Your Perspect"ive"

Make a decision to survive, be alive, or thrive...the choice is yours...and you make your selection each day in your attitude, your actions, and your results!

Forgive and Give Yourself a Gift!

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."

~ Catherine Ponder

Forgive and Give Yourself a Gift!

Forgiving may come easy or hard to you, and either way, it is powerful in action and impact.

The four steps to Forgiveness are:
Expressing
Positive Thinking
Being Empathetic
Protecting You

Expressing includes:
Deciding to talk or not talk about it to the person.
If talking to him/her tell the other person, in non-threatening language, how their actions affected you.
Writing a letter and tear it up (or burn it) and move on if the person is no longer around or you want to keep the person out of your life.
Knowing people don't need to know that you've forgiven them; forgiveness is more for you than for the other person.

Positive Thinking involves:
Journaling about a situation where you were hurt or wronged can be good.
Being positive.
Deciding what you have learned.
Benefits you've gotten from a negative situation -- rather than focusing on the emotions you have surrounding the event, or writing about something unrelated -- can assist in forgiving.

Being Empathetic includes:
As much as you can imagine it, putting yourself in the other person's shoes.
Asking yourself:
Were they going through a particularly difficult time in their lives?
Have you ever made similar mistakes?

Protecting You means:
Remembering: "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me!"
Appreciating forgiveness is not the same as condoning the offending action.
Knowing it's OK (and sometimes vital) to include self-protective plans for the future.
Realizing you don't need to hold a grudge in order to protect yourself.

So, whether you forgive and forget, or forgive and remember, do forgive and grow!

Plan the Work & Work the Plan!

Benjamin Franklin said “Drive your business! Let not that drive thee.”

Not a superior athlete, outstanding coach, or effective teacher has crossed my path who did not have a plan. While some started just with an idea, and others with a grand vision, each of these people had a workout plan, an offensive or defensive plan, or a lesson plan. Similarly, the truly successful, confident and organized business leaders who were prepared for growth and change had a business plan.

Everyone mentioned succeeded with a plan…not because of a plan, or in spite of a plan, but with a plan…with the right plan for them.

Business plans, like personal approaches, are not one-size fits all, and creating a plan for the sake of having one is likely to drive a bit of confidence and raise some awareness, but it is just a plan.

Brian Tracy shared “A clear vision, backed by definite plans, gives you a tremendous feeling of confidence and personal power.” I agree. Yet, without direction, focus, and real (read as realistic) numbers, no matter how carefully written, a business plan is just a slew of words and numbers.

There are a lot of steps in a business plan. Knowing your customers, your products, developing budgets, strategies and approaches, but the one thing that gets talked about very little is the unwritten part of the plan…the action. For a plan to work, it must be a living document that is current, appropriate and adds value to the overall business. The ideas shared and goals/figures projected must be worked, acted upon and realized.

Peter Drucker said 1 hour planning was worth 3 hours of doing” and that is true for creating the plan…and then the doing must be done! If you do not have a business plan, consider starting one, and if you have one, dust it off and review it for the purpose and usefulness. Plans, like people and businesses can and should be updated in order to keep serving itself and others well!

Stop Wondering, Start Asking

"We look at each other wondering what the other is thinking but we never say a thing."

~ Ants Marching, Dave Matthews Band

Think back on your day and recall how many times you wondered - to yourself or aloud, and how many times others wondered (that you know of). Wonderment is fabulous and wondering is stifling. There is a difference. Wonderment is the astonishment or awe we feel, but wondering just keeps us in a perpetual state of not knowing. So, instead of wondering if your company is doing well, if your friends are happy, if you have saved enough, just ask. You may not like the answer, or heck, you may find wonderment in the information, but either way, you are on your way with information on which you can act, and not just a curiosity that leads to no other awareness!

3 Things...

Remember it's people who make things happen...or not happen, so, if something has not happened, there are only three things/reasons that it did not:

Someone did not know,
Someone did not know how, or
Someone did not want to do it.

And, to remedy these situations/occurrences, you will want to address them very differently. The solutions are here, so if:

Someone did not know, provide information, and if
Someone did not know how, provide training, and if
Someone did not want to, provide an attitude check.

Attempting to analyze and interpret things outside these three reasons will be futile and frustrating...the challenge is to offer the right solution based on the situation, and not just continue to provide one of the three regardless of the occurrence.

So, from your children doing their chores to your team completing projects, ask yourself (and them, too) what one of the three things to address, and then provide the feedback to enable and encourage their success!

The Ten Minute Rule

The Ten Minute Rule - What Is That?

If you want to avoid cellular phone calls and/or other distractions when traveling to meet someone, when making plans, use the Ten Minute Rule.

The Ten Minute Rule is a 10 minute window of time when you are going to be somewhere or meet and as long as you are going to make that window, there is no need to rush/call, etc.

For example, if you want to meet a friend at 1:00 PM, and you are not sure of traffic and other delays, you could agree to meet between 1:00 PM and 1:10 PM, or 10 minutes to 1:00 PM and 1:00 PM.

Using the Ten Minute Rule with friends and family (not as widely suggested for business meetings) gives you a little bit of time to adjust to delays, keeps you "on time" within that window, and just solves the issue of that frantic phone call or text from traffic.

Re-engaged Commitment in 4 Easy Steps

"Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans."
~ Peter F. Drucker

Re-Engaged Commitment in 4 Easy Steps

Here we are in 2009 already! If you are seeing challenges in people being committed fully to school, the family, work or the team, consider these four steps (in order) to re-engage and get results:

1) Take time to look back. Allowing people to briefly discuss the good and the bad of the past year (rather than the "bury your head in the sand about the economy" approach far too many are taking...or worse yet, the "sky is falling, let's complain, complain, complain approach) will make it known that you are aware, that you care, and that you are willing to listen and share.

2) Project long and short-term results. The long term, big picture, will keep things in mind, and the weekly or bi-weekly goals will allow perspective, accomplishment and a sense of reward for efforts made.

3) Get the input from all. When your family or your team is going forward with a trip or a project, they may not be the decision makers, but you can sincerely find a way to allow their input to matter and be seen in the end. Consider asking for a theme idea for a trip with the family and ask colleagues and team members at work for the pros and cons...the potential pitfalls and winner circle moments. Make sure you listen and learn, as you are likely to hear something you have not considered.

4) Reflect on the day/week/month/quarter with what went well and what can/will be improved. Celebrate successes and head off potential disasters with open communication and planning.

Through taking time to look back, projecting long and short-term results, getting input from all involved, and reflecting on the time frames consistently, you will get re-engagement and productive, communicative family, team or group members in 2009!

Have a question about your career or other things in your life that you think would be a great topic for a tip? Suggest it, please by emailing me directly to Debbie@DebbieLundberg.com!

Gift Giving You Enjoy!

“The excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than in its value.”
~ Charles Dudley Warner

Gift-Giving You Enjoy!

With Thanksgiving memories still fresh, Christmas and Hanukkah are nearly here. To avoid the awkward gift-giving scenario of you got someone a gift and s/he did not get you one or vice versa, here is a tip that is easy to implement, and refreshing for most!
Whether it is in your office, your family, of your circle of friends, you know the deal, you are about to see someone in between Thanksgiving and New Year's and you wonder "do I get him/her a gift?", "if so, what and how much to spend?". These questions float quietly in our minds often and can just as easily be brought outside our heads and into a mature discussion with the other parties.

If you do a gift exchange with names, have people list a few things like favorite sports team, color, hobby, charity and stores along with their name to give the "secret" giver ideas what s/he might like and set a dollar limit as well. If you are not sure with friends/family/colleagues, suggest two options that you are comfortable with them selecting. For example, you could say "Sue, would you like to exchange $25 gifts like we have in the past or would you like to take each other out to lunch as our gifts to one another?", or "Joe, since we all have so much, do you want to skip the gift exchange and be grateful for what we have or give in each other's name to a charity?".

If you do receive a gift without one in exchange, it's OK, and the same is true for if you give a gift without receiving one back, as you ultimately are giving gifts because you want to, not because you are getting something in return. And, if you are the one getting a gift, the only appropriate reply is "thank you", not "yours is on the way" or "I'll stop by with yours later" (unless those are true statements). You don't owe a gift to someone, and you will likely avoid those situations if you talk about it this week before all the shopping is done!

Lose "Honestly" and "Truthfully" to Gain Trust

What? Cant that tip title, Lose Honestly and Truthfully to Gain Trust be right? No way...

Yes, way...

When people preface statements or opinions with "To be honest with you", "Truthfully", "To tell you the truth", or even "Honestly", it implies other statements and/or opinions may not be the truth or from an honest perspective. Mentally people consider the notion of 'what, you haven't been in the past?'...hmmmmmm...and then, imagine statements following ones with "To be honest with you", "Truthfully", "To tell you the truth", or "Honestly" that now don't have one of those as a lead in, does that mean you now are not being honest or truthful?

Sure, these verbal crutches, as I call them, are intended for emphasis and impact, but they do not enhance or gain trust, rather they subtly imply you may not have been as forthright in the past, but, wow, now you are, so the receiver should 'listen carefully'.

Instead of "To be honest with you", "Truthfully", "To tell you the truth", or "Honestly", consider no words or "I find", Based on what I know, it appears", "With these circumstances, my position is". There are other options as well that may work to gain trust, too...it's just a funny thing that when we purport "honesty" and "truth", that is usually when people tend to question it!

So, keep those expressions like "To be honest with you", "Truthfully", "To tell you the truth", or even "Honestly" on the shelf and simply communicate without a preface to a statement or with something that doesn't work against you, and watch your trust with the person receiving the message grow...

Quotations on Teaching and Learning

Some of my favorite ways of teaching and learning include reading, listening and sharing...

Quotations are a wonderful way to combine all of them in either a message, spoken in a group or written, so here are some of my favorites in regards to growth through classes/courses:

“Every truth has four corners: as a teacher I give you one corner, and it is for you to find the other three.” ~ Confucius

“It's not what is poured into a student that counts, but what is planted.” ~ Linda Conway

“Teaching is the achievement of shared meaning.” ~ D.B. Gowin

“The true teacher defends his pupils against his own personal influence.” ~ A. Bronson Alcott

“The secret of education is respecting the pupil.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Enjoy them, and keep on learning, growing, teaching and sharing!

Game/Event Tickets

A log time ago, I asked for tickets to an event at work and was thrilled to receive the entries for people who wanted to attend a highly anticipated sporting event.

I was equally surprised when I was told the tickets were $360. I was in my early 20's and $260 seemed like a lot...especially since I wanted free tickets!

And then I thought about it...I was in error in assuming about the tickets. I paid and I learned my lesson to ask before agreeing to a price and never had that situation arise again.

Flash forward to when I was in a Regional Management position and had access to some tickets. I began to dislike opening emails and answering the phone near big events because 1 in 4 people were looking for freebies! Who did I provide tickets for first? Customers, results drivers and then, after that, only people who asked if I knew of how to buy tickets or if they could purchase tickets. They were doing it the right way, and I appreciated that. Often they got free tickets for the sake of their offer to pay without presumption and the people who asked for complimentary tickets, even if their requests came in earlier, were not tops on my list.

I have talked to people in Sales and Marketing a lot about this, and we are all in agreement that there is great respect and subsequently, value in/for the person who is willing to pay and asks versus expects and offers versus take. So, the next time you are hoping for tickets, decide you are willing to pay before you ask, offer to pay and enjoy the game/event either way!

2 Things During the National Anthem

During the National Anthem there are two things someone should do: listen or sing.

This is one of the few times in our lives we are requested to respect a song and/or reference. It is not that long, and yet so powerful.

So, when you hear the National Anthem, look to the flag and either listen or sing...end of choices!

A Trademark By Any Other Name...

“Reversing the Slobification of America” ™

It is exciting to know that my expression "Reversing the Slobification of America" has been accepted for trademark. I thought it had, and I received the official word last week in the mail for pursuing people who use it inappropriately.

While I do not want to pursue others for using it, I just ask for "™ Debbie Lundberg" to be inserted and for a reference to honored.

After all, isn't respecting the trademark and the process part of the reversal!?!

Success for All!

This is an option for my email "cards" through my website email address, and it is wonderful to see and be reminded of the order of things. (There is no copyright.)

Too many people seek fame, money or position, and if they ever get there, they are lonely or disliked.

The best approach is to seek happiness and enhance others' happiness with your input and ideas and watch the significance and success follow!

Learning is FUNdamental

As I remember the Public Service Announcements, PSAs, that stated Reading is Fundamental, I alter it slightly in my mind to Learning is FUNdamental.

It seems while many kids think "I have to go to school Monday", a lot of adults are thirsty for learning, and yet, once out of school, is there enough formal learning provided for them?

Speaking with a group of people at the Tampa Convention Center today, I realized that the professionals in attendance wanted to be there on a beautiful Saturday...yes, to enhance their work, yes, for the tools, and yes, to have some fun.

And fun we had! Learning is FUNdamental, and when each growth opportunity occurs, remember it is learning, and seek/create the FUN in it! Embrace the FUN and the fundamental is enjoyable and the learning is inevitable!

What a Difference a Mood Makes!

Being around people often once a week, some individuals I see more often than that. Once thing that is clear is that a mood makes a difference. You are responsible for your mood, and stating "I am in a bad mood" is not good enough. Decide your mood and embrace it. You do not need to be in a good mood, but if you want to be in an open mood or reflective mood, then do that instead. The idea of a good mood and a bad mood makes it look and feel like there are only two. Let your mood be yours and know that you own it, it impacts others to some degree, and that looking back, your mood is not an excuse for how you behaved, rather a reference to what you chose to to/be/have that day!

Respect - Not from Age, but Actions

While I write a lot about "reversing the slobification of America", I do not mean it only is an issue for youth, generation X or Y or any one group, for that matter!

Respect or lack of respect are often a reflection of how you feel about yourself, and while I am happy and respectful, I do not believe that children or adults can demand respect for their age or position, rather it should follow from their actions and personal leadership.

I was at an independent living facility and was moving things (in for my Grandparents) when a woman came up and basically refused to walk around the items being moved or act friendly in any way. I was chipper and greeted her with a "Good Morning", and then she and her cat, in a baby stroller, waited in the blazing sun for me to move about 40 pounds of things so that she did not have to go around in the clean grass or down the small curb. I did not mind, but thought how sad she chose to be...poor cat, too...

The same day, less than an hour later, another woman came upon us moving with different things in the way. Again, I was chipper and greeted her with a "Good Morning", and much to my joy and pleasure, she responded in kind. When I quickly tended to moving things, she said not to worry and that she was just fine walking below. Her openness and attitude reminded me, once again, that it is all in the way we approach things.

Who do I respect? Seemingly needless to say, the second woman. I am stating it, though, just to give her double the credit for acting in a respectful way!

Believe me, I was raised to respect my elders, and approach them that way at first and look for it to continue. Respect, after all, is a two-way street...even if it is a bit crowded with a new neighbor's moving items...

Share Your Voice...

At a public event this weekend, I had an opportunity to share my voice, so to speak. From that little bit of sharing my passion and voice, quite a few people have contacted me with questions or interests, and now, each of us is growing and changing...because each of us shared our voice.

How many times do you want to say something or have a way to do something but hold back or blow it off in your mind? If you would kindly remember that your voice...your opinion...you, matter, so the sharing of your voice is a way to be heard and for others to hear. Consider it a way to learn and grow yourself and possible for others.

Here's to your voice...please let it be heard!

Allow Other's Inspiration, Make Your Motivation!

There are amazing and inspirational people all around us!

My friend, Melissa, just finished the Walk to Santiago, where she persevered in wind, cold, heat and dryness alone on a walk that was inspired by the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo (a wonderful, quick read!). She experienced inspiration in literature and found motivation in herself. She did it right...and with an amazing affect! Congratulations to Melissa!

Often people seek others' stories, ideas, experiences for motivation rather than inspiration. Inspiration is time-based and external, where motivation is internal and purpose-driven. When I meet someone and s/he expressed "oh you are a motivational speaker" after I share what I do, I simply smile, and offer the difference in motivation and inspiration. Quite a bit of the time people remind me that they had not thought of it that way. Then, almost as frequently, I am asked "then how come people call themselves motivational speakers?". I believe it is because a lot of people do think they can motivate others. I do not claim to be that powerful since motivation is what carries one through to the end. I will not be there for every thought and experience, just as the book was not those things for Melissa. Her motivation was sparked by the reading and story in the book, and that inspired her to tap into her own, pure motivation.

Like Melissa, those who seek inspiration in others and stories, knowing they are personalizing them and making a plan for themselves, will likely see their accomplishment through, for they are relying on themselves and learning and growing as themselves and for themselves...without the need for external pushing.

I am all for inspiration, that is part of what I provide, I am just humble and aware enough to know it only goes so far. When you see or hear something inspirational, personalize it, look for tools to make it your own, and then watch your own motivation drive you to your results!

Different Is as Different Does

So there we are, one of my best girlfriends and me, walking on the Old Gandy Bridge, AKA Friendship Trail, with our walking poles and our MBTs when we are faced with many strange glances, comments and even head-turning stares. That's fine with us, as we know we are different in our shoes and choice of exercise equipment!

The people we encountered who stood out most were:

1) The very young mother with her child in a stroller with another girl in her teens who simply had never learned manners or forgot all of them at that moment when she not only made ugly, contorted faces and stared, she gave her child an example of how not to make a good impression, demonstrate tolerance for differences or show even the slightest amount of couth and character

and

2) The upbeat woman in her late 20's to mid 40's who was fit, walking with a bounce in her step and hand weights who smiled as brightly as she could and cheered "don't you love those poles? I have them, too!" as she passed us at a fast pace.

The first woman brought out our pity for her for lack of exposure, lack of curiosity to learn and grow and for her child's example. We talked about the sadness and anger that drives behavior like hers and the way it negatively impacts others and perpetuates her own ways.

The second woman inspired us and put additional pep in our step and got us talking about how one person cheering on another has such power and is so appreciated. We talked about positive approaches keeping someone young and fresh and we couldn't say enough good things about the woman and the impression she made on us.

We smiled back at both women and kept on our way, and will likely forget neither soon. The questions posed to you are: who do you resemble most in this scenario and what does it cost you to be like the second woman over the first?

Invest in others even through words or a smile and you are investing in yourself...time and time again!