Moving Through...

My attitude has always been, if you fall flat on your face, at least you're moving forward. All you have to do is get back up and try again. 
~ Richard Branson

A while back, a LUNDBERGism shared was all about letting go versus moving through, and how there is no such thing as Elsa's FROZEN approach, and that song, while catchy, is a fantasy.

We do not simply "let it go", and suggesting people, or yourself, do that, simply let it go, is not only wishful, it is nearly impossible. 

How so? Here's a more thorough explanation for your consideration:

The ideal universe where everything is dismissable is something that lives in our imagination, yet our hearts and minds know that the reality is that of thoroughly moving through a relationship, experience, thrill, or disappointment.

Easier said than done, though, is moving through what is happening, conceptually and experientially.

It's tempting to simply say "I don't care" or "Who cares?", and act as though something has been let go, the reality of moving through includes:

1) Experiencing and feeling what is happening, and owning those doubts and beliefs

2) Processing what has occurred either is or is not what was anticipated, and what some of the outcomes may be

3) Realizing you have choices to vet and consider in how you respond, not react to what is at hand (which may involve sharing with a trusted confidant, and definitely is not about telling "everyone who will listen or taking to social media immediately)

4) Implementing the steps that will serve you best for your peace of mind, reputation, and footing for the future

These may all combine to look and feel like four steps for when something failed, and yet they really are also good for celebrating with gratitude and confidence rather than blowing it out and looking cocky or insensitive, too. We don't often want to "let it go" when we win something, and still there are times when you want to move past a label or client association, solely, and be a broader offering or business, so that is when the success side of moving through a situation or relationship comes into play.

Regardless of how catchy that song Idina Menzel song, and all the awards "Let It Go" is, here we are...and the cold truth of moving through can, in fact, become something that indeed "never bothered you anyway"!!!

Public Speaking Prowess Mindset

 "Fear paralyzes you - fear of flying, fear of the future, fear of leaving a rubbish marriage, fear of public speaking, or whatever it is."

~ Annie Lennox

One of the most important things in life, relationships, toasts, and in any industry is to remind yourself that your mindset in public speaking, as in every area of accomplishment, matters.

Keep in mind, front and center, that you’re speaking publicly often, and that it is not about a "speech" or something contrived, rather it is about communicating to connect, and ultimately demonstrate expertise and confidence through the spoken word. 

When you know this, and believe it, as it is developing relationships, it tends to alleviate a lot of that classroom perspective of “oh my gosh, I have to give a speech now” that unfortunately lingers with a lot of people when they aren’t familiar with how often public speaking, and even simple, effective communication, is a part of their daily successful exchanges.

For a Public Speaking Prowess mindset, think connection, not speech-giving, engaging, not overwhelming, and audience, not you, and your mind will guide your heart, and therefore, your effectiveness in front of a group of 1, 10, hundreds or more!

#PublicSpeaking #presenting #PresentingIdeas

Stressed or Blessed?

 "Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one." ~ Hans Selye

If you were to answer the question "Are you stressed or blessed?", what would you say? Stressed? Blessed? Both?

If you think you are stressed, you will likely feel stressed. When you feel stressed, you typically approach people and situations impatiently and/or with a bit of negativity or doubt.

While if you think you are blessed, you will likely feel blessed. When you feel blessed, you will often approach people and situations with hope and openness, even positively!

Should you think the answer is "Both", you will bounce back and forth between stressed and blessed, and even though that could seem fair, go past fairness into goodness by adjusting your thoughts toward blessed. 

Blessed thoughts are those of abundance and strength, gratitude and appreciation, perspective and purpose. Being in a state of blessed in thoughts and feelings doesn't necessarily imply a religious or even spiritual connotation, yet it can be a huge part of your connectedness - however that concept of 'blessed' sits with you.

Alternatively, stressed thoughts are those of lack and fear-filled vulnerability, and can be an unfortunate part of a lack of connectedness.

By being blessed, not stressed or both stressed and blessed, you will serve yourself, and additionally, those around you will have the chance to feed off your approach and attitude!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #KIND #Leadership #1KindAct #Growth #EmotionalIntelligence #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #Resilience #Resiliency #Growth #LessonsLearned #Gratitude

Debbie@DebbieLundberg.com 813.494.4438 DebbieLundberg.com

Building Personal Resilience!

 Persistence and resilience only come from having been given the chance to work through difficult problems.

~ Gever Tulley

While there can be uphill battles, setbacks, and certainly disappointments in life and in business, there are also ways to move through (not around or over) there are also lessons learned, opportunities through challenges, and growth.

Getting there often takes drive, effort, and most of all, resilience.

Resilience is mostly a learned skill in our youth, and yet it is something that can be acquired with intentional effort and interest in being able to move through situations and people who/that were not as anticipated. Here are some tips for getting resilient and gaining resiliency:

Be competitive only with yourself and your goals, and not against others. Have your goals. Record them with written plans. Know what you have accomplished, and keep both in the forefront of your mind and mindset. This will keep a perspective, and keep you from being self-sabotaging. Doubt does not serve resiliency. Reminders of your success will keep you from going too dark, and keep light in your present and future.

Engage in your Emotional Intelligence. By being self-aware and feeling your feelings while being aware of others' feelings, you will be able to know the difference between how you feel and who you are in the moment. Speak in terms of how you feel rather than how you are. It is reasonable to say "I feel disappointed" versus "I am disappointed" because you allow the feeling without allowing the feeling to overtake you.

Think in terms of areas of focus such as a relationship, business, friends, family, health, and more, and keep them connected without extreme overlap in order to enjoy all, and practice resilience in each when required. When, in any area, something doesn't go as you'd like ask yourself "What next?" instead of "Why me?". This will have your focus on the future and staying positive (not a Polyana). Action allows for movement and movement allows for momentum.

Be an optimistic realist and/or a realistic optimist. Have gratitude and positivity, AND have consideration for not overlooking stumbling blocks by being so thankful or hopeful that they collectively become a setup for feeling discouraged. These checks and balances allow for resilience in that they are a consistent framework for keeping a framework around you for your well-being and growth.

Resilience can seem like you either have it or you do not, and yet it is achievable as a feeling and an approach to life and business. Practicing the aforementioned tips regularly will, ironically, keep you from finding the ups and downs so far apart, keeping your resilience low-key and ready in the wings for if/when there is something of higher stakes for which you want to overcome or adjust from!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #Resilience #Resiliency #Growth

Debbie@DebbieLundberg.com 813.494.4438 DebbieLundberg.com

Being Your Own HERO!

A  hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.

~ Christopher Reeve

Who is your hero? Do you immediately think of a relative, teacher or coach? Many of us do...

And, if you could have a superpower, what would it be? Flight? Mind-reading? Teleportation? Super strength?

While they are all fantastic for various reasons, even super, dare I say, they are fantastic because they are based in fantasy! It's fun to imagine these superpowers, and yet here on earth, secure in reality, it is important to know you are super and you, in fact, can be your own HERO!

How so? Think of embracing and living these four concepts:

H – Happiness

E – Empathy

R – Resilience

O – Optimism

H - HAPPINESS

When you decide to be happy, you realize it is a lot about your choices and your perspective...meaning it is up to you. Sure, that means you embrace that life’s not a RomCom and that yes, you are responsible for your own happiness, and that others will simply enhance your happiness or detract from it. Move closer to those who enhance it, and move away from those who detract from it. Similarly, there is no need for or place for FOMO, the Fear Of Missing Out, and there is a ton of room for what I call JOCO, the Joy Of Celebrating Others. Skip the words "So jealous" and/or "You are so lucky", and practice saying and believing "You deserve it" and/or "So happy for you"! When things don't go well for you, name what happened, don't blame anyone, and simply reframe what you're experiencing for moving forward. No matter what, the mantra of happiness is "Gossip is garbage, jealousy is junk, comparison is crippling & settling is stifling." Be honest with yourself, then you can be honest with others.

E - EMPATHY

As you honor happiness and truthfulness fully, you are able to empathize with others. Empathy is NOT thinking or sharing what you would do in someone's situation, rather it is making the effort to imagine what someone else may be experiencing, and respecting that with grace. Using “I can only imagine” or "I cannot even imagine" over “I understand” and "You are in my thoughts and on my mind" instead of "I feel so bad for you!". Additionally, you can replace judgment with assessment when you ask before assuming and respecting self and others. Do practice kindness through actions. Be kind to others and be kind to yourself. It is most likely you will sincerely be empathetic when you are comfortable and confident in your own skin and life!

R - RESILIENCE

This is your "bounce-back-ability", and having the capacity to focus/re-focus. In a resilient state of mind, we admit when we are wrong, without constant apologizing. You find being focused on now and not the past allows for sorrow, for being disappointed in a situation while you won't be devastated as a person/leader. When you are resilient, you can, and will see something different for you…and for others!

O - OPTIMISM

You can learn optimism as an outlook and adopt it as forward-thinking positioning. Now this is NOT confetti kindness or popcorn positivity, as that is toxic, and optimism is a true belief that you’ll get through, not get over whatever is happening. The altruistic outcome of optimism is the get to a place that is right, just, and best. It is not “it is what it is”, rather it is what you make of it. Please look at optimism as self-belief, meaning a reliance on self ...with room for others.

With superpowers in our dreams, being your own HERO is both dreamy and deliberate! HEROism is here and now when you know and show happiness, empathy, resilience and optimism! While others may be heroic, keep in mind that you are, in fact, a HERO!

Lessons Learned from a Decade of Service

It was a dedicated decade in which I was grateful to serve, and do not regret for one day...

During the 10+ years being involved with our local military installation, much was experienced, and many things were learned.

Whether on base or off base, with/through military or civilians, it was memorable in many fabulous ways...as well as in others. Nonetheless, such volunteerism is all about impact and outcomes, and I am honored to have shared and also glad to have resigned from my post. Through it all, here are a few lessons learned:

Supporting our military does not mean you agree with everything happening in the government or even in the military or a branch thereof. If you do not support our military, you absolutely have that right, it simply isn't right for me not to think and feel "Thank you for your service" every time I see/meet someone who serves our country.

There is a huge difference between learning leadership and learning followership. And the lack of speaking up or reaching out implies you are complicit. Speaking up only for your benefit is self-absorbed. Speaking up for what is best for the situation and/or to right a wrong, is part of true leadership!

Some people serve those who serve to be grateful and give back, while others get connected to the military through the community to get attention and give themselves (and others) a sense of them being good people. Learn the difference and rely solely on the former!

No matter what happens, and how wonderful things can seem or be, there is a time to leave and let the next generation of people have opportunities. Leave while you are still having fun or while the fun memories are still fresh so someone else can have the spot and make the most of it as you did!

So, when you accept an honor, honor that bestowment, yes, and also, importantly honor yourself and your standards...if it is for the military, a chamber, or other community groups, a paid or unpaid role, and do so if you have been there a year, a term, or a decade!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #ThankYouForYourService

Being Your Own Biggest Fan!

"Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy."

 ~ Norman Vincent Peale 

American Clergyman/Speaker.

(1898 - 1993)

Sure, it's great to get kudos, thanks, and accolades for work or words well-done, and yet relying on others' views and shared opinions of you can leave you feeling dependent, or worse yet, desperate, for that feedback.

How do we overcome that desire to get input and hear praise? While we may not ever not seek feedback, after all, it is good for us, we can share insights and good cheer from within in an effort to support and supplement, and dare to be the foundation, to good vibes, and therefore, good self-esteem. Being our own biggest fan can be done without conceit or vanity, rather for good health and well being by doing the following:

• Practicing GRATITUDE. By being thankful for what we have we are reminding ourselves of the good in our world/life.
• Taking a POWER STANCE each day. These were shared most widely in the Ted Talk by Amy Cuddy. Opening up to a Superman/Wonder Woman type stance for two minutes can empower our energy to be confident. https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en
• Have a MANTRA. I have the mantra "I want, I will, I am", which has been shared in previous updates. Think "I want _____ (a desired outcome), and I will _____ (an action to take), because I am _______ (characteristic or attribute about self)." An example is "I want to be on time for meetings and clients today, so I will tend to my directions for the entire day while planning, because I am a conscientious collaborator and partner." A mantra sets you up to "be" based on your own abilities.
• Give yourself a PERSONAL PEP TALK. Something that says "You've got this!". Talk to yourself and use your name. Once I share to myself if "You've got this, Deb. You know what you are doing, prepared for success, and you're going to deliver what the audience wants and deserves. Enjoy it!"
• Develop a CEO of MEO mission statement, meaning be the Chief Empowerment Officer of My Every Opportunity. My current CEO of MEO is: "I am a lean, pristine, high-performing human being bringing positivity to people, situations and choices in order to be present and live life fully"! This form of I AM statement commands attention from the strengths you have toward the now and the future.
• Write your future state in a paragraph as though it is an article about you now. Use third person to take a view from afar while getting into up-close details.
• Meditate and let go of stress that is not serving you well.
• Shift from poor-serving habits with well-serving habits. Simply giving things up can seem like punishment, so exchange those habits with something positive and see how the pivot makes the change a direction and not detrimental.
• Replace "Have to, Need to, Should, Ought to" with "I want, I will, I am, I am in the process of" to focus on what you are processing for progress rather than what you are doing our of obligation.
• Write a compliment on your bathroom mirror to yourself each morning first thing so that you'll see it all day long and appreciate you being you!

Some things may seem small, and they are. Some things may seem simple, and they are. Some things may seem silly, and they are NOT! Investing in your belief, reflection, support and confidence is anything other than silly, and everything around smart!

7 Steps to Video Success

Video is a lot of the way we communicate with others, and often, in my practice, people ask for a process or formula for making a video worth watching and communicating a message.

Here's a 7 step approach that tends to work, and is different than many that are out there, as it doesn't involve introducing oneself first. 

Give it a shot with these steps:

1. Pose a question
2. Offer a "did you know..." or goal
3. Introduce yourself briefly
4. Address issue (2-4 points, option: add story)
5. Recap the approach
6. Thank the viewer
7. State your name and contact

Have fun, share your expertise,and video on! 

RSVP Courtesies & Commitments

Are considerations and manners regarding RSVPs a thing of the past?

Not necessarily. With email, Social Media Invitations and text messaging, some people perceive a catered party the same as a social gathering at a home and likely the same as a happy hour at a bar/club...and there are clear differences! You will likely be invited back again and again if you follow the courtesies of the RSVP.

Sadly, more and more often, (and through personal experience) hosts commonly do not receive solid indications whether guests plan to attend their events, even if RSVP is clearly denoted on the invitation or in the Social Media Invitation.

Considering each person in a work or social group comes from a different background, family situation and exposure, perhaps revisiting what RSVP means is best first. The term RSVP (or more formally, R.S.V.P.) comes from the French expression "Réspondez S'il Vous Plaît", meaning "please respond" (or as I like to think of it, respond and then follow through if you ever want to maintain social graces).

If/when you get a mailed invitation or evite Invitation with an RSVP indicator, it means you want to tell the host whether or not you plan to attend the party, and by the date indicated in the invitation. If there is no date indicated for a response, provide your firm reply as soon as possible, and minimally five (5) days prior to the event. RSVP does not mean to respond only if you're coming, and it does not mean respond only if you're not coming (the expression "regrets only" is reserved for that instance). An incomplete list of respondents can cause numerous problems for a host including difficulty in planning food quantities, issues relating to minimum guarantees with catering halls, uncertainty over the number of party favors and difficulties in planning appropriate seating, among other things. Also, do not invite other guests to attend a party if there is hosting of drinks or food involved. If you would like someone included, ask the host before five days prior if all the invitations have been sent. If your invitation indicates a guest, bring no more than one guest, and let the host know his/her name prior to arriving at the event. (The exception to this guideline is if there is a pay-as-you-go happy hour event that is not at someone's home, and/or if the host has indicated "the more the merrier" on the invitation.)

What happens if something unexpected comes up in the five days prior to the event or even the day of the event? Make an effort to phone the host as soon as you know you cannot attend (getting a more exotic offer is not a reason not to attend...ethics and decency should play into accepting an invitation). When you reach the host, do not bog him or her down with your story. Simply be brief, ask forgiveness and offer to pay for your portion of the festivities. Yes, you have committed and now you are backing out, so plan to provide relief to the host. Often the host will not accept payment. Send a note within the week and a small gift if the event was being catered. Flowers are a welcomed surprise and thoughtful way to keep things pleasant between you. A gift is not necessary...just a great touch!   Remember, the host is investing in everything from glasses to favors and food. Your being considerate of the fact that the seating and event/game counts may be off, is the least you can do!

When you do attend an event for which you have RSVP'd, take a small token of your appreciation, like a bottle of wine, spirits, or candle. Host gifts are wonderful and many a host loves to show them off in their home for it shows kindness and enjoyment and reminds them that people recognize them for opening their home. A host gift is not necessary, though. A call or note the next day will work as a close second for giving thanks to the host. Regardless of what you do, give thanks...and do not ask for a house tour if you are at the host home. Remember he/she has been working on the event...let him/her offer if they like. For all we know as the guest, one room became the "catch all" if you will, and the last thing the composed host should be put in a position to do is to have to explain the closed door to a room!

If you are hosting a party where you are providing food or drink...or both, I suggest including an RSVP to be written on an invitation or in a Social Media Invitation and do not text, or simply email an invitation. When the RSVP is noted, state a firm date for the responses. If you find many people hedge for a better offer, an opportunity, a child's possible event taking priority, then, when making your reminder calls (preferred over emails, but emails are okay...minimally do some sort of reminder or confirmation), just let people know at that three-to-five days prior period that while you would love to have them there, you'll put them as a no for this event and perhaps the next time scheduling will work out better. Do not accept a maybe only a few days out. While you may have enough food and drink, it sets the stage for repeated behavior by that person...and sets the example for far too many more!

So, having taken all this in, remember, the next time you see RSVP on an invitation you receive, do just that, Réspondez S'il Vous Plait, promptly and respect the courtesy and you make it a commitment to be a spectacular party/event!

Put a Pin ON It!

There's a song about "put a ring on it", and much like that lyric, this is about "put a pin on it", or rather "put a pin under it"!

While the song is about a ring and marriage, this tip is about a safety pin and your clothes.

Male or female, you can be prepared for you or others by putting a safety pin under your hem on your pants, coat, or even a dress or skirt.

Simply pin one under where it won't be seen, and should you or someone have an unraveled something, a broken shoelace or slingback, or a blouse that is a little too revealing for comfort, you have the solution!

(When going to a formal event, two or more are useful - those types of gatherings tend to have more uses for pins than others!)

Happy for Others Over FOMO!

"Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy. There's going to be stress in life, but it's your choice whether you let it affect you or not." ~ Valerie Bertinelli American Actress. (b. 1960) #QUOTE #PresentingPowerfully #CreateYourCommunity #LearnWithAndFromOthers

Being Happy for Others
Vs.
Having FOMO

Recently when asking about an event I missed due to travel, someone accused me of having FOMO. FOMO is the Fear Of Missing Out, and it has become a common expression and/or perception.

Still, FOMO is happily, not something from which I suffer...and hopefully neither do you. If you do, and/or if you ever have and/or know someone who does, this article is designed to define it, address it, show the difference in FOMO and happiness for others, and give a few tips to shift from Fear to Happiness.

FOMO is an angst or anxiety regarding the inability to make, or the lack of being included in social or perceived important experiences. Often FOMO leads people to become distracted by, and even borderline obsessed with, checking what others are doing online.

What I have, my condition, so to speak, is simply "happiness for others", perhaps if we call it HFO, it will catch on. This happiness for others is the joy that is brought from seeing others enjoy life and engage with people positively.

There is a proximity to FOMO that HFO has in that it is about others and it is about how one feels about other's getting to do things. The major difference is the positivity that HFO comes from and exudes. With FOMO, there is jealousy, distance, and a perception of not being enough or "being left out". People with FOMO reply to social media with "I'm so jealous" or "#Jelly", or "I wish I were there", and when in person, they say similar things, including the addition of "You're so lucky", and "what's wrong with me?"

Individuals with HFO feel good about the way others move through life, as they know someone else doing something doesn't take anything away from their lives. In fact, they say and post things such as "So happy for you!", and "What a wonderful experience", and "How great you got to do that!".

If you mind goes to the FOMO side of things, shift it. Remember to be grateful for all you get to do, be appreciative of your opportunities, and find joy in your place and your direction. Keep a gratitude journal. Practice grace and blessings-counting. Even if you do think some of the FOMO-type comments, reposition them. Be "in the process" of getting happy for others through changing your behaviors, and eventually, you will change your outlook.

#HFOoverFOMOanyday

#Happy 

Empower YouSELF with Scheduled SELF Care

How is it that we rarely miss a work meeting, figure out ways to get kids to school on time, catch planes, and even make time to make or buy what we commit to do, and yet we reschedule or cancel on our plans in our head for us?

We often prioritize others over ourselves, even though we know taking care of ourselves is important.

Having a plan, making a commitment, being focused, and taking action comes in the form of four things:
1. S - Schedule time for you for specific activities in your calendar
2. E - Excuse yourself from other things that distract you and/or are not a priority (without apology or guilt)
3. L - Let others know you are booked (block your calendar)
4. F - Feel good about the time you are making for yourself (not taking away from anyone else, and not feeling as though you "should" do for others at that time)

Allow SELF care to be your time for refueling and nourishing you...that is not self centered, rather that is self-serving in way that you take good care of you so that nobody else feels they have to!

Deliver a REAL Introduction

Believe it or not, an engaging introduction can be an important part of a powerful presentation. And, a bad introduction is often a sad start for a presenter who has to first recover from the introduction, and second has to attempt to engage an audience after that recovery.

 

An effective introduction should be REAL, meaning the introducer simply, and only covers the:

 

Reason for the talk/presentation/training. Welcome people, and let them know what the topic is.

 

Examples of the importance of the topic. State 2-4 reasons someone will want to listen to the presentation.

 

Acknowledgement of the speaker’s credentials and name. Share 2-4 relevant facts about the speaker that will enhance the presenter’s credibility and pique the audience’s interest. Clearly and confidently state the name of the speaker/presenter last, with a pause between the last comment and the first name and a quick pause between the presenter’s first and last name.

Leading of the applause. As soon as you finish the presenter’s name to the audience (which is done while facing the audience. You then turn to face the presenter as you start to applaud loudly and rapidly to indicate others can follow (and they will!).

 

An example of “keeping it REAL” for an effective introduction is:

 

Welcome to the Presenting Powerfully workshop (R)! It is important we learn to present confidently and professionally, learn tips and tools for connecting with the audience, and that we get our messages across effectively (E). Our speaker comes to us as a 10-time published author, former corporate regional and national leader, and a member of the National Speakers Association. Please welcome your expert on presentation prowess, Debbie Lundberg (A). Applaud immediately (L).

Deliver a REAL introduction and/or write a REAL introduction for yourself, if you are the speaker, and no longer will bad introductions, or worse yet, the reading of a full, long bio, be the start to any presentation!

 

Making Amends

You made a mistake. You said or did something you regret. You were self-centered, or thoughtless. And, now, and perhaps for a while, you owe someone you care about an apology.

Making amends is not easy, and yet here is a simple approach to the challenging experience:
1) Think about the other person and not simply you
2) Approach the other person in private, and even schedule time with him/her
3) Be sincere
4) Share that you erred and you are owning it
5) Apologize for the act and your actions - not how the person interpreted the situation or might feel, and ASK for forgiveness and a fresh start
6) Expect nothing, and accept whatever the person shares
7) Be grateful for getting to voice your view, and give the other person time to process

Stay focused, humble, willing and open as you attempt to make amends in order to be true to your relationship, the other person, and to yourself.

The Value of Vulnerability

"When you stop caring what people think, you lose your capacity for connection. When you're defined by it, you lose our capacity for vulnerability."

~ Brene Brown

American Professor at University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation - Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work.

(b. 1965)

Often leaders are described as charismatic, smart, visionaries, and vulnerable. Sadly, many of us work, yes, work, at not letting anything detract from our impression on others as someone who "has it all together", meaning there is nothing that can shake us, and that things are nearly perfect! The reality is nobody is perfect, and nothing goes perfectly all the time. We have fears, disappointments, missed opportunities and more. We are human, and as humans growing, we are vulnerable people.

Vulnerability is not weakness. Vulnerability and exposure provide an opportunity to find strength, to bond with others, and to learn from situations and people. Vulnerability is real, and really important.

Sure, sharing everything is not appropriate. Sharing some things - challenges and past experiences, ways you've overcome push-back and set-backs, and choices you've made, all allow others to get to know you and get a chance to potentially learn from what you've experienced.

When you think you'll look foolish, "less-than" or weak, remember that sharing in a positive, non-complaining, realistic way, that is vulnerability, and that is leadership. There's great value in that. So, be a leader and be vulnerable!

Personal Offense AND Defense

"The best defense is a good offense."

~ Jack Dempsey

William Harrison "Jack" Dempsey, nicknamed "Kid Blackie" and "The Manassa Mauler", was an American professional boxer who competed from 1914 to 1927, and reigned as the world heavyweight champion from 1919 to 1926.

(1895 - 1983)

While college football may be on the field, on our minds, and on our TVs at this time of year, it brings to consideration an age old argument of what wins games...offense or defense?

The answer is YES...at least in life. Winners of confidence, relationships and presence use both offense and defense thoughtfully and strategically, kindly, and appropriately for leading and navigating opportunities and challenges.

How so?

Demonstrate a sound offense by:

• Being prepared
• Planning ahead for the "What next?" approach to ideas and execution
• Surrounding yourself with those who think similarly and differently than you do
• Going deeper in your line-up than originally planned
• Practicing your delivery of ideas and answers
• Avoiding saying things that will directly offend others (avoid "always" and/or "never")

Demonstrate a sound defense by:

• Taking alternative views/perspectives into consideration
• Playing "What else?" questions through your mind in order to answer them
• Saying "You may be right..." before answering a contradictory statement or question (keeps you calm, and does not insight defensiveness from others)
• Staying professional by responding with "It sounds like..." or "What it seems like..." if/when you are offended by someone or something said (versus getting personal)

Keeping both your offense and your defense in game-day form will likely have your enjoying your opportunities, and facing your challenges with good plays, good blocking and tackling...and even better results!