Word Choices for Engaging with Examples

"Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind."

~ Rudyard Kipling

With so many of us focused on how we feel, rightly so, and so many organizations wanting to have a culture and environment of safe creativity and personal and professional growth, many words and phrases are coming into the workplace in meetings, on Zoom, and Teams that may feel appropriate, yet lead to others being uncomfortable.

What to do?

Please lead by example by replacing words/expressions that can be emotionally triggering with these words and phrases that will still honor what is happening while keeping the energy focused on what is at hand:

"I don't like this" becomes "Because this is not a good fit for our client, let's pass on this idea." This example is about choosing what is best for the clients and not the emotional reaction to the person's idea shared.

"Nobody is supporting me in my work" becomes "Since I would like to collaborate with others, who is willing to work with me, please?". This tweak makes it less about accusing someone else or blaming others and more about a request for help.

"You need to calm down" becomes "Since your passion is clear, if you will please slow down and share, we will likely be able to follow well". This change removes judgment from someone's emotions while encouraging a change for a different outcome.

There are numerous examples that could also be added. Suffice it to say the point of these adjustments is to be empathetic without criticism and considerate without coddling. Additionally, when people approach you about others' words and/or actions, insist that it is best to not judge or assess emotions, rather to have an open dialogue about work, projects, deadlines, and expectations without prejudice or a hidden agenda. Emotions impact us and Emotional Intelligence will guide us through to positive results and real relationships!

#DoYourBest #Life #Living #ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #KIND #Leadership #1KindAct #Growth #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #Resilience #Resiliency #Growth #LessonsLearned #Gratitude #Coopertition #Action

Don't "Try It", Do Your Best!

Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.
- Sam Ewing

Yoda famously "Do or do not. There is no try" in the Star Wars franchise during the 1980 movie The Empire Strikes Back when Yoda trains Luke Skywalker in the ways of the Jedi and urges him to take action rather than simply attempting something with a half-hearted effort.

We loved it in that show, and yet it seems to have landed and been left there...

Some people say "I'll try", and others say "Let's give it that old college try" when something new is proposed to them for action.

What do you think when you hear that? 

Perhaps you think they will give some effort, and that is likely what will happen...they will "try".

Trying is our way of protecting ourselves from failure. If we try and it doesn't go well, then the thought is 'oh well, at least I tried!'

Instead, if you hear someone say "I'll do my best", or "Let's give it our best" when put in a position to participate, what does that evoke? Likely you think, and feel the energy they are going to bring - their highest effort and interest - their best!

So when you consider an effort, either say yes or no to doing your best. Stop thinking 'should I try this?'. Your time and focus are worth more than a try, they deserve, and you deserve, your best.

If "try" is in your verbiage, language and outlook in other contexts, you can shift from "Give it a try" to "Give it a chance, and instead of 'Maybe - I'll try' can become "No, thank you, and if something changes, I'll let you know and change my reply".

Similarly, and often personally, when changing a habit, instead of uttering "I am trying to cut out sugar", rephrase to "Because I want to feel my best, I am in the process of eliminating sugar." This statement shares a continuum for success versus a slight effort.

Moving from the comfort, or perceived comfort of trying, and moving to doing your best allows you to celebrate your successes and learn from those efforts that don't hit the mark. Then, instead of trying and failing, you know you did your best, and you want more time or other people, or that it is not a match for you. You can move forward with intention instead of looking back with indifference.

So, let's agree - no more trying, let's get doing, and, let's do our best!!

#DoYourBest #Life #Living #ProfessionalDevelopment #PersonalDevelopment #KIND #Leadership #1KindAct #Growth #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformanceCoaching #OneBeanerPerformanceCoach #LivingKindly #KindnessIsMyOwnSuperpower #Kindness #CoachsCorner #Resilience #Resiliency #Growth #LessonsLearned #Gratitude #Coopertition #Action

Phase Out Some Phrases...

"Silence is better than unmeaning words."  ~ Pythagoras Greek philosopher and the eponymous founder of the Pythagoreanism movement.  Words matter. The use of words becomes as much as a habit as brushing our teeth, and if we do not consider that meanings change over time, and the implication of what we say (and how we say it) have an impact on others, we may be sending the wrong message...unintentionally. Here are some words and phrases to please consider phasing out. These are not pet peeve words, rather these tend to conjure up negative or off-putting ideas for some/many, and while not everyone will find them problematic, wouldn't it be nice to avoid the potential and amp up your effectiveness anyway? Phrases to Phase Out      Replacement Verbiage We'll just agree to disagree While we may not agree on this, let's respect each of us has our reasoning and neither is wrong Kind of (nothing - simply be specific) You don't understand You need to Would you consider? I am counting on you to... Relax/Calm down What can I do to assist? Obviously Some find/agree... For those of you who know me, I am... I'd like to introduce you to... I am Please meet It is what it is Here's where we are, and here's the approach I am taking I don't care Whatever you prefer/Your preference works for me By shifting your phrases, you ensure others, and you, know where you are, where you are going, and you have clear messaging for moving ahead!

Communication in Difficulty

Since difficult conversations are a part of life, and some people are defensive, or suspicious, ensure you don't contribute to the defensiveness or uncertainty by using the following language and skipping the other:

By focusing on the useful words, you just may skip some of the disagreements and difficulty!

Winners & Losers Vs. Congratulations

"Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until it was broken." 

~  Yogi Berra

Lawrence Peter "Yogi" Berra was an American professional baseball catcher, manager, and coach who played 19 seasons in Major League Baseball, and an 18-time All-Star and 10-time World Series champion as a player. 

(1925 - 2015)

While this is not a pitch for 12th place ribbons, nor is it a suggestion that participation is the same as an endeavor that ends with a victory, this is an article regarding perspective. Rarely do I share personal stories, specifically in these newsletter updates, for, out of respect for you, the reader looking for tips and tools, the goal is to provide those while being mindful of your time. The plan is to do both of those things AND share a personal account, as that is what inspired this topic.

As a finalist for the business services category of the Tampa Bay Business Journal's BusinessWoman of the Year, it was such fun to get to be a part of the impressive group of recognized leaders. With over 350 nominations in all, there were 5 finalists in the Business Services Category, and it was an honor to be nominated, and a thrill to be a finalist...until I was not announced as the category "winner", and people started messaging me and coming up at the beautiful gala saying "Too bad you lost". I wasn't a loser, did not feel like a loser, and found it interesting to hear so many people throughout the weekend perceive that terrific experience as a loss. It told me a lot about them, and a lot about me. I still felt, and still do feel like I won, as the experience was outstanding. I hope to be nominated again. I hope to be a finalist again. And, believe me, I appreciate that people likely meant to be supportive, and yet their words, their approach, did not convey that well. Words matter, as they create a perspective, an energy, and a dynamic.

And then it was wonderful again, as what was also telling was how many people that night, and still now, are texting and calling and messaging me with a note of "Congratulations for being a finalist". They got it. Even with the well-deserved category and overall BusinessWoman of the Year recipients announced, people chose happy, positive words to show their acknowledgement and support.

The purpose for sharing this? I am grateful for all encouragement and well-wishes, and even though those awkward moments about my "losing" made me shift in my shoes, smile and attempt to direct the conversation in a positive way, this is not a criticism or condemning of those attempts to engage, rather, a hopeful account from a perspective to encourage each of us to think about where we are and how others may perceive our words. If we congratulate those for how far they got, rather than solely looking at a win or a loss, perhaps we'd celebrate progress...not just perceived "perfection"!

Word Manners Matter

"Correction does much, but encouragement does more." 

~  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

German writer and statesman. His body of work includes epic and lyric poetry written in a variety of metres and styles.

(1749 - 1832)

Word choice is key.  Messaging is important.  Conveying a thought with sincerity is riveting.  Because of this, it is nearly impossible to believe that in an average eight-stop day, one will hear thank you once and you're welcome .25 times.  Yes, based on my own personal experience (and I am pretty consistently a smiling, grateful, positive customer), those are the statistics. 

 

Is it that I am being ignored?  Not necessarily, rather language and communication have sadly been minimized in many cases to "there you go" or "have a nice day" at the close of a transaction and no response or a nearly lifeless "no problem" or "no worries" when a person thanks another.

 

It will serve us all well to consider what we are implying when we chose to direct someone with "have a nice day" or "here you go" after such person has engaged in a service or the purchase of a product.  The person who says those things has subtly, or after reading this you may think 'not-so-subtly', decided that his or her idea is more important than appreciation.  I haven't yet met a person who expressed an interest in being told something to do/take over a simple thank you.  Based on that, whether you work in the food service industry, provide hand crafted items, speak to inspire/train others, or are the CEO, do take the time to smile and show respectful appreciation with a "thank you".  In the vein of efficiency (if nothing else), it actually takes less time to say "thank you" than it even does to muster "here you go" or "have a nice day".  Please do not misinterpret my suggestion as being opposed to nice days, rather this is a recognition of the ability you have to thank someone and how much more value it offers about the transaction and/or experience than something to come in the future (their day).

 

Similarly, many of us have minimized what does follow as a response to a "thank you" or "thanks" from "you're welcome" to a nod, nothing or very commonly, "no problem".  While I am not clear on where or how it came to be that the concept of thanking someone indicated there was ever a problem came to be, responding with "no problem" implies without stating that there is, or may have been, a problem.  The same holds true for "no worries", so please resist the temptation to fall back on that tired expression, too.

Thank you!

Small Changes in Words = Big Impact

This is the second part of the words matter message. Words are a part of how we are perceived. Making some small changes in word selection may make big changes in your impact, and therefore, your results, including the following:

Small Word Changes = Big Results!

"Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace."

~Buddha

Words matter. Words are a part of how we are perceived. Making some small changes in word selection may make big changes in your results, including the following:

These replacements will allow for clear communication and respectful language for you and those with whom you engage! More to follow next month...

4 Words

"When words are scarce they are seldom spent in vain." ~ William Shakespeare

There are a lot of words spoken, and sadly, not as much actually said. We celebrate first, second and third places in many events, but not fourth. Often there are times we feel as though we "don't know what to say". Our parents may have raised us to be seen and not heard.

Having shared those 4 thoughts, it may seem strange to encourage you to offer 4 words to someone for whom you want to instill confidence. Sure, sure, those "three little words" are welcomed, too, and are not being discouraged. It's just this approach to uplifting another is a for a varied purpose.

Imagine the difference you might make if instead of silence when you felt awkward or unsure, or asking "what can I do?", you looked the person in the eye and uttered (sincerely, of course) "I believe in you", or "I'm here for you", or "I'm on your side", or "I've got your back", or "I care about you".

What would be different? For the receiver of your message, you might be the only person who shared such a sentiment that day, week, month, etc. Also, your belief, presence, support and care could be what pushes the person to go ahead an act on what she or he is "thinking about doing". For you as the sender of the message, it would be different for you to loan a little of yourself without it costing you anything. You'd get to be a part of consoling, uplifting, encouraging or praising another person...and that's worth being said, being celebrated, being shared, and being heard!