The BEAM of Friendship

“To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.” ~ Brandi Snyder

Being alone can be empowering. Accomplishing something yourself is an undertaking. And yet, there are some times, many times, where the power of another person, especially a friend, can make all the difference in the world. That friend can even allow you to feel more welcomed, assertive, confident, important, fun, funny, and just real!

According to Dictionary.com, the verb form of beam means to emit in, or to smile radiantly, and, after all, isn't that what friendship can do for us?

Today, and each day, extend that BEAM of friendship, meaning:

Be a friend (not too busy for others)

Embrace a friend (who doesn't like a hug from someone who care)

Ask a friend (often another opinion can assist you with your direction)

Make a friend (you can never have too many!)

In our gratitude, interaction, and celebration of friends and our friendships, we shine a little brighter, and do make the difference in this world...we even beam because of it!

Know Their SIG Factor...

“Everyone is a millionaire where promises are concerned.” ~Ovid, Ancient Roman classical Poet and Author of Metamorphoses (43 BC-17)

When people are interested, they make promises. When people are committed, they take action. The difference in their interest and their commitment...their promises and their actions, depends on their SIG Factor.

The SIG factor is something I quickly assess in situations, and it means:

S - SKIN

I - IN THE

G - GAME

What, how, and how much of is a SIG Factor for those involved? When you expect a lot of people, you must communicate it, make it appealing, and tap into the reward/motivator of that person. From any or all of the following: the desire to participate, the enjoyment of doing what is asked, the outcome of the experience, the incentive that is available, the SIG Factor will be increased or decreased for each individual. Ensure you set your prediction of the level of delivery based on how well you have incorporated the other person having Skin In the Game in order to evaluate and anticipate properly.

The higher the SIG Factor, the greater the likelihood that the interest will yield commitment and that the person's promise will beget action.

Make Change Palatable with "Adjustments"

"A year from now you will wish you had started today." - Karen Lamb, American Writer

If change is something you dislike, avoid, or find others don't welcome, consider thinking of change and/or presenting it as an adjustment or an adaptation, instead.

Since change itself is not necessarily what people dislike, rather it is how it is presented that is unappealing or sadly, inconsiderate, presenting the change as something that is adaptable as an adjustment, shows more appeal, and is considerate of the other person/people.

This can work internally for yourself and externally with others, as it is realistic and palatable.

Remember, push change, and get resistance. Offer adjustments, and get collaboration!

Appreciation Options

"Appreciate everything your associates do for the business. Nothing else can quite substitute for a few well-chosen, well-timed, sincere words of praise. They're absolutely free and worth a fortune." ~ Sam Walton, American Businessman and Wal-Mart Founder

Today is the 223rd day of 2012, and for each day this year, I have shared a note of gratitude through my "Attitude of Appreciation 366" personal project whereby I send a handwritten note to someone (or multiple someones) every day including Sunday for an entire calendar year. This has been a great experiment in my attention to others, and a great experience in the personal rewards gotten from feeling good about others. I share this with you not so you can feel bad about not sending note cards or tell me how many you have sent, rather this is one approach to appropriately appreciating others. Appreciation can come in the form of verbal, written or what I call "carry forward appreciation".

Verbal appreciation is well given and typically well received if you state something like "NAME, you are ____________". This way, the message is not "I think you are ____________", and it makes it more about the other person than you (and isn't that where you'd ultimately like the focus to be?).

Written appreciation can be in an email, note, card, or document to a team. The same approach of using the person's name, sharing something s/he did that was impressive, kind, or otherwise, will go a long way. Make every effort to respond to someone within 24 hours and minimally within a week following something you'd like to ensure the person knows you appreciate.

Carry-forward appreciation is the referral or the complimenting of a person to another person whether the subject of your appreciation is present or not. Carry-forward appreciation is much like "spreading a good rumor" as it is fun to do, and impacts both the person hearing you and the person about which you are speaking. Telling someone "NAME, you may already have a physician, and if you are looking for someone for a second-opinion, who is highly qualified, won't keep you waiting, and has tremendous interest in patient's well-being, you may want to consider Dr. XYZ, as s/he has been all those things and more to me."

Whatever style fits for you, please do show appreciation often. When done sincerely, it is the no-cost way to increase the value of your relationships. Expect nothing in return, and likely your appreciation will offer a lot more than just the words to the recipient, and will still bring so much back to you as well!

Communication: Differentiating Assumption & Expectation

High achievement always takes place in the framework of high expectation. ~ Charles Kettering, American inventor, engineer, businessman (1876 - 1958)

Since most of us know the expression "Never assume...", and when you assume, you make...(of you and me)". These ideas give warning that assumptions are not a good thing. Similarly, we have notions of "high expectations yield high results", and "expect nothing; get nothing". These messages carry the connotation that expectations are a good thing... So what is the difference in assuming, and that not serving us well, and setting expectations, and those giving us focus? I believe the act of communication, effective communication, is what separates the two! Assumptions are often kept to oneself, and therefore, have no other opinion or fact combined with them to enhance or sway them. Assumptions also tend to be negative. I rarely hear something like "I assumed Debbie would do well, and she did!", rather don't we hear mumblings after the fact that are similar to "Well, I assumed you wouldn't show, and you did not."? Expectations can be private, but when most effective, are typically are stated. "You know this material well, and I expect you will finish this report by Tuesday and send it to the leadership team via email for them to review before Thursday's Board Meeting." lets us know the who, what, where, when and how. They convey a belief in someone else, and they are expressed to the other person. Assumptions seem dark and negative because they are often without consideration for the other person's talents or input, where expectations can be clear and positive when the communication that surrounds them has the intent of productivity and the message is clear. If you find you, or others you know are assuming, remember to communicate with (not just to) them about the importance of the message to move to expectations over assumptions.