what not to do just as well as we can learn things to do. We turned it around, and even got a smile out of it. We made the most of the event, and the conversation got me thinking even more...what is it about words that can be so inspiring or so damaging...

Please know I am a far cry from perfect, and I am not a stranger to a curse word. There is a time and a place for how you want to communicate and be remembered. From that unfortunate opener, I came up with some alternatives to that oh-so-memorable F-word. These F-words, whether used out loud or as an internal guide will likely ascend you and your business and others' perceptions of you, rather than offend. The list includes:

FOCUSED - Remember to keep your client, customer, audience and team as your focus with your words. They are thinking about them, and not you, so focus on their interests. Also, stay focused on your expertise, so you can really hone it!

FRIENDLY - Rarely do business leaders get criticized for being too friendly. That approachability is what makes someone real. It is both the smile and welcome that people prefer to remember over the rushed and disinterest that too many of us have on our faces and in our body language.

FREE-THINKING - Being open to ideas and concepts that may seem different or new can keep you fresh. You may not implement everything, but by being someone who considers options, you will minimally broaden your horizons.

FORWARD-MINDED - Consider what and how actions and words impact the person, the company and you later. While I am big on being present, it is also wise to think beyond the moment and the emotions in order to think through what is about to happen. Impact often overrides intent!

FLEXIBLE - It is not only nice to show agility, rather it is almost imperative to be willing to change in our wonderfully-paced world of growth and "newness". Demonstrating an ability to shift and flow is something most of us admire and respect.

FIRM - Interestingly enough, I put Firm after Flexible. What I mean by this word and the order, is that it's terrific to be willing to collaborate and alter plans, and at the same time, to be respected, you do have to take a stand, and professionally hold your ground when you believe in something wholeheartedly.

FABULOUS - While this is one of my favorite words, being fabulous is more than a look or a one-time mention. Being fabulous is being happy for others, supportive of what is right, and willing to stand up and stand out for what you believe in while respecting others as well.

So, while this summer's traffic, heat, storms (and more) inside and outside your work or business may bring thoughts that are less than favorable, remember, there is no failure when you stay FOCUSED, FREE-THINKING, FORWARD-MINDED, FLEXIBLE, FIRM and FABULOUS!