New Year Impact Vs. Intent

"All you need is the plan, the road map, and the courage to press on to your destination." 

~ Earl Nightingale

American radio personality, writer, speaker, and author, dealing mostly on the subjects of human character development, motivation, excellence and meaningful existence; so named as the "Dean of Personal Development." 

(1921 - 1989)

As the year comes to a close, we often resolve to make changes, start fresh and begin anew! That's exciting and challenging all at the same time, as often these resolutions are well intended and yet have little impact, and go away more quickly than they take to verbalize.

While there are still a few days in 2016 to consider what you intend to do, there is an entire year ahead to make impact.

What will be different this coming year? Nothing, if nothing is different for you, from you, about you, through you. Many things if you decide to be different in your language, plan and measurement!

For your language, consider removing words such as "I should, I need to, I better, I have to" and replace them with "I want, I will, I am, I do". Using this language will show others, and importantly, you, that you are in process due to desire, and not due to obligation or pressure.

For your plan, consider being optimistic with a healthy dose of being realistic. Be aspirational with inspiration. In the plan, ensure you have have expectations, boundaries, and accountability required to keep you on task and moving forward with growth and challenge. Plan to have an impact partner.

For your measurements, consider setting daily efforts, weekly reviews, monthly updates, and quarterly assessments. Measure effort, actions, responses, and results. Look at progress and set backs. Measure what went well and what can be improved. Measure your language, your plan and be as objective as possible with your review of the measurements. Ask your impact partner to hold you to what you commit to do, and what you may not have done. In effect, the impact partner is also a measurement partner.

So, while intent is great, ensure your impact in 2017 is large, lasting, and long on what you want it to be!

E-RACE the Racing Life

Since it often seems like we are racing through life, through events and work, driving, and even conversations, please look to E-RACE the racing through:

E - Exchanging - Exchange your perspective of racing to one of being engaged.
R - Releasing - Release the desire to be in a state of hurried and "needed"
A - Actualizing - Actualize the thoughts and feelings to a state of being
C - Clarifying - Clarify the change for purpose and positioning - the what and the how
E - Expecting - Expect there to be a different output from you even if at first there is no change of input from others

When you are not racing around, you can E-RACE the distractions, the diversions, and the difficulty in having a lot you want to do in the time you have to do it!

Embracing Thanksgiving All Year Long

"I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual. " 

~  Henry David Thoreau

American essayist, poet, philosopher, abolitionist, naturalist, tax resister, development critic, surveyor, and historian. 

(1817 - 1862)

Thanksgiving is a day.
Thanksgiving is an attitude.
Thanksgiving is an approach to life.

While we may be celebrating this month, and many eating, drinking, and sharing in thankfulness outwardly and openly this Thursday, there is no need to keep that attitude of gratitude silent for the rest of the year. Thanksgiving is a way to live life, and keeping it going depends on thoughts, words and actions.

To be thankful also means not being hateful. Thinking about how to assist others, and how to encourage, support, and even wish well, whether you are included in that celebration formally or not, is a form of thanksgiving. This includes thinking ahead to how you impact others, and being mindful of what to do, and not do in order to get your intent (thankfulness) aligned with your results (gratitude).

Verbalizing your appreciation is a form of thanksgiving. Sharing ideas with others in a way that is inclusive, pleasant, and even humble shows thanksgiving. Offering what others do well, bragging about them on their behalf, and hoping, wishing and wanting what is good for them, are all ways to be thankful.

Doing things for others without their asking, taking an extra step, and even doing those things without others even knowing, allow for thanksgiving...all days of the year. Remembering that when you are thankful in life, you are not doing favors, rather you are doing what's right for your thanksgiving. Your actions are without motive other than to express thanks, and your actions flow freely with a loving heart.

By thinking thank you, saying "thank you", and meaning thank you will move you from Thanksgiving Day to a thanksgiving way (of life)...and those simple thoughts, words and actions, will surely lead to more!

Drive the Diffusion CAR in Disagreements

Arguments drive people to do and say things they often wish they had not. If you want to stop arguing and start collaborating, or at least speaking versus yelling or telling, instead of driving each other batty, or driving yourself to defend things, please consider "driving the CAR of diffusion", where you begin statements in the following way, sincerely, in an effort to communicate rather than overtake:

C - Considering - Let the person know you are considering his or her point of view or perspective. "Considering you have a lot of experience with this, you make many valid points, AND..."
A - Appreciating - Stating that you recognize and acknowledge something that is different without judgement means you can, and likely will, be reasonable. "Appreciating the work you do is important to you, you likely have a lot of ideas to share AND..."
R - Respecting - Anticipating someone may not think you are listening, share that you respect the situation and circumstances. "Respecting you are impacted more than others, and you have spoken with your colleagues, WHAT/HOW..."

Notice "and" is there and not "but", and "what" is there and not "Why". And and What or How keep conversations going without defensiveness from "but" or "why".

When you are driving the CAR, drive it to diffusion and inclusion rather than attack or confusion!

Tricky Tips for Time Treats

"Lost time is never found again." 

~  Benjamin Franklin

One of the Founding Fathers of the United States. Franklin was a renowned polymath and a leading author, printer, political theorist, politician, freemason, postmaster, scientist

(1706 - 1790)

Often at this time of year, people hear, and even say "Where did the time go?". The time goes the same direction each year, and it doesn't fly faster as we age, we often get in habits that don't serve our full engagement and enjoyment. Time is not un-renewable, free, and one of our most precious and desired resources. Make the most of your time with these 21 tips:

1. Turn most productive tasks/results into habits with intent, focus, and consistency
2. Learn to say "No" and "Yes, and...", "What?" and "How?" (not "Why?")
3. Sleep your necessary hours (what works for you) and get an early start
4. Be focused on the results for the task at hand (by not allowing interruptions to take you away)
5. Use the 4 reasons to think through how time is spent (know, know how, have capacity, and want to, and then address them with information, coaching, assessing fairly, and an attitude check - first on you, and then on others)
6. Don't allow unimportant details to get your attention (cannot solve everyone's issues)
7. Complete worst tasks first (eat that frog!)
8. Be conscientious of time-wasters such as social media or TV(not that al is a waste, rather be aware)
9. Set a time limit for task completion (consider time-chunking in 20-minute increments)
10. Leave some time between activities for bio breaks, notes, sending messages (watch schedule overload)
11. Watch to-do list totality overwhelm (put things in priority and put results in the calendar for completion)
12. Give your body exercise, stretches and nourishment that "feeds your body" healthily
13. Do less when there is not a way to do more (instead of getting only so far on everything)
14. Utilize weekends, just a little bit (to plan for the week to give you a plan)
15. Create organizing systems (and use them)
16. Do something during waiting time (this may be down time or productive - simply choose)
17. Lock yourself in (alone to accomplish)
18. Commit to your plan to do something, and share with others that you are doing it (for accountability)
19. Do things that are similar at the same time, and go to places in order of distance
20. Find time for stillness (downtime and aloneness can be reflective and very rewarding from a re-charge perspective)
21. Eliminate the use of "I'm busy", "Are you busy?", "How are you?" (if you are not in a position to sincerely listen), and any versions of busy (consider full, productive, enjoyable and other descriptors in order to keep control and purpose in your perspective of your time)

With these tips in place, and even habits being formed (see number 1), watch how your time comes into focus as a tool and not a challenge!

GEAR up for Plans

If you want to get something accomplished, and who doesn't, then here's a quick tip approach to GEAR up for your plans to come to fruition:

G - Goal - Have, set and share a goal.
E - Expectations - State expectations for yourself and others involved.
A - Anticipate - Anticipate challenges and obstacles and ways to overcome them...even if those are people and attitudes!
R - Reality - Have a real view of your results and potential results. Be real, stay real, and really appreciate what you have.

When you GEAR up, you get up to speed, and ready to succeed!

Winners & Losers Vs. Congratulations

"Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until it was broken." 

~  Yogi Berra

Lawrence Peter "Yogi" Berra was an American professional baseball catcher, manager, and coach who played 19 seasons in Major League Baseball, and an 18-time All-Star and 10-time World Series champion as a player. 

(1925 - 2015)

While this is not a pitch for 12th place ribbons, nor is it a suggestion that participation is the same as an endeavor that ends with a victory, this is an article regarding perspective. Rarely do I share personal stories, specifically in these newsletter updates, for, out of respect for you, the reader looking for tips and tools, the goal is to provide those while being mindful of your time. The plan is to do both of those things AND share a personal account, as that is what inspired this topic.

As a finalist for the business services category of the Tampa Bay Business Journal's BusinessWoman of the Year, it was such fun to get to be a part of the impressive group of recognized leaders. With over 350 nominations in all, there were 5 finalists in the Business Services Category, and it was an honor to be nominated, and a thrill to be a finalist...until I was not announced as the category "winner", and people started messaging me and coming up at the beautiful gala saying "Too bad you lost". I wasn't a loser, did not feel like a loser, and found it interesting to hear so many people throughout the weekend perceive that terrific experience as a loss. It told me a lot about them, and a lot about me. I still felt, and still do feel like I won, as the experience was outstanding. I hope to be nominated again. I hope to be a finalist again. And, believe me, I appreciate that people likely meant to be supportive, and yet their words, their approach, did not convey that well. Words matter, as they create a perspective, an energy, and a dynamic.

And then it was wonderful again, as what was also telling was how many people that night, and still now, are texting and calling and messaging me with a note of "Congratulations for being a finalist". They got it. Even with the well-deserved category and overall BusinessWoman of the Year recipients announced, people chose happy, positive words to show their acknowledgement and support.

The purpose for sharing this? I am grateful for all encouragement and well-wishes, and even though those awkward moments about my "losing" made me shift in my shoes, smile and attempt to direct the conversation in a positive way, this is not a criticism or condemning of those attempts to engage, rather, a hopeful account from a perspective to encourage each of us to think about where we are and how others may perceive our words. If we congratulate those for how far they got, rather than solely looking at a win or a loss, perhaps we'd celebrate progress...not just perceived "perfection"!

Personal Pep Talk

People often ask about mantras or words of encouragement, and a personal pep talk can be invaluable for small and large opportunities!

How the personal pep talk works is by saying to yourself:

"I want. 

I want.

I will.

I am."

And then following each line with:

Your goal.

Your action. 

Your character word(s).

For example, if you are challenged to get an assignment completed, consider something like "I want to successfully complete the assignment. I want to successfully complete the assignment. I will schedule time each day to make progress on the work...because I am a dedicated, competent Project Manager."

You state your want (the goal) twice to capture the focus and align yourself with it, followed by something specific (your action to get yourself on the path to accomplishment), and support both by your character words to remind yourself of your positive approach and value. This quick pep talk is effective for getting through a workout, presenting something effectively, completing a project, attempting something new, getting through a difficult situation, and more! Give yourself a pep talk, and get yourself going!

WISER Meetings

When it is a meeting with a potential customer, client or a colleague, there are many ways to handle how it goes. 

Please consider hosting WISER meetings, meaning you cover the following:

W-Well...what's gone well recently

I-Improve...what would you like to improve

S-See...what do you see as the gap

E-Expectations...what do you expect of each other

R-Reality Check/Relevance/Resources...can things happen in time frame with what is available

By covering those five things, you will uncover interests, be able to address desires, and get to issues and opportunities, with options and solutions!

The I-I-L-L (Not the “I’ll”) of Leadership

"We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings." 

~ Scott Adams

Often people say or think something like “When I’m the leader, I’ll…” as they look forward to changing things! Sure that is enjoyable to anticipate, and even fantasize about…the “I’ll”, and yet for all of us, regardless of size of business, age, or position, there is a way to look at leadership as the I-I-L-L factor(s) instead of the “I’ll”.
“I-I-L-L”, you ask? Yes, the I-I-L-L stands for:
• Impact
• Influence
• Loyalty
• Leverage

Impact is the fact that what you say or do can have an immediate jolt on someone. It can be something bold or subtle, and either way, it changes the perspective or outlook of others immediately, and perhaps only for a short time. That impact is felt and acknowledged. Impact gets attention of others.

Influence is something that happens over time. It is a style and presence that someone, either unintentionally or intentionally asserts and/or shares with others. Influence stems from consistency, desire to be similar or near, and typically last longer than an impact. Influence gets awareness and respect of others.

Loyalty is when someone is true to another. A leader demonstrates loyalty by sharing openly wins and losses, support and concern. Loyalty is developed for a leader from a steadfast, consistent approach that is trustworthy toward people and in situations. That leader’s views and actions present aligned with others or what others seek to be aligned with. Loyalty is long lasting unless trust is broken.

Leverage is being able to call on others…those you have impacted, influenced, and shown loyalty towards. Leverage is a form of leadership that is to call on others directly for support and positioning. Having leverage means acting in the best interests of others and the situation while calling on those who can impact, have influence, and have loyal colleagues, in order to broaden the reach and scope of the message or action one is attempting to lead.

As it works, there is typically an impact or two before true influence is established. Likewise, influence typically has the potential to become loyalty. Likewise, there is little leverage (true leverage, not manipulation) that takes place without loyalty. So, instead of thinking “I’ll do XYZ”, consider thinking about the I-I-L-L of leadership, assessing where you are, and where you want to be, to ensure your I-I-L-L can get you to that XYZ…whatever it may be!

Missed Opportunities

We make mistakes. We miss out. We misinterpret.

When a mistake is made, please consider saying "Please forgive me for XYZ" rather than "I'm sorry" so the apology is about the other person and not you first.

When we miss an invitation or an email, that is a form of error, too.  You may want to offer "Please forgive me for not responding, as that was my mistake for missing XYZ" rather than "I'm sorry", or "I'm so swamped" or "I'm so busy", so the acknowledgment and/or apology is about the other person and not you.

When we overreact, read a text or message in an off mood and reply as such, you'll likely show sincerity and humility by offering "Please forgive me for my reaction to XYZ, as I realize my error in overreacting", or "Please forgive me for my reply to you, as I was fair in my interpretation". This is about owning your action.

Errors will occur, mistakes will present themselves. Misinterpretations happen. Take the situation to heart, face it, and share your response post-reaction to mend the ways and move forward!

Word Manners Matter

"Correction does much, but encouragement does more." 

~  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

German writer and statesman. His body of work includes epic and lyric poetry written in a variety of metres and styles.

(1749 - 1832)

Word choice is key.  Messaging is important.  Conveying a thought with sincerity is riveting.  Because of this, it is nearly impossible to believe that in an average eight-stop day, one will hear thank you once and you're welcome .25 times.  Yes, based on my own personal experience (and I am pretty consistently a smiling, grateful, positive customer), those are the statistics. 

 

Is it that I am being ignored?  Not necessarily, rather language and communication have sadly been minimized in many cases to "there you go" or "have a nice day" at the close of a transaction and no response or a nearly lifeless "no problem" or "no worries" when a person thanks another.

 

It will serve us all well to consider what we are implying when we chose to direct someone with "have a nice day" or "here you go" after such person has engaged in a service or the purchase of a product.  The person who says those things has subtly, or after reading this you may think 'not-so-subtly', decided that his or her idea is more important than appreciation.  I haven't yet met a person who expressed an interest in being told something to do/take over a simple thank you.  Based on that, whether you work in the food service industry, provide hand crafted items, speak to inspire/train others, or are the CEO, do take the time to smile and show respectful appreciation with a "thank you".  In the vein of efficiency (if nothing else), it actually takes less time to say "thank you" than it even does to muster "here you go" or "have a nice day".  Please do not misinterpret my suggestion as being opposed to nice days, rather this is a recognition of the ability you have to thank someone and how much more value it offers about the transaction and/or experience than something to come in the future (their day).

 

Similarly, many of us have minimized what does follow as a response to a "thank you" or "thanks" from "you're welcome" to a nod, nothing or very commonly, "no problem".  While I am not clear on where or how it came to be that the concept of thanking someone indicated there was ever a problem came to be, responding with "no problem" implies without stating that there is, or may have been, a problem.  The same holds true for "no worries", so please resist the temptation to fall back on that tired expression, too.

Thank you!

ROSY Opinion Sharing

"Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought."

~ John F. Kennedy

John Fitzgerald "Jack" Kennedy, commonly referred to by his initials JFK, was an American politician who served as the 35th President of the United States from January 1961 until his assassination in November 1963.

(1917 - 1963)

Expressing opinions is something people often do, and yet don't do well...from the perspective of those without the same or similar view. What is it about us that drives us to share our opinions so freely, and sadly, sometimes, so offensively?

There are many ways to talk of a view or even a passion that can get others riled up, and yes, there's a way, perhaps many ways, to speak of thoughts and direction without getting a rise...it's by keeping it ROSY!

What is meant by that is the typical statement is anything other than rosy, rather it's more of a thorny approach. Instead of simply 1) stating a view
2) attempting to rationalize or justify it
3) making others feel wrong or incorrect
4) alienate those not in agreement
allow for a ROSY-ness to your messaging by:
R - Reason - Share the reason or background regarding the issue/topic at hand
O - Offer the consideration of both or all views
S - Share a story or experience
Y - Your view/opinion gets stated

An example of the thorny approach to moving a vacation from March to July would be:
"We are not going to the beach in March! We will go in July! Who would want to be in the sand and surf in March? That's crazy! People freeze at the beach in the winter! Good thing we are not doing that!"

An example of the ROSY-ness way for the same topic is:
"Planning a vacation is important for everyone concerned. Sounds like a couple options are a March beach vacation and a July sand and surf trip. Last year, Carl and Bob went to the East Coast for the March Spring Break, and they reported spending a lot of time indoors, at movies, and wishing the weather were warmer. Considering we want to hang out in the sand and surf, I propose we go in July to get the most from our vacation!"

When you are ROSY, and sincere, the result is likely to be less thorny than before!!

Turning Down Offers/Invitations/Suggestions/Requests

No is a complete sentence. Oddly, we often want to explain things beyond "no". So, if you are asked to do something, join something, or accept something that is not of interest, consider these options for saying "no" kindly, without justification or too much explanation:

1) "No, thank you."

2) "While you are kind to ask, that's not a good fit for my schedule right now."

3) "You are nice to think of me, and I appreciate that even though I won't be attending. Enjoy it!"

And then move on!

Notice there is no "I'm sorry" or "I can't", or "I'm too busy". Turning down offers/suggestions/invitations/requests need not be burdensome or bothersome. Being direct, clear and kind gets you to that complete sentence you can feel proud of!

Choosing Wisely for the Best You!

"Choose your love, Love your choice."

~ Thomas S. Monson

American author.

(b. 1928)

We choose how we act, respond, or don't respond through many ways. You are already successful, and by considering these choices perhaps you'll not only be the most well-rounded success you can be, you'll be the most well-rounded person you can be!

Choose happiness. While others will attempt to squash it, question it, and even deny it with interference, jealously or nastiness let that be on them, and for you, choose happiness anyway!

Choose kindness. There's a goodness, a thoughtfulness, an approach a kind person takes. A door is held open, a hand is held tight. Even though others may not see it, recognize or reciprocate your efforts, choose kindness anyway.

Choose integrity. Lead with, and close with respect, honesty and decency. Integrity can seem so large, so vast at times. And in life, in each of our lives, there will be times others attempt to sway you to go against your morals and beliefs. There may even be times it is tempting to take the short cut...the easy way. Look yourself in the mirror, and choose integrity anyway!

Choose collaboration. Notice I didn't say compromise, not even competition! There is enough room for everyone who is good when we focus not on others, but focus on success overall. When people expect you to give up, acquiesce or even lose to them, work through it together, and choose collaboration anyway!

Choose forgiveness. This, of all the choices we have, can often be the most ideal, and yet the most challenging. It's often said it takes two to tango. I say it only takes one to be jealous...and it only takes one to forgive. When we hold on to anger, disappointment and disagreement, we don't punish the other person, we keep ourselves from the freedom to move on. So, even when someone seems unacceptable, unrelenting, dreadful, or unforgiving themselves, choose forgiveness anyway!

Choose generosity. Not just generosity of money, when you can, also generosity of time, spirit and compassion. There are takers and makers in this world. Be an opportunity maker. Even when others seem to take advantage, or simply take, take, take, choose generosity anyway!

Choose love! Have an open heart. Be vulnerable. Let love in, and let love out. Love yourself first, and love others as well. Some people may be cold, put up a wall, have been hurt, and not say I love you back. Smile inside and out, and choose Love anyway!

It's the choices we make, not the circumstances we are in, that make us who we are, and who we will be.  Make your choices. Choose well. Choose well for you. Choose to be the best you can be!

Six Moves to Make Photos Memorable

6 Steps to Powerful Photos

Since the summer is around the corner, and a lot of photos get taken, here are six steps to securing a smile when you see the picture, and not just when you are having it taken. If you are alone in the picture, or not able to be in the middle of a group shot, pick your best side, select that end, and then:

1) Plant your back foot

2) Point your front foot (not with a bent knee, rather a point to elongate the leg)

3) Place your outer hand on side between ribs and hips

4) Position your outer shoulder by rolling it back for good posture and a slight openness from the side

5) Peer out from a down-tilted chin, and up-tilted eyes

6) Present your pearly whites with a smile from your teeth to your eyes

These six quick steps will provide a lean, happy look for pictures to capture your fun and your best look(s)!

Small Changes in Words = Big Impact

This is the second part of the words matter message. Words are a part of how we are perceived. Making some small changes in word selection may make big changes in your impact, and therefore, your results, including the following:

Delivering Difficult News Directly & Delicately

"A fellow doesn't last long on what he has done. He has to keep on delivering."

~ Mark Twain

Carl Owen Hubbell, nicknamed "The Meal Ticket" and "King Carl", was an American baseball player. He was a member of the New York Giants in the National League from 1928 to 1943.

(1903 - 1988)

Very few of us are comfortable delivering difficult news. And, even fewer of us want to be good at it! Still, there is difficult news to be delivered at times, and handling that well...directly and delicately, is what is best for everyone involved.

When you are the one in the position of knowing about difficult news, it can be tempting to avoid it, ignore it, or hope someone else informs others. Or, alternatively, our "fight or flight" instincts may lead us to blurt the news, or broadcast it in a way that "gets it off our chest", so to speak.

Instead of either of those approaches, please consider the following to deliver difficult news in an appropriate, timely, compassionate way:
1) Remember, the news is difficult for you because it will be difficult for the person receiving the news. This is really about the other person first, and you second. While you absolutely matter, getting out of your way, and putting the other person front and center in your thoughts and words will work best.
2) Having shared that, even though it is about that other person or people, it is okay for you to feel down, concerned, or uncomfortable!
3) Schedule time, in private, when possible, rather than blindside the person/people. When something unexpected happens, and you cannot schedule private time, minimally move to a private area.
4) When beginning, use the person's name, say something that states it may be difficult to hear, that it is important, and that you care about the person.
5) State things factually.
6) Ask if what you shared was clear.
7) Offer a change of topic and/or exit.

Bringing it together, it would play out similarly to this:
 "Todd, what I am about to say my be difficult to hear, and it is still important it is shared. Please know I appreciate you, so I am going to be direct with you. Your performance on the board has not met expectations. You and I discussed this at the New Year. You had an opportunity to make improvements, and they have, unfortunately, not happened . Surely you want to be successful. I believe your intent is to contribute. Since neither is happening in this situation, wouldn't you agree that it is best you step down?" After a response, thank him for his professionalism, if he agrees, and let him know he is relieved from the role, should he not agree. Either way, thank him for his time and interest, and then stand up to exit the conversation.

Things like this are not anything to look forward to delivering, and yet, if it is a break-up, a death in the family, a hygiene situation, inappropriate behavior, poor work performance, or other things to address, directness and delicacy is imperative to leaving yourself and the other person/people feeling as good as possible in the midst of what is occurring.

Age is a Privilege...Not a Problem!

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

~ Mark Twain

Samuel Langhorne Clemens, better known by his pen name Mark Twain, was an American author and humorist.

(1835 - 1910)

It seems like rarely a day passes that someone doesn't say something like "Getting old isn't for sissies" or "Gravity isn't kind", or "I'm old, so I cannot read this without my glasses" in front of a podium or on a stage, and while people smile or even laugh, there is an implication that getting old, and aging, in general, is a problem...and while there may be painful emotional, and even physical changes, for us as we gain in years, please consider that we are in a tremendous state of being privileged to get to age.

For the times when you crack, creak, pop or pause, let that notice of what perhaps may sound like your physical limitations instead let those remind you of your physical capabilities. Take a few seconds or a moment to appreciate what you can do...at any age.

If there is a time you feel like you are the oldest, or that you don't belong or fit in due to those surrounding you being younger, keep in mind one person, any person or people, who were/are older than you who imparted knowledge on you, and then choose to share with others who are interested. Think of how fun it is to have the perspective you get to have as you add to your life's experience!

For the times when your body might feel like it does not perform the way it used to perform, from an endurance or strength measurement, allow yourself to focus on being the best you right now. Measure self against self in the moment, and think of the honor you have to feed and exercise your body in a way that serves it well.

For the times when your mind may play tricks on you, or your memory doesn't serve you well, allow yourself to be grateful for all the memories you do have, and all the memories you are yet to make. Decide to enhance the capabilities you have versus dwelling on what you are missing.

For the times others are sharing their issues and even corralling you to do the same, make a mental note of what you like, for which you are grateful, and for all you have, still have, and will have, rather that what once was, or what is gone, so you can, minimally, keep your approach positive...even if others choose not to!

Aging, while it can seem unfair, it is something so many of us hope to get to do with family and friends. We pine for a long, full life, and yet that cannot happen without aging. It is an honor, a privilege, to get to age...yes, hopefully gracefully, and it can absolutely be gratefully, as that latter part is within our control! When we see, speak and even lament over the "problems" of aging, it is difficult to appreciate the privilege of aging, and yet, nearly as simply, when we see, speak and share the privilege of aging, it is difficult to get caught up in the lamenting over the problems of it all!

Small Word Changes = Big Results!

"Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace."

~Buddha

Words matter. Words are a part of how we are perceived. Making some small changes in word selection may make big changes in your results, including the following:

These replacements will allow for clear communication and respectful language for you and those with whom you engage! More to follow next month...

Breaking Up with Busy!

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." 

~John Lennon

So often we are asked (or ask) "Are you busy?" It's practically replaced "How are you?", and yet what does busy mean? It's almost a badge of peculiar, proud honor for people to talk about, dare I say brag about, how busy they are. Please stop it!

And, similarly, we often answer the question "Yes!" to "Are you busy?", or "Busy!" to "How are you?". Please stop that, too!

Break up with busy, as busy only show you are either frazzled, tired, over-scheduled, over-worked, not in control of your time, or you are allowing outside influence or people to drive your schedule. Busy does not indicate anything other than motion or being rather than interest and productivity.

Replace the concept, and response of busy with productive, full or enjoyable. If someone asks "Are you busy", please consider smiling and replying with "It's been a productive day/week/month", or "It's a full, enjoyable time".

In all of this, make sure you are sincere, clear, and owning your language and disposition...all while letting go of the idea of being married to "busy"! Break up with busy, and get hooked on your productivity and your time/decision ownership!

Be Your Best Valentine...For Yourself BEFORE Others!

"I know of only one duty, and that is to love."

~ Albert Camus

 French philosopher, author, and journalist.

(1913 - 1960)

Often around Valentine's Day, our thoughts go to others, what to do, and what to give. While there is much fun in creating a cupid-type approach to a day or date, and nothing wrong with any of those thoughts, what about how you love yourself...how to BE your best Valentine for you?

When we take care of ourselves, we can be our best, and ultimately, we can be kind with and for others! Here are 10 ways to BE Your Best Valentine this month, and beyond:

10. Be selfish (not self-centered). Take care of you so others do not have to take care of you. When you take care of self, you can be your best!
  9. Be present. Put your devices away, and get the most of situations and people by being involved!
  8. Be real. Nobody and nothing is perfect. Let your feelings and experiences flow, and figure out what each means to/for you.
  7. Be gracious. While it can seem like many others are doing and getting terrific opportunities while you are "working away", grace means you accept opportunities and challenges in a way you are willing and able to address them with style and consideration.
  6. Be open. As you let your heart and mind be free to people and offers, you can, and likely will, let things in that enhance your world.
  5. Be aware. Similar to presence, your awareness goes beyond your experience. Being aware is about all senses. What are you experiencing, and what are others doing or feeling. Awareness in self and of others creates a leading energy and perspective.
  4. Be engaging. Let what you are doing be filled with questions to learn and grow through exchanges with others about them. This is for them to feel engaged, and for you to gain momentum and ideas from others.
  3. Be clear. Allow your yes to be yes and your no to be no...without apology or explanation. Clarity in expectation and position keep you focused and true to self and others.
  2. Be positive. Even when things go differently than expected, look for what is working versus failing. Seek positive energy and people for surrounding yourself and nurturing you in order to give positivity.
  1. Be grateful. Having appreciation, gratitude and thankfulness in your heart and on your mind will allow that to come through in your vision and voice as you are alone and with others. Gratitude is one of the best gifts you can give yourself that will fill your heart and the hearts of others!

These ten ways, ten approaches, ten attitudes, make for a terrific start to a loving way to give to you...your special all-year-long Valentine! Love yourself first, and make Valentine's Day what you want it to be!

Wingin' It Vs. Sharing Expertise

"True intuitive expertise is learned from prolonged experience with good feedback on mistakes."

~ Daniel Kahneman

Israeli-American psychologist notable for his work on the psychology of judgment and decision-making, as well as behavioral economics, for which he was awarded the 2002 Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences.

(b. 1934)

Through many studies and surveys, Americans consistently share that public speaking is one of their biggest, often the biggest of fears. In working with people, and in other articles, it's been shared that being the expert, putting the audience first, and getting out of your own way are three things to remember to be an effective presenter. That has not changed.

This article is to share the difference in "winging it", and "sharing expertise". When people tell me they don't like to write things down, prepare, or rehearse because they are better at "winging it", what they likely mean is that they are best sharing their expertise. When you are the expert, and when you have confidence in your knowledge, position and expertise, you can be effective in "sharing expertise". It is not that you are "winging it", rather you may not want a script, props or other things for a presentation. True "winging it" is when someone is not prepared, does not have knowledge, or simply ignored opportunities to get informed.

"Sharing expertise", being vulnerable and open are all to be encouraged. This form of public speaking, in small or large groups, formally or informally, is something that often touches the audience in a way a rehearsed deck on something that the speaker does not truly have expertise, never could. "Winging it", real "winging it" is something that is frenetic, without support, and possibly a series of fleeting opinions.

Fear or not, when you have a change to speak publicly, if you find yourself telling yourself or others that you are best "winging it", please consider giving each of you more credit by realizing and embracing the fact that part of your impact, and part of your way to connect, is by "sharing expertise".

Scheduling YOU for the Year Now!

"The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities." 

~Stephen Covey

Since the calendar has changed, and hopefully we are all getting used to writing 2016 or '16 on things where dates are required, and as tempting as it is to put others first, please first, now, prioritize YOU!

How so? Please schedule your workouts, doctor's visits, massages, hair cuts/appointments, and all things for you that perhaps, in the past, you have attempted to "squeeze in" around everyone else's events and priorities.

When you make YOU the focus now, in January, you can, and likely will, schedule things around being the best you, rather than fitting you in where you can, or missing out on things for you that are important for your well-being.

The ART of the Thank You!

"God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say 'thank you?'"

~William Arthur Ward

With presents, invitations, hostess gifts, and more having been shared at this time, resist letting the fullness of your schedule override the fullness of gratitude you have...and can share!

A thank you note goes a long way in showing appreciation. While there is no wrong thank you, there is an ART to expressing gratitude in writing that connects and shares your happiness well, and that includes:

A - Address the person and the experience (no "I" as first word) 
R - Relive what make it special in words
T - Thank that person clearly before closing the note

An example is:
Dear Steve~

You were so thoughtful to include Michael and me in your suite yesterday! How kind you were to connect all of us as we enjoyed The Lightning beating The Rangers!

Thank you!

It was especially fun to get to share in the toast you made that highlighted the direction of your company's future.

Thanks again for your generosity, and I'll look forward to seeing you in 2016!

All the best,
Debbie