How to Disagree Professionally and LAST

“The people to fear are not those who disagree with you, but those who disagree with you and are too cowardly to let you know” ~ Napoleon Bonaparte

How to Disagree Professionally and LAST

A well written opinion message allows for clarity and understanding (not to be confused with agreement). As long as you have an intent that is focused and clear while anticipating your audience, you will likely have success. Still, in order to be as well prepared as possible, the following steps to effectively disagreeing agreeably will assist you in achieving just that!

1. Decide what you want to inspire: thoughts, exchange, debate…

2. Imagine various perspectives…regardless of your position.

3. Assess whether you have exposure, experience or expertise in the subject area and know that your audience will know that as well.

4. Use the LAST approach, including:

a. Listen and have respect for the other person’s opinion
b. Acknowledge: (what you have heard/read) for connection, and to show respect
b. Share one or two stories with facts and evidence that are compelling/interesting
c. Tell your opinion

5. Create an outline and draft including an introduction L(Listen), A(Acknowledge), S(Share), and T(Tell).

6. Use proper vocabulary, punctuation, spelling and tense without acronyms (unless used only after the full description), slang or colloquial references.

7. Be passionate about the topic without being emotional about potential conflicts.

8. Look forward to the replies/ideas that you may or may not have considered.

9. Know you may not change the person’s mind, and that you still both have your opinion without there being a fight.

Soft COACHing Connects People

“You get the best effort from others not by lighting a fire beneath them,
but by building a fire within.” - Bob Nelson

Soft COACHing Connects People

Surely it is wonderful to recognize and appreciate someone verbally and in writing! I encourage it readily!

Additionally, sharing praise about someone to another person is also an excellent way to offer recognition and allow others to know about it in an appropriate and professional manner. I call it soft COACHing.

Soft COACHing in their Presence with Another person includes:

C - Connect with another about someone
O - Offer what the person does
A - Abilities are the focus
C - Compliment sincerely
H - High praise and expectation for continued results

Remember, when you have the opportunity, coach others on the merits of people you know to be a referral of quality individuals and to encourage connections!

5 Steps To Effective Employee Education and Communication

“Don't Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz, Author

5 Steps To Effective Employee Education and Communication

It is tempting to quickly summarize happenings when time is tight and deadlines are looming, but often that just confuses or alienates people further. When complex or important occurrences are minimized, people tend to feel left out or suspicious about what they do not know. It is reminiscent of the concept “we know just enough to be dangerous”. Danger is not what we want… knowledge is. Just as talking is not communicating, providing documents such as organizational charts or spreadsheets, is not educating. Having stated that, together effective employee education and communication can be accomplished in 5 straight-forward steps.

1. Prioritize expectations and deliverables. Basing priorities on cost verses benefits and tying them to realistic time lines will educate team members on reasoning and timing. Communicating these things to all involved limits discrepancies in importance.
2. Define and communicate (verbally and in written form) each role and those role responsibilities. By breaking down the responsibilities, overlap will not occur often and strengths are directed toward the proper channels. Additionally, when people know their roles and responsibilities, they are able to work both independently and as teammates when needed.
3. Review progress on a regular, frequent basis. This is not to micromanage, rather to allow people to know when you are going to check in, and what you want to see. Additionally, you can celebrate wins, review what is going well, and determine what you want to reassign, change or update. This formal communication need not be lengthy, yet it is tremendously valuable.
4. Reassess priorities and focus. By tracking and reevaluating where each role/responsibility is and how they fit the “big picture” is an effective way to consistently reinforce priorities and/or change direction calmly and clearly to all involved. If something gets added or changed, or the scope is slightly different at some point, it is too easy to think it does not impact people when it does, and this step will include communicating influxes of new expectations or the elimination of others; keeping the focus clear for all.
5. Measure and share results. Be direct on what is measurable and when it will be measured. This supports the adage “actions speak louder than words” and will keep people productive over just being busy. When people exceed or miss targets, all is communicated together. Wins are still celebrated and called out, while misses are not overlooked. These results become inspiration and accountability for those involved.

While the steps here are covering both education and communication, they combine to create a leadership and teamwork environment regardless of your industry, group, project or system. Once these steps become part of your leadership style, you will be less tempted to summarize or skim and more inclined to include and yield even higher results!

7 Steps to Email Wow!

“Champions know that success is inevitable; that there is no such thing as failure, only feedback. They know that the best way to forecast the future is to create it.”

- Michael J. Gelb



7 Steps to Effective Emailing



With people getting multiple emails each day, how does your email get read?



Remember that people have choices for what to do with their time, and reading emails fully become “optional” to a lot of individuals, and even within some company/corporate cultures. So, to set yourself apart and increase your “readability” factor with outgoing emails, keep in mind that most everyone’s favorite topic is himself or herself, and not you…meaning appeal to them rather than just what you want to “say” in the message.



Here are 7 simple tips to effective emailing:



1. Have a subject line that is capitalized, and reads like a book title. Do you inform and intrigue people with your 6 words-or-less subject line?

2. Have a greeting that is simple, and includes minimally the recipient’s name.

3. Briefly lead-in or bridge, which gets you connected to the reader (such as “Thank you for your prompt response”, or “What a great idea you shared in the meeting”).

4. Get to the point of the message or request.

5. Offer to own the follow-up (something like “should I not hear from you by Tuesday, I will go ahead and book the meeting for 4:00 PM at your office, and send you a confirmation”).

6. Go for the quick close (“Warm Regards”, “Kindly”).

7. Include your full signature with your contact information.




Be brief, direct, and be gone so that your reader’s time is respected, and you make a compelling reason for the reader to respond…and read your future communication!

Making the Most of Meeting In-Laws!

"I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Making the Most of Meeting In-Laws!

While I love my in-laws, and am very fortunate to have the mother-in-law and fathers-in-law, as well as the brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law I do have, some people are just about to meet their future in-laws or new in-laws for the first time. Whether you have met them before, or are starting "anew", consider these 10 steps to in-law enjoyment at the holidays:

1. Before you go, decide it is going to be a good time. Envision it, and expect good things!
2. Prior to heading out, ask your partner for any “hot topics” or “out of bounds issues” to avoid, and ask for family members’ interests and check them out before arriving.
3. Take a family gift like a board game.
4. Be more about being interested than being interesting, and ask questions for interest and not interrogation.
5. Find something, one thing minimally, that you like about each person as soon as you meet each of them.
6. Share a heart-felt compliment with any or each member of the family.
7. Instead of offering to “help”, offer to do something specific, so rather than stating “how may I help”, say “How about I set the table?”, so they see action, versus courtesy.
8. Thank them for hosting and send a thank you note in the mail within the week.
9. At all times, remember, these people produced your partner, so like/love them for that regardless…you would not have your partner without his or her family, so keep the perspective!
10. Smile, be true to you, sincere in your thoughts and actions, and make it a great time!

Offerings Through the Triad of Identity/Positioning

Offerings Through the Triad of Identity/Positioning

Do you know who you are, what you do and how you do it? Does your customer/client know those things? Does it matter? Absolutely, it matters...after all, those constitute your identity…your positioning…and having those allows potential clients/customers to know where to find your offerings!
Identity/positioning is realized through the creation and communication of three components: your brand, your promise, and your competencies, and these support the offerings you provide.

A brand is a 10 word-or-less (give or take an “a”, “an”, “the”, “and”) statement that quickly shares who you are. A brand is similar to a tag line, in that it is brief, memorable, demonstrative and true. It is not what you hope to be, think you should be, or what others want you to be, rather it just is.

A promise is a brief statement of work that relays what you do. This is no more than a paragraph, and it is an elaboration on the brand. Often this is perceived as something that likens a mission statement.

Selected competencies are a list of characteristics that are core to you, your effectiveness and what you deliver. These are reliable traits that, in concert, combine to highlight how you get things accomplished. These are words defined by you for you and your clients/customers as a reality/reference check on what is desired in an approach.

The summation of who, what and how, allow your customers/clients to identify you clearly and consistently. These three, the identity/positioning triad, are what support and promote the where, the fields/areas of expertise in which you provide your offerings; your two to four methods or areas or expertise for providing goods or services.

With customers/clients, all elements of your identity/positioning determine if your company is a fit for theirs. When there is a match, the offerings that you make available are selected and purchased, and then the presentation of the brand, promise and competencies are experienced fully by them*.

*While there is an emphasis on customer/client, there is no real, identity and positioning if the brand, promise and competencies are not in practice, believed, and embraced within you and your team first, so that the offerings can be done well.

5 P's to Marketing YOU!

“It is very important to generate a good attitude, a good heart, as much as possible. From this, happiness in both the short term and the long term for both yourself and others will come.”
~ Dalai Lama

When you market a product, the 5 Ps in marketing are:

·Product
·Price
·Place (Distribution)
·Promotion
·People

And, I believe You are your product, so the 5 Ps in marketing you are:

·Positive
·Passionate
·Present
·Professional
·Personable


So, be positively passionate as a present professional who is personable in all you do, and sales, and repeat sales will be generated with much more enjoyable efforts, and with less “work”. Remember, you are selling you first, and the products/services you have to offer and represent will come as well!

Remembering...

“So let us begin anew - remembering on both sides that civility is not a
sign of weakness, and sincerity is always subject to proof.”
~ John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Life and Leadership Books to Consider

The worth of a book is to be measured by what you can carry away from it. ~James Bryce

For your life and your leadership, below are some books that I have enjoyed, and used in my learning and my practice. You may find value in them as well:

The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership... by Patrick Lencioni

Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap...... by Jim Collins

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman

Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships by Daniel Goleman

The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make... by Malcolm Gladwell

Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell

The World Is Flat 3.0: A Brief History of t... by Thomas L. Friedman

Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell

Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything (P.S.) by Steven D. Levitt and Steven D. Levitt Page

The Five Temptations of a CEO: A Leadership Fable by Patrick Lencioni

Thinking Before Speaking?

“Love and doubt have never been on speaking terms.”~ Kahlil Gibran

Many people say “think before you speak”, but what is it that we should be thinking? Perhaps you’ll think about:

1. Staying true to yourself
2. Considering the value of announcing your view...is it for sharing, growing or learning, or is it just for shock value or to “be talking”3. Knowing your audience
4. Deciding if what you said were a headline with your name and photo on the front page of every newspaper and website, would you still say it5. Being prepared to accept the consequences of your actions/ideas/words (good or bad)

If all those are in check, then you will likely not be surprised by the responses or backpedaling from your words later.

Your Perspect"ive"

Make a decision to survive, be alive, or thrive...the choice is yours...and you make your selection each day in your attitude, your actions, and your results!

Forgive and Give Yourself a Gift!

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."

~ Catherine Ponder

Forgive and Give Yourself a Gift!

Forgiving may come easy or hard to you, and either way, it is powerful in action and impact.

The four steps to Forgiveness are:
Expressing
Positive Thinking
Being Empathetic
Protecting You

Expressing includes:
Deciding to talk or not talk about it to the person.
If talking to him/her tell the other person, in non-threatening language, how their actions affected you.
Writing a letter and tear it up (or burn it) and move on if the person is no longer around or you want to keep the person out of your life.
Knowing people don't need to know that you've forgiven them; forgiveness is more for you than for the other person.

Positive Thinking involves:
Journaling about a situation where you were hurt or wronged can be good.
Being positive.
Deciding what you have learned.
Benefits you've gotten from a negative situation -- rather than focusing on the emotions you have surrounding the event, or writing about something unrelated -- can assist in forgiving.

Being Empathetic includes:
As much as you can imagine it, putting yourself in the other person's shoes.
Asking yourself:
Were they going through a particularly difficult time in their lives?
Have you ever made similar mistakes?

Protecting You means:
Remembering: "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me!"
Appreciating forgiveness is not the same as condoning the offending action.
Knowing it's OK (and sometimes vital) to include self-protective plans for the future.
Realizing you don't need to hold a grudge in order to protect yourself.

So, whether you forgive and forget, or forgive and remember, do forgive and grow!

Plan the Work & Work the Plan!

Benjamin Franklin said “Drive your business! Let not that drive thee.”

Not a superior athlete, outstanding coach, or effective teacher has crossed my path who did not have a plan. While some started just with an idea, and others with a grand vision, each of these people had a workout plan, an offensive or defensive plan, or a lesson plan. Similarly, the truly successful, confident and organized business leaders who were prepared for growth and change had a business plan.

Everyone mentioned succeeded with a plan…not because of a plan, or in spite of a plan, but with a plan…with the right plan for them.

Business plans, like personal approaches, are not one-size fits all, and creating a plan for the sake of having one is likely to drive a bit of confidence and raise some awareness, but it is just a plan.

Brian Tracy shared “A clear vision, backed by definite plans, gives you a tremendous feeling of confidence and personal power.” I agree. Yet, without direction, focus, and real (read as realistic) numbers, no matter how carefully written, a business plan is just a slew of words and numbers.

There are a lot of steps in a business plan. Knowing your customers, your products, developing budgets, strategies and approaches, but the one thing that gets talked about very little is the unwritten part of the plan…the action. For a plan to work, it must be a living document that is current, appropriate and adds value to the overall business. The ideas shared and goals/figures projected must be worked, acted upon and realized.

Peter Drucker said 1 hour planning was worth 3 hours of doing” and that is true for creating the plan…and then the doing must be done! If you do not have a business plan, consider starting one, and if you have one, dust it off and review it for the purpose and usefulness. Plans, like people and businesses can and should be updated in order to keep serving itself and others well!

Stop Wondering, Start Asking

"We look at each other wondering what the other is thinking but we never say a thing."

~ Ants Marching, Dave Matthews Band

Think back on your day and recall how many times you wondered - to yourself or aloud, and how many times others wondered (that you know of). Wonderment is fabulous and wondering is stifling. There is a difference. Wonderment is the astonishment or awe we feel, but wondering just keeps us in a perpetual state of not knowing. So, instead of wondering if your company is doing well, if your friends are happy, if you have saved enough, just ask. You may not like the answer, or heck, you may find wonderment in the information, but either way, you are on your way with information on which you can act, and not just a curiosity that leads to no other awareness!

3 Things...

Remember it's people who make things happen...or not happen, so, if something has not happened, there are only three things/reasons that it did not:

Someone did not know,
Someone did not know how, or
Someone did not want to do it.

And, to remedy these situations/occurrences, you will want to address them very differently. The solutions are here, so if:

Someone did not know, provide information, and if
Someone did not know how, provide training, and if
Someone did not want to, provide an attitude check.

Attempting to analyze and interpret things outside these three reasons will be futile and frustrating...the challenge is to offer the right solution based on the situation, and not just continue to provide one of the three regardless of the occurrence.

So, from your children doing their chores to your team completing projects, ask yourself (and them, too) what one of the three things to address, and then provide the feedback to enable and encourage their success!

The Ten Minute Rule

The Ten Minute Rule - What Is That?

If you want to avoid cellular phone calls and/or other distractions when traveling to meet someone, when making plans, use the Ten Minute Rule.

The Ten Minute Rule is a 10 minute window of time when you are going to be somewhere or meet and as long as you are going to make that window, there is no need to rush/call, etc.

For example, if you want to meet a friend at 1:00 PM, and you are not sure of traffic and other delays, you could agree to meet between 1:00 PM and 1:10 PM, or 10 minutes to 1:00 PM and 1:00 PM.

Using the Ten Minute Rule with friends and family (not as widely suggested for business meetings) gives you a little bit of time to adjust to delays, keeps you "on time" within that window, and just solves the issue of that frantic phone call or text from traffic.

Re-engaged Commitment in 4 Easy Steps

"Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans."
~ Peter F. Drucker

Re-Engaged Commitment in 4 Easy Steps

Here we are in 2009 already! If you are seeing challenges in people being committed fully to school, the family, work or the team, consider these four steps (in order) to re-engage and get results:

1) Take time to look back. Allowing people to briefly discuss the good and the bad of the past year (rather than the "bury your head in the sand about the economy" approach far too many are taking...or worse yet, the "sky is falling, let's complain, complain, complain approach) will make it known that you are aware, that you care, and that you are willing to listen and share.

2) Project long and short-term results. The long term, big picture, will keep things in mind, and the weekly or bi-weekly goals will allow perspective, accomplishment and a sense of reward for efforts made.

3) Get the input from all. When your family or your team is going forward with a trip or a project, they may not be the decision makers, but you can sincerely find a way to allow their input to matter and be seen in the end. Consider asking for a theme idea for a trip with the family and ask colleagues and team members at work for the pros and cons...the potential pitfalls and winner circle moments. Make sure you listen and learn, as you are likely to hear something you have not considered.

4) Reflect on the day/week/month/quarter with what went well and what can/will be improved. Celebrate successes and head off potential disasters with open communication and planning.

Through taking time to look back, projecting long and short-term results, getting input from all involved, and reflecting on the time frames consistently, you will get re-engagement and productive, communicative family, team or group members in 2009!

Have a question about your career or other things in your life that you think would be a great topic for a tip? Suggest it, please by emailing me directly to Debbie@DebbieLundberg.com!

Gift Giving You Enjoy!

“The excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than in its value.”
~ Charles Dudley Warner

Gift-Giving You Enjoy!

With Thanksgiving memories still fresh, Christmas and Hanukkah are nearly here. To avoid the awkward gift-giving scenario of you got someone a gift and s/he did not get you one or vice versa, here is a tip that is easy to implement, and refreshing for most!
Whether it is in your office, your family, of your circle of friends, you know the deal, you are about to see someone in between Thanksgiving and New Year's and you wonder "do I get him/her a gift?", "if so, what and how much to spend?". These questions float quietly in our minds often and can just as easily be brought outside our heads and into a mature discussion with the other parties.

If you do a gift exchange with names, have people list a few things like favorite sports team, color, hobby, charity and stores along with their name to give the "secret" giver ideas what s/he might like and set a dollar limit as well. If you are not sure with friends/family/colleagues, suggest two options that you are comfortable with them selecting. For example, you could say "Sue, would you like to exchange $25 gifts like we have in the past or would you like to take each other out to lunch as our gifts to one another?", or "Joe, since we all have so much, do you want to skip the gift exchange and be grateful for what we have or give in each other's name to a charity?".

If you do receive a gift without one in exchange, it's OK, and the same is true for if you give a gift without receiving one back, as you ultimately are giving gifts because you want to, not because you are getting something in return. And, if you are the one getting a gift, the only appropriate reply is "thank you", not "yours is on the way" or "I'll stop by with yours later" (unless those are true statements). You don't owe a gift to someone, and you will likely avoid those situations if you talk about it this week before all the shopping is done!

Lose "Honestly" and "Truthfully" to Gain Trust

What? Cant that tip title, Lose Honestly and Truthfully to Gain Trust be right? No way...

Yes, way...

When people preface statements or opinions with "To be honest with you", "Truthfully", "To tell you the truth", or even "Honestly", it implies other statements and/or opinions may not be the truth or from an honest perspective. Mentally people consider the notion of 'what, you haven't been in the past?'...hmmmmmm...and then, imagine statements following ones with "To be honest with you", "Truthfully", "To tell you the truth", or "Honestly" that now don't have one of those as a lead in, does that mean you now are not being honest or truthful?

Sure, these verbal crutches, as I call them, are intended for emphasis and impact, but they do not enhance or gain trust, rather they subtly imply you may not have been as forthright in the past, but, wow, now you are, so the receiver should 'listen carefully'.

Instead of "To be honest with you", "Truthfully", "To tell you the truth", or "Honestly", consider no words or "I find", Based on what I know, it appears", "With these circumstances, my position is". There are other options as well that may work to gain trust, too...it's just a funny thing that when we purport "honesty" and "truth", that is usually when people tend to question it!

So, keep those expressions like "To be honest with you", "Truthfully", "To tell you the truth", or even "Honestly" on the shelf and simply communicate without a preface to a statement or with something that doesn't work against you, and watch your trust with the person receiving the message grow...

Quotations on Teaching and Learning

Some of my favorite ways of teaching and learning include reading, listening and sharing...

Quotations are a wonderful way to combine all of them in either a message, spoken in a group or written, so here are some of my favorites in regards to growth through classes/courses:

“Every truth has four corners: as a teacher I give you one corner, and it is for you to find the other three.” ~ Confucius

“It's not what is poured into a student that counts, but what is planted.” ~ Linda Conway

“Teaching is the achievement of shared meaning.” ~ D.B. Gowin

“The true teacher defends his pupils against his own personal influence.” ~ A. Bronson Alcott

“The secret of education is respecting the pupil.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Enjoy them, and keep on learning, growing, teaching and sharing!