How you present is how you are remembered! This is a twice monthly blog for for enhancing your life and your leadership in the areas effective communication, professional behaviors and thriving relationships from a certified life coach and leadership coach. These tips and tools are for your enjoyment and consideration...much like the books about Reversing the Slobification of AmericaTM.
"Commitment unlocks the doors of imagination, allows vision & gives us the right stuff to turn our dreams into reality." - James Womack, Author
Tell someone what to do, and, at the most, you may get compliance.
Compel someone with words and actions, and, at the least, you will likely get commitment.
Compliant people do the minimum.
Committed people give their maximum.
Get compelling...get commitment...get the maximum results!!
"Courage is the power to let go of the familiar." - Raymond Lindquist, Author, Pastor
Holding on to people, things, and ideas that are negative and/or keep us feeling down, inferior or wrong, holds up forward progress and growth.
Letting go of people, things and ideas that are negative and/or keep us feeling down, inferior or wrong, opens up our hearts and our minds for progress and growth.
Hold on and be held back...not by others, but by you.
Let go and let yourself live...by you, and for you!!
"He who is best prepared can best serve his moment of inspiration." ~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge, English Poet (1772 - 1834)
Want to improve your personal confidence and effectiveness? Then, commit to prepare!
Preparation is the combination of information, perspective, application and time.
Whether it is for a presentation or project, a job interview, a date, a meeting with a potential client, or any connection with another person or company, being informed, getting insights from others, applying the knowledge to the situation, and allowing yourself time to put it together, will work in concert to serve you well.
Effective preparation equates to empowered, and impressive confidence and effectiveness...and who doesn't want that?!?!?
"Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now." ~Alan Lakein, American Author, Time Management Expert
Since "Time flies!" and "Where has the time gone?" are likely somewhat common expressions or exasperations in your life, how great is it that we have a chance to look back on time, and unlock the keys to our successes and opportunities to be present in our plans, and look ahead to what is to come! I use what I call The Year in Review/Preview for this fun, reflective, planning activity.
Your Year in Review/Preview is to be done alone, and can be shared with others who complete the Year in Review/Preview or those who do not...it's up to you!
The idea is to go back through your experiences, your memories, and any anticipation or angst in order to ready yourself for each month of the year ahead.
Allow quiet reflection when completing the Year in Review/Preview. Finish each statement without hesitation or concern for how others would perceive it. The "something else" section is for anything else you want to share. Do this for each month as you look back at 2012 and ahead to 2013:
1) My favorite memory of this month
2) The smell/taste I associate with this month
3) The best activity for the month
4) Something I plan to do
5) Something I don't plan to do
6) Something else about this month
7) Someone I will see/outreach to this month
8) Something I will stop or start this month
9) A personal goal/accomplishment for the month
10) Professional goal/accomplishment for the month
The outcome anticipated is to gain perspective, and have a plan when approaching the chunks of time we call months (and years). This is an effective planning tool, a sharing tool (if you make that choice), a balancing tool, and a fun tool for many!
Enjoy! Make it a terrific time in your life for appreciating the past, being present now, and for planning for a great future!
“We find it hard to believe that other people's thoughts are as silly as our own, but they probably are.” ~ James Harvey Robinson quotes (American historian (1863-1936)
While you may be "serious" about someone or something, please embrace, and even insist on also being silly for a bit. Being silly doesn't mean you're flaky or dumb, disengaged or distracted, rather silly means:
S - Simply
I - Including
L - Levity &
L - Laughter for/from
Y - You
And, you may be surprised to know that following your "silly" other people and situations often seem a little lighter, smarter, engaging and even command a little more focus!
"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it." ~ Greg Anderson, American best-selling Author and founder of the American Wellness Project. (b.1964)
When you are on your way to the "big" year-end, the "big" party, the "big" close of a sale or project, please remember the (seemingly) little efforts and each person and action that lead to that finale as well!
The results and ends to things can be fun to celebrate, and a little more easily recognized, while the "in process" is worth your recognition, too!
“I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things... I play with leaves. I skip down the street and run against the wind.”― Leo F. Buscaglia
Smiling at a stranger (and keep smiling even if s/he does not smile back)
Holding the door for someone who is a bit farther away than a couple of steps (and not getting frustrated if that person doesn't put his/her hand out to support the door instead of just stepping through or doesn't say "thank you)"
Letting someone in on the road/traffic (even if they miss the wave to thank you)
Waving to someone who lets you in on the road/traffic
Sending a thank you note
Complimenting someone for something they did
Calling someone to hear their voice instead of just texting
Saying hello and addressing an issue to a colleague at his or her desk instead of emailing/instant messaging all day
Paying for a stranger's coffee or meal while you are out or they are behind you in the drive-thru
Letting someone tell a story they like telling again (even if you have heard it many times)
Saying "please" and "thank you"...and meaning them bothWhile these are just a few ideas for this great day, remember that the big things get celebrated, but often the little things are what make a difference!
“The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.” ~ Henry Ward Beecher,Social Reformist & Speaker (1813 - 1887)
While the leftovers may be nearly gone, and you might still be "working off" the day of food and indulgences, Thanksgiving need not be "over"!
Sure, the 4th Thursday of November is behind us, and the calendar is about to be turned to another month soon, and yet there is every opportunity to turn the past into the present by keeping the feeling, the attitude and the actions of being one of "thanksgiving" alive and engaged!
I don't mean bake, fry or slow roast a turkey each day, nor am I suggesting you need family and/or friends around to give thanks. Absolutely, it is a terrific day of coming together, sharing, appreciating (and even eating and watching football), and I, like many of you, enjoy the festivities and traditions, too. Still, at the heart of the holiday is the idea of gratitude for what we have and hope for what we will create. There is a respect and calm (and that is not just the tryptophan) that comes around that one day....and it need not end with the Black Friday sales.
Instead, consider embracing each little luxury like freedom, friends, family, similarities, differences, opportunities, challenges, life, love, growth and learning each and every day...in your own way. You may opt to volunteer, write a note, share a compliment, hold a door, let someone in on the road, openly state your gratitude, or quietly appreciate someone or something. Whatever you choose to do, add a little courtesy, take a second or two, and make that conscious, appreciative point of not letting the feeling of Thanksgiving be over...rather...keep it ongoing!
“Never let a problem to be solved become more important than the person to be loved.” ~ Barbara Johnson, American best-selling author (B. 1927)
While it can be time-sensitive to address an issue or a mistake, it is important to remember not to break a person while fixing a problem! How we approach a situation is often as lasting as the fact that we do correct an error.
Unless there is malice or intent to destroy/destruct, then please keep in mind that the steps are to:1) discuss and identify the error/problem2) assess the correction options3) agree on the best action to take (and when)4) ensure it is clear to avoid the same or similar error in the future5) let it go and let the person take the action and implement the learning
You may find that in a some environments you feel it is best if you act first and then address things. If that is the case, share the timing and what you did as a result, and then go through the process above for coaching.
While these steps may seem lengthy, they can be done quickly, and with dignity as well as accountability. This is not an attempt to soft-sell a mistake, rather the opportunity to not only make something "right" while addressing it in the "right" way!
“To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.” ~ Brandi Snyder
Being alone can be empowering. Accomplishing something yourself is an undertaking. And yet, there are some times, many times, where the power of another person, especially a friend, can make all the difference in the world. That friend can even allow you to feel more welcomed, assertive, confident, important, fun, funny, and just real!
According to Dictionary.com, the verb form of beam means to emit in, or to smile radiantly, and, after all, isn't that what friendship can do for us?
Today, and each day, extend that BEAM of friendship, meaning:Be a friend (not too busy for others)Embrace a friend (who doesn't like a hug from someone who care)Ask a friend (often another opinion can assist you with your direction)Make a friend (you can never have too many!)
In our gratitude, interaction, and celebration of friends and our friendships, we shine a little brighter, and do make the difference in this world...we even beam because of it!
“Everyone is a millionaire where promises are concerned.” ~Ovid, Ancient Roman classical Poet and Author of Metamorphoses (43 BC-17)
When people are interested, they make promises. When people are committed, they take action. The difference in their interest and their commitment...their promises and their actions, depends on their SIG Factor.
The SIG factor is something I quickly assess in situations, and it means:S - SKINI - IN THEG - GAME
What, how, and how much of is a SIG Factor for those involved? When you expect a lot of people, you must communicate it, make it appealing, and tap into the reward/motivator of that person. From any or all of the following: the desire to participate, the enjoyment of doing what is asked, the outcome of the experience, the incentive that is available, the SIG Factor will be increased or decreased for each individual. Ensure you set your prediction of the level of delivery based on how well you have incorporated the other person having Skin In the Game in order to evaluate and anticipate properly.
The higher the SIG Factor, the greater the likelihood that the interest will yield commitment and that the person's promise will beget action.
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation." ~ Fran Lebowitz, American Writer and Humorist (b.1950)There are times when you are anticipating, and even expected to dine while conducting business. The holiday season that is nearly upon us, often brings about more of that than we typically experience. I am no food snob, or even Emily Post, and yet, I get asked to share tips and thoughts on Dining Etiquette, which I call "Meeting While Eating" fairly often, and here are my top 10 points to ponder:
1) When leaving the table during dinner, you place your napkin on your chair seat or back, and not on the table...it's dirty, let's keep it off the table. And, when you have your napkin in your lap, keep it folded over with the fold toward you (no bibs or tissues for your napkin's use!).
2) All electronic devices stay off the table during dining. Bring them out only before or after eating (preferably after). Not even having the phone off and face down is okay...it tells people you are possibly interested in something other than them while you are together. Let that time with the other person be "enough".
3) When you are not sure what drink or break plate is yours at a set table, Think "b" and "d"...bread and drink. By putting your thumb and first finger together under the table, you can remind yourself of that to use as "yours". And, if someone takes yours, be kind, and discreetly ask the waiter or waitress for another plate or whatever it is, instead of calling someone out who doesn't know the Think "b" and "d"...bread and drink trick/reminder!
Also, if you use sweetener/sugar packets, the empty packets are to be slid under your plate slightly, and not wadded up on the table. The waitstaff will discretely dispose of those.
4) Keep purses, keys, sunglasses, bags and portfolios off the table while eating. All accessories on the table should be related to the restaurant and/or the meal, and not coming from you...put them in another chair or under yours...or better yet, leave them locked in your car trunk!
5) When at a cocktail party, keep your right hand free to shake hands. Carry your drink in your left hand, and resist carrying food when you're on the move. Stop and eat, dispose of the plate, and then socialize. And, at all types of line-served food, buffet or cocktail party, get a new plate each time you get food.
6) When passing bread, butter, dressing, etc., you offer to your left and pass to your right. And, while we are on passing - the salt and pepper are passed as one unit...even if someone asks only for the salt.
7) Even if you are clearly at a business lunch or dinner where a sale may take place, it is not okay to bring out papers and demo items/products during the meal portion of the meeting. That can be messy for the papers and items as well as the people, so wait until you have finished eating...after all who has ever signed a contract with their mouth full of food?
8) It matters what and how you order when at a group dinner or event! Watch the lead of the host. No doggy bags. Watch ordering appetizers, finger food, desserts, coffees and drinks, as you could be "that guy" or "that girl" who is the only one with 6 courses! Use "please" and "thank you" with wait staff, as they are doing their job, just as you may be doing something related to yours!
9) Chewing of anything other than food is inappropriate - no ice, gum or items will enhance a business meal meeting.
10) Remember, unless you have agreed ahead of time, s/he who invites, makes reservations, pays, and thanks someone for joining, so keep that awkwardness of the bill off the table, so to speak, by being clear ahead of time.Meeting while eating is a way of life for most of us, and these tips will keep you enjoying yourself, your company, your meal, and your results!
“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that things are difficult.” ~ Seneca, Roman Philosopher (BC 4 - AD 65)
With so many opportunities out there, do you DARE to to go after one?
By DARE, I mean, do you focus on:
D - Desire - what do you want?
A - Attitude, Actions, and Accountability - what are you thinking, doing, and owning?
R - Results - do you have plans, goals, accomplishments for which you are striving?
E - Examine - will you look at how to make things happen, and others' success?
DARE to do it, DARE to be who you want to be, and DARE to seize those opportunities!
"A year from now you will wish you had started today." - Karen Lamb, American Writer
If change is something you dislike, avoid, or find others don't welcome, consider thinking of change and/or presenting it as an adjustment or an adaptation, instead.
Since change itself is not necessarily what people dislike, rather it is how it is presented that is unappealing or sadly, inconsiderate, presenting the change as something that is adaptable as an adjustment, shows more appeal, and is considerate of the other person/people.
This can work internally for yourself and externally with others, as it is realistic and palatable.
Remember, push change, and get resistance. Offer adjustments, and get collaboration!
“Contemplation often makes life miserable. We should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live.”` Chamfort,French playwright (1741-1794)
Sometimes we have an interest and even a desire to get things done.
Other times, we make getting something accomplished a priority.
These feelings are similar to a point, and then there is a distinction in what does or does not happen from there. One has intent, the other yields results. One can lead to another...
Flatly, the connection from intention to execution is ACTION...act now, get results, be accomplished!
"Right is right, even if everyone is against it; and wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it." - William Penn, English Quaker leader and Founder of Pennsylvania (1644-1718)
When people ask me what is wrong with our world today, I like to think in terms of what is right...because so much is right! Since our actions are our attitudes, and attitudes are contagious, here are a few actions to consider:
1) Speak with someone to his or her directly instead of talking about that person behind his/her back.
2) Offer fixes instead of finding fault.
3) Let your effort outshine your ego.
I'll bet you'll not only make more friends than enemies, you'll make more of a difference for someone (minimally yourself) rather than just an impression on them...and doesn't that just feel right?
"I believe that every person is born with talent." ~ Maya Angelou, American Author and Poet, (B. 1928)
While I may have trademarked "Moxumility", there are many people I admire, and strive to learn from, who I believe exemplify the combination of Moxie and Humility. Sally Brundage, my former English and Theater teacher is one of those women, and Maya Angelou is another. I bet you have a few of those men and/or women in your life, too!
Having the moxie, the confidence and direction to stand up for something and/or someone (often yourself), and also exemplifying humility, the ability to step back, let others get credit, learn and grow with an appreciation for others and your surroundings, is something we all can do. Here are my top 10 ways to Maximize Your Moxumility:
10 - Be the expert in your space for your size, clients & offerings. Stay in that expertise and refer out to others in different areas of expertise.
9 - Be trusting to be trustworthy. Get a mentor, be a friend, and earn the right to be trusted over and over again.
8 - Be responsive instead of reactionary. Know that reactions lead to apologies often while response follow thought and consideration...leading to engagement.
7 - Be contagious. Network, and be someone worth knowing. Check your attitude, and ensure it's worth "spreading"!
6 - Be grateful instead of just full of "great"s. Being positive is one thing, being a Pollyanna is another...and not one of moxie or humility. While things may just be okay or good, be grateful for what you do have instead of what you don't have and go from there.
5 - Be absolutely, positively addicted to the truth!
4 - Be more interested in others than interesting to others. Be conversational with questions and not just stories, replies, and "I", "me", "my".
3 - Be about "What?" and/or "How?" over "Why?". Why keeps us in the past, where what and how allow us to move to the future.
2 - Be the product, and be the value. People will "buy" you long before they purchase a product. Know that, believe in you and your service or product, so others can "buy in"!
1 - Be an intentional example that others can sample. Practice what you promote. Volunteer. Give back. Let others "eavesdrop" on leading, success, and of course, your moxie and your humility!
So while you are filled both with moxie and humility, please remember to balance, combine and hone them with your own form of "moxumility"!
"Everything you want is out there waiting for you to ask. Everything you want also wants you. But you have to take action to get it." - Jules Renard, French Writer, 1864-1910
While being aware of our strengths and growth opportunities is something that is important for each of us, those bits of awareness serve simply as data points for us unless we check our attitudes about them, and eventually take action.
The attitude we take based on our awareness can be positive or negative, as we can either think of how to incorporate the facts/feedback, or we can plot to defend the reasons we are the way we are. By positively viewing ourselves in a perspective of offerings and improvements, we allow ourselves the chance to both give more of ourselves and grow.
Without the open awareness and forward-focused attitude, our actions will either be to do nothing, or to do things that perpetuate or support keeping us "as is". Being aware with an embracing attitude will combine to lead us to actions that serve us well. The actions for our strengths that are productive are to exercise them, utilize them, and share them. The actions for our growth opportunities that allow for improvement are to understand them, implement new ideas/concepts/approaches, continue to recognize progress, and to stick with it.
Alas, our awareness drives our attitude, and our action is our attitude. What we know, we can process, and what we process, we can implement! So, get aware, check your attitude, and take the action that works for you in your strength-support and your growth-getting each day!
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~ Paul Boese (1923-1976, American Businessman and Writer
When you realize you overlooked someone, something or said something inappropriate, ill-timed or just incorrectly, rather than stating “I’m sorry” please consider replacing that often overused expression with the request of “Please forgive me for…?”.
The reason for doing this is to make yourself vulnerable, relinquish control and allow the other person to decide how s/he wants to respond.
Asking “Please forgive me” means you know it is required/requested and that the person who was wronged is in a position to acknowledge and respond…to accept your admission or not. “I’m sorry” still recognizes something happened that was not quite right, and yet it expresses your focus on self and wanting to feel better for you rather than letting the other person’s feelings come first.
It’s a small change that may offer a new perspective, and a new consideration for how an error can be amended, and it is my belief that a sincere “Please forgive me…?” will convey a deeper interest and sincerity that a quick “I’m sorry”! So while missteps will occur, how you handle the acknowledgement of them is up to you…
"When in doubt, choose change." -Lily Leung
Yesterday I was asked a question that is asked of me fairly often by new clients or individuals taking the LUND or DiSC Assessment, and that question was "How do I change something that is not in my personality, but I want to improve it?".
Change cannot be simply wished upon us, or even thought about to make happen, rather it is a three step process, and I believe it is about how we are LED...not by someone else, rather by ourselves! Here are those steps to being LED to change:
L - Learn about what you are seeking. Read, ask, investigate. Get informed, so you are aware and know not only about it, but about the reasons you want to do it.
E - Expose yourself to people who are doing it. Gain experience through others on what they are doing and the results they achieve.
D - Do it. Push yourself to make the actions that it takes. By doing something for 21-28 days, a habit can be formed. No habits form and no change occurs without doing something!
So, whether it is to be more considerate, listen fully, engage others in conversation, lead by example instead of directing, or whatever it is you want to improve, and therefore, change, ensure you are being LED by you, for you, and look forward to the impact!
