Small Changes in Words = Big Impact

This is the second part of the words matter message. Words are a part of how we are perceived. Making some small changes in word selection may make big changes in your impact, and therefore, your results, including the following:

Delivering Difficult News Directly & Delicately

"A fellow doesn't last long on what he has done. He has to keep on delivering."

~ Mark Twain

Carl Owen Hubbell, nicknamed "The Meal Ticket" and "King Carl", was an American baseball player. He was a member of the New York Giants in the National League from 1928 to 1943.

(1903 - 1988)

Very few of us are comfortable delivering difficult news. And, even fewer of us want to be good at it! Still, there is difficult news to be delivered at times, and handling that well...directly and delicately, is what is best for everyone involved.

When you are the one in the position of knowing about difficult news, it can be tempting to avoid it, ignore it, or hope someone else informs others. Or, alternatively, our "fight or flight" instincts may lead us to blurt the news, or broadcast it in a way that "gets it off our chest", so to speak.

Instead of either of those approaches, please consider the following to deliver difficult news in an appropriate, timely, compassionate way:
1) Remember, the news is difficult for you because it will be difficult for the person receiving the news. This is really about the other person first, and you second. While you absolutely matter, getting out of your way, and putting the other person front and center in your thoughts and words will work best.
2) Having shared that, even though it is about that other person or people, it is okay for you to feel down, concerned, or uncomfortable!
3) Schedule time, in private, when possible, rather than blindside the person/people. When something unexpected happens, and you cannot schedule private time, minimally move to a private area.
4) When beginning, use the person's name, say something that states it may be difficult to hear, that it is important, and that you care about the person.
5) State things factually.
6) Ask if what you shared was clear.
7) Offer a change of topic and/or exit.

Bringing it together, it would play out similarly to this:
 "Todd, what I am about to say my be difficult to hear, and it is still important it is shared. Please know I appreciate you, so I am going to be direct with you. Your performance on the board has not met expectations. You and I discussed this at the New Year. You had an opportunity to make improvements, and they have, unfortunately, not happened . Surely you want to be successful. I believe your intent is to contribute. Since neither is happening in this situation, wouldn't you agree that it is best you step down?" After a response, thank him for his professionalism, if he agrees, and let him know he is relieved from the role, should he not agree. Either way, thank him for his time and interest, and then stand up to exit the conversation.

Things like this are not anything to look forward to delivering, and yet, if it is a break-up, a death in the family, a hygiene situation, inappropriate behavior, poor work performance, or other things to address, directness and delicacy is imperative to leaving yourself and the other person/people feeling as good as possible in the midst of what is occurring.

Age is a Privilege...Not a Problem!

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

~ Mark Twain

Samuel Langhorne Clemens, better known by his pen name Mark Twain, was an American author and humorist.

(1835 - 1910)

It seems like rarely a day passes that someone doesn't say something like "Getting old isn't for sissies" or "Gravity isn't kind", or "I'm old, so I cannot read this without my glasses" in front of a podium or on a stage, and while people smile or even laugh, there is an implication that getting old, and aging, in general, is a problem...and while there may be painful emotional, and even physical changes, for us as we gain in years, please consider that we are in a tremendous state of being privileged to get to age.

For the times when you crack, creak, pop or pause, let that notice of what perhaps may sound like your physical limitations instead let those remind you of your physical capabilities. Take a few seconds or a moment to appreciate what you can do...at any age.

If there is a time you feel like you are the oldest, or that you don't belong or fit in due to those surrounding you being younger, keep in mind one person, any person or people, who were/are older than you who imparted knowledge on you, and then choose to share with others who are interested. Think of how fun it is to have the perspective you get to have as you add to your life's experience!

For the times when your body might feel like it does not perform the way it used to perform, from an endurance or strength measurement, allow yourself to focus on being the best you right now. Measure self against self in the moment, and think of the honor you have to feed and exercise your body in a way that serves it well.

For the times when your mind may play tricks on you, or your memory doesn't serve you well, allow yourself to be grateful for all the memories you do have, and all the memories you are yet to make. Decide to enhance the capabilities you have versus dwelling on what you are missing.

For the times others are sharing their issues and even corralling you to do the same, make a mental note of what you like, for which you are grateful, and for all you have, still have, and will have, rather that what once was, or what is gone, so you can, minimally, keep your approach positive...even if others choose not to!

Aging, while it can seem unfair, it is something so many of us hope to get to do with family and friends. We pine for a long, full life, and yet that cannot happen without aging. It is an honor, a privilege, to get to age...yes, hopefully gracefully, and it can absolutely be gratefully, as that latter part is within our control! When we see, speak and even lament over the "problems" of aging, it is difficult to appreciate the privilege of aging, and yet, nearly as simply, when we see, speak and share the privilege of aging, it is difficult to get caught up in the lamenting over the problems of it all!

Small Word Changes = Big Results!

"Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace."

~Buddha

Words matter. Words are a part of how we are perceived. Making some small changes in word selection may make big changes in your results, including the following:

These replacements will allow for clear communication and respectful language for you and those with whom you engage! More to follow next month...

Breaking Up with Busy!

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." 

~John Lennon

So often we are asked (or ask) "Are you busy?" It's practically replaced "How are you?", and yet what does busy mean? It's almost a badge of peculiar, proud honor for people to talk about, dare I say brag about, how busy they are. Please stop it!

And, similarly, we often answer the question "Yes!" to "Are you busy?", or "Busy!" to "How are you?". Please stop that, too!

Break up with busy, as busy only show you are either frazzled, tired, over-scheduled, over-worked, not in control of your time, or you are allowing outside influence or people to drive your schedule. Busy does not indicate anything other than motion or being rather than interest and productivity.

Replace the concept, and response of busy with productive, full or enjoyable. If someone asks "Are you busy", please consider smiling and replying with "It's been a productive day/week/month", or "It's a full, enjoyable time".

In all of this, make sure you are sincere, clear, and owning your language and disposition...all while letting go of the idea of being married to "busy"! Break up with busy, and get hooked on your productivity and your time/decision ownership!

Be Your Best Valentine...For Yourself BEFORE Others!

"I know of only one duty, and that is to love."

~ Albert Camus

 French philosopher, author, and journalist.

(1913 - 1960)

Often around Valentine's Day, our thoughts go to others, what to do, and what to give. While there is much fun in creating a cupid-type approach to a day or date, and nothing wrong with any of those thoughts, what about how you love yourself...how to BE your best Valentine for you?

When we take care of ourselves, we can be our best, and ultimately, we can be kind with and for others! Here are 10 ways to BE Your Best Valentine this month, and beyond:

10. Be selfish (not self-centered). Take care of you so others do not have to take care of you. When you take care of self, you can be your best!
  9. Be present. Put your devices away, and get the most of situations and people by being involved!
  8. Be real. Nobody and nothing is perfect. Let your feelings and experiences flow, and figure out what each means to/for you.
  7. Be gracious. While it can seem like many others are doing and getting terrific opportunities while you are "working away", grace means you accept opportunities and challenges in a way you are willing and able to address them with style and consideration.
  6. Be open. As you let your heart and mind be free to people and offers, you can, and likely will, let things in that enhance your world.
  5. Be aware. Similar to presence, your awareness goes beyond your experience. Being aware is about all senses. What are you experiencing, and what are others doing or feeling. Awareness in self and of others creates a leading energy and perspective.
  4. Be engaging. Let what you are doing be filled with questions to learn and grow through exchanges with others about them. This is for them to feel engaged, and for you to gain momentum and ideas from others.
  3. Be clear. Allow your yes to be yes and your no to be no...without apology or explanation. Clarity in expectation and position keep you focused and true to self and others.
  2. Be positive. Even when things go differently than expected, look for what is working versus failing. Seek positive energy and people for surrounding yourself and nurturing you in order to give positivity.
  1. Be grateful. Having appreciation, gratitude and thankfulness in your heart and on your mind will allow that to come through in your vision and voice as you are alone and with others. Gratitude is one of the best gifts you can give yourself that will fill your heart and the hearts of others!

These ten ways, ten approaches, ten attitudes, make for a terrific start to a loving way to give to you...your special all-year-long Valentine! Love yourself first, and make Valentine's Day what you want it to be!

Wingin' It Vs. Sharing Expertise

"True intuitive expertise is learned from prolonged experience with good feedback on mistakes."

~ Daniel Kahneman

Israeli-American psychologist notable for his work on the psychology of judgment and decision-making, as well as behavioral economics, for which he was awarded the 2002 Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences.

(b. 1934)

Through many studies and surveys, Americans consistently share that public speaking is one of their biggest, often the biggest of fears. In working with people, and in other articles, it's been shared that being the expert, putting the audience first, and getting out of your own way are three things to remember to be an effective presenter. That has not changed.

This article is to share the difference in "winging it", and "sharing expertise". When people tell me they don't like to write things down, prepare, or rehearse because they are better at "winging it", what they likely mean is that they are best sharing their expertise. When you are the expert, and when you have confidence in your knowledge, position and expertise, you can be effective in "sharing expertise". It is not that you are "winging it", rather you may not want a script, props or other things for a presentation. True "winging it" is when someone is not prepared, does not have knowledge, or simply ignored opportunities to get informed.

"Sharing expertise", being vulnerable and open are all to be encouraged. This form of public speaking, in small or large groups, formally or informally, is something that often touches the audience in a way a rehearsed deck on something that the speaker does not truly have expertise, never could. "Winging it", real "winging it" is something that is frenetic, without support, and possibly a series of fleeting opinions.

Fear or not, when you have a change to speak publicly, if you find yourself telling yourself or others that you are best "winging it", please consider giving each of you more credit by realizing and embracing the fact that part of your impact, and part of your way to connect, is by "sharing expertise".

Scheduling YOU for the Year Now!

"The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities." 

~Stephen Covey

Since the calendar has changed, and hopefully we are all getting used to writing 2016 or '16 on things where dates are required, and as tempting as it is to put others first, please first, now, prioritize YOU!

How so? Please schedule your workouts, doctor's visits, massages, hair cuts/appointments, and all things for you that perhaps, in the past, you have attempted to "squeeze in" around everyone else's events and priorities.

When you make YOU the focus now, in January, you can, and likely will, schedule things around being the best you, rather than fitting you in where you can, or missing out on things for you that are important for your well-being.

The ART of the Thank You!

"God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say 'thank you?'"

~William Arthur Ward

With presents, invitations, hostess gifts, and more having been shared at this time, resist letting the fullness of your schedule override the fullness of gratitude you have...and can share!

A thank you note goes a long way in showing appreciation. While there is no wrong thank you, there is an ART to expressing gratitude in writing that connects and shares your happiness well, and that includes:

A - Address the person and the experience (no "I" as first word) 
R - Relive what make it special in words
T - Thank that person clearly before closing the note

An example is:
Dear Steve~

You were so thoughtful to include Michael and me in your suite yesterday! How kind you were to connect all of us as we enjoyed The Lightning beating The Rangers!

Thank you!

It was especially fun to get to share in the toast you made that highlighted the direction of your company's future.

Thanks again for your generosity, and I'll look forward to seeing you in 2016!

All the best,
Debbie

Commitments Vs. Resolutions

"When you do something with a lot of honesty, appetite and commitment, the input reflects in the output."

~ A. R. Rahman

Allah-Rakha Rahman is an Indian composer, singer-songwriter, music producer, musician and philanthropist.

(b. 1967)

As the festivities of many holidays are in the recent past, and the lure of the New Year in the near future, it is often tempting to start thinking about resolutions.

While it is good to resolve to make changes, a New Year's resolution is too often similar to "I'll try". It is well intended, and unfortunately, it falls flat - without action, or without consistent follow-through. The idea, concept, and time of year are not what makes things new in the year for you, rather it is the commitment to both sticking with well-serving habits and altering those that are not, is what will likely resonate, and eventually lead to actions and results!

If you would, please consider making a commitment to some specific target(s) now, or in the New Year, or any time you deem change something you desire. Where a resolution may sound like "I'll work out more", or "I'll eat better", these are not specific and measurable. On the contrary, making a commitment means stating, and sharing "I am committed to working out 3-4 times per week for 20-40 minutes each session in order to support my health and appearance", or "I am committed to eating clean 5-6 days per week with 1-2 days of enjoying indulgences in order to look and feel fit and strong".

So, should you want to make a resolution, make it that you resolve to commit, take actions to support it, and realize your targets/goals in 2016...and beyond!

CHIEF Email Officer - New CEO

"The major advances in speed of communication and ability to interact took place more than a century ago. The shift from sailing ships to telegraph was far more radical than that from telephone to email!"

 ~ Noam Chomsky

With as many emails as you get and receive, please consider becoming your written communication CEO, meaning your own CHIEF Email Officer.

A CHIEF email office within an organization, team or group uses the following in the subject line in all CAPs before a colon and the subject of content that follows:

CHANGE - meaning something has changed in expectation, process or protocol. Example - CHANGE: Vacation Request Process
HEADS UP - when you want the recipient to know about something that is going to happen, yet nothing is to be done. Example - HEADS UP: Moving Forward on Meeting Plans
INPUT - if there is something you are seeking ideas, input or perspective on from the recipient. Example - INPUT: Considering Changing Vendors
EXCELLENCE - for recognizing something done well
FEEDBACK
- when you want the recipient to get feedback. Example - FEEDBACK: Today's Presentation. Some groups use it as FYI, meaning they want someone to  know about something that is going to happen, even though it will not impact that person, so the HEADS UP becomes for when it impacts the email recipient(s), and FYI is when it does not. Example - FYI: Lower Floor Carpet Changed Overnight (for those on a different floor)

By being the CHIEF Email Officer (CEO), you can be respectful of people's time and interest simply by coding your emails for them (and you) for prioritization and search capabilities, and ultimately keeping your communication professional and clear!

Disagreeing Agreeably

"We cannot have that relationship if we only dictate or threaten and condemn those who disagree." ~Zbigniew Brzezinski

When you have disagreements, or differences of perspective, and you will, remember that you are entitled to your view, just as others are entitled to their opinion. One of you does not have to be wrong for the other to be right. In order to consider disagreeing agreeably, and moving forward with a collaborative, professional approach, please consider the following expressions:

• "You may be right." vs. "You're wrong."
• "That's possible, and..." vs. "No way!"
• "What would you anticipate out of that?" vs. "That won't work."
• "While we attempted something similar in the past, how would this be different?", vs. "We tried that before, and it doesn't work!"

Utilizing these statements before the "vs." comment will likely lead to agreeing on something eventually, rather than simply agreeing to disagree...and isn't that more appealing and productive in the long run?

Savvy RSVPs & Invitee Niceties

"Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul."

~ Henry Ward Beecher

American Congregationalist clergyman, social reformer, and speaker.

(1813 - 1887)

While it may seem like a very full time of the year, there are many events and opportunities to be savvy, kind, and considerate through your RSVPs, and subsequent "ways to be".

RSVP is French, and it stands for répondez s'il vous plaît. It translates to "please respond", so please do. That, alone, would be an improvement on what many do, which is ignore an invitation. In addition, here are some guidelines for being a thoughtful invitee:

1) Please respond YES or NO (no "maybe" replies, or "I'll try to swing by" comments) by the RSVP deadline.
2) Thank the host for being included, regardless of your reply, and resist saying things like "I'm so busy, but I'll so this" if you are going, and "I'm so busy, I just can't" if you are not going. Busy is but an explanation or insight, rather just filler.
3) Put the event and address in your calendar (phone, paper, or whatever works for you).
4) Review the invitation for any specifics such as items to bring, theme, or directions on parking.
5) Stick with your RSVP, and if something changes after the RSVP deadline that you were a YES for, call, don't text or email, the host to let him or her know of your change and offer to pay for what was being provided based on your RSVP. If something changes and you can now attend, ask, don't tell, the host, that if it is appropriate, you would like to please attend, and await a response. Offer to pay for any changes that s/he may incur due to your tardy reply.
6) Arrive when noted in the invitation, and if you arrive early, just wait in your car, and relax or get that quick call in, as everything may not be ready for guests if it is before the start time.
7) Provide a host/hostess gift with your return label on the packaging (for wine, it works great on the back of the bottle).
8) Have a great time within the theme of the party.
9) Leave while you are still having fun, and within the time frame of the party invitation.
10) Send a thank you note to the host within a week sharing something special about the host or the party with gratitude.

By being a considerate, engaged attendee, you are likely to enjoy yourself, show appreciation, and make the event something to remember! Additionally, you will likely get invited back, as your sincerity and kindness will be seen, heard and felt!

Trick-less Relationship Treat-ments!

"I've learned that life is very tricky business: Each person needs to find what they want to do in life and not be dissuaded when people question them."

- Eli Wallace

American film, television and stage actor whose career spanned more than six decades, beginning in the late 1940s.

(1915 - 2014)

It's that time of the year for the tricks, and/or the treats of the Halloween season!

While the treatment of yourself, and of others can seem tricky at times, there are some trick-less ways to care for you...and for them as you develop relationships! Some of those approaches include:
T - Talking in terms of what interests that person first...to connect, be sincere, and to create collaboration, and then talk about your goals and desires
R - Respond instead of reacting to other people's ideas and actions by stopping, thinking, and considering other's perspective, and then sharing in a responsible, professional manner
I - Include people who are interested, and possibly not often included, or many not have been considered, since this will grow a base of input and gain additional insights through respecting their views/experience
C - Clearly explain expectations and get buy-in by asking for questions, concerns, ideas and options...as well as how you can assist in getting to those expectations
K - Key in on asking for, listening to, and providing sincere feedback on what is going well, and what can be improved personally and professionally

Treating people well through talking, responding, including, clarifying, and keying in on feedback is less tricky, and more trick-less, as it creates an environment of engagement and trust...to establish, create and/or grow relationships!

Tampa Bay Business Journal Recognition Appreciation!

Your votes counted!

It's an honor to be on the Top 10 list the 5th year in a row, shown here in the Top 5, 

for the Best in the Biz Reader's Choice Awards for 

Favorite Business-Oriented Speaker!

Thank you!

 

Congratulations to Tampa Mayor, Bob Buckhorn, Former Tampa Mayor, Pam Iorio, and Tampa Business and Community Superstars, Jeff Vinik and Richard Gonzmart! 

It is an honor to be listed among you!

Three Steps to Overcoming Undesired Outcomes

"Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune."

~William James

 Since we have goals, expectations and even anticipations, and since not everything goes as planned, it is good for us to strive for those goals, expectations and anticipations, and yet also have a plan for the "not-as-planned" outcomes!

Three steps to process and work through these times successfully include:
1) Reflect on what did go well in the situation
2) Determine what could have been avoided
3) Think of how to respond (not react)

With these intentional actions, you can leave the blame and "should haves" behind and focus more on moving forward to the next opportunity!

Public Speaking Power

Public Speaking Power

It is consistently noted that public speaking is the top fear for Americans. And yet you may want to successfully speak in public personally and/or professionally. For such formal requests for public speaking, there are four types of engagements:

Speech - written ahead of time and read/delivered at a podium or in one location.

Presentation - prepared ahead of time with some slides to support the messages for the audience's benefit.

Talk - bullet points prepared and ready to share with a lot of audience interaction and/or buy-in.

Conversation - Leading a discussion with expertise for the audience and expert to learn.

 

When you are asked to participate, ask:

• The amount of time allowed for you
• The likely size of the audience
• The demographics of the audience
• The goal of the engagement
• The types preferred (Speech, Presentation, Talk, Conversation)

Regardless of which type you are delivering, the three things to ensure for success are:

1) Be the expert

2) Get out of your own way (it's not about you or your day, rather it is about #3)

3) Put the audience first

With these quick tips in mind, you'll have fun, and importantly, your audience will be better for learning with/from you in the way that is best for the opportunity...without fear on your part or theirs!

Change Perceptions of Change!

"The world hates change, yet it is the only thing that has brought progress."

~ Charles Kettering

American inventor, engineer, businessman, and the holder of 186 patents. He was a founder of Delco, and was head of research at General Motors from 1920 to 1947.

(1876 - 1958)

The expression "the only constant is change" is known, and yet there is often a lot of resistance, fear, and/or discomfort around fear.

One letter in a word can make a big difference! People can either change by chance or by charge. Change by chance is when we are in denial, ill prepared, or unaware. Change by charge is when we are ready, willing, and focused on the success of the change!

With that "r" approach, the Change by charge allows for leading confidently with, and through, change successfully. Ten of those ways are:

10. Implement a new rule - instead of the golden rule, implement the transparency rule - treat others how THEY want to be treated (not how YOU want to be treated)

9. ASK through:
o A - Acknowledging other's perspective.
o S - Sharing your perspective.
o K - Keeping the membership perspective in mind and in the forefront.

8. Think collaborate not inundate, and listen to what & how...as well as the why.

7. Resist saying, feeling &/or believing "change is hard". Instead of letting people continue to believe/say "this is tough", remind them that THEY are tough!

6. Consider the possibilities! Be optimistically realistic rather than pessimistically realistic!

5. CHANGE expectations by:
o C - Considering the shift as far as
o H - How you will be impacted
o A - Along with how others will be impacted
o N - Now, and in the future, and
o G - Gage each in order to set
o E - Expectations with/for both

4. Talk in terms of progress, not perfection! Celebrate and appreciate movement in the desired direction.

3. Reward behaviors you want repeated! Watch allowing negative people to get your attention.

2. Use "Let's" and "We" whenever appropriate so that you can, and will be inclusive and leading rather that excluding or telling.

1. No fake it, 'til you make it. YOU are the one to embrace, support, understand & represent the change you want others to embrace, support and understand! Lead the change by making it about getting through and to the next step (no faking required!).

These ten things, these ten approaches, these ten outlooks afford that charge to make the change go well while you enjoy yourself!

Get & Stay Engaged

"It takes a little bit of mindfulness and a little bit of attention to others to be a good listener, which helps cultivate emotional nurturing and engagement." 

~ Deepak Chopra
Indian American author and public speaker. He is an alternative medicine advocate and a promoter of popular forms of spirituality.

(b.1947

    

There are a lot of distractions in life...in a day...in and outside of our minds and environments! And yet, being distracted is not what most of us would like others to see in us, or believe about us. When we are "caught" distracted, often an apologetic and or embarrassed response follows.

What do we do to be focused...to get and stay engaged? Please consider thinking and/or thinking about:

E - Establish a focus. Asking yourself "What is my specific focus?" will get your attention!

N - "Not now!" Tell yourself some things will wait, and your time is about what/who is right there.

G - Goal. At onset of an interaction, establish your combined goal with the other person/people.

A - Ask questions. Get engaged with what and how. Stay involved with what else, and how so!

G - Gather notes. On the phone, over video, or in person, notes let you listen with your pen.

E - Energize. Provide positivity and glean from others' high energy. Energy drives engagement!

D - Dedicate. Dedicating time to follow-up means you won't race, get distracted or forget.

Not allowing life's distractions to interfere will allow you to have the focus and results you desire. Getting engaged and staying engaged are ways to amp up your professionalism, your commitments, and your relationships...all with less apologies for not being "there" for others (or yourself)!  

Sending Meeting Requests

Sending Meeting Requests

So many people use electronic calendars, and a fairly common request is "Please send me a calendar request, and I'll see you there". When you send that calendar request, resist thinking about YOUR calendar, and think about the invitee's calendar. 

For example, if you are Sam Smith, and you are sending the meeting request to Becky Jones, please do not schedule in your calendar "Becky Jones" as the subject and "My Office" as the location, and invite her. She will have her name and my office on her calendar, which means nothing to her! She will have to accept your invite, and then create another event for herself to "interpret" your invite. That's not thoughtful or considerate on your part, now is it?

Instead, if you are still Sam Smith, and you are sending the meeting request to Becky Jones, please do schedule in your calendar "Becky Jones and Sam Smith XYZ Meeting" as the subject and "123 S. Main Street" or minimally "Sam's Office" as the location, and invite her. She will now have everything on her calendar that is relevant, convenient and efficient for a productive meeting with you where you agreed to meet!

 

Since how you present IS how you are remembered, by presenting a meeting request thoughtfully, you are revered and remembered as that thoughtful professional you, Sam Smith, are!!