The Two-Way Joy of Giving & Getting that is Gratitude

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." ~ William Arthur Ward

 Having gratitude feeds the soul, and receiving gratitude fills our hearts!

Giving and getting gratitude tend to be both in abundance and in absence this time of year (and perhaps throughout the year).

How can it be both?

It seems we tend to give, shower, and praise those around us, those who are closest in relation and proximity, and yet so many people are a part of this holiday/year-end time - from servers from the holiday events to the clerks and owners at the shops. Sure, tips are super for their gift-buying funds, so do tip, and tip well when service is outstanding! Additionally, the gratitude of a sincere "Thank you" with a smile and eye contact can go a long way in letting them know they made an impact. We live in a highly connected, tremendously lonely world where each of us can be the person who puts down the phone that distracts us and lights up our face with appreciation.

So, have you written a note on a card, sent a thank you note for someone simply being themselves, and/or if you happened to notice a person carrying out a kind act? That note will cost you less than a dollar to send, and yet the getting back dividends from sharing your gratitude and knowing someone will feel appreciated, will be priceless.

Please keep in mind, too, that when someone thanks you that your role is then to accept it. Being appreciated is not underrated. Knowing, feeling, and enjoying how you can positively impact another human's day, experience, or life, means your value continues to be reinforced.

When we discount gratitude with a "Oh, that was nothing" or a "No problem", believe it or not, we are not allowing that person's compliment and/or appreciation to get to live, AND, sadly, we are discounting our efforts with a quick blowoff. 

It's November, and it's nearly Thanksgiving, so thank you for this opportunity to share about appreciation and thanks as we all enjoy the lift of both giving and getting gratitude!

#ActiveLove #BeYourBest #Kind 

#Leadership #PersonalDevelopment #ProfessionalDevelopment

By the Numbers: Forwarding Goals

"I'm looking forward to the future, and feeling grateful for the past."

~ Mike Rowe

American actor.

(b. 1962)

Goals are often set at this time of the year, and as long as they are for advancing realistic plans, purposes, and growth, goals are worthwhile and rewarding.

There are many ways to enhance goal achievement. Three insights to consider include the following "by the numbers":

Speaker Jim Rohn famously said "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." Considering that, to achieve your goals, surround yourself with 5 people who are your personal board of directors, including a cheerleader (believes in you no matter what), a confidant (listens and does not share), a critic (shares ways to improve without concern) advisor (shares advice to assist you), and someone who you aspire to be like (aspiration can serve as inspiration).

20 minutes maters. Whether it is about outlook or mood, how you spend 20-minutes makes a difference. Start your day with 20 minutes of positivity and action that will lead you to positive results. If you feel like you don't want to do something, commit to 20 minutes of effort with the attitude that you will get something done, and you will shift your mood and energy by the time that 20 minutes is complete. Likely you will continue to move ahead as a result.

28 days creates a habit. Some say it's 21 days, and yet I believe it's 28 (perhaps the last 7 are for good measure). Doing something repeatedly for 28 consecutive days (note that is not 3 days on and 2 off with 17 on, four off, and then 8 days, rather it is day after day for 28 sleeps in a row )means you have the best opportunity to continue with commitment . Goals are accomplished through positive, well-serving habits, so get good habits, and get to your goals!

Incorporating these three insights by the numbers will assist you, and empower you to not only set goals, they will, with diligence, empower you to attain goals!

Delivering Difficult News Directly & Delicately

"A fellow doesn't last long on what he has done. He has to keep on delivering."

~ Mark Twain

Carl Owen Hubbell, nicknamed "The Meal Ticket" and "King Carl", was an American baseball player. He was a member of the New York Giants in the National League from 1928 to 1943.

(1903 - 1988)

Very few of us are comfortable delivering difficult news. And, even fewer of us want to be good at it! Still, there is difficult news to be delivered at times, and handling that well...directly and delicately, is what is best for everyone involved.

When you are the one in the position of knowing about difficult news, it can be tempting to avoid it, ignore it, or hope someone else informs others. Or, alternatively, our "fight or flight" instincts may lead us to blurt the news, or broadcast it in a way that "gets it off our chest", so to speak.

Instead of either of those approaches, please consider the following to deliver difficult news in an appropriate, timely, compassionate way:
1) Remember, the news is difficult for you because it will be difficult for the person receiving the news. This is really about the other person first, and you second. While you absolutely matter, getting out of your way, and putting the other person front and center in your thoughts and words will work best.
2) Having shared that, even though it is about that other person or people, it is okay for you to feel down, concerned, or uncomfortable!
3) Schedule time, in private, when possible, rather than blindside the person/people. When something unexpected happens, and you cannot schedule private time, minimally move to a private area.
4) When beginning, use the person's name, say something that states it may be difficult to hear, that it is important, and that you care about the person.
5) State things factually.
6) Ask if what you shared was clear.
7) Offer a change of topic and/or exit.

Bringing it together, it would play out similarly to this:
 "Todd, what I am about to say my be difficult to hear, and it is still important it is shared. Please know I appreciate you, so I am going to be direct with you. Your performance on the board has not met expectations. You and I discussed this at the New Year. You had an opportunity to make improvements, and they have, unfortunately, not happened . Surely you want to be successful. I believe your intent is to contribute. Since neither is happening in this situation, wouldn't you agree that it is best you step down?" After a response, thank him for his professionalism, if he agrees, and let him know he is relieved from the role, should he not agree. Either way, thank him for his time and interest, and then stand up to exit the conversation.

Things like this are not anything to look forward to delivering, and yet, if it is a break-up, a death in the family, a hygiene situation, inappropriate behavior, poor work performance, or other things to address, directness and delicacy is imperative to leaving yourself and the other person/people feeling as good as possible in the midst of what is occurring.

Be Your Best Valentine...For Yourself BEFORE Others!

"I know of only one duty, and that is to love."

~ Albert Camus

 French philosopher, author, and journalist.

(1913 - 1960)

Often around Valentine's Day, our thoughts go to others, what to do, and what to give. While there is much fun in creating a cupid-type approach to a day or date, and nothing wrong with any of those thoughts, what about how you love yourself...how to BE your best Valentine for you?

When we take care of ourselves, we can be our best, and ultimately, we can be kind with and for others! Here are 10 ways to BE Your Best Valentine this month, and beyond:

10. Be selfish (not self-centered). Take care of you so others do not have to take care of you. When you take care of self, you can be your best!
  9. Be present. Put your devices away, and get the most of situations and people by being involved!
  8. Be real. Nobody and nothing is perfect. Let your feelings and experiences flow, and figure out what each means to/for you.
  7. Be gracious. While it can seem like many others are doing and getting terrific opportunities while you are "working away", grace means you accept opportunities and challenges in a way you are willing and able to address them with style and consideration.
  6. Be open. As you let your heart and mind be free to people and offers, you can, and likely will, let things in that enhance your world.
  5. Be aware. Similar to presence, your awareness goes beyond your experience. Being aware is about all senses. What are you experiencing, and what are others doing or feeling. Awareness in self and of others creates a leading energy and perspective.
  4. Be engaging. Let what you are doing be filled with questions to learn and grow through exchanges with others about them. This is for them to feel engaged, and for you to gain momentum and ideas from others.
  3. Be clear. Allow your yes to be yes and your no to be no...without apology or explanation. Clarity in expectation and position keep you focused and true to self and others.
  2. Be positive. Even when things go differently than expected, look for what is working versus failing. Seek positive energy and people for surrounding yourself and nurturing you in order to give positivity.
  1. Be grateful. Having appreciation, gratitude and thankfulness in your heart and on your mind will allow that to come through in your vision and voice as you are alone and with others. Gratitude is one of the best gifts you can give yourself that will fill your heart and the hearts of others!

These ten ways, ten approaches, ten attitudes, make for a terrific start to a loving way to give to you...your special all-year-long Valentine! Love yourself first, and make Valentine's Day what you want it to be!

Not "Why?", Rather "What?" & "How?"

“There are no foolish questions and no man becomes a fool until he has stopped asking questions.” ~ Charles P. Steinmetz

Many questions are asked each week, each day, and even each hour. We ask them of ourselves, our family members, our colleagues and our clients/customers. Questions are “good”, right?

Some questions yield good results…if by that you agree that good results are those that lead to conversation, relationships and results.

What makes a question more effective than another? Sure, your body language and tone have to demonstrate interest and openness, and making the presumption you are already there with a willingness and inquiring mind, what’s next?
The way we start a question is a big part of how the reply will result. “Why?” questions evoke defense, and “What?” and “How” questions invite conversation.

How so? When we were a toddler, we started asking “Why?” a lot, and at first, it was inquisitive and entertaining to others, and soon thereafter, our parents started thinking and even saying “because” with a quick quip, a sigh, or even impatience. It’s practically ingrained in us to react to a “Why?”, and yet we typically respond more thoughtfully to the “What?” and “How?” inquiries.

By replacing questions like “Why did you think that proposal was going to win?” with “How did you arrive at the price?” and/or “What indicated the positioning was aligned with theirs?”, you will progress and learn rather than hear excuses or raised voices (and blood pressure!).

Your challenge: for one week, resist asking “Why?” and replace the questioning with “What?” and/or “How?”. If you start with a “Why?”, simply rephrase. Watch, feel and even track the different interactions, and see if “Why oh why?” isn’t worth striking from your written and verbal communication…

High, Low, Pride Review

“Democracy is the art of thinking independently together.”
~ Alexander Meiklejohn

At the end of a presentation, work day, work week, or project, a good way to kick off a review of the "happenings" is to ask three things:

What was the high from this experience/day/week/project?

What was the low from this experience/day/week/project?

What are you most proud of as it relates to this experience/day/week/project?

The first question starts on a positive note, the second allows you to solution things for next time, and you end with the third question to bring it all into perspective and close strongly as well.

Implement an agenda of just these three things, and watch where the "review" goes...it's democratic, since you each/all can participate, and it's diplomatic in the approach!

Side note - this works great with kids, spouses, and any personal relationships, too!

Sharing Your Opposing Opinion Professionally

“Professionalism is knowing how to do it, when to do it, and doing it.” ~ Frank Tyger

A well written opposing opinion message allows for clarity and understanding (not to be confused with agreement). As long as you have an intent that is focused and clear while anticipating your audience, you will likely have success. Still, in order to be as well prepared as possible, the following steps to effectively opposing an opinion, will assist you in achieving just that!

1. Decide what you want to inspire: thoughts, exchange, debate, etc.
2. Imagine various perspectives, regardless of your position.
3. Assess whether you have exposure, experience or expertise in the subject area and know that your audience will know that as well.
4. Use a considerate approach, including:
a. Background on topic (what you have heard/read) for acknowledgment
b. Share one or two stories with facts and evidence that are compelling/interesting
c. State your opinion

If you are writing to someone, use the following additional tips:
1. Create an outline and draft including an introduction (Background), body (Story) and conclusion (Opinion).
2. Use proper vocabulary, punctuation, spelling and tense without acronyms (unless used only after the full description), slang or colloquial references.

For both verbally and in writing embrace the following:
1. Be passionate about the topic without being emotional about potential conflicts.
2. Look forward to the replies/ideas that you may or may not have considered.

Best wishes on those "used-to-get-heated" topics by using a professional, time-tested approach!