The Value of Vulnerability

"When you stop caring what people think, you lose your capacity for connection. When you're defined by it, you lose our capacity for vulnerability."

~ Brene Brown

American Professor at University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation - Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work.

(b. 1965)

Often leaders are described as charismatic, smart, visionaries, and vulnerable. Sadly, many of us work, yes, work, at not letting anything detract from our impression on others as someone who "has it all together", meaning there is nothing that can shake us, and that things are nearly perfect! The reality is nobody is perfect, and nothing goes perfectly all the time. We have fears, disappointments, missed opportunities and more. We are human, and as humans growing, we are vulnerable people.

Vulnerability is not weakness. Vulnerability and exposure provide an opportunity to find strength, to bond with others, and to learn from situations and people. Vulnerability is real, and really important.

Sure, sharing everything is not appropriate. Sharing some things - challenges and past experiences, ways you've overcome push-back and set-backs, and choices you've made, all allow others to get to know you and get a chance to potentially learn from what you've experienced.

When you think you'll look foolish, "less-than" or weak, remember that sharing in a positive, non-complaining, realistic way, that is vulnerability, and that is leadership. There's great value in that. So, be a leader and be vulnerable!

No Apologies for these Three, Please…

While I am a huge proponent of excusing oneself and asking forgiveness when appropriate, there are three things where I believe there need not be apologies. These are:

1) For being intelligent

2) For being right

3) For sharing emotion when it comes from the heart

When someone is smart/intelligent (not being smart), it is something about which it is appropriate to have a delicate combination of humility and pride. I hear people saying they are sorry for knowing something. There is no excuse for flaunting things. The truly intelligent person shares things for growth of self and others at nobody’s expense, and therefore, no need for apology.

If there is a situation where one has been challenged, and s/he is correct, there is also no need to apologize. Being right is not about someone else being wrong, so done with kindness and firmness is not only the best thing to do, it should be the only thing to do.

When voice quivers, shakiness in hands, or body or even tears come, there is not a need to apologize if those emotions are from the heart. Sure, if someone uses emotions to manipulate people or get something undeserved, that is not alright, rather emotions that are real and heartfelt make someone both believable and vulnerable…and real.

If you are tempted to apologize for being intelligent, being right, or sharing emotion when it comes from the heart, just take a breath, smile inside and know that you not only do not want to apologize, but that you are proud of yourself for being you!