Raise the BAR!

"Interview, Don't clamor for an interview. Instead search for the INNER VIEW. ”
- Sri Sathya Sai Baba, Indian Spiritual leader, b.1926

Whether you are searching for candidates to add to your team, or you are someone looking to make a move in advancing your career, make sure you are raising the BAR on your approach by including the following in your efforts:

Know your core competencies (employers – what you are seeking, potential employee – what you bring to the table), and be able to explain, see and demonstrate them each.

Watch the “likeability” factor. You cannot rely too heavily on it as an interviewee, and you can get burned by falling for it too quickly as the interviewer.

Make all of your assessment quantifiable, meaning employers look for the following in the resume and interview, and potential employees, provide in your interview and your resume the following:

Background – What the situation was; time and place as well as the expectations.
Action – What was done specifically by the individual; nobody is a “we”, and you cannot hire a “we”, it must be “I”, and it must be relatable and repeatable.
Results – The outcome of the actions in quantifiable language (percentages, numbers, hours – think people, time, money, quality) so that there is an assessing of effort and talent.

After all, if you don’t raise the BAR, who will? You are your product, you want the best for your company/business, so keep the BAR high, and measure only to it and above it!

NOW Show You are Really Listening!

“Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.”
- Doug Larson, Cartoonist and Columnist

Ever get distracted in conversations? Even good ones? Yikes, right? Then you start wondering if the other person noticed, and oops, now what was s/he saying?!?!?

The way to get engaged and stay engaged is to do it right NOW:
N – Note strong points on a sheet of paper or through notes on your smart phone or computer. Taking notes engages the sense of touch, and reinforces the sense of sound (hearing) with seeing the words on paper (sight).

O – Offer feedback verbally and non-verbally. Nodding and tilting your head, and allowing facial expressions and other cues to be a part of the conversation will engage your body with your mind. The other person or people in the conversation are “looking” for that acceptance and feedback subconsciously anyway, so it benefits you both.

W – Weigh the options through consideration and questions before simply answering or reacting to the other person. Give the ideas a chance to settle in…even if that means a few seconds of silence. Let the conversation weigh over you so that you are grounded and interacting…and therefore, not distracted.

Getting your NOW mindset for each individual conversation or meeting is a key to communication and leadership success, so go ahead, start really listening…right NOW!!!

Fear=Results Through Nerves, Energy and Action!

“The energy of the mind is the essence of life.”
- Aristotle (Ancient Greek Philosopher, Scientist and Physician, 384 BC-322 BC)

While fear may seem paralyzing at times, remember, fear can be addressed for what it really is…a lack of knowledge, understanding and/or comfort, and eventually facing those obstacles will manifest that paralyzed feeling into the movement that matters most!

When you gather information, comprehension and a level of acceptance of discomfort, you can harness the fear and directed it into (or down to) nerves.

Nerves and nervousness are a form of energy, and energy will power and drive what happens next. If you embrace the nerves, you get to direct the way your nerves flow. From those nerves, you can generate real energy.

Directed energy can become the catalyst for action when you stay the course. Staying the course requires step-by-step movement, or action.
It is action in life that gets results. Repeat the actions you want rewarded, and watch the results follow.

It is from moving from fear through nerves, onto energy, and specifically action, that we get to results, and after all, isn’t that what we want in life…a result of a feeling, a position, money, role, placement, acceptance, or to be able to give more?

Allow your fear to be only what it is allowed to be…and watch what happens, as that fear within will soon become the results you may not have been sure how to achieve!

Not "Why?", Rather "What?" & "How?"

“There are no foolish questions and no man becomes a fool until he has stopped asking questions.” ~ Charles P. Steinmetz

Many questions are asked each week, each day, and even each hour. We ask them of ourselves, our family members, our colleagues and our clients/customers. Questions are “good”, right?

Some questions yield good results…if by that you agree that good results are those that lead to conversation, relationships and results.

What makes a question more effective than another? Sure, your body language and tone have to demonstrate interest and openness, and making the presumption you are already there with a willingness and inquiring mind, what’s next?
The way we start a question is a big part of how the reply will result. “Why?” questions evoke defense, and “What?” and “How” questions invite conversation.

How so? When we were a toddler, we started asking “Why?” a lot, and at first, it was inquisitive and entertaining to others, and soon thereafter, our parents started thinking and even saying “because” with a quick quip, a sigh, or even impatience. It’s practically ingrained in us to react to a “Why?”, and yet we typically respond more thoughtfully to the “What?” and “How?” inquiries.

By replacing questions like “Why did you think that proposal was going to win?” with “How did you arrive at the price?” and/or “What indicated the positioning was aligned with theirs?”, you will progress and learn rather than hear excuses or raised voices (and blood pressure!).

Your challenge: for one week, resist asking “Why?” and replace the questioning with “What?” and/or “How?”. If you start with a “Why?”, simply rephrase. Watch, feel and even track the different interactions, and see if “Why oh why?” isn’t worth striking from your written and verbal communication…

More Birdies, Less Bogies…How to Keep Your Life On Par

“Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated.” ~ Arnold Palmer

On the heels of enthralling close to the 75th Masters, and with summer drawing near, a golf reference seems timely this week. After all, it’s often been said that life mirrors golf and golf is a reflection of life, so with that in mind, here are 10 ways to shoot for more birdies, less bogies…how to keep your life on par:

10. Consider the full course; the entire hole and not just the shot in front of you. Ensure you are planning and not just playing. Life is about the strategy, the execution, the enjoyment and the results. Life and golf give us obstacles…it is how we avoid or address them that matters in our score and our confidence.
9. Golf is both a physical and mental game; it is not a game of strength, but more of balance, focus and precision. Make time to take care of yourself physically, emotionally and mentally. When you are not at the top of your game, you mishit, misjudge, and often miss out! You must give your life, your family, your colleagues the best of you from the perspective of “you cannot give what you do not have”.
8. Plan to go for challenging shots after you have watched and learned. Have "moxumility"™. Have the moxie to go for an uphill, over the water and trap tee-shot for a chance at a birdie…as long as you have surveyed the course, assessed your swing and game accurately, and have the humility to know it is risky…yet so rewarding when done well! Like in life, with golf, practice doesn’t make perfect, it makes permanent.
7. Enjoy every course, every stroke, every hole, every round. Give fully to the game, and let that experience alone be enough for you right then. Leave everything else behind and be in the game for the game…for you and your full experience. Similar to your daily living, each one is new, fresh, and all yours…what clubs or words will you choose today?
6. Don’t come up short on your putts and know it’s okay to want the hole-in-one. You have to “go for it”, and if you do not dream big, how do you know where your boundaries are and how to push past them? The expression “never up, never in” comes to mind…and that is not just for putting…you are up for opportunities, promotions, engagements only when you go for them!
5. Take a day off if you are really struggling or your swing just feels “off”. Step back, step away, assess (don’t obsess) and let something else be the focus. You can/will come back rejuvenated and re-focused. Sometimes that is true with something that seems daunting or off for you outside the course. Is there a break, can you step away…if you don’t you risk injury or burnout, so give yourself a chance to “get it back”!
4. Play with people you like, admire, trust and respect. Play against your game, and not against them. Get their input, ask them to back off. You can do either with those people. Be the same insider for them. When you cannot select with whom you play, default to #3, as rarely have I met a person who said “I am so glad I was paired with that guy/girl who criticized my swing the whole round”. When you look at your circle of friends are they those who want you to do well, or those who are critical…I’d seek out the former over the latter.
3. Remember, golf is a game of etiquette and courtesy. “Please” and “thank you”, honors and respect are not dead on the course, and they need not be foreign in everyday life either. If someone says good shot, say thank you. Be happy for their “hole out” on the 8th hole for eagle…that could be you, and likely will be more quickly if you are kind over letting it get you. Stay out of lines, repair your divots, and leave the course a wee bit better for your having played it. It’s like on the road when you use your blinkers, give the courtesy wave, or at a building hold the door. Let the etiquette and courtesy extend beyond the links.
2. Dress for being on the course. Know and own your style. Golf is a game of color and prints, shoes and hats. It is on a golf course where you can blend in or stand out. Like in life, it is a choice how you present yourself to the world. Like your style, your life, your outcomes. Know that not everyone will agree or appreciate you and that is okay.
1. Embrace the idea that sometimes it’s best to let others “play through”. Let things go, be grateful and give back. So many people may never experience a life of golf, but you can be a part of giving them a chance to experience appreciation and a charitable heart. When people act like that two-some skipping holes and riding you closely- it’s okay not to teach them a lesson, rather let them play their game, play through, and you go on with the game you came to play!

“Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment. And you can see forever.” ~ Nancy Lopez

With that, I wish you all of the top 10, more birdies, less bogies, and when you see forever, you see your life is exactly on par!!

Get Rid of Your STUFF!!

“Don't just read the easy stuff. You may be entertained by it, but you will never grow from it.” ~ Jim Rohn

If you are noticing a disconnect with people, or simply that you are not as effective of a communicator lately, take a look at your “baggage” (we all have it!), and get rid of your STUFF! STUFF is what keeps us from making a connection, fully engaging, and therefore developing a real rapport. How are you doing with:

S – Saying crutch words (such as “Like”, “You know what I mean”, and “Does that make sense?” are just filler, they focus on you and don’t convey intelligence, communication or leadership)

T – Talking over time or people (rambling and disrespecting people is a surefire way to make it about you and not about them)

U – Un-approachable presence (seeming aloof, looking elsewhere, and using your smart phone or iPad while in their presence makes you not only seem unapproachable, it makes you seem like you want to be doing something else or be with someone else)

F – Fumbling with things (fidgeting or looking disorganized is not only distracting for you, it makes the other person uncomfortable, too)

F – Faking sincerity (a smile and sincerity are your best assets in most cases, but phoniness and false like-ability are not only going to turn others off, those other people will avoid you in the future…and likely suggest others do the same)

If your STUFF getting in the way, then clear out the “baggage”, fully engage, and get back to effective communication, professional behaviors and thriving relationships!

Presentation Mistakes to Avoid

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
~ Albert Einstein
(German-born Theoretical Physicist, 1879 -1955)

Things happen during presentations. Nothing's perfect. By being prepared, you will not avoid oddities and flukes, but you will hopefully avoid the top 10 presentation mistakes that most everyone (admittedly, myself included) has made:


1. Being uncomfortable, not being prepared, or not being well-versed in your topic. You are to be the expert, or at least expert in the portions of the topic you are discussing! You may not know absolutely everything about a general topic, but know the few points you are covering, the angle you are taking, and/or the approach you are pitching.



2. Alienating your audience and/or not reading our audience. This can happen in many ways such as attempting to cover too much information. Pick 2-4 points, messages, highlights to cover, and stick with them consistently. Additionally, watch the attitude, the information, and your role as the presenter. If you come off as though you are "untouchable" or "above" the audience with too many points or a speed and depth that cannot be followed comfortably, you will lose the audience. Another way to lose your audience, and therefore, not recommended, is misreading or not attempting to read your audience. While you are presenting, the presentation (believe it or not) is about the audience, and not about you. Yes, stick with the plan and your preparation, but keep a pulse on the audience. For example, men, typically like statistics and graphs, brief stories and short presentations, where women often enjoy stories and images, few studies, and will give you quite a bit of attention/time. If you have a mixed age and gender, level and education, keep that in mind and use an appropriate mix of approaches to your audience's interests.



3. Complaining or repeatedly apologizing for anything. Apologizing or anything more than once...being late (do not do it!), the room, technology, the food, the service, the handouts, your voice, "not being an expert"...anything is too much! If something is not your forte, then do not present on it before getting where you are the expert in the room. Have you ever been somewhere and heard "Well, I'm no expert", or "These slides are not the best, but..."? Any of those comments discount you, and discount your respect for the audience. If you have something happen that is not as you wanted it, either move on (if the audience doesn't know, there is no need to bring negative attention to it), or apologize once, and only once, and move on!



4. Using technology and/or slides as your presentation instead of presenting with tools and support from technology. You are the presenter, you may use tools to support and enhance your presentation, but the slides or videos, games, etc. are not the presentation. Bury people in the audience in flash and "the latest and greatest", and you will likely bury your message as well.



5. Speaking to the screen, or too low for the audience to hear. Speak to the audience, with eye contact, and not to the screen. Use a tone and volume that is welcoming, commanding and at a level that can be heard in the back of the room.



6. Using tools or handouts that are not the right size or readily available. If you have handouts, then decide if you want to distribute (never "pass out", as it implies you are about to faint!) them before or during the presentation. If you decide to distribute them prior to presenting, keep them in order, and consider having them face down until you want people to read them (human nature is to read ahead, which means the audience is not listening to you or seeing what you are presenting at the time). If you are confident enough to distribute materials during the presentation, have them where you can get to them quickly and get them into the hands of the audience efficiently. Also ensure anything you use as a visual aid is legible and clear to everyone in the audience.



7. Using "verbal crutches" such as "um", "you know", "you know what I mean", "like". It is better to say nothing. A pause can be empowering...let it be. Additionally "does that make sense" implies the listener should be able to follow it, and that the onus is on the listener to figure the sense in it. Instead, asking in a humble tone "Does that follow?", "Was I clear?" or "Did I address that fully?" is kind, professional and effective. Other verbal crutches you may have used in the past are: "and so on", "and so forth", and/or "and such". These are quite similar to using etcetera a lot. They do not add fact, form or any additional leverage/credibility to a statement. If there is more to add, just add it quickly and professionally.



8. Mishandling questions. Tell people how long you have if you are in the formal Q & A portion or your presentation. If you are not there, attempt to answer the question(s) without getting too far off topic. Having a "parking lot" (in concept, or literally on a flip chart that is titled "Parking Lot", or on your iPad or laptop) that you introduce at the beginning of your presentation can keep you from rushing or going too in-depth. Whenever you have an inquiry, repeating a question assists the asker and the other audience members in following the flow. Additionally, while it seems supportive and positive to say "that's a great question", it is neither supportive nor positive. How so? Unless you say every question is "great", then it implies that the others are not so great, and may subtly discourage questions. Just leave out the qualifier, and state something before you answer like "thank you for asking", or that is a question I rarely get".



9. Being uncomfortable with a little bit of silence. A thoughtful hesitation, and letting people think in response to a question you have are both signs of confidence in yourself and appreciation for the audience.



10. Using your time poorly. Presenters starting late, going over on time, rushing the Q & A, and/or ignoring the fact that other presenters are going on after that presentation, are all mistakes that happen far too often. The audience's time is nearly as important as respecting their intelligence, position, and choice to be there.


Surely each of us will have other "opportunities to improve" in addition to these common mistakes to avoid. As mentioned, nothing (and nobody) is perfect. Let's go for what I call progress...not perfection while avoiding these "avoidable mistakes" while presenting powerfully!

Keeping Introductions REAL!

“Diligence in employments of less consequence is the most successful introduction to greater enterprises.” ~ Samuel Johnson

While you may not introduce a lot, if you do, it is an important part of the speaker/presenter's message, as a good introduction gets the audience poised for a good talk, and a bad introduction must be overcome by the audience and the speaker. An effective introduction should be REAL, meaning the introducer simply, and only covers the:

Reason for the talk/presentation/training. Welcome people, and let them know what the topic is.

Examples of the importance of the topic. State 2-4 reasons someone will want to listen to the presentation.

Acknowledgement of the speaker’s credentials and name. Share 2-4 relevant facts about the speaker that will enhance the presenter’s credibility and pique the audience’s interest. Clearly and confidently state the name of the speaker/presenter last, with a pause between the last comment and the first name and a quick pause between the presenter’s first and last name.

Leading of the applause.

An example of “keeping it REAL” for an effective introduction is:
Welcome to the Presenting Powerfully workshop (R)! It is important we learn to present confidently and professionally, learn tips and tools for connecting with the audience, and that we get our messages across effectively (E). Our speaker comes to us as a 6-time publishes author, former regional and national leader, and a member of the National Speakers Association. Please welcome your expert on presentation prowess, Debbie Lundberg (A). Applaud immediately (L).

So, if someone is introducing you, ensure it is a REAL introduction or skip it. If you are introducing someone else, keep it REAL, and watch how that introduction is welcomed, admired, and leads to the start of a positive environment and expectation for the speaker and the audience!

St. Valentine's Spirit All Year Long!

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” ~ Voltaire, French Philosopher and Writer (1694-1778)

Early each February (if not sooner for retail reasons!) Saint Valentine is brought to life in many forms from cards to candy, but what about when images, figures and holiday happenings are not present? Do we stop giving of ourselves to others, and lose a little of that holiday love that is generated so generously around February 14th?

Not necessarily…

Without the cutout hearts, greeting cards and wonderful chocolates to share, we are left with just us, raw and unsure, busy and baffled, appreciative and awkward. It’s okay, though, as many of you have heard me say (or read in my writings) in the past, very few (if any) people we know are overwhelmed, and simply too full of love and appreciation each day.

If you think you are unsure of what to say or how to say it, kindly:

~ Start with sincerity and a smile
~ Continue with telling, writing or selecting a card that denotes your feelings
~ Make the message or comment about him or her, and not you
~ Let the person know what you love or appreciate about him/her or his/her efforts
~ Move on so the situation is not odd for that person

An example of this is (see the smile and hear the sincerity, please) “Andy, your approach with the client was nothing less than spot-on. I appreciate the way you get to know each person with whom you interact. Thank you for making a difference for the company in your relationship-building! What else is on your agenda for us to cover?”. This example allows Andy to say his thank you and keep going, or if Andy is really comfortable receiving praise, he can make some other comments as well. Either way, it is a success for Andy.

As for you, you won’t fail or even flail. You’ll likely be a huge hit. You may receive an “oh, you don’t have to say that”, or a “really???”. Let it be. I’d hope for etiquette’s sake you’ll get a “thank you”, but we give sincere recognition comments selflessly in anticipation of nothing in return (the same for gifts). After all, the appreciation and love you share is meant to be expressed and stated… how else will you keep the St. Valentine spirit alive all year long?

A Positive Mantra for Positive Results

"Success is the progressive realization of worthwhile, predetermined, personal goals."

~ Paul J. Meyer

Whether this is the time of year you have really embraced a resolution and created a habit, or if this is that season of reflection of asking what was it I thought I was going to change for 2011, there are a few quick inner messages you can set, readjust or introduce to make a bit of your own personal mantra for moving forward with confidence, focus and boundaries.

Take a couple of minutes to complete the following statements with positive, realistic, and attainable actions or characteristics:

I WANT (TO) ____________
I WILL ___________
I AM ____________
I AM IN THE PROCESS OF _______________
I DO _____________

For example, mine currently reads:
I WANT ONLY POSITIVE ENERGY AROUND ME
I WILL FINISH MY BOOK BY MONTH-END
I AM INSIGHTFUL AND CARING PERSONALLY AND PROFESSIONALLY
I AM IN THE PROCESS OF ENHANCING MY STREAMLINING AND ORGANIZATION SKILLS
I DO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE LIVES AND BUSINESSES OF EACH OF MY CLIENTS

Yours may be similar or completely different, but if it is about you, for you, and you write it, print/post it, or both, and embrace the comments fully to the point of belief and commitment, they will actually "be" once you believe it, and layer it with your follow-through actions.

Remember, being reflective and forward focused, with a realistic, thriving edge to your vision, will have you engaged in the next habit for all the well-serving reasons...and the results!

Falling In Love with All You Do

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." ~ Albert Schweitzer

Regardless of what you have planned for today, this week, or this month, love is in the air...if you let it be!

Love may not seem like much of a business approach or attribute, but if you love what you do, you are more likely to like (or even love) those around you, like (or even love) your clients, and like (or even love) the moments you spend working (and there are a lot of them) !

If you do not currently love what you do, you have options...find something else - your passion, or rediscover what you fell in like/love with in the company, the industry or the field, or just do nothing. The last option is most popular, but by far, not the most effective.

As many of you have heard me say repeatedly, you are far more than what you do for a living! Still, if you love or find things you love about what you are doing for your work/career/business, you will likely invite other positive, loving energy...both personally and professionally!

With heartfelt appreciation, keep the love alive, and make the most of your Valentine's Day...

Your Idea SPACE Approach

“An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea.” ~ Buddha

You live in a world of ideas.

How are you at Sharing, Persuading, Asking, Collaborating and Executing such ideas?

Consider the Idea SPACE approach of:

•Share what the issue is or need at hand as well as what a win/success would be.
•Persuade others to interest with stories and examples.
•Ask if you missed anything to get clarification and on the same page.
•Collaborate together on a firm, sound work-able solution.
•Execute what was decided with tracking and accountability.

As an Entrepreneur, new leader, or established pro, if you make idea SPACE part of your process, effective communication and action will be part of your lasting impression, sales, recognition and results!

Knowing…or “No”ing

“Wisdom is knowing what to do next, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it.”
~ David Starr Jordan, American ichthyologist, educator, writer

No self, no want, no plan; no progressive results…

Know self, know want, know plan; know progressive results!

Before we can get to the result, and there always is a result, whether it is intentional or not, we have the option to blindly, or even optimistically stumble with the approach of “no”ing to an end, OR we can make time for knowledge and the application of knowledge in order to mindfully and directly impact the result(s).

Ourselves, and people on our teams, as well as those in our partnerships/alignments, are either 1) those who know, or 2) those who choose not to know. (Knowing is loosely interpreted here as being aware, acknowledging, and accepting.)

So, before you or your team move forward on a project, proposal or plan, please ensure you know yourself; that is the person or people involved, you know your want; that is what your desire looks like, know your plan; or how you will be able to realistically get there, and know your progressive result; that is both the forward motion and tangible outcomes.

Without knowing, we are simply “no”ing. We’re just ill-informed, or worse yet, oblivious, and with knowledge, and the applied efforts that such knowledge brings, we can, and are far more likely to have that success, that win that will feed positively into knowing ourselves even more, growing our wants, sticking to plans and continuing to impact results. The circle of knowing is one of very little “no”!

Know Perspective; Know Ownership; Know Freedom!

"There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them." ~ Denis Waitley, speaker and author

Success in life and in business is both a "no excuses", and a "no blame" mentality. People who know perspective and know ownership also know the freedom from looking back and the freedom to look forward.

Think back to the last time you made an excuse for something or someone, or blamed another person for a situation you were in. I hope that was long ago, and regardless of when it was, what was the ultimate outcome...what did you think...how did you feel? There are not likely a lot of positive feelings, emotions, thoughts or outcomes that come to mind, are there?

Now, remember a time when you made time for assessing your view and perspective, and/or took ownership of a situation you were in. I hope that was recent, and whenever it was, what was the ultimate outcome...what did you think...how did you feel? There are likely a lot of positive feelings, emotions, thoughts or outcomes that come to mind, aren't there?

You were the same person, with the same experience and opportunity in both of those reflections (for the most part), and yet, what was different? Your choices were different. When you chose to make excuses and blame, you were not able to gain perspective or ownership...you were a bit "stuck" in the scenario and time passing to put it in the past. Yet, when you chose to not make excuses and not blame, you were able to gain perspective and ownership...you could move forward, and decide what to learn, when to learn and how to learn...and move onto the future. So, it's up to you, excuses and blame, or perspective and ownership? So for life and business success, let yourself make a choice...choose mindfully, choose consistently, and choose freedom!

New Outlook From a Conversational Inquiry

"Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers."
~ Tony Robbins

With the temptation of resolutions or "new starts" to the year still among us, if you want to do something different in one of your first one-on-one meetings with team members or clients, or even your whole team or company, consider asking:

What are you most proud of from last year?
What do you want to retain this year?
What do you want to tweak this year?
What do you want to look back in 2012 and know happened in 2011...what would you like your future perspective to be?

Those few questions will spark directional, intentional conversation, and will give you insight regarding the direction people want to go, and what drives them as well. These are a wonderful way to see if you are "on the same page" or not with partners as well. Heck, your answers might even surprise yourself...

Happy New Year!

Resist Judgment, Embrace Choices

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ~ Carl Gustav Jung

Have you ever had someone ask “what were you thinking?” or “why are you doing that?”? I believe most of us have, and while it is not enjoyable, it is often part of our experiences as people; as leaders; as targets for some to “attack” in the midst of our driving results.

Those questions/propositions do not usually feel good, or get us to simply and calmly respond, sometimes, instead, we react.

So, when the tables are turned, and you question what people are thinking, doing or promoting, I encourage you to look at what has been done as a choice or series of choices rather than judging the actions or outcomes. It’s not easy, but it is a simple approach…let others make their choices and either reap the rewards or consequences, and you do the same. Let the judgment stay internal until it dissolves, and externally voice something like “I appreciate your choice”, or “While I appreciate the choice, and may have chosen differently for myself, I will respect your decision”. The “you should have” or “how could you?” comments do not promote conversation, rather defense.

Nobody will make the same choices we would for us, and yet for them, they make the choices that they believe will serve them best. Someone else would be a second-rate you, just as you’d be a second-rate him/her. Let the judgment go, and watch how your choices yield respect from others and appreciation and consideration from yourself!

A Year Without Resolutions

PLEASE ENJOY THIS EXCERPT FROM MY 2007 BOOK, "Have a Nice Day" is Not "Thank You", and "No Problem" is Not "You're Welcome"!

“The greatest works are done by the ones. The hundreds do not often do much, the companies never; it is the units, the single individuals, that are the power and the might.” ~ Philemon Charles H. Spurgeon

Every year some time shortly after the clock strikes midnight on January 1st, many people flock to gyms, throw away their cigarettes, start writing a book, change their diet, etc....all in the name of New Year's Resolutions! January is a full month for activities such as those, and, along about February or March, these resolutions to increase, improve, decrease or lose, have, for the most part, dissipated, leaving people feeling they are failures, slackers, or minimally, unresolved...

Rather than set New Year's resolutions, please consider the practice of planned accomplishments throughout the year. Planned accomplishments are goals set with intended results, and are done for a selfish reason of bettering oneself...and often benefit not only you, but others alike.

A proficient (productive and efficient combined) way to plan accomplishments is to think of your three key strengths and write them down, followed by the recording of the three areas of opportunity you observe most in yourself. Then, if you are brave and really determined to improve, poll 6-10 people (on the same two topics) who are important in your life and look for consensus. When you have the top three in each area, personally rank them in order of importance. From there, you have six areas for planned accomplishment (Yes, it is healthy to plan accomplishments for strength areas as well...it's like giving those attributes further enhancement or shine). Determine a workable approach that is measurable for each planned accomplishment, and record them for you before sharing them with minimally three people (ideally, you'd share them with the same 6-10 whom were polled). To ensure you have clear planned accomplishments, when determining them, give yourself a way to recognize your progress. In other words, spending more time with my family is a typical "resolution", where a planned accomplishment is spending at least 1 hour a day with my family in discussion/conversation without the TV or other distractions. Qualifiers such as more, better, stronger, faster, slower, less, provide built-in excuses and/or success. Imagine if someone currently spends 5 minutes a day with his/her family and they "resolve" to spend more time...s/he is magically (read as easily) successful, when 10 minutes is spent...or even 6? Push yourself to know what it is you want to accomplish...and measure up! Similarly, resolving to "lose weight" or get in "better shape" will yield a higher form of accomplishment and purpose when re-focused and rephrased to a specific amount, fitness level, body fat %, or even better, medical health levels, as such planned accomplishments will reflect in one's confidence and in the way others recognize that person's ability to stick with things. Simply stated, set a clear path and follow through. Because of the way your subconscious works, "lost weight" gets found, "better shape" is relative, etc., therefore, I encourage you to look to rid, discard, remove whatever it is you do not want (weight, cholesterol levels, coffee, caffeine, cigarettes, unhealthy relationships, etc.) from your life, so that you are not working against yourself internally without even realizing it, based on your self-talk.

The old adage of plan the work and work the plan, rings true with this process, and the implementation of the methodology will likely keep your focus, commitment and interest level because it is done out of desire and want, rather than in reaction to the tradition of the Babylonians, who were known to have celebrated the new year approximately 4,000 years ago. Picture yourself along about February or March, progressing in/on your planned accomplishments, and, for the most part, none having dissipated, positioning you as a success, a do-er, and quite realistically, already accomplished!

High, Low, Pride Review

“Democracy is the art of thinking independently together.”
~ Alexander Meiklejohn

At the end of a presentation, work day, work week, or project, a good way to kick off a review of the "happenings" is to ask three things:

What was the high from this experience/day/week/project?

What was the low from this experience/day/week/project?

What are you most proud of as it relates to this experience/day/week/project?

The first question starts on a positive note, the second allows you to solution things for next time, and you end with the third question to bring it all into perspective and close strongly as well.

Implement an agenda of just these three things, and watch where the "review" goes...it's democratic, since you each/all can participate, and it's diplomatic in the approach!

Side note - this works great with kids, spouses, and any personal relationships, too!

BTS to Responding over Reacting

“I think it was a good challenge for me to get my reactions across without being able to speak.” ~ Verne Troyer

Sometimes questions, issues, inquiries come in spurts or trends, and perhaps it is because we are at the year-end, entering into more family time than usual, or just because, but I have been asked many times over the past weeks about how to handle something shocking, offensive or just plain inappropriate.

An option for all things in life is to do nothing. Yes, you can walk away…

Still, most of us want to speak, to share and even put things to rest, so here’s an approach that works for most: I call it the BTS way…

The BTS way means as soon as you are shocked, taken aback, or just frustrated by a comment or statement, you:

B – Breathe (this buys you time and actually calms your body – think “take a breath-deeply”)
T – Tilt your head (shifting your head seems less attacking to the other person and softens your view/direction)
S – Smile (Put a smile on your face so your words are said with a smile and sincerity…even on the phone, the smile comes through)

At a family dinner where politics comes up, in a meeting where working on a holiday is mentioned, instead of reacting and attacking, think responding and bonding with the BTS way!

Sharing Your Opposing Opinion Professionally

“Professionalism is knowing how to do it, when to do it, and doing it.” ~ Frank Tyger

A well written opposing opinion message allows for clarity and understanding (not to be confused with agreement). As long as you have an intent that is focused and clear while anticipating your audience, you will likely have success. Still, in order to be as well prepared as possible, the following steps to effectively opposing an opinion, will assist you in achieving just that!

1. Decide what you want to inspire: thoughts, exchange, debate, etc.
2. Imagine various perspectives, regardless of your position.
3. Assess whether you have exposure, experience or expertise in the subject area and know that your audience will know that as well.
4. Use a considerate approach, including:
a. Background on topic (what you have heard/read) for acknowledgment
b. Share one or two stories with facts and evidence that are compelling/interesting
c. State your opinion

If you are writing to someone, use the following additional tips:
1. Create an outline and draft including an introduction (Background), body (Story) and conclusion (Opinion).
2. Use proper vocabulary, punctuation, spelling and tense without acronyms (unless used only after the full description), slang or colloquial references.

For both verbally and in writing embrace the following:
1. Be passionate about the topic without being emotional about potential conflicts.
2. Look forward to the replies/ideas that you may or may not have considered.

Best wishes on those "used-to-get-heated" topics by using a professional, time-tested approach!