Lessons Learned from Being SAD (Social At a Distance) and Not Sad!

Please know this is not a complaint.

Being physically distant is important currently.

Being socially distant is something that is negatively impacting people's lives, emotions, and their outlook.

From the late part of March, I have encouraged people to use the expression "Social At a Distance" rather than calling our recommended physical separation "Social Distancing". While these are similar words, the impact can be much different from one to the other.

Still, while this may encourage you to rephrase the concept, I also reflect on what Social At a Distance also can mean - being SAD. Hmmmm...when someone is sad, are they wrong to be or feel that way? No. So, when someone is SAD, are they wrong to be or feel that way? Some say yes. Still, I feel like we are doing what we can by remaining Social At a Distance, and here are some lessons I have learned from the experience:

• Eyes are expressive and making eye contact on video or in person, really makes a difference in engagement - at any distance
• Words matter, so speaking to people and acknowledging them, even with a "Hello" or "Good Morning" has a positive impact
• Leaving a message or sending a text or email asking for nothing and yet sharing that the person is on your mind and you wish them well, can make someone feel less lonely than without it
• A driveway hello or masked engagement is replacing a hug or a handshake, and while they are different than we'd like, they a special, too.
• Walk and talk meetings have the benefits of being distanced while covering distance, and that may be a standard approach to meetings moving forward
• Embracing the reason for being Social At a Distance means keeping the future in mind during this present change in behavior

With these lessons learned in mind, it keeps me happy, or at least positive, about being SAD versus being sad about the situation!

A Lesson from the Parking Lot

Carts in parking lots have consistently perplexed me. Call me crazy, it seems simple: use a cart, empty a cart, return the cart to the store or cart corral.

Still, month by month (admittedly, Michael does the grocery shopping for us), I see people leave carts in the aisles of the parking lot, against cars, up on grassy areas, and many places other than in the store's designated areas.

I was frustrated. I moaned and groaned about it. It was exasperation at its finest (or at its worst, really)...

Even though it was my goal to take in many carts, I did it out of flabbergastedness (not that it is a word).

This month, the start of a new year and new decade, it dawned on me that this is my issue. This is my challenge (of many for growth), and it was decided that a new approach would be best.

I did just that.

Oh, I still take in the carts for others. Instead of being snitty or covert, I see that person, acknowledge them as a person who perhaps has a lot on his/her plate, smile and say something similar to "Hello. May I please take that in for you?". The responses have been interesting. Some people seem "caught" and they apologize, and now I sincerely let them know I am happy to do it. Others seem happy to be acknowledged at all. Still, many (I've been at the store more intentionally) give a genuine "Thank you", and, in turn, share a genuine "You're welcome!".

While I am still not "cured" of my near-obsession with people and carts, shifting approaches from one of irritability to service has made the difference in how my Emotional Intelligence, care, and empathy seem to be serving myself and others.

So, if you see me pushing one, two, or yes, even up to four carts in at Publix or Costco, know that this is a form of restitution and joy from a self-inflicted tortured soul to a self-aware serving soul!

Less "I", "Me", "My", More "You", "Yours, "Ours"

If you think about society, there are a lot of comments about people being self-absorbed. In order to stay away from that perception about your brand or being, then please consider using less "I", "Me", "My", and incorporating more "You", "Yours", "Ours". How so? In written communication, including emails, replace "I hope you are doing well" with "Hopefully you are doing well."  Similarly, when asked your opinion, shift from "For me, my idea is..." to "Since you like X, you may enjoy Y". Additionally, in collaborating, offer "What is best for our situation..." over "What you need to do..." Subtly demonstrating a focus on others will make for a clear message that you want to engage and grow rather than insert and insist!

Perspective is Priceless

It can seem as though people are distracted. It can feel as though people don't care.

Perhaps they are distracted and/or even don't care. Still, it is likely they want to be engaged, and they do care. Likely, they have something going on in the background or the foreground that has their attention, concern, and/or time at that moment.

Instead of being disappointed, hurt, mad or crushed, consider their perspective. You may be their distraction, or they may feel that you would not care to hear their concerns or woes. Ask them about what is going on, and then listen. Ask them is there is something specific you can do, and then do it.

Gaining their perspective is priceless, as it changes your perspective, too...at not cost to your relationship, rather as an investment in it!

Resisting Regret!

"Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."

~ Laurence J. Peter

Canadian Writer.

 (1919 - 1990)

Regret is powerful. Regret is costly. Regret has no positive value. Regret has options.

Should you find yourself in a place where you feel bad about something you said or did in the past, or, should you find yourself sensing a bad feeling or remorse about something you did not say or do in the past, give yourself a chance to not live in regret. Accept that your behavior negatively affected you, a situation, or others around you. You may sense guilt, self-doubt, your worthiness, and even think you cannot overcome it. You can, you will, and you may even learn from it!

Consider the following approaches instead of, and in replacement of, regret:

1) Turn regret into a reset! Let yourself feel - your feelings are legitimate, real, and they are yours - you need not ignore or suppress them immediately.

2) Turn your regret into a reality check!

Gain a perspective of the past, and know that there is where that behavior lives/lived.

3) Turn your regret into a resolution! Gather a sense of moving forward,and resolve to live in the present as you move ahead.

4) Turn your regret into a recognition! Realize what you have done incorrectly and apologize for it to those impacted (with no excuses or rationalization).

5) Turn your regret into reassurance! Share what you have learned and make a commitment to yourself and others not to make the same misstep again.

6) Turn your regret into release! Forgive yourself ad release the guilt and negative self talk, as it is not doing anything positive for you (or anyone else).

7) Turn your regret into re-engagement! Make yourself available for openness, vulnerability, learning and more - with all your heart, and all your hope that people will accept your regret turnaround readily and with resounding support!

With these seven simple, reasonable approaches, you will not be looking back, and yet, if you did, regret would be in the rearview mirror!

Skip "Tough" & "Hard" to Bring Focus & Direction

People often respond to questions about a situation or experience they are going through with "This is so hard" or "This is tough", and in response, we often say things such as "It seems hard" or "It has to be tough".

While we mean well, how we speak to/with others and how we think and speak to ourselves (yes, we talk to ourselves!), matters. "Tough" and "hard" can bring us down, make us feel like we are battling, and position situations and people in a way that seem heavy and burdensome.

Using words and expressions such as "Things are challenging AND I'm tackling them" or "While some things have not gone as smoothly as I had wanted, I have been facing them head on", or even "This has been a learning experience", or "This has been challenging", or "This was an unexpected opportunity to learn a few things" may seem like a stretch, they can be. That stretch puts you in a position to grow, and in a position to focus on positive direction and moving forward rather than being stuck in a position or feeling of "tough" or "hard"!

The Leadership CAP (Not GAP)

“The purely agitational attitude is not good enough for a detailed consideration of a subject.”

- Jawaharlal Nehru, Indian Prime Minister

(1889-1964)

When caps are not on marker, the marker dries out. Without a cap on one’s head in cold weather, the heat escapes. If there is no cap on spending, budgets cannot be met. Similarly, without the Leadership CAP, things get overlooked.

The leadership CAP is a little different, though. Instead of stopping things or shielding things, the leadership CAP allows for growth, and reveals things by having:

Consideration
Appreciation, and
Perspective

for the person/people with whom you are interacting and/or the situation with which you are involved.

Keeping consideration for those involved and the instances, the appreciation for what has been done (or what you expect to be done), and the perspective on what is realistic, you will remain the leader you (and even more so, others) want you to be, and not the micro-manager some become when they are un-CAPped!

Falling In Love with All You Do

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." ~ Albert Schweitzer

Regardless of what you have planned for today, this week, or this month, love is in the air...if you let it be!

Love may not seem like much of a business approach or attribute, but if you love what you do, you are more likely to like (or even love) those around you, like (or even love) your clients, and like (or even love) the moments you spend working (and there are a lot of them) !

If you do not currently love what you do, you have options...find something else - your passion, or rediscover what you fell in like/love with in the company, the industry or the field, or just do nothing. The last option is most popular, but by far, not the most effective.

As many of you have heard me say repeatedly, you are far more than what you do for a living! Still, if you love or find things you love about what you are doing for your work/career/business, you will likely invite other positive, loving energy...both personally and professionally!

With heartfelt appreciation, keep the love alive, and make the most of your Valentine's Day...