The Two-Way Joy of Giving & Getting that is Gratitude

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." ~ William Arthur Ward

 Having gratitude feeds the soul, and receiving gratitude fills our hearts!

Giving and getting gratitude tend to be both in abundance and in absence this time of year (and perhaps throughout the year).

How can it be both?

It seems we tend to give, shower, and praise those around us, those who are closest in relation and proximity, and yet so many people are a part of this holiday/year-end time - from servers from the holiday events to the clerks and owners at the shops. Sure, tips are super for their gift-buying funds, so do tip, and tip well when service is outstanding! Additionally, the gratitude of a sincere "Thank you" with a smile and eye contact can go a long way in letting them know they made an impact. We live in a highly connected, tremendously lonely world where each of us can be the person who puts down the phone that distracts us and lights up our face with appreciation.

So, have you written a note on a card, sent a thank you note for someone simply being themselves, and/or if you happened to notice a person carrying out a kind act? That note will cost you less than a dollar to send, and yet the getting back dividends from sharing your gratitude and knowing someone will feel appreciated, will be priceless.

Please keep in mind, too, that when someone thanks you that your role is then to accept it. Being appreciated is not underrated. Knowing, feeling, and enjoying how you can positively impact another human's day, experience, or life, means your value continues to be reinforced.

When we discount gratitude with a "Oh, that was nothing" or a "No problem", believe it or not, we are not allowing that person's compliment and/or appreciation to get to live, AND, sadly, we are discounting our efforts with a quick blowoff. 

It's November, and it's nearly Thanksgiving, so thank you for this opportunity to share about appreciation and thanks as we all enjoy the lift of both giving and getting gratitude!

#ActiveLove #BeYourBest #Kind 

#Leadership #PersonalDevelopment #ProfessionalDevelopment

A Lesson from the Parking Lot

Carts in parking lots have consistently perplexed me. Call me crazy, it seems simple: use a cart, empty a cart, return the cart to the store or cart corral.

Still, month by month (admittedly, Michael does the grocery shopping for us), I see people leave carts in the aisles of the parking lot, against cars, up on grassy areas, and many places other than in the store's designated areas.

I was frustrated. I moaned and groaned about it. It was exasperation at its finest (or at its worst, really)...

Even though it was my goal to take in many carts, I did it out of flabbergastedness (not that it is a word).

This month, the start of a new year and new decade, it dawned on me that this is my issue. This is my challenge (of many for growth), and it was decided that a new approach would be best.

I did just that.

Oh, I still take in the carts for others. Instead of being snitty or covert, I see that person, acknowledge them as a person who perhaps has a lot on his/her plate, smile and say something similar to "Hello. May I please take that in for you?". The responses have been interesting. Some people seem "caught" and they apologize, and now I sincerely let them know I am happy to do it. Others seem happy to be acknowledged at all. Still, many (I've been at the store more intentionally) give a genuine "Thank you", and, in turn, share a genuine "You're welcome!".

While I am still not "cured" of my near-obsession with people and carts, shifting approaches from one of irritability to service has made the difference in how my Emotional Intelligence, care, and empathy seem to be serving myself and others.

So, if you see me pushing one, two, or yes, even up to four carts in at Publix or Costco, know that this is a form of restitution and joy from a self-inflicted tortured soul to a self-aware serving soul!

Accepting a Compliment/Recognition

"You look so nice!" "What a terrific presentation you made!" "How amazing are you with trivia!?!?" These compliments are only true recognition when they are acknowledged and accepted.

Too often, people deny, ignore, argue, self-deprecate, question, deflect, de-value, and/or doubt the input or displace the credit. While that may be a form of humility to some, for the complimenter, it feels like straight rejection. Instead of any of those forms of not accepting a compliment or recognition, simply consider one, or all, of the following in response:

• "Thank you."

• "Thanks so much!"

• "Thanks for noticing!"

Following the acknowledgement and acceptance, either leave it there or ask the complimenter a question about him or her so that you can move on in a conversation.

Expressing Appreciation in a Note

"Thanks" is nice, and "Thank you" is great, too. Still, saying words of gratitude are not the same as sending words of gratitude.

Yes, say your thanks at the time of your experience, post gratitude (and even a photo) on social media, too. And then, consider sending a hand-written note to the person or people who have impacted you with a gift, a kind word, including you at an event, or even simply the way s/he has presented him or herself at a meeting or talk.

To make the best impression in the note, please:

Start with a greeting and the person's name (we don't use names very often any more)
Skip starting the first sentence with I (makes it about you and not the recipient)
Offer something special you gained from him/her
Close with an uplifting message
Sign it following a sign-off, such as "With gratitude" or something else
It's not ever to late to show appreciation, and while someone receiving the note two days to one week following your exchange is recommended, dig out those nice notecards and get moving! Here's an example:

Hello Joe!
What a spectacular evening it was Friday! Thank you for including me at your table of so many wonderful leaders.
It will be pleasure to follow up with each of them to share how much we each appreciate you.
With gratitude, make it a productive and enjoyable week!
Fondly,Debbie

Giving Thanks All Year

"Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our Thanksgiving."

~ Betsey Farrell

American Actress

With the turkey (and leftovers) fully enjoyed, and the pumpkins and fall decor put away, Thanksgiving 2017 is "in the books", so to speak. Or, is it?

Sure, the day has gone by, and hopefully there was plenty of thanks, and a lot of love-giving involved that recent Thursday, and yet the spirit of, and the actions associated with Thanksgiving, do not have to be a memory or simply a day of the year that falls between Halloween and Christmas or Hannukah. How so?

Remember the excitement (not the stress) you had thinking about the holiday. Thanksgiving is a combination of appreciation and sharing. These things are not reserved for days of overeating and football. Instead, these are attitudes, actions and feeling for practicing all year long! When challenged, or seeking inspiration, or both, please think THANKS:

T - Tell someone how much you love them each day
H - Help someone without telling them you're "helping"
A - Appreciate little things in life (big things, too!)
N - Name someone good & kind & tell others about him/her
K - Kindle the flame of kindness by spreading and sharing it
S - Smile & give your pearly no-cost gift to friends/strangers

These simple ways of living life include keeping the spirit of Thanksgiving alive and all year long. You can gobble up all thanks, and all the giving every day, and include the leftovers to share with all you meet!

Tampa Bay Business Journal Recognition Appreciation!

Your votes counted!

It's an honor to be on the Top 10 list the 5th year in a row, shown here in the Top 5, 

for the Best in the Biz Reader's Choice Awards for 

Favorite Business-Oriented Speaker!

Thank you!

 

Congratulations to Tampa Mayor, Bob Buckhorn, Former Tampa Mayor, Pam Iorio, and Tampa Business and Community Superstars, Jeff Vinik and Richard Gonzmart! 

It is an honor to be listed among you!

Independence Day

While there is so much about the day off work, the fireworks, and summer, let's keep in mind that Independence Day is the recognition, the celebration, of the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

Absolutely, let's enjoy the day, let's watch the displays of lights, and let's please take a moment or two to appreciate our independence, our country, and all that we are allowed and encouraged to declare!

Happy 4th of July!

Thanksgiving: Over or Ongoing?

“The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.” ~ Henry Ward Beecher,Social Reformist & Speaker (1813 - 1887)

While the leftovers may be nearly gone, and you might still be "working off" the day of food and indulgences, Thanksgiving need not be "over"!

Sure, the 4th Thursday of November is behind us, and the calendar is about to be turned to another month soon, and yet there is every opportunity to turn the past into the present by keeping the feeling, the attitude and the actions of being one of "thanksgiving" alive and engaged!

I don't mean bake, fry or slow roast a turkey each day, nor am I suggesting you need family and/or friends around to give thanks. Absolutely, it is a terrific day of coming together, sharing, appreciating (and even eating and watching football), and I, like many of you, enjoy the festivities and traditions, too. Still, at the heart of the holiday is the idea of gratitude for what we have and hope for what we will create. There is a respect and calm (and that is not just the tryptophan) that comes around that one day....and it need not end with the Black Friday sales.

Instead, consider embracing each little luxury like freedom, friends, family, similarities, differences, opportunities, challenges, life, love, growth and learning each and every day...in your own way. You may opt to volunteer, write a note, share a compliment, hold a door, let someone in on the road, openly state your gratitude, or quietly appreciate someone or something. Whatever you choose to do, add a little courtesy, take a second or two, and make that conscious, appreciative point of not letting the feeling of Thanksgiving be over...rather...keep it ongoing!

Appreciation Options

"Appreciate everything your associates do for the business. Nothing else can quite substitute for a few well-chosen, well-timed, sincere words of praise. They're absolutely free and worth a fortune." ~ Sam Walton, American Businessman and Wal-Mart Founder

Today is the 223rd day of 2012, and for each day this year, I have shared a note of gratitude through my "Attitude of Appreciation 366" personal project whereby I send a handwritten note to someone (or multiple someones) every day including Sunday for an entire calendar year. This has been a great experiment in my attention to others, and a great experience in the personal rewards gotten from feeling good about others. I share this with you not so you can feel bad about not sending note cards or tell me how many you have sent, rather this is one approach to appropriately appreciating others. Appreciation can come in the form of verbal, written or what I call "carry forward appreciation".

Verbal appreciation is well given and typically well received if you state something like "NAME, you are ____________". This way, the message is not "I think you are ____________", and it makes it more about the other person than you (and isn't that where you'd ultimately like the focus to be?).

Written appreciation can be in an email, note, card, or document to a team. The same approach of using the person's name, sharing something s/he did that was impressive, kind, or otherwise, will go a long way. Make every effort to respond to someone within 24 hours and minimally within a week following something you'd like to ensure the person knows you appreciate.

Carry-forward appreciation is the referral or the complimenting of a person to another person whether the subject of your appreciation is present or not. Carry-forward appreciation is much like "spreading a good rumor" as it is fun to do, and impacts both the person hearing you and the person about which you are speaking. Telling someone "NAME, you may already have a physician, and if you are looking for someone for a second-opinion, who is highly qualified, won't keep you waiting, and has tremendous interest in patient's well-being, you may want to consider Dr. XYZ, as s/he has been all those things and more to me."

Whatever style fits for you, please do show appreciation often. When done sincerely, it is the no-cost way to increase the value of your relationships. Expect nothing in return, and likely your appreciation will offer a lot more than just the words to the recipient, and will still bring so much back to you as well!

Memorial Day, Memories & More…

“Each man is a hero and an oracle to somebody.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet, Lecturer and Essayist ( 1803-1882)

With Memorial Day nearly upon us, often we are thinking summer, end of school and moving forward. What did it take for us to be able to think these things? It took direction, dedication and sacrifice. Thank you to all who left us with but their memory so that we could make more. Each chance you have to make memories, please think of it not as work, or just another day, rather as an opportunity created for you by a stranger to you, someone who came before you, and wanted his or her work, his or her day, his or her chance to make a difference to really count. Do more for yourself, your family, your company, your community, your country. Do it out of direction and dedication to honor such sacrifice. Do it because you want to do it, you know each person deserves a good memory, and do it because Memorial Day is once a year, but the concept, appreciation and attitude around it can live on each day! So, enjoy the sunny days, the graduations, and all that is summer. Thank you to all who serve and have served, and thank you especially now, to those who did not get to experience life after their service. You are all in our minds, our memories, and more…

Feedback...To Give & Receive

"Champions know that success is inevitable; that there is no such thing as failure, only feedback. They know that the best way to forecast the future is to create it." - Michael J. Gelb , Author, Speaker (b. 1952)

To be successful, really successful personally and professionally, it is important we want to learn to give and receive feedback well...not loudly, not softly, but well! To give positive feedback, please follow this format: NAME, you are... Or NAME, you have the ability to... Or NAME, you demonstrated such... Please stop saying "I think you are...". Make it about the other person. Be specific, be brief, be bold and be about them! When giving less-than-optimal feedback, please consider it as offering improvements by using language like below: NAME, you have the opportunity to improve... And, when you state that, offer a solution versus his/her fault. Rather than saying "Debbie, you are too loud in meetings", you could say "Debbie, you have the opportunity to connect with colleagues in meetings by lowering your volume and engaging with them in a tone that is inviting". When you receive feedback, please resist discounting it ("What that? I did not think it was that good") or defending it ("They don't get me", or "That's how I am", or "That's not what I meant"). Instead, a simple "thank you" will suffice. Success is not in being perfect, a part of being a successful, thriving person, though, is being perfectly happy and grateful for feedback received, and better yet, for feedback received, and implemented...those with whom you shared feedback, and that you got as well!

Attitude of Appreciation

"I would rather be able to appreciate things I cannot have than to have things I am not able to appreciate."

~ Elbert Hubbard, American editor, publisher and writer, 1856-1915

Many of us use 'thankful' and 'grateful' interchangeably, and they are different by most definitions, and yet similar in some ways. Thankfulness is about a sense or feeling to be pleased or relieved over something that happened. Gratefulness is about showing appreciation for something someone has done for you.

So as not to get caught up in semantics, let's instead approach each day, each person with an attitude of appreciation. Appreciation, after all is the combination of being thankful and expressing gratitude.

After all, our attitude is the only thing we can fully control.

There is an ease to being appreciative when things go the way we want them to go. The real challenge and true opportunity is when we can stretch to be appreciative of what does not go the way we anticipated. Remember to allow the feeling, and express it outwardly in order to engage in the full act of appreciation.

Sound nutty? It is in that filling way nuts can offer flavor and give you some nourishment. The ability to see through a situation and get the learning, is something that nourishes the soul and feeds our growth. Being appreciative in the midst of adversity or disagreement or challenge is being thankful it is not worse, and grateful for what comes out of it for you...regardless of what others attempt to influence or change.

As we finish our leftovers and start on the holiday shopping and sharing, please include appreciation on your daily list of activities!

Giving Thanks!

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” ~ Voltaire

Thankfulness is something we tend to talk about and celebrate primarily in November in The United States of America. Still, thankfulness and appreciation for an act or abundance need not be reserved for days when turkey is traditionally served.



Regardless of your religion, position in life, or state of mind, often we are with others in groups around events and/or celebrations. When with others during special occasions, holidays, or every day, simply be thankful for them this way:



State his/her name (or nickname...it’s okay with family/friends...avoid nicknames in business), You make me thankful for you because of your (attribute) and you inspire me to (their inspiration to you). Thank you.



Example I: Danielle, you make me thankful for you because of your creative wit and you inspire me to be playful. Thank you.



Example II (with varied verbiage): Steve, you make me thankful for your generosity and you make me want to be a giving person as well. Thank you.



Example III (letting someone know you acted as a result of them/their inspiration): Carol, you make me thankful for you because you taught me to listen well and because of you, I became a Big Sister. Thank you.



Example IV (a strictly professional affiliation): John, you make me thankful for your loyalty and because of your referrals, you have been a part of my business/sales growth. Thank you.



Note that the word “I” is not used as the first word (or really much at all). This is to ensure the other person knows it is about him or her and for him or her. Keep you thankful, and that other person in the forefront of the message and thankfulness.



Go ahead, use one or all of these with people for whom you are thankful...on a special day...or any day...and see how it makes a difference for you and the person with whom you shared! Happy Thanksgiving!

The Leadership CAP (Not GAP)

“The purely agitational attitude is not good enough for a detailed consideration of a subject.”

- Jawaharlal Nehru, Indian Prime Minister

(1889-1964)

When caps are not on marker, the marker dries out. Without a cap on one’s head in cold weather, the heat escapes. If there is no cap on spending, budgets cannot be met. Similarly, without the Leadership CAP, things get overlooked.

The leadership CAP is a little different, though. Instead of stopping things or shielding things, the leadership CAP allows for growth, and reveals things by having:

Consideration
Appreciation, and
Perspective

for the person/people with whom you are interacting and/or the situation with which you are involved.

Keeping consideration for those involved and the instances, the appreciation for what has been done (or what you expect to be done), and the perspective on what is realistic, you will remain the leader you (and even more so, others) want you to be, and not the micro-manager some become when they are un-CAPped!

Memories Worth Recalling

“Our memories are the only paradise from which we can never be expelled.” - Jean Paul Richter, German Novelist and humorist, 1763-1825

With Memorial Day approaching, it is timely to speak of respect, service, sacrifice and memories. I respect and appreciate the effort and the sacrifice those who have gone before us to allow us to live in the freedom we have, and that is worth writing and sharing every chance we get with our national anthem and pledge of allegiance. Keeping those people, and that idea of appreciating what we have in mind, please do look back fondly and with gratitude, AND, additionally, remember to be intentional about creating memories now that will be worthwhile later.

It’s not often we hear of regrets of what was done, rather we hear much about the regrets of what was not done. Go out in your life, your world, with your family, friends, and/or team, and keep in mind that each day, you are making memories for tomorrow, and ask yourself “Is this something worthy of a fond memory?” Not everything or every act is magical or sacrificial, and yet the overall impact of an encounter, project or activity can be.

So on the eve of this year’s Memorial Day, I honor and thank those we are not here so that we can be. And, I wish you intentional and enjoyable memories that you can relive in your hearts and minds often!

St. Valentine's Spirit All Year Long!

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” ~ Voltaire, French Philosopher and Writer (1694-1778)

Early each February (if not sooner for retail reasons!) Saint Valentine is brought to life in many forms from cards to candy, but what about when images, figures and holiday happenings are not present? Do we stop giving of ourselves to others, and lose a little of that holiday love that is generated so generously around February 14th?

Not necessarily…

Without the cutout hearts, greeting cards and wonderful chocolates to share, we are left with just us, raw and unsure, busy and baffled, appreciative and awkward. It’s okay, though, as many of you have heard me say (or read in my writings) in the past, very few (if any) people we know are overwhelmed, and simply too full of love and appreciation each day.

If you think you are unsure of what to say or how to say it, kindly:

~ Start with sincerity and a smile
~ Continue with telling, writing or selecting a card that denotes your feelings
~ Make the message or comment about him or her, and not you
~ Let the person know what you love or appreciate about him/her or his/her efforts
~ Move on so the situation is not odd for that person

An example of this is (see the smile and hear the sincerity, please) “Andy, your approach with the client was nothing less than spot-on. I appreciate the way you get to know each person with whom you interact. Thank you for making a difference for the company in your relationship-building! What else is on your agenda for us to cover?”. This example allows Andy to say his thank you and keep going, or if Andy is really comfortable receiving praise, he can make some other comments as well. Either way, it is a success for Andy.

As for you, you won’t fail or even flail. You’ll likely be a huge hit. You may receive an “oh, you don’t have to say that”, or a “really???”. Let it be. I’d hope for etiquette’s sake you’ll get a “thank you”, but we give sincere recognition comments selflessly in anticipation of nothing in return (the same for gifts). After all, the appreciation and love you share is meant to be expressed and stated… how else will you keep the St. Valentine spirit alive all year long?

Falling In Love with All You Do

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." ~ Albert Schweitzer

Regardless of what you have planned for today, this week, or this month, love is in the air...if you let it be!

Love may not seem like much of a business approach or attribute, but if you love what you do, you are more likely to like (or even love) those around you, like (or even love) your clients, and like (or even love) the moments you spend working (and there are a lot of them) !

If you do not currently love what you do, you have options...find something else - your passion, or rediscover what you fell in like/love with in the company, the industry or the field, or just do nothing. The last option is most popular, but by far, not the most effective.

As many of you have heard me say repeatedly, you are far more than what you do for a living! Still, if you love or find things you love about what you are doing for your work/career/business, you will likely invite other positive, loving energy...both personally and professionally!

With heartfelt appreciation, keep the love alive, and make the most of your Valentine's Day...

Giving Thanks Verbally!

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. ~ Albert Schweitzer

It's not that we are not grateful, it's not that we are unappreciative...sometimes it is just challenging to express our gratitude and appreciation. Not this year at Thanksgiving!

You may have seen in my newsletter an example of a way to share verbal appreciation by using the following approach:

(Name), you are very _________ (strength), and that is appreciated because it makes a difference in _________. Thank you!

And, here are some others:

"Thank you, _________(name) for your efforts with ___________________ (task)! You really showed your _________________ (strength), and I appreciate you for that!

OR

Thank you, _________(name) for being so _________________ (strength)! I appreciate it because you _______________________ (difference the person makes)!

Additionally, a toast to one or many people really makes an impression and can show gratitude. An example is:

Thanksgiving is a time for food, people and holiday cheer, so here's to the wonderful dishes we all have prepared, the friends and family who chose to join us, and all the fun conversations and memories we are about to share! I thank you for being here! (Raising glass) Happy Thanksgiving!

Whatever way you show your appreciation, a smile and sincerity are your best assets, and real gratitude cannot be delivered incorrectly, so go ahead, give, give, give!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Basic #2: The Thank You Note

Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone.

~G.B. Stern

The Power of Written Appreciation

Fast paced days filled with meeting, appointment, activities and people can become a blur…and yet without the human interaction, kindness, collaboration and interactions, we would be alone…and likely far less productive!

Basic #2: The Thank You Note

It is not a lost art, it is not a lost art, it is not a lost art! At least that is what I keep telling myself as it relates to thank you notes. These personal, hand-written scribbles of appreciation not only make the recipient’s day, but it will make the sender take a look back on a full day and share gratitude in a way that few people do nowadays.

Whether it is for making time for you, going out of their way, or doing something else that you recognized as something of value, it is worthwhile to make time for that person, shift your focus off yourself and your tasks/stress, and allow someone else’ life and efforts come into view. It’s one thing to see/observe something, and it is another to act on it.

Time to take action with a simple concept – the thank you card/note. Whether you use custom notes or generic cards, the sentiment is what is most important. Date your card, people often keep these seemingly rare finds, and address the card with the person’s name followed by something about them (not you with “I” to start the note). Let the person know what s/he did, said or didn’t do or say that you appreciated. Tell that person it did not go unnoticed and close with something to reinforce your relationship. Send it within 24 hours ideally, and within the week of something happening (on the outset).

It is a 90-second process that costs less than $1, and yet the payoff for your sense of human kindness, and possibly even your business, will likely be priceless.

Thank you for being a client and/or follower!