Audience Engagement When Presenting

Participation and More

A talk or presentation is typically best with engagement of the audience, and that means participation of some sort.

Here are a few ways to positively engage your audience:

• Meet people prior to the talk, or greet them if you already know them
• Walk around the room
• Make eye contact
• Ask a question and raise your hand as you are asking, so the audience knows you want their input
• Ask a question with "Who'll be the first to guess at..." so people know their guesses are okay, and then, when someone answers, repeat the guess and thank him or her without judgement
• Ask "Who wants to start us off?" and wait, rather than "picking on someone to answer something
• When someone starts responding, when he or she is done, ask that person "Who would you like to hear from next?" so that you are not calling on someone
• Use a fun object, or even a wadded up piece of paper as the talking prop that when someone has it, she or he has the floor - let people know you throw the object to, not at, others
• Call people by name
• Be sincere in your interaction
• Make the effort and have fun (without making fun of anyone other than yourself)

When you choose to engage your audience in positive ways, they feel safe, enjoy, and tend to want to be a part of the information sharing with you!

Ask, Don't Assume

With technology making staying in touch readily available and accessible, and that can be great, what isn't great is when someone assumes how to contact you and/or pay you.
 
When you meet someone with whom you want to engage, ask him or her "If it is appropriate, I'll follow-through on our conversation...would you prefer a call, text or email?", and then use that preferred method.
 
Similarly, when paying for services or splitting a charge with someone, ask what form of payment works best, as there are many, so saying something similar to "Okay, so I owe you $XX, and I'll get you that by tomorrow. Do you prefer Zelle, PayPal, Venmo, or ApplePay?" is smart, as not everyone uses all forms of payment, and if not set up, have hoops to jump through to access what is rightly his or hers.
 
Asking, and not assuming, works well in life in general. Respecting preferences and noting choices makes for good rapport-building and good relationships, so in contact, payment, and other things, do ask, don't assume!

Phase Out Some Phrases...

"Silence is better than unmeaning words."  ~ Pythagoras Greek philosopher and the eponymous founder of the Pythagoreanism movement.  Words matter. The use of words becomes as much as a habit as brushing our teeth, and if we do not consider that meanings change over time, and the implication of what we say (and how we say it) have an impact on others, we may be sending the wrong message...unintentionally. Here are some words and phrases to please consider phasing out. These are not pet peeve words, rather these tend to conjure up negative or off-putting ideas for some/many, and while not everyone will find them problematic, wouldn't it be nice to avoid the potential and amp up your effectiveness anyway? Phrases to Phase Out      Replacement Verbiage We'll just agree to disagree While we may not agree on this, let's respect each of us has our reasoning and neither is wrong Kind of (nothing - simply be specific) You don't understand You need to Would you consider? I am counting on you to... Relax/Calm down What can I do to assist? Obviously Some find/agree... For those of you who know me, I am... I'd like to introduce you to... I am Please meet It is what it is Here's where we are, and here's the approach I am taking I don't care Whatever you prefer/Your preference works for me By shifting your phrases, you ensure others, and you, know where you are, where you are going, and you have clear messaging for moving ahead!

Letting Go of Familiarity

"It is, after all, the responsibility of the expert to operate the familiar and that of the leader to transcend it."

~ Henry A. Kissinger

American diplomat and political scientist. He served as National Security Advisor and later concurrently as United States Secretary of State in the administrations of presidents Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford. 

(b. 1923)

With the start of a new year, there are a few choices to make about planning for, and anticipating, the next twelve months. Okay, there are often many choices to make as we anticipate hanging a new calendar with hope!

Often a choice we ignore or simply do not consider, is one of deciding what familiar habits, people, processes, and feelings do we want to continue to embrace, and what familiar habits, people, processes, and feelings do we want to exit from our lives, or minimally eliminate the expectations around them.

Some people, some experiences, some things in which we participate, are so familiar to us that we do not even realize the impact they have on us - positively or negatively. By making time now, right now, to do the following, there are ways to assess, address, and let go:
1) Review your last year's calendar and make a list of the people, the events, the organizations, the habits that take the most time and/or energy.
2) Consider a five-point scale for satisfaction (5 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, with no partial points) with person, event, organization, habit without regard for others or what you believe you "should" do or what is expected of you.
3) Put all the 1s and 2s on a list. Put all the 4s and 5s on a different list. Put all the 3s on a list.
4) For the 4s and 5s, make time to call, email, or text whomever is affiliated, and thank someone what's transpired, and reiterate your commitment/relationship.
5) For the 1s and 2s, make time to call, email, or text whomever is affiliated, and thank someone what's transpired, and share your time and interests have changed, and that you will not be as engaged moving forward (yes, even with, and especially with, people). This is not about ignoring people or situations, rather addressing them kindly and professionally. An example is: "Hi Tod, this is Debbie. Hope all is going well. Is this a good time to talk for a couple minutes about some things we've been involved in recently?"..."Thanks so much for being a friend for happy hours and the movies last year. We had some enjoyable times, didn't we?"...With my focus on school and fitness this year, please know I will likely attend few happy hours or movies."..."When we see each other out, or on social media, I'll be sending positive energy, and wish you the best!"..."Thanks again! Here's to a great quarter!"
6) For the 3s, make time to determine what would push it to a 4 or 5, and commit to doing that.
7) Schedule time in/on your calendar for 3s, 4s, and 5s, in order to move the 3s to 4s or 5s, and maintain the 4s and 5s.

While this may seem like a task, think of the results you will get! By investing time and energy now, you'll look forward to the familiar things you want to keep in your life, and not dread or avoid those familiar things you don't seek more of this year.

Replace Cocky with COOL

With the year of the Rooster upon us, it's a time to be like the rooster, a sign of of fidelity and punctuality. Sadly, when we miss these things, we can be perceived as cocky. Instead of being the cocky rooster, let's go for being the cool bird through:

C - Confidence - Be confident in yourself, and confident in others. Without confidence in others, people can seem cocky. Believing others have abilities can be cool.
O - Offer - Offer a positive comment or compliment to someone you meet. Be sincere. Without sincerity, offers can seem overstated and cocky. With admiration of others, you can be cool.
O - Open - Open your mind, your eyes, and your body language to others. Without staying willing to consider other things, people and ideas, your presence can seem cocky. Cool people are open people.
L - Listen - Listen to others and surroundings. People who talk a lot...too much, can seem cocky, where those who listen to learn are welcoming and cool.

When you are aware of not being cocky, you can be COOL...cool in your demeanor, cool in your approach, cool in your approachability, and cool in your loyalty and timeliness!

Missed Opportunities

We make mistakes. We miss out. We misinterpret.

When a mistake is made, please consider saying "Please forgive me for XYZ" rather than "I'm sorry" so the apology is about the other person and not you first.

When we miss an invitation or an email, that is a form of error, too.  You may want to offer "Please forgive me for not responding, as that was my mistake for missing XYZ" rather than "I'm sorry", or "I'm so swamped" or "I'm so busy", so the acknowledgment and/or apology is about the other person and not you.

When we overreact, read a text or message in an off mood and reply as such, you'll likely show sincerity and humility by offering "Please forgive me for my reaction to XYZ, as I realize my error in overreacting", or "Please forgive me for my reply to you, as I was fair in my interpretation". This is about owning your action.

Errors will occur, mistakes will present themselves. Misinterpretations happen. Take the situation to heart, face it, and share your response post-reaction to mend the ways and move forward!

Choosing Wisely for the Best You!

"Choose your love, Love your choice."

~ Thomas S. Monson

American author.

(b. 1928)

We choose how we act, respond, or don't respond through many ways. You are already successful, and by considering these choices perhaps you'll not only be the most well-rounded success you can be, you'll be the most well-rounded person you can be!

Choose happiness. While others will attempt to squash it, question it, and even deny it with interference, jealously or nastiness let that be on them, and for you, choose happiness anyway!

Choose kindness. There's a goodness, a thoughtfulness, an approach a kind person takes. A door is held open, a hand is held tight. Even though others may not see it, recognize or reciprocate your efforts, choose kindness anyway.

Choose integrity. Lead with, and close with respect, honesty and decency. Integrity can seem so large, so vast at times. And in life, in each of our lives, there will be times others attempt to sway you to go against your morals and beliefs. There may even be times it is tempting to take the short cut...the easy way. Look yourself in the mirror, and choose integrity anyway!

Choose collaboration. Notice I didn't say compromise, not even competition! There is enough room for everyone who is good when we focus not on others, but focus on success overall. When people expect you to give up, acquiesce or even lose to them, work through it together, and choose collaboration anyway!

Choose forgiveness. This, of all the choices we have, can often be the most ideal, and yet the most challenging. It's often said it takes two to tango. I say it only takes one to be jealous...and it only takes one to forgive. When we hold on to anger, disappointment and disagreement, we don't punish the other person, we keep ourselves from the freedom to move on. So, even when someone seems unacceptable, unrelenting, dreadful, or unforgiving themselves, choose forgiveness anyway!

Choose generosity. Not just generosity of money, when you can, also generosity of time, spirit and compassion. There are takers and makers in this world. Be an opportunity maker. Even when others seem to take advantage, or simply take, take, take, choose generosity anyway!

Choose love! Have an open heart. Be vulnerable. Let love in, and let love out. Love yourself first, and love others as well. Some people may be cold, put up a wall, have been hurt, and not say I love you back. Smile inside and out, and choose Love anyway!

It's the choices we make, not the circumstances we are in, that make us who we are, and who we will be.  Make your choices. Choose well. Choose well for you. Choose to be the best you can be!

Six Moves to Make Photos Memorable

6 Steps to Powerful Photos

Since the summer is around the corner, and a lot of photos get taken, here are six steps to securing a smile when you see the picture, and not just when you are having it taken. If you are alone in the picture, or not able to be in the middle of a group shot, pick your best side, select that end, and then:

1) Plant your back foot

2) Point your front foot (not with a bent knee, rather a point to elongate the leg)

3) Place your outer hand on side between ribs and hips

4) Position your outer shoulder by rolling it back for good posture and a slight openness from the side

5) Peer out from a down-tilted chin, and up-tilted eyes

6) Present your pearly whites with a smile from your teeth to your eyes

These six quick steps will provide a lean, happy look for pictures to capture your fun and your best look(s)!

Small Changes in Words = Big Impact

This is the second part of the words matter message. Words are a part of how we are perceived. Making some small changes in word selection may make big changes in your impact, and therefore, your results, including the following:

Delivering Difficult News Directly & Delicately

"A fellow doesn't last long on what he has done. He has to keep on delivering."

~ Mark Twain

Carl Owen Hubbell, nicknamed "The Meal Ticket" and "King Carl", was an American baseball player. He was a member of the New York Giants in the National League from 1928 to 1943.

(1903 - 1988)

Very few of us are comfortable delivering difficult news. And, even fewer of us want to be good at it! Still, there is difficult news to be delivered at times, and handling that well...directly and delicately, is what is best for everyone involved.

When you are the one in the position of knowing about difficult news, it can be tempting to avoid it, ignore it, or hope someone else informs others. Or, alternatively, our "fight or flight" instincts may lead us to blurt the news, or broadcast it in a way that "gets it off our chest", so to speak.

Instead of either of those approaches, please consider the following to deliver difficult news in an appropriate, timely, compassionate way:
1) Remember, the news is difficult for you because it will be difficult for the person receiving the news. This is really about the other person first, and you second. While you absolutely matter, getting out of your way, and putting the other person front and center in your thoughts and words will work best.
2) Having shared that, even though it is about that other person or people, it is okay for you to feel down, concerned, or uncomfortable!
3) Schedule time, in private, when possible, rather than blindside the person/people. When something unexpected happens, and you cannot schedule private time, minimally move to a private area.
4) When beginning, use the person's name, say something that states it may be difficult to hear, that it is important, and that you care about the person.
5) State things factually.
6) Ask if what you shared was clear.
7) Offer a change of topic and/or exit.

Bringing it together, it would play out similarly to this:
 "Todd, what I am about to say my be difficult to hear, and it is still important it is shared. Please know I appreciate you, so I am going to be direct with you. Your performance on the board has not met expectations. You and I discussed this at the New Year. You had an opportunity to make improvements, and they have, unfortunately, not happened . Surely you want to be successful. I believe your intent is to contribute. Since neither is happening in this situation, wouldn't you agree that it is best you step down?" After a response, thank him for his professionalism, if he agrees, and let him know he is relieved from the role, should he not agree. Either way, thank him for his time and interest, and then stand up to exit the conversation.

Things like this are not anything to look forward to delivering, and yet, if it is a break-up, a death in the family, a hygiene situation, inappropriate behavior, poor work performance, or other things to address, directness and delicacy is imperative to leaving yourself and the other person/people feeling as good as possible in the midst of what is occurring.

Age is a Privilege...Not a Problem!

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

~ Mark Twain

Samuel Langhorne Clemens, better known by his pen name Mark Twain, was an American author and humorist.

(1835 - 1910)

It seems like rarely a day passes that someone doesn't say something like "Getting old isn't for sissies" or "Gravity isn't kind", or "I'm old, so I cannot read this without my glasses" in front of a podium or on a stage, and while people smile or even laugh, there is an implication that getting old, and aging, in general, is a problem...and while there may be painful emotional, and even physical changes, for us as we gain in years, please consider that we are in a tremendous state of being privileged to get to age.

For the times when you crack, creak, pop or pause, let that notice of what perhaps may sound like your physical limitations instead let those remind you of your physical capabilities. Take a few seconds or a moment to appreciate what you can do...at any age.

If there is a time you feel like you are the oldest, or that you don't belong or fit in due to those surrounding you being younger, keep in mind one person, any person or people, who were/are older than you who imparted knowledge on you, and then choose to share with others who are interested. Think of how fun it is to have the perspective you get to have as you add to your life's experience!

For the times when your body might feel like it does not perform the way it used to perform, from an endurance or strength measurement, allow yourself to focus on being the best you right now. Measure self against self in the moment, and think of the honor you have to feed and exercise your body in a way that serves it well.

For the times when your mind may play tricks on you, or your memory doesn't serve you well, allow yourself to be grateful for all the memories you do have, and all the memories you are yet to make. Decide to enhance the capabilities you have versus dwelling on what you are missing.

For the times others are sharing their issues and even corralling you to do the same, make a mental note of what you like, for which you are grateful, and for all you have, still have, and will have, rather that what once was, or what is gone, so you can, minimally, keep your approach positive...even if others choose not to!

Aging, while it can seem unfair, it is something so many of us hope to get to do with family and friends. We pine for a long, full life, and yet that cannot happen without aging. It is an honor, a privilege, to get to age...yes, hopefully gracefully, and it can absolutely be gratefully, as that latter part is within our control! When we see, speak and even lament over the "problems" of aging, it is difficult to appreciate the privilege of aging, and yet, nearly as simply, when we see, speak and share the privilege of aging, it is difficult to get caught up in the lamenting over the problems of it all!

Small Word Changes = Big Results!

"Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace."

~Buddha

Words matter. Words are a part of how we are perceived. Making some small changes in word selection may make big changes in your results, including the following:

These replacements will allow for clear communication and respectful language for you and those with whom you engage! More to follow next month...

Breaking Up with Busy!

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." 

~John Lennon

So often we are asked (or ask) "Are you busy?" It's practically replaced "How are you?", and yet what does busy mean? It's almost a badge of peculiar, proud honor for people to talk about, dare I say brag about, how busy they are. Please stop it!

And, similarly, we often answer the question "Yes!" to "Are you busy?", or "Busy!" to "How are you?". Please stop that, too!

Break up with busy, as busy only show you are either frazzled, tired, over-scheduled, over-worked, not in control of your time, or you are allowing outside influence or people to drive your schedule. Busy does not indicate anything other than motion or being rather than interest and productivity.

Replace the concept, and response of busy with productive, full or enjoyable. If someone asks "Are you busy", please consider smiling and replying with "It's been a productive day/week/month", or "It's a full, enjoyable time".

In all of this, make sure you are sincere, clear, and owning your language and disposition...all while letting go of the idea of being married to "busy"! Break up with busy, and get hooked on your productivity and your time/decision ownership!

Be Your Best Valentine...For Yourself BEFORE Others!

"I know of only one duty, and that is to love."

~ Albert Camus

 French philosopher, author, and journalist.

(1913 - 1960)

Often around Valentine's Day, our thoughts go to others, what to do, and what to give. While there is much fun in creating a cupid-type approach to a day or date, and nothing wrong with any of those thoughts, what about how you love yourself...how to BE your best Valentine for you?

When we take care of ourselves, we can be our best, and ultimately, we can be kind with and for others! Here are 10 ways to BE Your Best Valentine this month, and beyond:

10. Be selfish (not self-centered). Take care of you so others do not have to take care of you. When you take care of self, you can be your best!
  9. Be present. Put your devices away, and get the most of situations and people by being involved!
  8. Be real. Nobody and nothing is perfect. Let your feelings and experiences flow, and figure out what each means to/for you.
  7. Be gracious. While it can seem like many others are doing and getting terrific opportunities while you are "working away", grace means you accept opportunities and challenges in a way you are willing and able to address them with style and consideration.
  6. Be open. As you let your heart and mind be free to people and offers, you can, and likely will, let things in that enhance your world.
  5. Be aware. Similar to presence, your awareness goes beyond your experience. Being aware is about all senses. What are you experiencing, and what are others doing or feeling. Awareness in self and of others creates a leading energy and perspective.
  4. Be engaging. Let what you are doing be filled with questions to learn and grow through exchanges with others about them. This is for them to feel engaged, and for you to gain momentum and ideas from others.
  3. Be clear. Allow your yes to be yes and your no to be no...without apology or explanation. Clarity in expectation and position keep you focused and true to self and others.
  2. Be positive. Even when things go differently than expected, look for what is working versus failing. Seek positive energy and people for surrounding yourself and nurturing you in order to give positivity.
  1. Be grateful. Having appreciation, gratitude and thankfulness in your heart and on your mind will allow that to come through in your vision and voice as you are alone and with others. Gratitude is one of the best gifts you can give yourself that will fill your heart and the hearts of others!

These ten ways, ten approaches, ten attitudes, make for a terrific start to a loving way to give to you...your special all-year-long Valentine! Love yourself first, and make Valentine's Day what you want it to be!

Brighten a Day!

“Sorrow is the mere rust of the soul. Activity will cleanse and brighten it.” ~ Samuel Johnson English Poet, Critic and Writer (1709-1784)

Instead of looking for what or whom will brighten our days, instead, please think of whose day can you make a little brighter today?

If you think of something you can do for someone else, your day will likely brighten as well... possibly as soon as you think of the person, probably when you think of what you'll do, and almost certainly when you do it...

Make it an enjoyable (and brightened) day!

View, Not for You...

"Courteousness is consideration for others; politeness is the method used to deliver such considerations." - Bryant H. McGill

When you invite someone to your club or a restaurant/bar with a view, leave the seats with the best view for your guest, as you have seen the view before, and in order to host well, allow that person or people to experience that appeal that attracted you to the location/experience.

Hosting and having people enjoy the experience are things that may feel good, even if what you see is less that the best picture outside your table or seat...and yet, the view you really want will be those across from you having a great time!

Hold On or Let Go?

"Courage is the power to let go of the familiar." - Raymond Lindquist, Author, Pastor

Holding on to people, things, and ideas that are negative and/or keep us feeling down, inferior or wrong, holds up forward progress and growth.

Letting go of people, things and ideas that are negative and/or keep us feeling down, inferior or wrong, opens up our hearts and our minds for progress and growth.

Hold on and be held back...not by others, but by you.

Let go and let yourself live...by you, and for you!!

Commit to Prepare!

"He who is best prepared can best serve his moment of inspiration." ~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge, English Poet (1772 - 1834)

Want to improve your personal confidence and effectiveness? Then, commit to prepare!

Preparation is the combination of information, perspective, application and time.

Whether it is for a presentation or project, a job interview, a date, a meeting with a potential client, or any connection with another person or company, being informed, getting insights from others, applying the knowledge to the situation, and allowing yourself time to put it together, will work in concert to serve you well.

Effective preparation equates to empowered, and impressive confidence and effectiveness...and who doesn't want that?!?!?

Year in Review/Preview: Past, Present, Future

"Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now." ~Alan Lakein, American Author, Time Management Expert

Since "Time flies!" and "Where has the time gone?" are likely somewhat common expressions or exasperations in your life, how great is it that we have a chance to look back on time, and unlock the keys to our successes and opportunities to be present in our plans, and look ahead to what is to come! I use what I call The Year in Review/Preview for this fun, reflective, planning activity.

Your Year in Review/Preview is to be done alone, and can be shared with others who complete the Year in Review/Preview or those who do not...it's up to you!

The idea is to go back through your experiences, your memories, and any anticipation or angst in order to ready yourself for each month of the year ahead.

Allow quiet reflection when completing the Year in Review/Preview. Finish each statement without hesitation or concern for how others would perceive it. The "something else" section is for anything else you want to share. Do this for each month as you look back at 2012 and ahead to 2013:

1) My favorite memory of this month

2) The smell/taste I associate with this month

3) The best activity for the month

4) Something I plan to do

5) Something I don't plan to do

6) Something else about this month

7) Someone I will see/outreach to this month

8) Something I will stop or start this month

9) A personal goal/accomplishment for the month

10) Professional goal/accomplishment for the month

The outcome anticipated is to gain perspective, and have a plan when approaching the chunks of time we call months (and years). This is an effective planning tool, a sharing tool (if you make that choice), a balancing tool, and a fun tool for many!

Enjoy! Make it a terrific time in your life for appreciating the past, being present now, and for planning for a great future!

Get Serious About Being SILLY!

“We find it hard to believe that other people's thoughts are as silly as our own, but they probably are.” ~ James Harvey Robinson quotes (American historian (1863-1936)

While you may be "serious" about someone or something, please embrace, and even insist on also being silly for a bit. Being silly doesn't mean you're flaky or dumb, disengaged or distracted, rather silly means:

S - Simply

I - Including

L - Levity &

L - Laughter for/from

Y - You

And, you may be surprised to know that following your "silly" other people and situations often seem a little lighter, smarter, engaging and even command a little more focus!