F-words That Ascend, Not Offend

"We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out." - Winston Churchill

One of my favorite Lundbergisms is "practice what you promote...no preaching required", and it is my practice to attend trainings and speaker events throughout the year, just as I promote and provide learning events in my business. So, recently, clients and friends joined together to engage in some personal growth and learning of our own!

While I will not disclose the location, date or event name, you can imagine our surprise when we registered months in advance, arrived to find nothing ready, the kick-off started over 40-minutes late, and the opening comments by the host included the F-word (and I don't mean "fashionable")! Embarrassed, dismayed, and recovering from the shock and disappointment, I lead a quick discussion on how we can learn what not to do just as well as we can learn things to do. We turned it around, and even got a smile out of it. We made the most of the event, and the conversation got me thinking even more...what is it about words that can be so inspiring or so damaging...

Please know I am a far cry from perfect, and I am not a stranger to a curse word. There is a time and a place for how you want to communicate and be remembered. From that unfortunate opener, I came up with some alternatives to that oh-so-memorable F-word. These F-words, whether used out loud or as an internal guide will likely ascend you and your business and others' perceptions of you, rather than offend. The list includes:

FOCUSED - Remember to keep your client, customer, audience and team as your focus with your words. They are thinking about them, and not you, so focus on their interests. Also, stay focused on your expertise, so you can really hone it!

FRIENDLY - Rarely do business leaders get criticized for being too friendly. That approachability is what makes someone real. It is both the smile and welcome that people prefer to remember over the rushed and disinterest that too many of us have on our faces and in our body language.

FREE-THINKING - Being open to ideas and concepts that may seem different or new can keep you fresh. You may not implement everything, but by being someone who considers options, you will minimally broaden your horizons.

FORWARD-MINDED - Consider what and how actions and words impact the person, the company and you later. While I am big on being present, it is also wise to think beyond the moment and the emotions in order to think through what is about to happen. Impact often overrides intent!

FLEXIBLE - It is not only nice to show agility, rather it is almost imperative to be willing to change in our wonderfully-paced world of growth and "newness". Demonstrating an ability to shift and flow is something most of us admire and respect.

FIRM - Interestingly enough, I put Firm after Flexible. What I mean by this word and the order, is that it's terrific to be willing to collaborate and alter plans, and at the same time, to be respected, you do have to take a stand, and professionally hold your ground when you believe in something wholeheartedly.

FABULOUS - While this is one of my favorite words, being fabulous is more than a look or a one-time mention. Being fabulous is being happy for others, supportive of what is right, and willing to stand up and stand out for what you believe in while respecting others as well.

So, while this summer's traffic, heat, storms (and more) inside and outside your work or business may bring thoughts that are less than favorable, remember, there is no failure when you stay FOCUSED, FREE-THINKING, FORWARD-MINDED, FLEXIBLE, FIRM and FABULOUS!

SET the Stage

At a concert or live show of any sort, the stage must be set in order for the audience to get the look and feel of the message and energy being conveyed.

The same is true in personal and professional relationships.

To avoid assumptions, misinterpretations and simply, miscommunication, ensure you SET the stage with others, meaning:
 
Share your 

Expectations in a  

Timely manner

And, allow people to do the same with, and for, you.

By making time to SET the stage, you get on the same page quickly, and allow yourself, like at a performance, to get fully engaged, and enjoy the show, so to speak!

Your Community, Your Involvement

"In every community, there is work to be done. In every nation, there are wounds to heal. In every heart, there is the power to do it."

- Marianne Williamson

Spiritual teacher, author and lecturer. She has published ten books, including four New York Times #1 bestsellers.

(b. 1952)

You are a talented person.  You have choices to make about your time.  You treasure certain things, and make money, that may be part of your treasure.  Considering all that is true, and, since I am often asked how I got so involved in our community, this tip is about just that; community.  Community means more than just where you live.  And, community involvement is not limited to being engaged locally where you reside.  Similarly to my belief that friends are the family you make your own, I believe your community is what you create, not just what others make.

Being a part of a true community means being involved.  There is not a guideline for what to do, or how much time and energy "should" be dedicated.  Being a contributing member of your community is up to you and your level of interest, desire, action and ownership.

There are online communities.  What are you involved in online?  Are you contributing?  Are those contributions positive and forward-focused, resolution-based and not bashing?  Did you join a group and never go back?  Consider exiting online communities that no longer interest you.   Seek those that pique your interest now, and will likely last.  If/when one dissipates, then seek others for which you can contribute.

There are community outreaches, where individuals join others to let people know about an event, a place, a cause or activity that is taking place to better someone or something.  This is community involvement.  If you have not done a walk, a run, or even volunteered to support a walk or run for a cause that is important to you, you may just see the road detours as an inconvenience rather than part of a community experience.

And, then again, there is the area (immediately) around you.  Do you know the people by whom you live and work?  Do you have pride in where you are and what you do?  Do you know what is important to you, those with who you share time/space?  Are you willing to put in time and energy to ensure those issues, causes or drives stay relevant?  Do you buy locally to support your merchant community?

Being involved in your community does not just mean using the parks or things that were put in place by public funds.  While that is part of it...choosing a venue that is local versus far away, requesting farm-to-table foods be served, it also means thinking about, and acting on, what you want your future to be...what you want to be the community in which you spend your time, talent and treasure.

Giving & Receiving the Feedback Gift

People like to share opinions.  Some opinions are delivered as criticism. People like to get feedback.  Most people dislike criticism.  Feedback delivered well, and received well, can be a gift...if we let it be!  In order to share opinions, ideas, admiration, and even constructive feedback, so the ideas may even be received as a gift for growth, consider phrasing your ideas in the following ways:

POSITIVE OBSERVATION

• NAME, what you do well is _________
• NAME, you are really good at is ___________
• NAME, you have a great ability to ____________
• NAME, your __________ was really impressive

POTENTIAL IMPROVEMENT

• NAME, you may want to consider ______________
• NAME, you might want to incorporate
• NAME, you may want to consider ______________ in order to improve ____________
• NAME, you might want to incorporate _____________ so you can _____________

By offering your opinions these ways, instead of the typical "I think..." or "I think you should", or "You need to..." comments, you make it about the other person (no "I"), and will likely have your ideas heard, and then considered as input and worthwhile feedback that may even be heard as a "gift"!

Taming the Big Harry APE!

"You are responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose." 

- Antoine de Saint-Exupery 

French writer, poet, and pioneering aviator. 

(1900 - 1944) 

If you are like most of us, there are times when it seems things are not going the way you would like, expected, anticipated, or could be going! And, at some times, that may be due to a person or people and how they are impacting you and your surroundings at the time. Consider, instead of "feeding the beast", focus on taming the big harry APE!

What I mean by that is we are the ones who allow things to grow or go. Feeding the beast is when you allow the situation or person to be bigger than you or your actions (it grows). Contrarily, when you focus on taming the big harry APE, you become bigger than the situation (it goes) through your:

• Awareness 

• Personality 

• Expectations 

Be aware of what is happening, and that you are in control of you...not them, nor do you likely want to be, and that the control you have is stronger than anything else. Your personality is uniquely you, and with that, you have strengths and opportunities to improve. Go with your strengths, and adjust your personality to the situation to convey those strengths. Also, set expectations for you and others with clear communication, boundaries and exchanges so that you know when to stay and when to leave.

With your focus on your Awareness, Personalities, and Expectations, you will not feed the beast, but rather consistently, and happily, tame the big harry APE!!!

Lead for GROWTH

"A man's growth is seen in the successive choirs of his friends."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

American essayist, lecturer, and poet, who led the Transcendentalist movement of the mid-19th century. (1803 - 1882)

Often a good way to grow ourselves as leaders is to assist in the growth of others.

Who can you be a part of in his or her GROWTH? Meaning:

G - Give that person the

R - Responsibility and

O - Opportunity to

W - Work within their

T - Talent and time while

Hearing feedback for learning

Remember, GROWTH is a good thing...for their leadership and yours!

AAA Style

"In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock."

- Thomas Jefferson,Founding Father and 3rd US President (1743 - 1826)

Regardless of trends or the season, think about consistently embracing your AAA Style of:

Appearance - what do you want people to see in addition to what you say and do

Attitude - what are you anticipating, sharing and encouraging before and during interactions

After-effect - how do people feel about you, and yes, even talk about you, after you speak, write or visit a meeting or event

Your AAA Style can be A+ if you are mindful of your look and your looks you give, stay open, and share ideas and approaches that encourage. Your appearance, attitude and after-effect all work for or against all you do. While it may be our accomplishments that we strive to achieve, often it is our style that has a longer impact!

Client and Customer Connection

"It is not the employer who pays the wages. Employers only handle the money. It is the customer who pays the wages."

- Henry Ford, American industrialist, the founder of the Ford Motor Company & sponsor of the development of the assembly line technique of mass production. (1863 - 1947)

While there have been many ideas regarding how to treat each other, especially when it comes to customers and clients, it seems there are far more theories than true application! Whether it is the "Golden Rule", or the rule of "The Customer is always right", please consider embracing the approach of connection in addition to satisfaction.

What I mean by that is:

-Clients and customers have many options

-Clients and customers minimally want to be satisfied

-Clients and customers like great service

-Clients and customers really appreciate a connection (and I don't just mean free Wi-fi!)

So, if you are striving to make a difference, be relevant, especially customers and clients, please consider:

-Telling & showing clients and customers you appreciate them sincerely

-Asking clients and customers what they expect (instead of assuming)

-Offering clients and customers ways and times to connect

-Honoring what was discussed

In our world of speed and social media, looking someone in the eye, asking them a couple of things to enhance their experience, providing what they want, and then thanking them for their time and business, can not only go a long way that day, it can connect you to them in a way a post, blog, survey or coupon may never be able to do on its own...and yet it may create a connection to you and your business that opens them up to those additional things as well. With connection, true connection, instead of chasing the next deal, you are consistently engaging in a way that is lasting and real!

From Loss to Win...

"Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have - life itself." ~ Walter Anderson

In life, we have wins and losses.

A loss is a loss...

A loss of something, someone or some opportunity.

Absolutely, mourn that loss.

And then,

Move to being grateful for what you had and at peace with what you do not.

Appreciate each person, thing, and experience for what is given...not what is taken away.

And while you will still have a loss, you will know that you won in the end with your perspective and gratitude.

From Negate to Celebrate

"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate."

~ Oprah Winfrey, American media proprietor, talk show host, actress, producer, and philanthropist.(b. 1954)

Today, and each day, there will be things and people to negate, tolerate, appreciate and celebrate.

For those you are tempted to negate, can you tolerate?

Is there something you can appreciate about those you are tempted to just tolerate?

And, can you celebrate each and all you appreciate?

Moving from negate to celebrate may take a few steps, and yet they are yours to make it you want the best in your day!

Welcome Without the "Want to"

"Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." ~ Melody Beattie, Author of Codependent No More, published in 1987 by the Hazelden Foundation.

When you are welcoming someone, or thanking someone, skip the "I want to..." part of the statement, and go right to the welcome or appreciation. When you say "I want to welcome you..." or "I just want to say thank you for...", you are making it about you, and not about the grace and gratitude that are conveyed for the other person with

"Welcome to..." and "Thank you for..."

Get out of your own way, your own words, and let what you want to say be what you say!!

Socail Media Connection Direction

“Communication - the human connection - is the key to personal and career success.” – Paul J. Meyer, Founded Success Motivation Institute in 1960

If you really are seeking to connect with new and existing friends on Facebook and other personal media outlets, consider only accepting those types of requests, and instead, for business connections or people you have met at/through work, redirect the requests to either a Facebook business page or LinkedIn since these are designed for business interactions. The verbiage I use in a private message to the requester is below, and over the past year, this has proven to be professional and well-received...and it can be for you, too:

Hi NAME!

Here's hoping all is well!

Thank you for the friend request. Since I primarily connect with family and friends to share personal thoughts and multiple photos of events, you may not want to see all of that...

Instead, you may want to "like" my business page, where I post weekday "Lundbergisms" for inspiration and consideration. The link is https://www.facebook.com/PresentingPowerfullyByDebbieLundberg. Also, if you are on LinkedIn, we can connect there at http://www.linkedin.com/in/DebbieLundberg.

Thanks again, and best to you,

Debbie

Feel free to use or tweak as you deem fit, and best wishes growing your real friend base as well as your professional connections!

Invest in "The BUCK"!

"Successful investing is anticipating the anticipations of others." - John Maynard Keynes British Economist (1883 - 1946)

It's less likely we hear U.S. president Harry S. Truman' s expression "The buck stops here", and sadly more likely we have recently heard or said someone "Passed the buck".

This illusive "buck" seems to be in contention somehow, so instead of just stopping it or worse yet, passing it, let's consider investing in "The BUCK", by spending time and energy on:

B - Beginning with considering what is happening by asking what and how questions instead of just blaming or asking why questions.

U - Understanding who is involved and the consequences by looking beyond yourself and to the family, team, company or client/customer, as well as beyond just the bottom line or personal implications.

C - Clearly articulating what is happening and what will be done by agreeing to deadlines and getting agreement from people who are responsible for what outcomes.

K - Keeping up with the progress and the results through leading by example, interactions and updates rather than through micromanagement and fear tactics.

Times and people have surely changed a bit since President Truman was in office, and therefore our approach can also change in order to "buck"le down and not just "buck the system", but to really invest in "the BUCK"!!

Getting ABLE!

“As for the future, your task is not to foresee it, but to enable it.” - Antoine de Saint-Exupery French Pilot, Writer and Author

How ABLE are you? Are you:

A - Acting and

B - Believing in

L - Leadership through

E - Engagement?

Getting engaged with others, engaging people who may not typically be included, and really creating an engaging environment are all aspects of being

reasonABLE,

personABLE, and

respectABLE...

and who wouldn't want to enABLE all of that?!?

Brighten a Day!

“Sorrow is the mere rust of the soul. Activity will cleanse and brighten it.” ~ Samuel Johnson English Poet, Critic and Writer (1709-1784)

Instead of looking for what or whom will brighten our days, instead, please think of whose day can you make a little brighter today?

If you think of something you can do for someone else, your day will likely brighten as well... possibly as soon as you think of the person, probably when you think of what you'll do, and almost certainly when you do it...

Make it an enjoyable (and brightened) day!

A (Different) Look at the Weekdays!

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." ~ Oscar Wilde, Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic (1854-1900)

This week's post is about looking at each day with a point of happy and a healthy perspective, so enjoy the Happy Monday, Happy Tuesday, Happy Wednesday, Happy Thursday and Happy Friday!

So many people say "Happy Monday..." with much less enthusiasm, and, dare I say, even sarcasm, that is rarely there when they say "Happy Friday!", and yet if we embrace Mondays as:

M - Make it

O - One

N - Nice

D - Day with an

A - Attitude of

Y - YES!

Our Monday can be an enthusiastic and sincere "Happy MONDAY!"!!

Sticking with the theme each day being a happy one, our Happy TUESDAY reminder is to consider collaboration over the idea of compromise, as:

T - Teaming

U - Up

E - Encourages the

S - Sharing of ideas, where

D - Dividing and distancing

A - Alienates

Y - You

Our Tuesday can be a collaborative and productive "Happy TUESDAY!"!!

Our Happy WEDNESDAY reminder is to please consider the idea that how we anticipate the day is likely how it will play out, so how about you:

W - Welcome

E - Each

D - Day with

N - Non-stop

E - Enthusiasm

S - So that you

D - Deliberately

A - Appreciate all

Y - Your opportunities!

Instead of the traditional "Happy Hump Day" messaging of just getting through the middle of the week, our Wednesday can be a deliberate and appreciated "Happy WEDNESDAY!"!!

What is sometimes thought of as "Friday Eve", our Happy THURSDAY thought is to please remember that things and times are not really so complicated, rather people complicate them, so how about instead you keep in THURSDAY in mind as:

T - Thinking & being

H - Happy

U - Ultimately

R - Reflects in the

S - Simple approach of

D - Doing & being

A - All

Y - You possibly can!!

Keep it up, and simply keep making it a "Happy THURSDAY"!

We do hear "Happy Friday" a lot, it seems we often mean "welcome to the weekend" with that comment. With a little additional perspective, we can think of FRIDAY as:

F - Focus on

R - Really being

I - Invested in

D - Disposition and

A - Action for

Y - YOUR best day!

With this FRIDAY outlook, we can finish the work/school week strong as we start off an outstanding weekend, too. Happy FRIDAY to you!!

Whatever the day, whatever the way...make each of yours HAPPY!

Getting REAL

"Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing." - Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States (1809 - 1865)

Expressions like "Fake it 'til you make it", and "Never let them see you sweat" have become not only acceptable for many for being less than sincere with others...they have even allowed some, sadly, to be shallow with themselves.

Instead of being concerned with what others think, or don't think, of us, how nice would it be to be REAL with ourselves...and others as well? What I mean by REAL is:

R - Relevant. The opposite of relevance is vanity. Remember to be aware, stay abreast of what is happening, know you are not the only person who may be experiencing what is great, or challenging, and keep that perspective while being sad, glad, or anything in between.

E - Enthusiasm. The opposite of enthusiasm is apathy. Your attitude is your enthusiasm...it need not be loud or vocal, just yours. Having a belief in yourself and others while knowing whatever attitude you have is your choice, and your enthusiasm can be contagious...and worth catching!

A - Action. The opposite of action is worry. Worry yields nothing positive. Inaction is action,remember to choose wisely, as actions have rewards & consequences. Own your actions!

L - Leadership. The opposite of leadership is pessimism. The followers are not the opposite of the leader, as the followers are part of what make the leaders' leadership grow. Following is a way of leading self. Lead and guide yourself first, and others later. By leading yourself and setting an example is the way to what I call "Micro-leadership". Lead by example, and learn from experience.

As you maintain being relevant, embrace and share your enthusiasm, take action (and ownership of it), your leadership will continue to develop. These things will get and keep things REAL for you...no faking it, just making it...no sweat required!!!

TIME Ownership & Actions

"All that really belongs to us is time; even he who has nothing else has that." - Baltasar Gracian Spanish Writer (1601 - 1658)

Time is something that is non-renewable, precious, and yet many people act as though it is simply a slippery slope instead of a manageable resource. What causes that? And, how do we overcome that feeling of "no time"!?!

While much attention will not spent on these reasons or excuses, it seems the idea of "I don't have time for XYZ" is simply an acceptable response to someone or something being presented. There is rarely an explanation that is intelligent or encouraging, thoughtful or thorough, rather it just gets blurted as though the person can barely spare the seconds to utter the words, let alone, do whatever is being suggested/asked.

I am not encouraging anyone to say "yes" to everything or fake it on time, or even miss sleep to get things done in order to appear as though you can take on the day with ease and have "all the time in the world"! Instead, please consider eliminating: I'm so busy! I just don't have time for XYZ! You must have a lot more time on your hands than I do! I'm always late! / I'm always rushing! Who has got time for that?

Instead, TIME can be viewed as:

Taking-on, and

Incorporating

Manageable

Expectations

In other words, be focused, be in control, and be appreciative of the time you get. How about: I'm so busy! becomes "It's a full day!" or "It's going to be a productive day!" I just don't have time for XYZ! becomes "No, thank you" or "That's not a good fit for me." You must have a lot more time on your hands than I do! becomes "Good for you that you are dedicating time to what is important to you!" I'm always late! / I'm always rushing! becomes "Because I want to respect your time, let's please meet 15 minutes later." Who has got time for that? becomes a silent smile, rather than judging someone else for his/her choices

By replacing the first expressions that are lifeless and show no control or interest, and even insult the listener by implying you have more things going on than s/he, with these listed above, you will not only communicate more effectively, you will likely feel a sense of management and ownership of your choices, and your actions, which after all, add up to how you spend your TIME!

View, Not for You...

"Courteousness is consideration for others; politeness is the method used to deliver such considerations." - Bryant H. McGill

When you invite someone to your club or a restaurant/bar with a view, leave the seats with the best view for your guest, as you have seen the view before, and in order to host well, allow that person or people to experience that appeal that attracted you to the location/experience.

Hosting and having people enjoy the experience are things that may feel good, even if what you see is less that the best picture outside your table or seat...and yet, the view you really want will be those across from you having a great time!

Name Change

Debbie Lundberg Life & Business Coaching became Presenting Powerfully by Debbie Lundberg in 2013.

The tagline for the new venture is "Partnering with individuals & organizations to enhance communication, behaviors & relationships."

The focus of what is offered has not changed, and includes: - Inspirational & Entertaining Speaking Engagements - Group & Team Training Events - Personality & Interest Assessments - Life, Business & Presentation Coaching

The new logo, with the two Ps, reflects the internal and external aspects of how we present to ourselves and others. After all, how we present is how we are remembered, so whether it is one-on-one, in your writing, for a group or a meeting, continue to be Presenting Powerfully!