Assert Yourself

" The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of others." ~ Sharon Anthony

Assert Yourself!

Can you be assertive without being considered wimpy or aggressive?
Of course…but how?

The difference between being assertive (standing up for yourself and/or others to get things accomplished professionally) and being overly aggressive is simply the difference of not badgering or insisting to the point of being rude. You can be assertive and consider others and/or the lasting impact of your actions without being antagonistic or labeled aggressive.

The difference between being assertive and being wimpy is often the difference in being direct and not being direct. Often people who do not stick with a thought or direction are perceived as wimpy.

Words, body language, positioning and tone all play a part in whether or not you are perceived as wimpy, assertive or aggressive. You can share ideas and be passionate while considering and hearing other without being seen as too wimpy (weak) or aggressive (forceful).

Let’s say you are in a restaurant or club ordering a meal, which is aggressive, and what is not?

A. I’ll have the blackened salmon with asparagus and a side salad with vinaigrette dressing, please.
B. I’ll take the salmon…how do you recommend it be cooked? Is the asparagus any good? Do you think a side salad will be too much with that? Will the vinaigrette be too tangy?
C. I'm having the salmon – make sure it’s blackened, and don't overcook it. And I'll have firm asparagus on the side, with a side salad with dressing on the side, if you can remember that.
D. Would you mind bringing me some salmon, please if it’s not too much trouble. Thank you and asparagus or something else with it will be fine.

A= Assertive, right?
B=Boy, oh boy, could you possibly remember the waiter/waitress does not know you, your likes, and dislikes, your capacity for food, etc.?
C=Caustic. Enough said, yet many handle things this way.
D=Dump all over me whenever you like…

You don’t have to go from wimpy to aggressive or vice versa. It's like when there is a hole in your driveway, and each time you drive through it, your car bottoms out a bit (the driveway integrity is wimpy), filling it with too much cement doesn’t solve the problem, it only changes it…it will still be a bumpy jolt on you and the car now, just in the opposite direction (like aggression). The true fix to the drive is an approach, a plan, a solution (assertive).

Sure steps to being assertive over wimpy or aggressive:
Think first, feel second.
Let things go.
Be inclusive. Solicit input in a way that is about “ask and incorporate”, vs. “ask and defend”.
Stay the course when decision is made.
Stop apologizing more than once.
Leave ego at the door.
Expect collaboration. Be prepared for competition.
Be consistent.
Share in the efforts and share in the wins.