Lessons Learned: Closed Door/Open Window

"Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door."

~ Coco Chanel

It is often said that when one door closes, another one opens, or that when a door closes, a window opens, and that may give us a sense of "things will work out", and yet you are encouraged to think and act upon "If I choose to close a door, I get to open another door or window!"!

I embraced this in 2022, by choosing to resign from some boards, and rolling off others as I opened up to new boards and opened my mouth to welcome some of the new board members with encouragement, and by doing that I certainly learned some lessons, including:

1) Do not let a door stand in your way - open or closed, you choose what you walk past or walk through.

2) Leaving something or someone doesn't remove the impact you had, it simply ends the experience (not the memories).

3) Look back not on the closed door, rather look back to learn from experiences to grow, and mistakes to avoid in the future that you may have missed at the moments that came up later that added to the reason you closed it.

4) Look forward to doors and windows, as well as the people who present themselves in those spaces/opportunities, as there is no fear in the unknown when you know there is hope and anticipation in the future for what can be, rather than what might not happen!

So, as I did, go ahead, and close a door, open another, open a window or more than one. It's not the closing that stops your progress, it is the opening that inspires new beginnings and forwards momentum!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #KIND #Leadership #1KindAct #Growth #EmotionalIntelligence #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #Resilience #Resiliency #Growth #LessonsLearned #Gratitude

Debbie@DebbieLundberg.com 813.494.4438 DebbieLundberg.com

Making the Most of Your Moments

If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?

~ John Wooden

While nobody can give you the gift of time, and we all have 24 hours in our day, there are certainly many ways to make the most of each day, hour, and moment, so here are 10 that have served me, and many clients well, over the years:

1. Have a morning routine (and an evening one, too). This keeps order. Routine is not restrictive, it is freeing, as there is no uncertainty or ambiguity for your mind to wonder what is happening next!

 2. Know life’s timing = your relationship with the clock. Yes, that may sound woo-woo, and yet if you dread going to bed and/or the alarm and are a snooze button-er, you likely have a confrontational relationship. If you keep your phone or alarm away from you, you will get up and get moving from the start!

 3. Eliminate lists, schedule all tasks & have buffers. People dislike this tip, and yet, lists only satisfy your wandering, wondering brain for a short while. If there is a list, your mind wants to work on accomplishing it, so that is the reason to schedule everything after prioritizing. Building in buffers allows for bio breaks and slight tweaks.

 4. Prioritize & ask for priority with clear boundaries. Sharing when something will be used and what the reason is for the priority gives context to those involved in a deadline, so ask, if you are given work to do, and offer if you are sharing.

 5. Start early & complete the worst first. When you get used to getting up a few minutes earlier than you used to, you can schedule the items you dislike or dread first. The reason is not to ruin your day, it is to get that behind you quickly to make the most of the rest of the day!

 6. Stop saying “swamped”, “stressed”, “slammed”, “crazy”, and/or "busy" so you stop getting your self-talk caught up in negativity. Instead, use "productive", "fully booked" and "well-scheduled".

 7. Say “no” or “no, thank you” & resist “busy-ness” in your day. You do not have to explain the reason, and you can wish people well as you move forward without accepting a "to do" that you don't want!

 8. Time chunk & allow time (not hope) with short meetings. 20 minutes is typically ideal for you starting and finishing something or getting enough accomplished on a project that it keeps you going without bogging you down.

 9. Focus on 1 thing at a time (no multi-tasking). S you don't get distracted, practice saying "If you give me In 5 minutes to finish this, I'll give you 100% of my attention" or "I'll come to you as soon as I am done with this." (And then do it!)

 10. Create organizing systems (mental & physical) that work for you! There is no "one-way" to be organized, yet all clutter is mental clutter, so get disciplined in how you stack, file, pile or repurpose things, and watch how your energy during your waking (and sleeping) time aligns with making the most!

You may want to implement 2-3 of these at a time (see what I did there) for impact on your day and your outcomes. Then, layer in other approaches on the list. With those free moments, please let me know how you are doing, okay? Thanks! Cheers to good times and good timing!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #WorkdayWakeUp

Debbie@DebbieLundberg.com 813.494.4438 DebbieLundberg.com

It's a WRAP!

 If you want to get across an idea, wrap it up in person. 

~ Ralph Bunche

#QUOTE

You may have recently wrapped presents, wrapped up your work for the year, and/or be wrapping up the calendar year 2021...or all three!

This is a time of year for closing out as you look forward, too.

How to do that, and do that well? Knowing that's a WRAP can work well with these four steps:

W - Weigh the progress you have made as self versus self and as your result versus the goal over thinking of self versus others or results versus everyone else's results.

R - Recollect what has gone well during the year, and collect thoughts on what you want to go smoothly and successfully in the new year as you review what could have gone more smoothly and what to improve going forward.

A - Appreciate what you did, your choices and those around you as you think about what and who influenced your decisions and your outcomes.

P - Present your progress and share with those who were a part of it all in order to include them without boasting and realize your accomplishments without downplaying how collaboration can assist you.

When you WRAP up an experience, a project, or even a year, you can also set up for the next opportunity when you look at weighing, recollecting, appreciating, and presenting about you and beyond you!

#ProfessionalDevemopment #PersonalDevelopment  #PerformanceCoaching #Kind #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner 

A Lesson from Kindness Encounters!

While I am happy to be a part of many groups and organizations, it is interesting to see what people will promote or devote time to online.

One of the communities I am in focuses on KINDNESS. Oh, that is right up my alley, so it was exciting to get invited to be connected there!

With everything happening in the world, where it seems like some people are more concerned with hoarding than being considerate, it seemed this group would be a super reprieve for these "odd days".

I shared in that private group that my new hashtag is #KindnessNeedNotBeQuarantined and posted the hashtag there with a story about a trip to Costco and being nice to one another.

Someone took a shot at that by posting that I was taking jobs from workers by moving the carts out of the way in the parking lot. I thought, like I typically do, that she had the right to her view, and opted not to reply. It made me sad, though, as this person who was approved and/or invited in, was so quick to attack, and so fast to abandon kindness.

What I learned there was that some people believe kindness or being nice or considerate is ONLY the way they define it. Sadly, they are being judgmental, and in effect, not at kind in their ways.

So, please, let's be kind, even if that means not agreeing or not responding. After all, kindness and judgment are not adjacent, they are opposing mindsets...and kindness guides growth where judgment simply limits!

Providing Choices and Getting Results

"I'm a big believer that your life is basically a sum of all the choices you make. The better your choices, the better opportunity to lead a happy life."

~ Karen Salmansohn

While it may seem like we want to make choices, too many options can be overwhelming, so what do you do?

Break down choices into categories with only 2 or 3 possibilities.

When you say to someone "Do you want to go to lunch? When is good? Where do you want to go?" It may seem simple, and yet it is a lot to process.

Instead, ask "Do you want to have lunch together today?" Get a response. If no, ask "Would you like to eat together Monday, Wednesday, or the following week?" If it's a yes, ask "Would you prefer Moe's or Season's 52?", followed by "Is 11:30 AM, 11:30 AM, or Noon best for you?"

When you ask a series of questions with limited choices, you move through to selection and on with your experience rather than dumping everything together where someone is drowning in "Decision-making Soup"!

Happy People Experience Challenges

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."

~ Albert Schweitzer

French-German theologian, organist, writer, humanitarian, philosopher, and physician.

(1875 - 1965)

Too often people look to others for their happiness. Happiness does not come from others, or from external influences, rather happiness comes from within.

Happy people are happy. Happy people choose to be happy. They laugh, they smile, they share in the joy of others, and they are happy for the success of people who are thriving!

Still, happy people experience challenges. Happy people get disappointed. Happy people get down, and happy people get distracted. The difference in happy people experiencing these challenges is that happy people know they are challenges, categorize them as such, and they allow themselves to get, grieve, process, and flow through the emotions that come with the challenges. Happy people, truly happy people, do not act like all is okay, or fake their feelings. They may only share them with a few, and yet most importantly, they are honest with themselves about what is happening and how to overcome and learn from what is in front of them.

So remember, you may see a happy person with a look of concern or disappointment, surprise or dismay, and yet that same happy person will show resilience and belief in what lies ahead instead of staying where they are for that moment. They happily traverse the rough waters to get to higher ground and moments of joy. They choose to be happy, and therefore, they are. Choose happiness in the up and down times. Choose happiness in the celebrations and the defeats. Choose happiness in life!

Winners & Losers Vs. Congratulations

"Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until it was broken." 

~  Yogi Berra

Lawrence Peter "Yogi" Berra was an American professional baseball catcher, manager, and coach who played 19 seasons in Major League Baseball, and an 18-time All-Star and 10-time World Series champion as a player. 

(1925 - 2015)

While this is not a pitch for 12th place ribbons, nor is it a suggestion that participation is the same as an endeavor that ends with a victory, this is an article regarding perspective. Rarely do I share personal stories, specifically in these newsletter updates, for, out of respect for you, the reader looking for tips and tools, the goal is to provide those while being mindful of your time. The plan is to do both of those things AND share a personal account, as that is what inspired this topic.

As a finalist for the business services category of the Tampa Bay Business Journal's BusinessWoman of the Year, it was such fun to get to be a part of the impressive group of recognized leaders. With over 350 nominations in all, there were 5 finalists in the Business Services Category, and it was an honor to be nominated, and a thrill to be a finalist...until I was not announced as the category "winner", and people started messaging me and coming up at the beautiful gala saying "Too bad you lost". I wasn't a loser, did not feel like a loser, and found it interesting to hear so many people throughout the weekend perceive that terrific experience as a loss. It told me a lot about them, and a lot about me. I still felt, and still do feel like I won, as the experience was outstanding. I hope to be nominated again. I hope to be a finalist again. And, believe me, I appreciate that people likely meant to be supportive, and yet their words, their approach, did not convey that well. Words matter, as they create a perspective, an energy, and a dynamic.

And then it was wonderful again, as what was also telling was how many people that night, and still now, are texting and calling and messaging me with a note of "Congratulations for being a finalist". They got it. Even with the well-deserved category and overall BusinessWoman of the Year recipients announced, people chose happy, positive words to show their acknowledgement and support.

The purpose for sharing this? I am grateful for all encouragement and well-wishes, and even though those awkward moments about my "losing" made me shift in my shoes, smile and attempt to direct the conversation in a positive way, this is not a criticism or condemning of those attempts to engage, rather, a hopeful account from a perspective to encourage each of us to think about where we are and how others may perceive our words. If we congratulate those for how far they got, rather than solely looking at a win or a loss, perhaps we'd celebrate progress...not just perceived "perfection"!

Know Perspective; Know Ownership; Know Freedom!

"There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them." ~ Denis Waitley, speaker and author

Success in life and in business is both a "no excuses", and a "no blame" mentality. People who know perspective and know ownership also know the freedom from looking back and the freedom to look forward.

Think back to the last time you made an excuse for something or someone, or blamed another person for a situation you were in. I hope that was long ago, and regardless of when it was, what was the ultimate outcome...what did you think...how did you feel? There are not likely a lot of positive feelings, emotions, thoughts or outcomes that come to mind, are there?

Now, remember a time when you made time for assessing your view and perspective, and/or took ownership of a situation you were in. I hope that was recent, and whenever it was, what was the ultimate outcome...what did you think...how did you feel? There are likely a lot of positive feelings, emotions, thoughts or outcomes that come to mind, aren't there?

You were the same person, with the same experience and opportunity in both of those reflections (for the most part), and yet, what was different? Your choices were different. When you chose to make excuses and blame, you were not able to gain perspective or ownership...you were a bit "stuck" in the scenario and time passing to put it in the past. Yet, when you chose to not make excuses and not blame, you were able to gain perspective and ownership...you could move forward, and decide what to learn, when to learn and how to learn...and move onto the future. So, it's up to you, excuses and blame, or perspective and ownership? So for life and business success, let yourself make a choice...choose mindfully, choose consistently, and choose freedom!

Resist Judgment, Embrace Choices

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ~ Carl Gustav Jung

Have you ever had someone ask “what were you thinking?” or “why are you doing that?”? I believe most of us have, and while it is not enjoyable, it is often part of our experiences as people; as leaders; as targets for some to “attack” in the midst of our driving results.

Those questions/propositions do not usually feel good, or get us to simply and calmly respond, sometimes, instead, we react.

So, when the tables are turned, and you question what people are thinking, doing or promoting, I encourage you to look at what has been done as a choice or series of choices rather than judging the actions or outcomes. It’s not easy, but it is a simple approach…let others make their choices and either reap the rewards or consequences, and you do the same. Let the judgment stay internal until it dissolves, and externally voice something like “I appreciate your choice”, or “While I appreciate the choice, and may have chosen differently for myself, I will respect your decision”. The “you should have” or “how could you?” comments do not promote conversation, rather defense.

Nobody will make the same choices we would for us, and yet for them, they make the choices that they believe will serve them best. Someone else would be a second-rate you, just as you’d be a second-rate him/her. Let the judgment go, and watch how your choices yield respect from others and appreciation and consideration from yourself!