A Lesson from 10,000 Steps to Sunrise

At the time of writing this, it was day 40 of what I am calling 10,000 Steps to Sunrise. Getting in 10,000 steps each day has been part of my day for quite a while.

Being the Chair of The American Heart Association's Circle of Red, being active, and simply being my own health advocate, I find the tracking a challenge and sense of success to know I am doing something good for my body (and mind) each day.

Since I am "Grounded" and most of my typical business is outside my home location, it was my decision to drive up the goal and get to 10,000 steps before sunrise Monday through Saturday and 10,000 steps before sunset each Sunday.

Throughout this longer-than-expected journey on foot, my mind, and my heart gained perspective and many ideas.

The lessons learned from this (still continuing) experiment include:

1) There is a calm in the morning where ideas flow without resistance
2) People who work out at the same time each day (I have worked out between 5:00 AM and 7:00 AM since 1992) appreciate their personal space and yet have a connectivity to others who enjoy that same time to feed their movement needs/desires
3) Speaking up and out in the morning with a friendly "Hello" can make someone's day start positively (even if they don't acknowledge you back)
4) Focusing on those who engage versus wondering the reasons people do not means having joy ready and waiting each day

So, even if you do or don't strive for the 10,000 step accomplishment, please think about how your goals and activities can impact and or include others in subtle and grand ways.

I'll continue to make the 10,000 Steps to Sunrise a priority while in this new temporary time with gratitude for my walking and running partners, Lynn, Supna, and Michael, and even when we move forward without being "grounded", I'll certainly continue to embrace these lessons learned!

#PresentingPowerfully
#LearnWithAndThroughOthers
#LifeLongLearning
#ComplementaryThoughts
#BeInspired
#LearnWithAndThroughOthers

Courtesy Beyond the Common

"Courtesy is a silver lining around the dark clouds of civilization; it is the best part of refinement and in many ways, an art of heroic beauty in the vast gallery of man's cruelty and baseness."

~ Bryant H. McGill

American Thought Leader.

(b. 1950)

There are a set of rules, so to speak, even an unspoken guide for most, hopefully many, of us that serve to guide us when around others. These rules are often called "Common Courtesy".

I often propose that these actions are neither common or courteous to those who don't observe or participate in them. That LUNDBERGism often gets a laugh in presentations.

Now, with no live presentations, and sadly, seemingly little laughter for a lot of people, it's time to go with Courtesy BEYOND the Common, meaning, not only is it about the niceness of engagement, it is about the true awareness and presence in engagement...even from a distance of 6 feet or more!

Let's start at the beginning. You count, and you are making a decision to engage. When you begin with personal responsibility, you know that each step, word and action is up to you. While we cannot control others, we can control how we respond or approach them.

Even if you feel defensive, defiant, frustrated or alone, keep in mind that you are one of many, and that you may be entering into a virtual space or real location where others are on what I call the "fringe", a place where they are on edge and ready to blow. Not that it is your responsibility to keep people on the right side of the fringe, it is your opportunity not to push someone over the edge!

Four courtesies beyond the common, on top of keeping your distance, include:

Smile - even through a mask - a nod of the head with a smile goes a long way, too
Use your words - Excuse me, and even hello go a long way with others
Embrace non-responding (from you) when others are nasty first
Be grateful - inside in thoughts and outwardly with thank yous to anyone who shows kindness including a "thanks", a positive review, and/or a hand-written note after leaving

When you decide you will be the difference and you will deliver Courtesy Beyond the Common, together, we may make these actions more "common" to many!

RSVP Courtesies & Commitments

Are considerations and manners regarding RSVPs a thing of the past?

Not necessarily. With email, Social Media Invitations and text messaging, some people perceive a catered party the same as a social gathering at a home and likely the same as a happy hour at a bar/club...and there are clear differences! You will likely be invited back again and again if you follow the courtesies of the RSVP.

Sadly, more and more often, (and through personal experience) hosts commonly do not receive solid indications whether guests plan to attend their events, even if RSVP is clearly denoted on the invitation or in the Social Media Invitation.

Considering each person in a work or social group comes from a different background, family situation and exposure, perhaps revisiting what RSVP means is best first. The term RSVP (or more formally, R.S.V.P.) comes from the French expression "Réspondez S'il Vous Plaît", meaning "please respond" (or as I like to think of it, respond and then follow through if you ever want to maintain social graces).

If/when you get a mailed invitation or evite Invitation with an RSVP indicator, it means you want to tell the host whether or not you plan to attend the party, and by the date indicated in the invitation. If there is no date indicated for a response, provide your firm reply as soon as possible, and minimally five (5) days prior to the event. RSVP does not mean to respond only if you're coming, and it does not mean respond only if you're not coming (the expression "regrets only" is reserved for that instance). An incomplete list of respondents can cause numerous problems for a host including difficulty in planning food quantities, issues relating to minimum guarantees with catering halls, uncertainty over the number of party favors and difficulties in planning appropriate seating, among other things. Also, do not invite other guests to attend a party if there is hosting of drinks or food involved. If you would like someone included, ask the host before five days prior if all the invitations have been sent. If your invitation indicates a guest, bring no more than one guest, and let the host know his/her name prior to arriving at the event. (The exception to this guideline is if there is a pay-as-you-go happy hour event that is not at someone's home, and/or if the host has indicated "the more the merrier" on the invitation.)

What happens if something unexpected comes up in the five days prior to the event or even the day of the event? Make an effort to phone the host as soon as you know you cannot attend (getting a more exotic offer is not a reason not to attend...ethics and decency should play into accepting an invitation). When you reach the host, do not bog him or her down with your story. Simply be brief, ask forgiveness and offer to pay for your portion of the festivities. Yes, you have committed and now you are backing out, so plan to provide relief to the host. Often the host will not accept payment. Send a note within the week and a small gift if the event was being catered. Flowers are a welcomed surprise and thoughtful way to keep things pleasant between you. A gift is not necessary...just a great touch!   Remember, the host is investing in everything from glasses to favors and food. Your being considerate of the fact that the seating and event/game counts may be off, is the least you can do!

When you do attend an event for which you have RSVP'd, take a small token of your appreciation, like a bottle of wine, spirits, or candle. Host gifts are wonderful and many a host loves to show them off in their home for it shows kindness and enjoyment and reminds them that people recognize them for opening their home. A host gift is not necessary, though. A call or note the next day will work as a close second for giving thanks to the host. Regardless of what you do, give thanks...and do not ask for a house tour if you are at the host home. Remember he/she has been working on the event...let him/her offer if they like. For all we know as the guest, one room became the "catch all" if you will, and the last thing the composed host should be put in a position to do is to have to explain the closed door to a room!

If you are hosting a party where you are providing food or drink...or both, I suggest including an RSVP to be written on an invitation or in a Social Media Invitation and do not text, or simply email an invitation. When the RSVP is noted, state a firm date for the responses. If you find many people hedge for a better offer, an opportunity, a child's possible event taking priority, then, when making your reminder calls (preferred over emails, but emails are okay...minimally do some sort of reminder or confirmation), just let people know at that three-to-five days prior period that while you would love to have them there, you'll put them as a no for this event and perhaps the next time scheduling will work out better. Do not accept a maybe only a few days out. While you may have enough food and drink, it sets the stage for repeated behavior by that person...and sets the example for far too many more!

So, having taken all this in, remember, the next time you see RSVP on an invitation you receive, do just that, Réspondez S'il Vous Plait, promptly and respect the courtesy and you make it a commitment to be a spectacular party/event!

Ask, Don't Assume

With technology making staying in touch readily available and accessible, and that can be great, what isn't great is when someone assumes how to contact you and/or pay you.
 
When you meet someone with whom you want to engage, ask him or her "If it is appropriate, I'll follow-through on our conversation...would you prefer a call, text or email?", and then use that preferred method.
 
Similarly, when paying for services or splitting a charge with someone, ask what form of payment works best, as there are many, so saying something similar to "Okay, so I owe you $XX, and I'll get you that by tomorrow. Do you prefer Zelle, PayPal, Venmo, or ApplePay?" is smart, as not everyone uses all forms of payment, and if not set up, have hoops to jump through to access what is rightly his or hers.
 
Asking, and not assuming, works well in life in general. Respecting preferences and noting choices makes for good rapport-building and good relationships, so in contact, payment, and other things, do ask, don't assume!