Avoiding Defensiveness When Being Dismissed or Played

"No matter how beautiful the theory, one irritating fact can dismiss the entire formulism, so it has to be proven." 

~ Michio Kaku

The other day on the golf course, a male golfer who we were playing with said to me "What you need to understand is..." at that moment, as I realized what was, unfortunately, happening, my husband, Michael, put his hand gently on my arm as if to say 'I see you, even if he does not'.

I felt myself tense as the words and attitude of the speaker brought a directness that was overbearing and dismissive all at the same time.

Sure, I wanted to scream or snap back, and yet that would not have been my best moment or choice. I was not going to be played. What did I do? The same thing I encourage you to do when you are dismissed or felt like an approach someone takes with you is insulting:

1) Be thankful that person showed themselves to you, and say something like "Thanks for letting me know how you feel about that."

2) Repeat back what you heard with words like "Sounds like you believe..."

3) Bring a calm perspective with verbiage such as "Here's something to please consider..."

4) End the discussion when you want with "Let's please leave it here with this..." or "Let's please respectfully close on this..."

To follow my example, I said "Thanks for sharing your view. It sounds like you believe XYZ, and while your view is yours, please consider that it may not be that of others. Let's please leave this at being respectful of each of us having the right to believe what we believe and forcing a view, or assuming you can force a view, isn't appropriate. Thank you." We hit our balls. I was sincere in my compliments of his good shots. We had a good round. If I hadn't stood up for myself, the round would have been a waste.

So, don't be dismissed, be direct. Don't be played, be powerful. When you are grateful, confirm what you heard, stay centered, and own the end of the experience, you may have felt dismissed at first and you will likely feel empowered last! 

#DoYourBest #ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #KIND  #Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #Growth

Public Speaking Tip: How to SUMmarize Your Talk Well

 A good headline is far more than a summary. It has to characterize, in a few brief words, the most important themes and news items of the article it accompanies. 
~ Parker Conrad

Have you ever been in a presentation and wondered what was covered when you were nearly at the end of the talk?

It's likely because of a few reasons, and one of the most common misses is that a speaker, a presenter, does not summarize what was covered to bring the information together before closing the engagement.

The parts for which to prepare your talk, training, or pitch include the following and this month, the focus is on the 5th:

1. Open

2. Preview

3. Body

4. Interaction

5. Summary

6. Close

The last months covered the OPEN, the PREVIEW,  the BODY, and the INTERACTION, so the SUMMARY is where the SUM of the experience allows for everyone to come together through:

S - Stating what was covered by reviewing the agenda items and the purpose/goal/objective to make certain that was all accomplished

U - Unlock the audience's ability to talk by addressing questions and confirming you provided what was being sought

M - Move through to the close gracefully and energetically

When you SUM up the presentation with an effective summary, you get yourself ready for a powerful close (which we will cover next month)!

#publicspeaking #ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #KIND

Lessons Learned: Observations from Keynoting in 2021

 As grateful as I am to have been able to give away a lot of remote work content in 2020, it was good to (finally) get back to keynoting to kick off a full conference this month!

Was I excited? Yes! Was I nervous? Yes! Was this different? No, there's consistently excitement and nerves because I am grateful and care, and yet these feelings of excitement were intensified and the sense of nerves was about remembering the ways to give the audience the best so they did not miss out.

Please don't get me wrong, each engagement over the 15 years of business is special, has my gratitude, and gets some nerves for ensuring all is outstanding. This July, though, was a return to a full hotel, full conference, and fully lighted stage production, and that was WONDERFULLY familiar and a HAPPY RETURN to a scene that was once far more typical in a day, week, or month.

The lessons learned included the following:

• It's still the responsibility of the speaker (me, in this case) to engage, entertain, keep attention, stay on time, and give meaningful, sincere tips!
• Sincerely engaging and story-telling are now, more than ever, the way people relate to messaging.
• People are genuinely excited to be in a room seeing and feeling someone speak and connect, and allowing time for people to share has expanded, as the interest and desire to be seen and heard has grown, so don't rush people, and plan to stick around after.
• Gratitude, kindness, and grace have not, and will not, go out of fashion or style on or off the stage!

So, if you have the opportunity to speak, do, and give from your heart, energy, and expertise freely, with practice, preparation, and anticipation of the enjoyment you and the audience will have!

Tampa Bay Business Journal Recognition Appreciation!

Your votes counted!

It's an honor to be on the Top 10 list the 5th year in a row, shown here in the Top 5, 

for the Best in the Biz Reader's Choice Awards for 

Favorite Business-Oriented Speaker!

Thank you!

 

Congratulations to Tampa Mayor, Bob Buckhorn, Former Tampa Mayor, Pam Iorio, and Tampa Business and Community Superstars, Jeff Vinik and Richard Gonzmart! 

It is an honor to be listed among you!