Achieving Success!

"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other." 

~ Abraham Lincoln

Success is often an aspiration, an inspiration, a dream, and a goal.

So, what is a success, and how do you get to "it"?

In order to enjoy and experience your success, please consider the following for getting "there":

1) Define what success is for you - not for others, not those who are mentoring, coaching, or even supporting you - simply for you! What does that look like, feel like, and more? You want to have that sense and focus first so you can move ahead.

2) Be mindful of imposter syndrome, which is believing that others will realize you are not as good as you present yourself. The way to overcome that is to stop comparing yourself to others and really own your experience and expertise for the value you bring.

3) Be happy for other successful people, SINCERELY, and not simply in words or posts - SINCERELY - no gossiping or jealousy of others. At the same time don't apologize for being smart, right or passionate about a topic.

4) Surround yourself with successful people AND continue to learn and grow both humbly and proudly! Often we hear we become the 5-6 people we surround ourselves with - and it is true, so choose wisely, and if you distance yourself from someone, remember, what they do may be successful for them, just doesn't for you at that time. Stay away from judging them, and be open to them changing, as they may be inspired by you, OR they may be defensive, and simply wish them well.

None of this will distract you or take away for your enjoyment in life and business, rather it will all buoy you up to experience all you can as you are succeeding and sharing that success with others!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #KIND #Leadership #1KindAct #Growth #EmotionalIntelligence #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #Resilience #Resiliency #Growth #LessonsLearned #Gratitude #Coopertition

Lessons Learned: Being an Introverted Extrovert

Introverts can act as Extroverts for a short time. Extroverts are typically more challenged when faced with the Invtrovert's environment. While I am an Extrovert, sometimes there are moments, hours, and days of introversion that are enjoyable and productive.

Even though Extroverts are often thought of as vocal and Introverts are perceived as quiet, that is not exactly true. Typically, Extroverts gain energy from being around others, where Introverts regain energy from rest or being alone.

What have I learned from these sometimes chosen blocks, and other times unexpected experiences? Here are a few points noted that may assist Extroverts and Introverts alike in engaging:

Not all extroverts are huggers. Watch that as an extrovert, we don't assume someone welcomes our approach. This was seen during the pandemic, in particular when seeing someone and that person said: "I am a hugger" and came at me when I was not interested in crossing the 6-foot-barrier, let alone embracing this stranger!

The Fear of Missing Out, or FOMO, can be redirected to what I call JOCO, or the Joy of Celebrating Others. Feeling out of touch can be disappointing, and when taking on the mindset of celebrating others before scrolling social media, or listening to someone's story, will make that extroversion become an extra excited supporter of you, rather than an extra bummed bystander!

Taking breaks for Extroverts creates a sense of not being stuck or trapped, and even feeling less alone. While working solo, plan for a phone call or video conference, or meeting at strategic times of the day to gain energy.

Be aware, note, and keep in mind where you draw energy and who/what drains your energy. Similarly, know your strongest energy times of day/night, and work to have your biggest challenges and opportunities scheduled during those times, if possible. As an extreme morning person (someone who likes being up before 5:00 AM), I respect and appreciate that others do not want to meet then, so I work out then with positive people for starting strong and capitalizing on that block of time.

Since we are all either gaining or draining from experiences with others, consider whether you are Extroverted or Introverted to maximize your choices!

F-Words that Ascend, Not Offend

"We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out." - Winston Churchill

One of my favorite Lundbergisms is "practice what you promote...no preaching required", and it is my practice to attend trainings and speaker events throughout the year, just as I promote and provide learning events in my business. So, recently, clients and friends joined together to engage in some personal growth and learning of our own!

While I will not disclose the location, date or event name, you can imagine our surprise when we registered months in advance, arrived to find nothing ready, the kick-off started over 40-minutes late, and the opening comments by the host included the F-word (and I don't mean "fashionable")! Embarrassed, dismayed, and recovering from the shock and disappointment, I lead a quick discussion on how we can learn what not to do just as well as we can learn things to do. We turned it around, and even got a smile out of it. We made the most of the event, and the conversation got me thinking even more...what is it about words that can be so inspiring or so damaging...

Please know I am a far cry from perfect, and I am not a stranger to a curse word. There is a time and a place for how you want to communicate and be remembered. From that unfortunate opener, I came up with some alternatives to that oh-so-memorable F-word. These F-words, whether used out loud or as an internal guide will likely ascend you and your business and others' perceptions of you, rather than offend. The list includes:

FOCUSED - Remember to keep your client, customer, audience and team as your focus with your words. They are thinking about them, and not you, so focus on their interests. Also, stay focused on your expertise, so you can really hone it! FRIENDLY - Rarely do business leaders get criticized for being too friendly. That approachability is what makes someone real. It is both the smile and welcome that people prefer to remember over the rushed and disinterest that too many of us have on our faces and in our body language. FREE-THINKING - Being open to ideas and concepts that may seem different or new can keep you fresh. You may not implement everything, but by being someone who considers options, you will minimally broaden your horizons. FORWARD-MINDED - Consider what and how actions and words impact the person, the company and you later. While I am big on being present, it is also wise to think beyond the moment and the emotions in order to think through what is about to happen. Impact often overrides intent! FLEXIBLE - It is not only nice to show agility, rather it is almost imperative to be willing to change in our wonderfully-paced world of growth and "newness". Demonstrating an ability to shift and flow is something most of us admire and respect. FIRM - Interestingly enough, I put Firm after Flexible. What I mean by this word and the order, is that it's terrific to be willing to collaborate and alter plans, and at the same time, to be respected, you do have to take a stand, and professionally hold your ground when you believe in something wholeheartedly. FABULOUS - While this is one of my favorite words, being fabulous is more than a look or a one-time mention. Being fabulous is being happy for others, supportive of what is right, and willing to stand up and stand out for what you believe in while respecting others as well.

So, while this summer's traffic, heat, storms (and more) inside and outside your work or business may bring thoughts that are less than favorable, remember, there is no failure when you stay FOCUSED, FREE-THINKING, FORWARD-MINDED, FLEXIBLE, FIRM and FABULOUS!

SUCCESS Through Difficult Conversations

"A single conversation across the table with a wise person is worth a month's study of books." - Chinese Proverb

What makes some conversations more difficult than others? Surely it is the topic, and it can also be our perception, our approach, and our own discomfort. Hoping things will go away or change is ideal for a moment, but eventually, just idealistic. As a leader, there are going to be potential difficult conversations to lead. First, decide you are going to have them, and then determine how to handle them professionally, and, for the sake of you and the other person/people, quickly! I view the situations as a DPD road to Success. The DPD stands for Decide, Prepare and Deliver. The SUCCESS comes from how you handle the last, most critical part, the delivery. Here is an overview:

Decide. Before you launch into a plan, please consider the following: Is this useful? Is this opinion or input? Is there a solution?

If the conversation will just be hurtful, filled with opinion, and more of a "hit-and-run" criticism versus a chance to address and resolve something, don't have it. People mistake complaints and thrashings for difficult conversations, and those are only difficult for those of us who thought you were a leader and find you were not leading, rather ranting if you do that. If the conversation is useful, for input, and there is a solution, proceed.

Prepare. Think this through beyond the concepts above. Go into a tactical approach, including: What to say. What not to say. How to say it. What if...

Know that certain facts and concerns are to be included. Bringing up superfluous ideas and the past may just be "piling on", so be certain things are not unrelated, or simply hurtful. When addressing someone and something like this, keep tone, eye contact, and compassion in mind. Know what you hope to have as an outcome. Similarly, think "what if this goes differently?". Consider the personality, personal history, and personal attitude of both you and the other person in the conversation. Expect the best, and still prepare for the worst.

Deliver. Do it. Ensure this is done face-to-face whenever possible. Even if you are on the phone due to distance of the relationship or situation, please embrace the following in delivery: Privately. Personally. For growth. With compassion.

By ensuring the person's privacy, and bringing the "e" to human and being humane in your delivery, you will ensure the person knows you want him or her to grow as a result of the conversation, and not feel embarrassed or ashamed. This is something you will discuss and put in the past. When you are compassionate and clear, there will be SUCCESS in the tackling of the difficult conversation quickly and kindly while being firm and focused. SUCCESS comes from all the following:

Seek permission. Make sure the person knows you are having a meeting. Something like "Is this a good time to talk for 10-15 minutes about the XYZ client lunch?" Use a soft start. Give the person a chance. "How did you think the lunch went?" may be appropriate, and something like "How ARE you doing?" may work. Let the other person take the lead on recognizing things. S/he may not, but a soft start (Not a "Boy, you are in trouble here!" or "You've got me in a really bad place") will allow the compassion to show. Consider feelings and facts. People get emotional. You may. Keep to facts whenever possible. Calm with mood not humor. While discomfort can bring out the worst in our "humor", let it rest. Resist the temptation to say something light, or to giggle or laugh to "lighten the mood". Instead, focus on being calm and professional, so the other person will sense your mood and likely follow your pacing and positioning. Express impact of change. Let the person know s/he can make the change. Move to solution and change fairly quickly once the situation is outlined. Also, share how the change will positively impact his/her image, impression, feelings, and position. Stay clear and stay positive on this one. Straight-forward in language and tone. Watch the "kind of", "sort of", and "sometimes you might", and even the "you might want to consider" language. I love "you may want to consider" for offering ideas, but in difficult conversations, language and tone are to be firm and fair, clear and concise, so instead, something like "it is imperative for your success and growth that you...". Seek agreement/follow-up. With all of the above happening, you are not dictating, rather being a guide and leader as you manage the situation. Let the conversation end only when you and the other person have agreement. Ask for it if there is little said or expressed from the other person. Getting it may seem invasive, and yet not having a plan to follow-up (specifically with a date/time to cover it), you may be left in ambiguity and facing a much more difficult exchange.

Few of us enjoy difficult conversations, while most of us enjoy growth and being the catalyst for it in ourselves and others. Having difficult conversations for SUCCESS will enable that in your relationships, so take the DPD approach to things like inappropriate behavior, changing roles, odor, personality, language, and other issues I hear about frequently, and experience the impact of addressing things instead of simply hoping for change!

Know Perspective; Know Ownership; Know Freedom!

"There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them." ~ Denis Waitley, speaker and author

Success in life and in business is both a "no excuses", and a "no blame" mentality. People who know perspective and know ownership also know the freedom from looking back and the freedom to look forward.

Think back to the last time you made an excuse for something or someone, or blamed another person for a situation you were in. I hope that was long ago, and regardless of when it was, what was the ultimate outcome...what did you think...how did you feel? There are not likely a lot of positive feelings, emotions, thoughts or outcomes that come to mind, are there?

Now, remember a time when you made time for assessing your view and perspective, and/or took ownership of a situation you were in. I hope that was recent, and whenever it was, what was the ultimate outcome...what did you think...how did you feel? There are likely a lot of positive feelings, emotions, thoughts or outcomes that come to mind, aren't there?

You were the same person, with the same experience and opportunity in both of those reflections (for the most part), and yet, what was different? Your choices were different. When you chose to make excuses and blame, you were not able to gain perspective or ownership...you were a bit "stuck" in the scenario and time passing to put it in the past. Yet, when you chose to not make excuses and not blame, you were able to gain perspective and ownership...you could move forward, and decide what to learn, when to learn and how to learn...and move onto the future. So, it's up to you, excuses and blame, or perspective and ownership? So for life and business success, let yourself make a choice...choose mindfully, choose consistently, and choose freedom!