Leading Through Emotions at Work

If you want to have a life that is worth living, a life that expresses your deepest feelings and emotions and cares and dreams, you have to fight for it. 

~ Alice Walker

Considering we, as humans, are a series of emotions and habits, and our emotions can drive our commitment to well-serving habits, just as our habits can either quell or enhance our emotional states in reaction or response to people and situations, what happens when emotions are presented at the office, on Zoom/Teams, or with clients and colleagues in a way that creates discomfort? Can anything be done, or do we simply wait and hope for it to pass?

The answer is yes, you can do something, and here are approaches that will be emotionally intelligent, kind, and considerate to not tell someone they are wrong, rather give them an opportunity to sit in success. Much of these actions take place far before an incident, and others are for in the moment:

1)    Instead of creating and fostering an environment of emotionally-based questions or requests, such as “Do me a favor and get this report to me by Noon tomorrow” or “Don’t get mad at me, but…I need you to get the data regarding the XYZ widgets by Noon tomorrow”, ensure your language is focused on work, and appropriate in requests for the role and responsibilities someone has, meaning state requests such as “Because you are responsible for the data regarding the XYZ widgets, please share the ROI on the sales for 2022 by Noon tomorrow” and “Respecting you have a lot on your plate, is it realistic to expect the data regarding the XYZ widgets by Noon tomorrow?”

2)    When someone says something like “I don’t think So-And-So likes me” or “I think So-And-So has it in for me”, reply not with “Why is that?”, which can start innocently and then end in gossip and positioning, instead, shut down that language while being open to ensuring a safe workplace by stating “While ours is not a culture about liking and not liking, having it in for someone or blame, what specifically has happened that makes you feel uncomfortable with So-And-So when working together?” The difference is subtle, and yet you are not allowing that to subtly be acceptable that there can be people out for others.

3)    Should someone says “I feel like you don’t trust me” or “You dismiss me all the time”, or “You never let me finish an idea in the meeting”, rather than get defensive or tell the person “That’s not true”, or “I don’t do that”, or “You’re too sensitive” or “Calm down” say sincerely “You have the right to feel that way. Please walk me through the last time this happened for clarity and get us back connected positively and productively” or “Please forgive me for not being aware of that, I am open to hearing what you experienced”. Then, listen, and strive to relate with empathy rather than react with heightened energy. You want to avoid arguing or countering emotions. People’s emotions are not right or wrong, they are theirs, and working through them to an outcome and agreement is best.

4)    If you have gossip and bickering in the workplace, shut the action and activity down without shutting up people. Share that your workplace, organization, team, or group is not only a safe place, it is a space for support and collaboration, and there is not only no room for gossip and behind-the-back antics, it is an action such as one of those that will be the demise of the team. Share that if there is something factual to address, you will listen, and points of opinion are to be worked through by those involved directly. You are there to be supportive and to moderate, if need be, and that such engagement is to happen long before others are involved or told what has been occurring. This will garner openness and respect in order to keep alliances and cliques from forming.

Ultimately, you want, and you likely want your team members to feel and engage rather than get emotional and blame.

In nearly-18-years of my practice I’ve yet to meet an employee at any level who said, “I love working at my job because people are emotionally driven to blame” or “It’s great to get to work where there is an “in group” and the rest of us.” With that in mind, know that we are emotional beings, and that being known is how you can harness the emotions to appreciate and respect them without allowing emotional sabotage to take place. Let people have habits and emotions, and at the same time, let’s get in the habit of emotions being part of our experiences and not part of emotionally driven taking of sides, or dragging down culture, in the workplace!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #Leadership #Emotions #EmotionalIntelligence

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Belief in oneself is one of the most important bricks in building any successful venture. 

~ Lydia M. Child

While Imposter Syndrome, the feeling that you are not qualified, or somehow a fake, has been studied since the 1970's, it is a topic of interest and request of late for my practice. In particular, with women, the past five years has had an increase in tailoring a talk on Imposter Syndrome, and over the past three years, men and women have been interested in knowing what it is, how to identify it, how to overcome it, and how to coach others beyond it. 

So, the Top 10 summary is broken down into 4 categories:

 2 – Be Your Biggest Fan

 4 – Set Personal Boundaries

 2 – Practice Vulnerability

 2 – Own Your Impact

10 ways to lessen imposter syndrome as you increase confidence. 

They are:

10 - Own & celebrate your achievements! (Both are essential to avoid burnout, find joy in your uniqueness & cultivate self-confidence.)

  9 - See yourself as a work in progress. (Start something new to gain skills rather than not doing it to avoid failure! Better to fail as the future you than succeed only as the current you!)

 8 - Set expectations & make commitments…(while overcoming the desire to be perfect!)

 7 - Veer away from external validation. (Nobody has the power to make you feel good (or bad) about yourself, unless you let them!)

 6 - Know you’re a person so you will take things personally…(And, take constructive criticism seriously, and choose to make it feedback for growth by asking 1) Is it true, 2) Does it matter to my brand, 3) Do I want to make a change?)

 5 - Know that:  Gossip is garbage, Jealousy is junk, Comparison is crippling, and Doubt is destroying (And that these approaches: gossip, jealousy, comparison, and doubt are all "small thinking" - be bigger than those ways!)

 4 - Get & engage with a mentor or coach! (With full transparency, and know that it is not likely your direct leader/supervisor, for when someone decides advancement and pay, there can be challenges with transparency not carrying over into those decisions.)

 3 - See others as inspirations and resources - as opportunities to guide/assist you! (There is no shame in asking for help!)

 2 - Stop over-apologizing (One apology is enough, if you made an error, and then move to thanks for waiting, or thanks for accommodating - gratitude over apology is confidence-building! Plus, many "I'm sorry"s can be replaced with "Excuse me" and/or "Please forgive me for..." instead without hesitation!)

 1 - Practice Emotional Intelligence (Be consistent, fair, kind, and gracious…to you & others!)

Imposter Syndrome is a state of mind, and it is a real feeling that with these steps, awareness, and a willingness to couple humility with the recognition that you have strengths and value, it is also something that can be overcome!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #ImposterSyndrome

Debbie@DebbieLundberg.com 813.494.4438 DebbieLundberg.com

Making the Most of Your Moments

If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?

~ John Wooden

While nobody can give you the gift of time, and we all have 24 hours in our day, there are certainly many ways to make the most of each day, hour, and moment, so here are 10 that have served me, and many clients well, over the years:

1. Have a morning routine (and an evening one, too). This keeps order. Routine is not restrictive, it is freeing, as there is no uncertainty or ambiguity for your mind to wonder what is happening next!

 2. Know life’s timing = your relationship with the clock. Yes, that may sound woo-woo, and yet if you dread going to bed and/or the alarm and are a snooze button-er, you likely have a confrontational relationship. If you keep your phone or alarm away from you, you will get up and get moving from the start!

 3. Eliminate lists, schedule all tasks & have buffers. People dislike this tip, and yet, lists only satisfy your wandering, wondering brain for a short while. If there is a list, your mind wants to work on accomplishing it, so that is the reason to schedule everything after prioritizing. Building in buffers allows for bio breaks and slight tweaks.

 4. Prioritize & ask for priority with clear boundaries. Sharing when something will be used and what the reason is for the priority gives context to those involved in a deadline, so ask, if you are given work to do, and offer if you are sharing.

 5. Start early & complete the worst first. When you get used to getting up a few minutes earlier than you used to, you can schedule the items you dislike or dread first. The reason is not to ruin your day, it is to get that behind you quickly to make the most of the rest of the day!

 6. Stop saying “swamped”, “stressed”, “slammed”, “crazy”, and/or "busy" so you stop getting your self-talk caught up in negativity. Instead, use "productive", "fully booked" and "well-scheduled".

 7. Say “no” or “no, thank you” & resist “busy-ness” in your day. You do not have to explain the reason, and you can wish people well as you move forward without accepting a "to do" that you don't want!

 8. Time chunk & allow time (not hope) with short meetings. 20 minutes is typically ideal for you starting and finishing something or getting enough accomplished on a project that it keeps you going without bogging you down.

 9. Focus on 1 thing at a time (no multi-tasking). S you don't get distracted, practice saying "If you give me In 5 minutes to finish this, I'll give you 100% of my attention" or "I'll come to you as soon as I am done with this." (And then do it!)

 10. Create organizing systems (mental & physical) that work for you! There is no "one-way" to be organized, yet all clutter is mental clutter, so get disciplined in how you stack, file, pile or repurpose things, and watch how your energy during your waking (and sleeping) time aligns with making the most!

You may want to implement 2-3 of these at a time (see what I did there) for impact on your day and your outcomes. Then, layer in other approaches on the list. With those free moments, please let me know how you are doing, okay? Thanks! Cheers to good times and good timing!

#ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #Kind #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #WorkdayWakeUp

Debbie@DebbieLundberg.com 813.494.4438 DebbieLundberg.com

Meet People Where They Are

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed." 

~ Carl Jung

Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology. His work has been influential not only in psychiatry but also in anthropology, archaeology, literature, philosophy, and religious studies. 

(1875 - 1961)

While it can be hopeful to anticipate someone's potential, and reflective to think about what we used to do when we were in a similar position historically in our career/life, it is a challenge, at times, to meet people where they are...and not where we think they are, or where we wish they were!

Personally and professionally, being willing to see people for whom they are, and for what they are doing, serves us well. While that is a simple concept, doing it is not necessarily easy, as we can be overly optimistic, overly pessimistic, or simply unrealistic.

Before determining what to say or do with someone in any situation, remember to see him or her for the person he or she is, and not what you want them to be or hope they'll be. That can be time consuming...and even lead to the proverbial tongue-biting! Ways to accomplish "meeting people where the are" include:
1) Consider the situation & the options
2) Consider what the person wants to do and not do
3) Discuss options openly (not in a directive way)
4) Ask for reasoning and share yours
5) Offer perspective through stories
6) Keep the others from harming themselves or others in their decisions/actions
7) Let the person make his or her own mistakes and make for his or her own success

Meeting someone where s/he is will allow for leading with empathy while allowing others to grow!

The I-I-L-L (Not the “I’ll”) of Leadership

"We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings." 

~ Scott Adams

Often people say or think something like “When I’m the leader, I’ll…” as they look forward to changing things! Sure that is enjoyable to anticipate, and even fantasize about…the “I’ll”, and yet for all of us, regardless of size of business, age, or position, there is a way to look at leadership as the I-I-L-L factor(s) instead of the “I’ll”.
“I-I-L-L”, you ask? Yes, the I-I-L-L stands for:
• Impact
• Influence
• Loyalty
• Leverage

Impact is the fact that what you say or do can have an immediate jolt on someone. It can be something bold or subtle, and either way, it changes the perspective or outlook of others immediately, and perhaps only for a short time. That impact is felt and acknowledged. Impact gets attention of others.

Influence is something that happens over time. It is a style and presence that someone, either unintentionally or intentionally asserts and/or shares with others. Influence stems from consistency, desire to be similar or near, and typically last longer than an impact. Influence gets awareness and respect of others.

Loyalty is when someone is true to another. A leader demonstrates loyalty by sharing openly wins and losses, support and concern. Loyalty is developed for a leader from a steadfast, consistent approach that is trustworthy toward people and in situations. That leader’s views and actions present aligned with others or what others seek to be aligned with. Loyalty is long lasting unless trust is broken.

Leverage is being able to call on others…those you have impacted, influenced, and shown loyalty towards. Leverage is a form of leadership that is to call on others directly for support and positioning. Having leverage means acting in the best interests of others and the situation while calling on those who can impact, have influence, and have loyal colleagues, in order to broaden the reach and scope of the message or action one is attempting to lead.

As it works, there is typically an impact or two before true influence is established. Likewise, influence typically has the potential to become loyalty. Likewise, there is little leverage (true leverage, not manipulation) that takes place without loyalty. So, instead of thinking “I’ll do XYZ”, consider thinking about the I-I-L-L of leadership, assessing where you are, and where you want to be, to ensure your I-I-L-L can get you to that XYZ…whatever it may be!