Leading Through Emotions at Work

If you want to have a life that is worth living, a life that expresses your deepest feelings and emotions and cares and dreams, you have to fight for it. 

~ Alice Walker

Considering we, as humans, are a series of emotions and habits, and our emotions can drive our commitment to well-serving habits, just as our habits can either quell or enhance our emotional states in reaction or response to people and situations, what happens when emotions are presented at the office, on Zoom/Teams, or with clients and colleagues in a way that creates discomfort? Can anything be done, or do we simply wait and hope for it to pass?

The answer is yes, you can do something, and here are approaches that will be emotionally intelligent, kind, and considerate to not tell someone they are wrong, rather give them an opportunity to sit in success. Much of these actions take place far before an incident, and others are for in the moment:

1)    Instead of creating and fostering an environment of emotionally-based questions or requests, such as “Do me a favor and get this report to me by Noon tomorrow” or “Don’t get mad at me, but…I need you to get the data regarding the XYZ widgets by Noon tomorrow”, ensure your language is focused on work, and appropriate in requests for the role and responsibilities someone has, meaning state requests such as “Because you are responsible for the data regarding the XYZ widgets, please share the ROI on the sales for 2022 by Noon tomorrow” and “Respecting you have a lot on your plate, is it realistic to expect the data regarding the XYZ widgets by Noon tomorrow?”

2)    When someone says something like “I don’t think So-And-So likes me” or “I think So-And-So has it in for me”, reply not with “Why is that?”, which can start innocently and then end in gossip and positioning, instead, shut down that language while being open to ensuring a safe workplace by stating “While ours is not a culture about liking and not liking, having it in for someone or blame, what specifically has happened that makes you feel uncomfortable with So-And-So when working together?” The difference is subtle, and yet you are not allowing that to subtly be acceptable that there can be people out for others.

3)    Should someone says “I feel like you don’t trust me” or “You dismiss me all the time”, or “You never let me finish an idea in the meeting”, rather than get defensive or tell the person “That’s not true”, or “I don’t do that”, or “You’re too sensitive” or “Calm down” say sincerely “You have the right to feel that way. Please walk me through the last time this happened for clarity and get us back connected positively and productively” or “Please forgive me for not being aware of that, I am open to hearing what you experienced”. Then, listen, and strive to relate with empathy rather than react with heightened energy. You want to avoid arguing or countering emotions. People’s emotions are not right or wrong, they are theirs, and working through them to an outcome and agreement is best.

4)    If you have gossip and bickering in the workplace, shut the action and activity down without shutting up people. Share that your workplace, organization, team, or group is not only a safe place, it is a space for support and collaboration, and there is not only no room for gossip and behind-the-back antics, it is an action such as one of those that will be the demise of the team. Share that if there is something factual to address, you will listen, and points of opinion are to be worked through by those involved directly. You are there to be supportive and to moderate, if need be, and that such engagement is to happen long before others are involved or told what has been occurring. This will garner openness and respect in order to keep alliances and cliques from forming.

Ultimately, you want, and you likely want your team members to feel and engage rather than get emotional and blame.

In nearly-18-years of my practice I’ve yet to meet an employee at any level who said, “I love working at my job because people are emotionally driven to blame” or “It’s great to get to work where there is an “in group” and the rest of us.” With that in mind, know that we are emotional beings, and that being known is how you can harness the emotions to appreciate and respect them without allowing emotional sabotage to take place. Let people have habits and emotions, and at the same time, let’s get in the habit of emotions being part of our experiences and not part of emotionally driven taking of sides, or dragging down culture, in the workplace!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #Leadership #Emotions #EmotionalIntelligence

Lessons Learned: Grace Following Gratitude

 Nope!!! No way!! Not a chance!! 🤚

Forgetting my bandana for sweat, stepping in dog poo, and even a lady nearly violently screaming “Are you kidding??” at me when I smiled, waved, and said “Good morning!” as I passed her on a run could not AND would not keep me from being grateful to run outside and thankful our home was intact after HurricaneIan on my morning run the Saturday when we returned from evacuating in my "Please be K.I.N.D." tank top!

While I felt surprised and even shocked in the midst of the experiences, the feeling of sadness for people not being grateful for what they had, being safe following Ian, and feeling humbled by everyone south of us and on other coasts being in despair, I dug deep to learn:

• Others have the right to feel how they feel and those feelings, and therefore their actions, do not have to impact others.
• People's actions are a reflection of how they are feeling about themselves and their lives, not you and your life.
• Share stories of such experiences only for learning and perspective, not to complain or carry those ideas and feelings forward

While how a day begins can impact the whole day, it need not, and it is your choice!

Not sure about everyone else, but I choose kindness and it keeps me fueled for life!!! Won’t you please join me?

#Kind #kindness #Kindnessmatters #1KindAct #KindnessNeedNotBeQuarantined

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Belief in oneself is one of the most important bricks in building any successful venture. 

~ Lydia M. Child

While Imposter Syndrome, the feeling that you are not qualified, or somehow a fake, has been studied since the 1970's, it is a topic of interest and request of late for my practice. In particular, with women, the past five years has had an increase in tailoring a talk on Imposter Syndrome, and over the past three years, men and women have been interested in knowing what it is, how to identify it, how to overcome it, and how to coach others beyond it. 

So, the Top 10 summary is broken down into 4 categories:

 2 – Be Your Biggest Fan

 4 – Set Personal Boundaries

 2 – Practice Vulnerability

 2 – Own Your Impact

10 ways to lessen imposter syndrome as you increase confidence. 

They are:

10 - Own & celebrate your achievements! (Both are essential to avoid burnout, find joy in your uniqueness & cultivate self-confidence.)

  9 - See yourself as a work in progress. (Start something new to gain skills rather than not doing it to avoid failure! Better to fail as the future you than succeed only as the current you!)

 8 - Set expectations & make commitments…(while overcoming the desire to be perfect!)

 7 - Veer away from external validation. (Nobody has the power to make you feel good (or bad) about yourself, unless you let them!)

 6 - Know you’re a person so you will take things personally…(And, take constructive criticism seriously, and choose to make it feedback for growth by asking 1) Is it true, 2) Does it matter to my brand, 3) Do I want to make a change?)

 5 - Know that:  Gossip is garbage, Jealousy is junk, Comparison is crippling, and Doubt is destroying (And that these approaches: gossip, jealousy, comparison, and doubt are all "small thinking" - be bigger than those ways!)

 4 - Get & engage with a mentor or coach! (With full transparency, and know that it is not likely your direct leader/supervisor, for when someone decides advancement and pay, there can be challenges with transparency not carrying over into those decisions.)

 3 - See others as inspirations and resources - as opportunities to guide/assist you! (There is no shame in asking for help!)

 2 - Stop over-apologizing (One apology is enough, if you made an error, and then move to thanks for waiting, or thanks for accommodating - gratitude over apology is confidence-building! Plus, many "I'm sorry"s can be replaced with "Excuse me" and/or "Please forgive me for..." instead without hesitation!)

 1 - Practice Emotional Intelligence (Be consistent, fair, kind, and gracious…to you & others!)

Imposter Syndrome is a state of mind, and it is a real feeling that with these steps, awareness, and a willingness to couple humility with the recognition that you have strengths and value, it is also something that can be overcome!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #ImposterSyndrome

Debbie@DebbieLundberg.com 813.494.4438 DebbieLundberg.com

Living a Meaningful Life

 "Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend - or a meaningful day."

~ Dalai Lama

Meaning and meaningfulness in one’s life can be a goal, a pursuit, a passion, or an Achilles’ heel. How so? While those of us who feel, believe, and think we are making an impact, and therefore, a difference, are likely in the first three aspects…setting goals, pursuing joy, and passionately experiencing all we get to do. Still, others are frustrated, fumbling, and/or feelings as though they’ll never “get it”.

Because meaning is personal, and living a meaningful life is not the same as being happy, and/or experiencing and embracing happiness, it can seem elusive. It is not, and while the list here may look like a playbook or script, there is no order to the rhythm, rather your rhythm in moving through them will be your order.

10. Decide what your priorities are. Have 2, 3, or 4 that you know well and carry in your mind and heart. With those in mind, set your intention each day for that day, and set goals for days, weeks, months, and years. Intentions for experiences or days will allow you to be focused and present.

 9. Determine if your career is your calling or not. If so, go in fully, and if not, that is not a failure, it is success to learn that, and then you can pursue your calling adjunctly, as a side gig, or as a full change in your vocation. That’s up to you (all of this is!). Similarly, own and appreciate your passion. This need not have anything to do with your career and may link to your calling. Passion is that spark for you. Perhaps it’s coaching or dancing, and that may bring exercise and/or income or it may not. You may have a passion for reading. Make time for your passion.  

 8. Know that happiness is a state of mind and that you, and only you, are the one person responsible for your happiness. Get away from thinking being 10 pounds lighter or at a different job or in a relationship will make you happy. You take your mood and attitude with you, and the circumstances and people you are around either enhance or hinder them. Choose happiness and go forward from there!

 7. Engage in, and work on your Emotional Intelligence. Being self-aware, compassionate, and gracious with yourself and others will allow you to keep a perspective on life and situations that keeps you from being self-focused. Practice kindness. My definition of kindness is doing something for someone that benefits them whether they know you did it or not.

 6. Know that you are responsible for your choices and actions. Even when your choice or action did not go how you wanted or anticipated, own the outcomes and impacts and move forward. This is not excusing behaviors or lack of action, this is about being in the game and knowing while you can win growth, nobody has to lose as a result. Be proud of good choices. Apologize if choices impact others negatively. Name what you are doing or have done without blaming anyone or anything. Forgive. Forgive others, and forgive yourself, too. While feelings get hurt and things get said, timing and intention play roles in exchanges. Still, fully embrace and accept that most people do not want to hurt you, and if they do, that is a reflection of how they feel about themselves more than about you.

 5. Spend less money than you make and give back. This can be in making time and in donating money for causes and people who can benefit from your efforts. It’s not the amount that counts, it is that you make something else, outside of you and your family, work and activities, something you give worth and work to make a difference!

 4. Go it alone at times to grow, and then allow others in at times to assist in different growth. Know that there is no shame in asking for input or guidance. At the same time, don’t apologize if something is important for you to experience on your own. Don’t exclude or get dependent, rather be aware of what is best for you in each situation.

 3. Use time as your collaborator and not your nemesis. What? Yes, utilize the time you have in front of you and plan for it. This is not meant to make your life rigid, rather it is about making the most of each moment. Relaxing, sleeping, resting, and playing are all part of a full life, so that time is included in having a meaningful life. When that time is arranged, be present for what is available and what you get to experience.

 2. Love. Love fully. Love your friends. Be happy for others. Love a good time story. Love seeing people succeed. Spend little to no time or energy on jealousy or comparing yourself to others. Spend your vibes, words, and actions on moving toward creating and cultivating loving ways and relationships – romantic and otherwise. Let love guide you and let love lift you…and others!

 1. Be thankful, appreciative, and grateful. See what you have and celebrate that rather than imagining what is missing and focusing on that. I often say be grateful for what you have rather than hateful for what you don’t. Similarly, be appreciative of who is present rather than antagonistic toward those who are not. 

Having and living a meaningful life can be complicated when thinking about it long-term, and yet these approaches allow you to simplify your dedication and enjoyment of the meaning you either have within you, or you will find within you!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner 

Meet People Where They Are

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed." 

~ Carl Jung

Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology. His work has been influential not only in psychiatry but also in anthropology, archaeology, literature, philosophy, and religious studies. 

(1875 - 1961)

While it can be hopeful to anticipate someone's potential, and reflective to think about what we used to do when we were in a similar position historically in our career/life, it is a challenge, at times, to meet people where they are...and not where we think they are, or where we wish they were!

Personally and professionally, being willing to see people for whom they are, and for what they are doing, serves us well. While that is a simple concept, doing it is not necessarily easy, as we can be overly optimistic, overly pessimistic, or simply unrealistic.

Before determining what to say or do with someone in any situation, remember to see him or her for the person he or she is, and not what you want them to be or hope they'll be. That can be time consuming...and even lead to the proverbial tongue-biting! Ways to accomplish "meeting people where the are" include:
1) Consider the situation & the options
2) Consider what the person wants to do and not do
3) Discuss options openly (not in a directive way)
4) Ask for reasoning and share yours
5) Offer perspective through stories
6) Keep the others from harming themselves or others in their decisions/actions
7) Let the person make his or her own mistakes and make for his or her own success

Meeting someone where s/he is will allow for leading with empathy while allowing others to grow!

Today's TLC

"Take it from me,
Don't be a victim of society,
You can't put yourself in a position to be neglected,
And disrespected,
You have to do what's not expected." 

~ TLC Lyrics from "His Song"
TLC is an American girl group whose repertoire spans R&B, hip hop, funk and "urban" soul. TLC originally comprised of lead singer Tionne "T-Boz" Watkins, rapper Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes (until her death in 2002) and singer Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas. The group was very successful in the 1990s and early 2000s.

(1990 - present)

    

TLC is often about Tender Loving Care, and that will not go out of style...yesterday, today or tomorrow! 

In addition to the Tender Loving Care, there is some extra TLC for each day that can, and likely will, enhance your experiences. This revised (or revisited, if you have seen me speak on this) TLC is about: Talent, Leading/Leadership, and Commitment.

Talent - You want to assess talent fairly, get the right talent in roles, surround yourself with the talents of self and others that enhance your happiness and results!

Leading/Leadership - You lead in each way, on each day, in the way your think, act, and engage with others. Leadership, and leading, starts with you, and allows others to follow. 

Commitment - This is about desire, focus and consistency. By working toward one goal, and staying committed to that for the right reasons, allows for direction and follow-through.

This enhanced TLC is not without the historic TLC of Tender Loving Care, rather, it is complementary, and allows that combination of past and present to bring you, your work, your business, and/or your relationships to yet another TLC: Top Level Communication!

Lead for GROWTH

"A man's growth is seen in the successive choirs of his friends."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

American essayist, lecturer, and poet, who led the Transcendentalist movement of the mid-19th century. (1803 - 1882)

Often a good way to grow ourselves as leaders is to assist in the growth of others.

Who can you be a part of in his or her GROWTH? Meaning:

G - Give that person the

R - Responsibility and

O - Opportunity to

W - Work within their

T - Talent and time while

Hearing feedback for learning

Remember, GROWTH is a good thing...for their leadership and yours!

Give it Your ALL!

"Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you." Ralph Waldo Emerson (American Poet)

There seemingly are so many expectations we put on ourselves, and additional demands we allow others to place on us as well. In the long run, all we have is who we are and what we do, so isn't it fair to strip away expectations and demands, and instead be determined to "give it our ALL"?

By giving it your ALL, I mean really owning and enjoying, assessing and sharing your:

Appreciation - being grateful for what you have and happy for others for what they have, and bring to the table as well

Loyalty - having beliefs, knowing you have and give confidentiality, and really developing trust and dependability that is enjoyable and comforting all at once

Laughter - demonstrating the real you, and even laughing at yourself and with others with humor and humility, pride and presence

When you are willing and able to give your ALL, you are in a position to truly experience and engage in ALL that is important to you, for you! So let go of some of those burdensome expectations and demands and replace them with desire and engagement so not only are you giving your ALL, you can get your ALL!!

Non-Traditional Organization = Traditional Success!

"Order is the sanity of the mind, the health of the body, the peace of the city, the security of the state. Like beams in a house or bones to a body, so is order to all things."
~ Robert Southey
English poet (1774 -1843)

Recently at a workshop on Assessing and Organizing for the New Year, I shared the following tips and tools. It was asked that I include them in the next newsletter, so here they are!
Often organization can seem daunting, and knowing that, these tips and tools are non-traditional...ways to assist you with organization for you, about you. Please use what fits, and consider incorporating a few as you continue on a successful path for 2012!

Establish a sleep time & a wake time (within an hour each day) for consistent rest. A well-rested mind is an organized mind!
Be a Project Manager (instead of a Project Do-er). Let others shine, and share in the opportunities.
Schedule clean-up time each day or clean as you go. Figure out which suits you, and embrace it.
Have an accountability partner who is supportive, and does not "let you off the hook". Be the same in return.
Schedule a time to return phone calls & emails (instead of constantly interrupting yourself).
Create a decompression routine for the shift from work to home (could be a song, a dance, a "reward", a scent, or a combination of these).
Book weekly, monthly, quarterly, yearly appointments now, and schedule work/clients/meetings around those times. Taking care of you is being well and organized for others!
Cut 15 minutes out of each meeting or book starts for 10 or 15 minutes after the hour.
Do some mental fun-ness exercise each day like Scrabble or word search or Facebook - keep it positive!
Do worst things first so you do not procrastinate doing them. Then, reward yourself with doing something you enjoy next.
Recycle. This gives you something organized already.
Workout. People who schedule and stick to workouts are likely organized, energized, and even fit!
Cut yourself some slack. Adopt the "progress...not perfection" motto. This is not lowering the bar, rather celebrating small successes!
Act like a kid again to remind yourself life is fun!
Follow your heart...and your head will follow! Give logic a break once in a while, and let your "gut" be your guide to an emotionally organized approach!

With these non-traditional organizational tools, you will likely find traditional success...and more!

Emotions at Work...

“All learning has an emotional base.”
- Plato, Ancient Greek Philosopher He was the world's most influential philosopher. 428 BC-348 BC

Emotions at Work…

Would you agree that often Emotions + Office/Work = Awkward, Uncomfortable, Unpredictable Situations?

When people are express emotions, they are often deemed “emotional”. Is that fair? Is that true? When we are passionate, would we like to be labeled emotional? Likely not.

So, when are emotions appropriate at work or in the office? Or, are they? I say they are appropriate when directed at the common goal of the company or cause, when they are inspirational and inclusive rather than threatening and excluding. Think of emotion as drive, and emotional actions as something different.

In other words, harness your emotions to create a direction and a will to get something accomplished. Spend time, share ideas, get into the nitty gritty from the emotions that compel you. Please do not rant, expect others to agree, and not support something if it is not exactly what you want. The former actions are those of a leader, and someone who is mature, and the latter portrayal highlights immaturity and lack of leadership.

If you, or someone on your team has been considered emotional, please take a moment to reflect on how to re-engineer the emotional perception into the emotional command of the leadership that can result from a passionate person, and see how Emotions + Office/Work = Learning & Success!

The Leadership CAP (Not GAP)

“The purely agitational attitude is not good enough for a detailed consideration of a subject.”

- Jawaharlal Nehru, Indian Prime Minister

(1889-1964)

When caps are not on marker, the marker dries out. Without a cap on one’s head in cold weather, the heat escapes. If there is no cap on spending, budgets cannot be met. Similarly, without the Leadership CAP, things get overlooked.

The leadership CAP is a little different, though. Instead of stopping things or shielding things, the leadership CAP allows for growth, and reveals things by having:

Consideration
Appreciation, and
Perspective

for the person/people with whom you are interacting and/or the situation with which you are involved.

Keeping consideration for those involved and the instances, the appreciation for what has been done (or what you expect to be done), and the perspective on what is realistic, you will remain the leader you (and even more so, others) want you to be, and not the micro-manager some become when they are un-CAPped!

Get Rid of Your STUFF!!

“Don't just read the easy stuff. You may be entertained by it, but you will never grow from it.” ~ Jim Rohn

If you are noticing a disconnect with people, or simply that you are not as effective of a communicator lately, take a look at your “baggage” (we all have it!), and get rid of your STUFF! STUFF is what keeps us from making a connection, fully engaging, and therefore developing a real rapport. How are you doing with:

S – Saying crutch words (such as “Like”, “You know what I mean”, and “Does that make sense?” are just filler, they focus on you and don’t convey intelligence, communication or leadership)

T – Talking over time or people (rambling and disrespecting people is a surefire way to make it about you and not about them)

U – Un-approachable presence (seeming aloof, looking elsewhere, and using your smart phone or iPad while in their presence makes you not only seem unapproachable, it makes you seem like you want to be doing something else or be with someone else)

F – Fumbling with things (fidgeting or looking disorganized is not only distracting for you, it makes the other person uncomfortable, too)

F – Faking sincerity (a smile and sincerity are your best assets in most cases, but phoniness and false like-ability are not only going to turn others off, those other people will avoid you in the future…and likely suggest others do the same)

If your STUFF getting in the way, then clear out the “baggage”, fully engage, and get back to effective communication, professional behaviors and thriving relationships!

Resist Judgment, Embrace Choices

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ~ Carl Gustav Jung

Have you ever had someone ask “what were you thinking?” or “why are you doing that?”? I believe most of us have, and while it is not enjoyable, it is often part of our experiences as people; as leaders; as targets for some to “attack” in the midst of our driving results.

Those questions/propositions do not usually feel good, or get us to simply and calmly respond, sometimes, instead, we react.

So, when the tables are turned, and you question what people are thinking, doing or promoting, I encourage you to look at what has been done as a choice or series of choices rather than judging the actions or outcomes. It’s not easy, but it is a simple approach…let others make their choices and either reap the rewards or consequences, and you do the same. Let the judgment stay internal until it dissolves, and externally voice something like “I appreciate your choice”, or “While I appreciate the choice, and may have chosen differently for myself, I will respect your decision”. The “you should have” or “how could you?” comments do not promote conversation, rather defense.

Nobody will make the same choices we would for us, and yet for them, they make the choices that they believe will serve them best. Someone else would be a second-rate you, just as you’d be a second-rate him/her. Let the judgment go, and watch how your choices yield respect from others and appreciation and consideration from yourself!

APT to Accomplish

"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do."

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe,
German Playwright, Poet, Novelist and Dramatist. 1749-1832

There are likely a lot of things on your "to-do" list right now...perhaps there seem to consistently be many items listed...

If you want to move from a list to being APT to accomplish what lies ahead, consider these three steps:

A - Assess your items. Review your list or write the list. You are moving things from your mind to a physical place - on paper.

P - Prioritize. Everything is not a top priority, and so some things are "nice to do" activities. Perhaps a 1, 2, 3 or a, b, c categorization will assist you and your team/colleagues in focusing energies.

T - Take action. Without action (and not just the action of thinking about it!!), something is merely a thought or plan, and not something to complete or measure.

Keep in mind that your APTitude is derived in this case from your attitude and your follow-through, so assess, prioritize and take action in order to shift from "to-do" to "already done" this season...and into next year!

3 R's

"People only see what they are prepared to see." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

When many of us were growing up, it was the 3 R's that were stressed for success. With Reading , wRiting and aRithmetic as the focus in families, schools and learning, we knew where we stood with grades and feedback (even if we questioned our parents' and teachers' logic with attempting to get us to believe those words were truly R's!).


In business and life outside school, grades and feedback are in different formats. For post-school, I encourage you to consider a new approach to the 3 R's...Risk, Reward and Repercussion. With nearly every situation, every opportunity, every challenge, there is Risk, Reward and Repercussion. How so? If we assess Risk, we know how much we are willing to do or give up to get somewhere. Assessing Risk is what leads to the Reward and Repercussion portions of our decision-making. Rarely is something a neutral outcome. Sure, we can do nothing, but even doing nothing yields changes likely in the long run. So, along with assessing Risk, please review what will be the Reward if the Risk pays off, and also, what will the Repercussions be. It's more fun and engaging to think solely of the outcomes in a positive light, and yet if we are not ready for the possibilities, we too could end up as a statistic of the ill-prepared.


Whether it is something as seemingly small as eating at a new place (Risk=not sure about the food/reputation, Reward=may find a great place at a good price, Repercussion=might not be high quality and may overpay or get sick), or something as big as an expansion (Risk=not known in the area, Reward=grow business, profitability and reach, Repercussion=may be in debt and negatively impact current operations), if you consider the 3 R's before moving forward, you will be in a solid decision-making mindset to expect the best while being prepared for the worst. And after all, isn't that the reason we were supposed to focus on Reading , wRiting and aRithmetic as kids...so we'd be in the best position for our future?

Recognition - Encourage, Praise, Reward

"Don't worry when you are not recognized, but strive to be worthy of recognition."
~Abraham Lincoln

A lot of people seek recognition, and a lot of us don't readily "give" recognition. Here is a three step approach to recognition for your consideration in leading yourself and others:

1) Encourage the sharing of ideas and flow of thought openly

2) Praise those who demonstrate the application of learning and taking action on ideas/thoughts

3) Reward based on results

When you are clear and consistent with these three things, your recognition approach is something others will realize, respect, and anticipate.

Mind the Gap!

"Perhaps the best definition of progress would be the continuing efforts of men and women to narrow the gap between the convenience of the powers that be and the unwritten charter."
~ Nadine Gordimer, South-African Writer,
& Nobel Peace Prize Winner

"Mind the Gap" seems so much more civilized than "caution", "danger", or "step back"! And yet, I have only really seen it used in Europe for politely warning people of what is, in fact, a gap in the area for footing. I like it. Naturally, my mind wandered to what else we could mind...what were our American gaps?


In addition to the gaps in politics, religion and road construction, other gaps quickly entered my mind. Sticking with leadership of ourselves and others, it seems appropriate to be aware enough to mind the following gaps in order to ensure we are using our resources (time, energy, money, etc.) to the best of our abilities in order to yield positive, productive results:

* Complaining vs. Solutioning (the gap leaves positivity out and sadly welcomes negativity)
* Judging vs. Appreciating (the gap ignores differences and our strengths that combine)
* Advising vs. Friending (sometimes someone just wants an ear for listening and not a mouth full of advice)
* Snobbery vs. Exclusivity (It is not good to exclude for ill-intended reasons, yet it is smart to build and grow a niche/target)
* Demanding vs. Commanding (demanding gets compliance while commanding yields commitment)
* Expecting vs. Leading (communication, effective communication that is, is definitely not overrated)
* Telling vs. Selling (there is nothing wrong with passionately pitching an idea and getting buy-in)
* Needing vs. Wanting (need is burdensome, where want is anticipatory and focused on the results and potential outcomes)
* Hearing vs. Listening (hearing is a physical act where listening is physiological)
* Taken/Given vs. Earned (the act of realizing efforts in the form of money or accolades will likely never compare to that which is simply bestowed)
* False Politeness vs. Sincerity (people can see through the first, and long to see the second)
* Positioning vs. Interest (I said it wasn't political, but this one can cause office politics to get out of hand)
* Intent vs. Result (while intent is a consideration, results are lasting and likely tangible)



Stick with the second half, the right side, of this list, and ensure you are one who will "mind the gap" by being intentional, direct and communicative as a leader of thoughts and actions!

4 Questions

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning."

~ Albert Einstein

4 Questions



While I often share the idea of three - seven questions to ask in certain situations, yesterday, with three different colleagues/clients, the topic of ineffective work performance was broached. When I am asked what to do/say, my mind thinks what not to do/say, as often as leaders, we tell people what we want, when we want it, and think that is interactive somehow.


Instead, an effective and revealing approach is to ask four questions of the under-performer:

1. What is going well?

2. What would you like to improve?


You have seen these first two questions many times before, and they are timeless and true, so, here are the new ones:


3. What is getting/standing in the way of you getting where you want to be/do/have?

4. As your leader, what can I do to assist you, break down any barriers, guide you, etc.?


Leave it up to them to share and communicate after you facilitate open communication. For as a leader, your role is to meet your team members where they are, and lead them where they are willing and able to go. Those four questions will uncover (or reinforce) the willing and likely the able, parts for you!

Basic #2: The Thank You Note

Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone.

~G.B. Stern

The Power of Written Appreciation

Fast paced days filled with meeting, appointment, activities and people can become a blur…and yet without the human interaction, kindness, collaboration and interactions, we would be alone…and likely far less productive!

Basic #2: The Thank You Note

It is not a lost art, it is not a lost art, it is not a lost art! At least that is what I keep telling myself as it relates to thank you notes. These personal, hand-written scribbles of appreciation not only make the recipient’s day, but it will make the sender take a look back on a full day and share gratitude in a way that few people do nowadays.

Whether it is for making time for you, going out of their way, or doing something else that you recognized as something of value, it is worthwhile to make time for that person, shift your focus off yourself and your tasks/stress, and allow someone else’ life and efforts come into view. It’s one thing to see/observe something, and it is another to act on it.

Time to take action with a simple concept – the thank you card/note. Whether you use custom notes or generic cards, the sentiment is what is most important. Date your card, people often keep these seemingly rare finds, and address the card with the person’s name followed by something about them (not you with “I” to start the note). Let the person know what s/he did, said or didn’t do or say that you appreciated. Tell that person it did not go unnoticed and close with something to reinforce your relationship. Send it within 24 hours ideally, and within the week of something happening (on the outset).

It is a 90-second process that costs less than $1, and yet the payoff for your sense of human kindness, and possibly even your business, will likely be priceless.

Thank you for being a client and/or follower!