Lessons Learned: The Outcomes of Kindness

"I have days of self-doubt, but I think the kindest thing I can do to myself is accept where my body is at."

~Geri Halliwell

Kindness is not necessarily rooted in niceness.

Being nice means we don't want to rock the boat and do not want to make anyone uneasy or at odds. Niceness has its place at times.

Kindness means we take in, stand up, and present ideas with grace, consideration, and perspective. There is rarely a time when kindness does not have its place.

A smile can be both nice and kind.

Biting one's tongue when frustrated or uncomfortable can seem nice, and it is not kind to oneself or to the relationship.

Please know, this is not a war on niceness, this is a campaign for kindness...

Having become a Kindness Attendant for Kindleigh's worldwide Kindness Community, sharing about kindness in posts and tips, speaking on the kindness impact/effect, and now, facilitating "Kindness as a Leadership Trait" in formal leadership programs at schools and in businesses, there have been a lot of lessons learned, including:

• Kindness is not a soft-skill, it is a foundational skill
• Kindness can be challenging, and people who are kind are not void of frustration or disappointment
• How people kindly process through difficulty and rejection and present it through kindness, is centering to them (and others)
• Kindness can be a born trait of a personality, AND it can be learned
• People are rarely kind to themselves and when we are not kind inward, we are not likely to be genuinely kind outward
• If we are frustrated or drained by our kind acts, it is not genuine kindness, it is often done out of obligation, guilt or a desire to be perceived as "a good person"
• Kindness, when mistaken as a weakness, makes people feel like they have to defend this strength
• Kindness is to be shared with others not for what they do with it, rather for how one believes it can impact a person or situation
• Kindness "muscles" may not be found on a medical evaluation of a body, and yet they exist in smiles and head nods and genuine embraces, and when exercised, the kindness "muscles" flex and grow
• The lasting effect of kindness on oneself and on others is measurable and there is much science to support it

Kindness is to be honored, considered, and shared freely without strings or quid pro quo. Kindness is all about you and your impact versus others and how they accept or deny it or you!

Being Your Own Biggest Fan!

"Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy."

 ~ Norman Vincent Peale 

American Clergyman/Speaker.

(1898 - 1993)

Sure, it's great to get kudos, thanks, and accolades for work or words well-done, and yet relying on others' views and shared opinions of you can leave you feeling dependent, or worse yet, desperate, for that feedback.

How do we overcome that desire to get input and hear praise? While we may not ever not seek feedback, after all, it is good for us, we can share insights and good cheer from within in an effort to support and supplement, and dare to be the foundation, to good vibes, and therefore, good self-esteem. Being our own biggest fan can be done without conceit or vanity, rather for good health and well being by doing the following:

• Practicing GRATITUDE. By being thankful for what we have we are reminding ourselves of the good in our world/life.
• Taking a POWER STANCE each day. These were shared most widely in the Ted Talk by Amy Cuddy. Opening up to a Superman/Wonder Woman type stance for two minutes can empower our energy to be confident. https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en
• Have a MANTRA. I have the mantra "I want, I will, I am", which has been shared in previous updates. Think "I want _____ (a desired outcome), and I will _____ (an action to take), because I am _______ (characteristic or attribute about self)." An example is "I want to be on time for meetings and clients today, so I will tend to my directions for the entire day while planning, because I am a conscientious collaborator and partner." A mantra sets you up to "be" based on your own abilities.
• Give yourself a PERSONAL PEP TALK. Something that says "You've got this!". Talk to yourself and use your name. Once I share to myself if "You've got this, Deb. You know what you are doing, prepared for success, and you're going to deliver what the audience wants and deserves. Enjoy it!"
• Develop a CEO of MEO mission statement, meaning be the Chief Empowerment Officer of My Every Opportunity. My current CEO of MEO is: "I am a lean, pristine, high-performing human being bringing positivity to people, situations and choices in order to be present and live life fully"! This form of I AM statement commands attention from the strengths you have toward the now and the future.
• Write your future state in a paragraph as though it is an article about you now. Use third person to take a view from afar while getting into up-close details.
• Meditate and let go of stress that is not serving you well.
• Shift from poor-serving habits with well-serving habits. Simply giving things up can seem like punishment, so exchange those habits with something positive and see how the pivot makes the change a direction and not detrimental.
• Replace "Have to, Need to, Should, Ought to" with "I want, I will, I am, I am in the process of" to focus on what you are processing for progress rather than what you are doing our of obligation.
• Write a compliment on your bathroom mirror to yourself each morning first thing so that you'll see it all day long and appreciate you being you!

Some things may seem small, and they are. Some things may seem simple, and they are. Some things may seem silly, and they are NOT! Investing in your belief, reflection, support and confidence is anything other than silly, and everything around smart!